Glass Read online

Glass

  By Jason Wallace Poetry

  ******

  Published by:

  Glass

  Copyright © 2014 by Jason Wallace Poetry

  That face

  Staring back, through glass,

  Counts away

  Everything, everything I have made,

  Have spent so much time to slip away

  From the pain,

  The anger and refrain

  The name,

  You shared so long ago

  With someone else

  In a way

  That no one could ever know

  Because it was more than they

  Could be able to understand, to convince

  Their imminent absolving of a lack of innocence

  They would have seen in writing in a frame

  But all of that was a life I no longer live

  That was simply sin, they said,

  So much more than they could condone

  In me, you had a friend,

  A hand to hold in all of your loss of heart and soul

  But you let it go so long ago; you could not own

  Up to what you

  Knew was a mistake,

  And you gave it up to walk away

  I

  Carefully contemplate my current state,

  Watching you like I do

  Behind a place of clear, reflective glaze

  Why do I

  Hold onto

  Something so sinisterly haunting me,

  Un-satiated memories of pain I hate

  In gratitude, I almost thank

  You for everything I never had the chance to be,

  Unbridled, guiled, denied,

  In that wasteful waiting

  For something better than constantly debating

  What went wrong and where you went

  And what you did not say

  When you left it all

  To the sad, unspent

  Days of time, gone by in the blink of my eye

  Yet so long to hold on and to relive all that yesterday

  I would have given you all of me,

  But before I could realize what it was,

  You were gone in a flash

  Of no longer caring, and swearing that you’d

  Always try to be there for me

  A friend to the end,

  Gone so long and never back,

  Wrapped up in no longer living the lies

  Because me, you forgot

  Me, you despise

  You turned so fast, I couldn’t see

  You burned me bad; I couldn’t be

  Any unhappier than I am,

  But for us, I let it all go,

  So you could find something that you could stand

  That didn’t make you feel like

  Some circumstance

  I don’t know why it was, but it wasn’t enough

  I don’t know how it became the lie you couldn’t love,

  When I was the truth, and you were the you

  That killed me a thousand times

  In a single day, unable to say what you came to say,

  Unable to take any more than the price you made me pay

  I cannot help but want to pass the blame,

  But I gave up when you gave up, and I didn’t fight,

  I just silenced myself and didn’t even cry out, though

  It would have been in vain

  You’re still staring through that glass,

  Painting me afraid,

  Wasting me away

  I don’t know where you are,

  But to me, you’re in there somewhere,

  In that frame,

  Lurking, longing, not belonging, all the same,

  Wanting to reappear, hoping to have me here

  You’re many miles away,

  Someone else’s problem, I know; I pray,

  But I’m here, all the same,

  The same as when you left me,

  The same as how you hanged me,

  The one inside the noose,

  The beast of your abuse,

  Created as a shame,

  Hated like you played me like a game

  You’re still there, in that glass,

  Looking out into the past,

  The seconds pass, almost frozen

  I am the one that stayed, stayed so broken

  I could break your glass,

  But I can’t piece you back together;

  You’re shattered, where you are, wherever

  After so much, I’m still holding,

  Reaching, retreating, the memories, the misery unfolding

  Keep yourself inside that glass

  Watch me like a soulless mass,

  Moving to some beyond,

  But emplaced where I am, so gone

  I’m alive and reflecting

  I can’t deny that all inside, I’m dissecting,

  But stay there, in that glass;

  Remain unchanged, your selfish same, refraining

  Parting me like a knife, in a shallow life, my blood staining

  You’ve lost your appeal

  I don’t know how I feel,

  But to me, you are forever

  I almost miss when we were together

  You’re in my mind; you’re in my dreams

  Nothing I believe is what it seems,

  And you’re there, in that glass,

  Pretending you exist like some jealous reverse of fortune, fast

  Returning to where you belong,

  Haunting me all along,

  Like you did back then

  I cannot miss you now that much when

  You are the wretchedness of my numbing redeeming,

  The blessedness of my painful screaming

  I cannot look at you

  I cannot know that anyone else will ever do

  I would walk into your tomb

  Of molded, molten sand,

  Made into a little, boxed encasement

  Put on that little stand,

  But you trapped me once

  You won’t trap me like that again

  Stay there in the glass

  Look me in the eye as I pass

  You are my indecision,

  My agony of overly avoiding

  Dealing with all intention

  In the graven glass, carved, and craved,

  Depraved, now being carelessly cast

  Into the wall, falling to the floor

  You will torment me nevermore

  You lie there, so broken

  Now, you know how it feels

  You can be the one to spill open,

  Though I know you’re not real

  Bonus Material

  Hang

  I...

  Don't want to hurt you

  But I...

  Don't know how much I can care

  All I do

  Is seem to curse you

  And I...

  Don't know if that's being fair

  Pain, the stain of anger

  Washing away

  All that matters now

  Bring...

  Again the sound of silence

  That made things alright before

  Everything in this world

  Got too fucking loud

  If you hang

  On every word I whisper

  You will find

  You've wasted all your time

  I'm not the one to make it better

  Because I'm

  A fester, a boiling blister

  Someone who long ago

  Lost his fucking mind

  I don't know what I want,

  What I need...

  Anything but to bite the hand that feeds

  I die

  Every night I'm sitting in this cold dark cell r />
  Of a bedroom,

  Wishing away the life that has come to hide

  The emptiness and anguish

  That fills me up

  And eats at my insides

  If I could be

  Some kind of the old me

  I might have some bit of sanity

  To hold

  Misery, memories,

  And nothingness

  Are getting so damn fucking old

  In name,

  I'm at least to blame

  For everything

  That for so many

  Ever turned from good

  To shit and so wrong

  I came

  On the face

  Of all the ones

  That got sick and said so long

  Nothin’ Like Me

  One day soon

  I may leave outta this place

  Ain't nobody'll miss me

  My life hasn't been what it used to

  It keeps runnin me down...

  And I don't think I can make it

  I don't know how to choose

  Anything, a thing at all

  Can it all be somethin

  Make somethin

  Cuz it ain't nothin right now

  Everything I had I traded

  Not by my own choices

  Every dream I had has faded

  Not by my intention

  Did I once ever mention...

  What this world I know don't mean

  I try to see...

  But it all keeps me blinded

  Can't take one more chance

  Cuz every chance ain't worth takin

  In fact, even one in a billion

  Is as fake as

  Every other one I ever knew

  Someone new

  Would only tear me down

  And leave me down

  It ain't even worth the thought of that

  If I come back

  It won't be for long, it

  Won't be too soon

  Won't be no welcome party

  Won't be no room

  Cuz I don't belong here

  I don't belong there

  I don't know there too well

  But here, it's nothin but hell!

  Oh well

  Oh good

  Cuz it all hurts like it should!

  And I can't scream out nothin

  Cuz who would hear it

  Who would want it or want me or need me

  Ain't a thing gonna change

  No, not around here

  Cuz it repeats itself, and

  So... do I

  If I try

  I might as well be holdin out a sign

  That says come kill me

  Cuz I ain't willin to

  Be nothin at all

  I know it's how I feel

  And it's right

  Every day, is the same as night

  I don't miss her

  But I don't miss nothin else either

  I only know I only hope

  For somethin sweeter

  Which is somewhere other

  Than anything I could hold

  Cuz anything better

  Always lies and leaves me cold

  So it ain't worth it

  It ain't nothin

  Just nothin like me

  Nothin, no nothin like me

  Make the Miles Disappear

  So many miles

  From you to me

  When all I can do

  Is dream of you

  And what we could be

  I never had someone

  So perfect as you

  So perfect for me

  So beautiful

  My eyes can't see

  Blinded by you

  Wishin that we

  Had some way

  To fastforward the days

  Til we could have

  What we know is right

  What we feel in our hearts

  So these miles

  Don't keep us apart

  One day we may

  Work it all out

  Leave out the doubt

  Say face to face

  All these things

  We say

  So constantly

  Wishin that we

  Could make the miles disappear

  How can this be

  That the one that I need

  Is so far away

  Yet everything

  I never believed

  Really could be

  Really for me

  So wonderful

  So unbelievably

  Everything of my dreams

  Why is it she

  Is not here with me

  She's somewhere out there

  Where I know I can't be

  Because I'm right here

  Wishin that we

  Could make those miles disappear

  One day we may

  Work it all out

  Leave out the doubt

  Say face to face

  All these things

  We say

  So constantly

  Wishin that we

  Could make the miles disappear

  These miles

  They are so unfair

  They're killin me

  So very slowly

  One day we may

  Work it all out

  Leave out the doubt

  Say face to face

  All these things

  We say

  So constantly

  Wishin that we

  Could make the miles disappear

  And forget what we both had

  Before we met

  The ones that weren't worth

  The time to regret

  Forget all our past

  Only to see

  What lies ahead

  For someone like you

  And for someone like me

  I'll wait around

  For all eternity

  If that's what it takes

  For me to be

  Happy with you

  And you happy with me

  Nothing can keep us apart

  Not time, not space, or the miles between

  One day we may

  Work it all out

  Leave out the doubt

  Say face to face

  All these things

  We say

  So constantly

  Wishin that we

  Could make the miles disappear

  Until you are here

  Or I'm there with you

  Whichever one works

  Whatever it takes

  Even if time breaks

  And the world closes up

  I'll still wait

  I'll still be true

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