I Could Have Lied Read online



  I Could Have Lied

  By Jason Wallace Poetry

  ******

  Published by:

  I Could Have Lied

  Copyright © 2014 by Jason Wallace Poetry

  I

  I could have lied

  And said that I'm alright

  When you asked me how I was

  Even though I tried

  I never could deny

  That I never had enough

  So many months, and I'm still here,

  Sitting and thinking of you

  I find that I sometimes want

  To be anything with you...

  A friend, a foe,

  Just so you know,

  You still live inside my mind

  I don't know if there's still love,

  But if there is, I wish I could try to find

  Out what's there

  And lose the doubts we shared,

  Come to terms with time

  I really do

  Wish you well,

  Though I know a part of me

  Just can't tell

  If I still miss you

  I

  I could have lied

  And said that I'm alright

  When you asked me how I was

  Even though I tried

  I never could deny

  That I never had enough

  I never truly gave you up

  I

  I could have died

  When you no longer cried

  Because it meant you were over me

  I

  I could still lie

  And fake a face

  But you would know it's me

  That won't move on

  Who after so long,

  Doesn't accept that you're gone

  All of this, and I don't exist

  As what I used to be

  The discontent and the hope I spent

  Have cut so deep until I can't keep

  From wondering where I went

  Because I don't know where I am

  Or who I am

  Or what I'll ever be

  I

  I could have lied

  And said that I'm alright

  When you asked me how I was

  Even though I tried

  I never could deny

  That I never had enough

  I

  I could have lied

  And said that I'm alright

  When you asked me how I was

  Even though I tried

  I never could deny

  That I never had enough

  Bonus Material

  Lost It All

  I know that you've been waitin

  Hopin for someone to come

  Sweep you off your feet

  Dreaming of the day

  When you could finally

  Start to feel some kind of complete

  All the ones that came along

  Did everything all wrong

  Treated you like

  You were never anything

  To take seriously

  If you give me the chance

  I'll be more than just some circumstance

  And try to give you just what you need

  I could be the one to cherish you

  To always let you know I'm there for you

  To be the rock to hold you up

  When you feel like you'll fall

  If you're not afraid you'll fail

  You might find Heaven in your Hell

  In these arms that'd carry you

  If you think you've lost it all

  I'm not tryin to make you think

  I'm movin fast

  Just to help you make a future

  That lets you forget your past

  Knowing that the worst parts

  Of your life are gone

  If you let me be the one to hold you

  It could be just like I told you

  A fairytale come to life before too long

  I could be the one to cherish you

  To always let you know I'm there for you

  To be the rock to hold you up

  When you feel like you'll fall

  If you're not afraid you'll fail

  You might find Heaven in your Hell

  In these arms that'd carry you

  If you think you've lost it all

  If you get yourself down

  And start to thinkin

  That there are no good guys around

  Maybe you should

  Look to me then

  Maybe I'm not the kinda guy

  You're used to

  The ones that used you

  Maybe with me, you'd never wonder why

  I didn't abuse you

  And you'll not need new

  Ones to let throw you around

  Never let you be you

  It could be that my mama raised me better

  To at least try to respect a woman

  And never let her

  Have to feel I'm some unreal

  Loser that can't keep it together

  I could be the one to cherish you

  To always let you know I'm there for you

  To be the rock to hold you up

  When you feel like you'll fall

  If you're not afraid you'll fail

  You might find Heaven in your Hell

  In these arms that'd carry you

  If you think you've lost it all

  Or at least lost a lot

  Lost so much that everything is not

  Anything like you needed

  If it's me that makes it seem more

  Than just a little, maybe that's

  Just the middle

  And if you believe in me

  You'll see, in the end,

  That I really treated

  You the way a real woman like you

  Needs to be treated

  Somewhat My Heart

  In the place of our love,

  You filled in with hurt,

  Colored unimaginable ,

  Unfulfilled first,

  And I wasn't enough,

  And I knew that so much

  I tried so hard to make it all work

  But you went away worrying and wasted,

  Wasting my time

  With all those lies,

  You always despised, delicate, forgetting the worth

 

  Is it a shame

  That the one not to blame

  Is the one missing the one

  That was there only in name

 

  I made mistakes,

  But everything I gave,

  You would find some way to take

  For granted and never grant me

  Anything but nothingness,

  An unpainted pain until the day that it came

  That you left me so alone and so, you walked away

  The door that slammed in my face

  Left an imprint on all of me to date

 

  And I just can't wait until it will wash away

  And leave something sweet in place of the taste

  Of bitterness of soul,

  Of emptiness so whole,

  Shattered but put back together by

  The only semblance of simplicity,

  Which is always my hate

  Though I know I don't

  Really feel that way

  I never forgot you, and I would have caught you

  If you would have let me know that you were falling...

  Away

 

  You moved on so easily

  Like I was only a filler of time

  But all that you would ever be to me

  Was more than you minded, what I wanted,
r />   Mine, all mine

  And I can't rewind,

  But I can't go forward

  I don't want anyone...

  Like I wanted you

 

  I don't need a thing

  That won't need me back

  And maybe just lie

  And tell me that I

  Am everything and anything

  When I am nothing and emptying

  All of my heart... and falling apart,

  And giving into misery, missing any bit of memory

  Of something better than

  Both of us divided, than all of us untied

  Meant to be together, but that was just some lie

  Twisted, unfailing, but really failing

  Because we believed that we could somehow be

  Unified, united, so very delighted... in a kind of wonderful

  When it was denied

 

  The only person that I've ever been

  Has been a lingerer, a longer,

  But never strong enough to begin

  To let go of so much of you,

  Knowing that my only

  Happiness, too

  Was wrapped up in wrong

  And stolen by the words of a woman

  So selfish, untrue,

  Melodic, apathetic,

  Angelic, and new,

  Turned into torment, burned by the bliss,

  Beleaguered by all of the bullshit I no longer miss

 

  But I do sometimes still miss you

  I do once in a while wish that I didn't lose

  The unbridled, never requiting, uncaring one

  Who gave me these scars

  For some kind of fun

  And then took her heart back

  Like it was never for me,

  A joke that she played because we couldn't be

  The things that we stated,

  You loved not, only hated

  To try them with me

 

  And now that you've been gone for so long,

  I wish you well and hope that he

  Can make you as happy

  As I tried to bring

  You up from your silent, unspoken, broken hole

  I didn't have strength, and you would not go,

  But for someone other than

  This man that I am,

  You'll give your all

  I will leave it alone

  I will probably keep missing you

  Oddly, keep wishing you

  Weren't the way I know that you are

  Partly pathetic, and somewhat my heart

  Let You In

  I don't wanna be around

  If you don't want me

  I can't fight for this

  If it's fake

  I can't escape how I feel

  Wanting to know

  And hoping it's so....

  Real

  Sometimes, I....

  Can't let myself trust

  No one's ever been true

  So I know that I must

  Believe in it all

  Believing in you

  Or nothing makes any sense

  So can I let go

  And let you in

  I've said so much

  That now I want to take back

  I promised I'd love you

  But do I know how to act

  Now that I thought

  About how much doesn't add up

  Can you be so honest with me

  And give me truly my needs

  Will I ever be enough

  Sometimes, I....

  Can't let myself trust

  No one's ever been true

  So I know that I must

  Believe in it all

  Believing in you

  Or nothing makes any sense

  So can I let go

  And let you in

  I fell so fast

  That I didn't think

  Wanting it to be right

  But now not sure if it's really you

  If it's honestly

  Anything to keep

  Sometimes, I....

  Can't let myself trust

  No one's ever been true

  So I know that I must

  Believe in it all

  Believing in you

  Or nothing makes any sense

  So can I let go

  And let you in

  I know that right now

  I can't help but hide

  How I feel tonight

  A total change from it all

  Can't let you know

  That I have my doubts

  That it wasn't worth the fall

  Sometimes, I....

  Can't let myself trust

  No one's ever been true

  So I know that I must

  Believe in it all

  Believing in you

  Or nothing makes any sense

  So can I let go

  And let you in

  Please tell me the truth

  Do I have you

  Or is there someone else

  Have you lied to me

  And let me act so blind

  And make a fool of myself

  Can I take the pain

  That you might put me through

  What if it's a lie

  And I've given into you

  Sometimes, I....

  Can't let myself trust

  No one's ever been true

  So I know that I must

  Believe in it all

  Believing in you

  Or nothing makes any sense

  So can I let go

  And let you in

  Sometimes, I know that I

  Can't trust like you'd want

  But if you saw my life

  You'd understand

  How messed up

  Everything really is

  And how I can't feel

  That I've done the smart thing

  But maybe still...?

  Sometimes, I....

  Can't let myself trust

  No one's ever been true

  So I know that I must

  Believe in it all

  Believing in you

  Or nothing makes any sense

  So can I let go

  And let you in

  If I let you go

  Maybe that's ok

  So should I let you in

  Should I be afraid

 

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