Beyond the Cabin Read online

  “You’re still a moron.” I turned back to the door. I kept my eye on Luke as I headed out.

  Luke laughed, his mood changing fast like it often did after a fight. He reminded me of a puppy. “You’re the moron. Just be glad I didn’t kick you in the nads.”

  “At least I have nads,” I said, leaving the room. Luke’s laughter followed me out. That guy’s gonna end up in jail. I wondered how a person could be so unaware of what he was doing. Luke was a strange one. Why did he fight so dirty, like he wanted to kill you, then right after start laughing with you?

  He was a weird guy, all in all. There were times I walked into our room and would find Luke so engrossed in a National Geographic that he wouldn’t even notice me. But then he would spend hours on the island, doing push-ups and stuff. And his father was Enos, who everyone knew was a moron. Being honest, I had to admit Luke was pretty smart too.

  I guess Luke’s life sucked as much as everyone else’s.

  At the bottom of the stairs, I hung a left into the living room and found an unobtrusive spot to sit in while the Prayer Circle droned on. In a couple minutes, everybody had gathered and the morning ritual began with a song.

  I sang along, easily remembering the words. This one was called a chant, which I guessed made sense since we sang it three times, not that I had any clue what the song was supposed to mean.

  Contact reaching to the stars,

  Through the spirit of the night,

  Knowledge, power, and unity,

  He is the way to life.

  As we repeated the chant, I looked around the room, seeing the place where Enos and Tabitha usually sat. Estelle and Ruth were there now. The kids all sat in the same area as me, since it was out of the way and we didn’t get chairs. Most of them looked as bored as I felt.

  It was during breakfast that somebody first asked the question. Sarah’s voice cut through the hubbub of the mealtime. “Where’s Esther?”

  I looked around. Good question. I hadn’t seen Esther at the Prayer Circle, something that the kids made sure never happened. Nobody wanted to stand in the corner for an hour.

  Conversation quieted as everyone tried to spot Esther. She wasn’t around.

  Over the next hour, we kids snooped from the landing, listening to the details as the adults figured it out. Esther had run away. Some of her clothes were gone, as well as her backpack and her best jacket. In her bed were found two pillows and a bundle of clothing. Obviously Esther had left in the middle of the night and tried to keep anyone from noticing until morning.

  The best tidbit was when Miriam came out of her office. Even from where I sat on the top landing, her normally pale face was even whiter. Her angular cheeks stood out prominently and her forehead looked taller than ever. “She’s taken some money. Everything I had, actually.”

  “How much?” Andrew asked.

  Miriam seemed to notice that all of the kids clustered at the railing of the landing. She shook her head. But I found out from whispers later that Esther had stolen nearly a thousand dollars.

  So awesome.

  Not much later, the police arrived. They searched around and in the house, talked to a bunch of the adults, then Mary and Sarah, before leaving. I watched the patrol cars from a bench next to the pond. Go, Esther. Run fast. I felt sure she’d be back by morning, maybe even handcuffed in the back of a police car. But I hoped not. Maybe she was already too far away for the cops to find her.

  She sounded strange yesterday at the cabin. I wonder where she went. I looked up the hill at the house, where I could see a bunch of shapes and shadows moving around in search of clues. Not like it matters. Anywhere but here would be good.

  A strange anticipation and tension filled the house and Sunday celebration that day. As no word came of where she might be, I felt hope growing in me. Maybe she really would get away.

  The afternoon was awesome. Every time the phone rang, everybody looked at it. Then Joan or some other adult would get it and would shake their head. I had to fight several times to not burst out laughing at the adults’ faces. Most of them looked like they’d been kicked in the gut.

  At dinner, the adults’ table spewed silence. I wondered what they were thinking.

  “When is Esther coming back?” Sarah’s wide eyes glimmered with tears. She sounded worried, maybe scared.

  Mary bent close to Sarah and whispered, one of her hands rubbing Sarah’s back. I blinked, my vision blurring a little. Mary actually cared about those two. The way she squeezed Sarah’s shoulders—

  I cleared my throat. What was wrong with me?

  Rachel stared at Mary. “Is Esther gone?”

  “Yup. She’s gone. Probably already in Philly trying out for the cheerleading squad,” Luke said.

  I elbowed him. “Come on.”

  “What?” Luke’s smirk needed a smack.

  “Esther’s practically their mom,” I said.

  “Maybe she’s their real mom,” Luke said.

  “You’re such a jerk,” Mary said. “Stop it.”

  “Seriously,” Saul said. “That’s gross.”

  “What?” Luke looked around, feigned innocence in his eyes. “You never know.”

  “Luke. Geez. Just shut up,” I said. The guy had something truly messed up in his head. I met Mary’s eyes, trying to psychically tell her to ignore Luke and apologize for his stupidity. She gave me a tiny smile and turned back to Sarah.

  But Luke was right. Esther was gone. Her heart had been broken, and she had broken some other hearts. I looked around. Like Mal had done to me.

  Would anyone be sad if I left? Would anybody need comforting?

  Would anyone else leave?

  Chapter 11

  I’ve gotta get out of here. I stood in the living room, my arms to my sides and my back straight. The rest of the kids stood in a row to my left and right, all of us at attention. Esther had disappeared nearly a month earlier and the adults hadn’t let up yet; it felt like we got lectured every day now. How lovely it was to be totally ignored until an adult found some completely idiotic thing to give us a hard time about. Last time it had been somebody’s bad breath that had brought on a twenty minute lecture from Estelle about how to use a toothbrush.

  I wondered if Miriam must have told all the grown-ups to be more diligent in their discipline and control of us kids.

  Miriam sat in her place of honor: a red, straight-backed chair that would recline when she leaned back. At the moment she sat slightly forward, her long face splotched with shadows from the poor early-evening light washing in through the windows.

  “Joshua Raphael Kerr, are you listening to me?” Miriam’s icy tone cut through my thoughts. Luckily, I had long grown used to her methods and I blinked and turned to her. “Yes,” I said.

  “And what was I saying?”

  This was nothing new as well. I had long before developed the ability to hear and remember what the disciplining grown-up was saying, without really listening. Mainly we listened to find out our punishment. Which always sucked and had nothing to do with whatever stupid thing we were being lectured about. “Our bodies are temples and we need to show respect for them by cleaning them regularly,” I recited.

  Miriam fixed a look on me. Please don’t make the punishment be too bad. What else could we clean in the house? And when was I going to be able to get back to the cabin?

  “Yes. Showing respect for our bodies is a way we show respect to deity,” Miriam’s eyes swept across the line of young people.

  I followed her look with my thoughts. Yeah, look at Ethan. Good. He’s four. Doesn’t wipe very well after the bathroom. I blinked slowly, wishing I had the courage to tell Miriam how stupid she sounded. Now David, good. Poor kid’s four too and can’t stand still very long. Take a little longer and you’ll be able to chew him out extra for fidgeting and not showing respect, while keeping all of us here in your dumb firing squad. Then she could make us all paint the porch, or wash every freaking baseboard in the house.

  No, that
had been last week. My knees still gave me a twinge sometimes after that.

  “Now, the next point is the proper use of shampoo and conditioner,” Miriam said.

  Caught totally by surprise, I barely held back a snort of laughter. I forced myself to keep still. Any bad reaction and the punishment would be doubled.

  Luke wasn’t so lucky; he openly laughed.

  Miriam’s head whipped to Luke, standing at my left side. “Luke, is there something funny?”

  At the first butt-kissing word, I knew that Luke was on his game. “Oh, no. I’m sorry Miriam. I really didn’t mean to laugh. I was trying hard not to, but Saul was making faces. I tried not to laugh, but it was really funny.”

  Saul turned a betrayed look on Luke. “What? I was not!”

  Try not to look so surprised, Sauly. I shook my head slightly, not wanting to draw Miriam’s attention. He does it all the time.

  Miriam looked silently at Saul and Luke. She took a slow breath. “Saul, you will write 500 lines, saying, ‘I will show respect to my peers and the adults by listening quietly and acknowledging what is said.’ Luke, you will try to control yourself more.”

  “But I wasn’t doing anything! Why do you believe him and not me?” Saul blurted.

  Sauly, shut up! You’re going to make it worse!

  “I did not ask you what you did,” Miriam flared. “Why would Luke make that up? He would have no reason to say that if it was untrue. You will add 500 lines to your total. You must learn respect for those in authority.”

  I peered to my left, knowing what I would see. There! Luke’s lips curved into a smirk, then back to a contrite pout.

  So dumb. Of course he has a reason to make it up, Miriam! He’s a professional liar and he doesn’t want to get in trouble! I wanted to break in, wanted to tell Miriam that Luke was making it up. Not that I really wanted to defend Saul, but the pointless injustice bugged me.

  How would she react if I stepped in and explained the truth of what was going on here? Would she give me the respect she was always demanding or would she just yell at me?

  I knew the answer to that, so I fought the urge down. Nope, let’s get through this.

  Saul opened his mouth to protest more, but Miriam caught his eye. “Shall we go for double, Saul?” she asked quietly.

  Saul deflated. He turned a murderous glare on Luke, but said, “No.”

  “Fine then,” Miriam said. “Now. Conditioner needs to be rinsed completely out. Otherwise your hair will look oily and dirty, much like some of you children appeared at this morning’s Prayer Circle.”

  I settled in for the lengthy lecture on hygiene, hoping nobody else would do something stupid to keep it going. I let my thoughts drift, while my ears were still tuned in. As Miriam discussed the merits of flossing, I tried to figure out how I would get the roof on the cabin. I had only been able to get out to the cabin once since Esther had left, due to the grown-ups’ efforts to keep an eye on all the kids, especially the older ones. I didn’t think anyone else knew about the cabin, and I wanted to keep it that way. So with the thought police watching so closely, I’d had to mostly ignore the cabin.

  I figured I could probably get some long branches with leaves and layer them on top of the rafters of the cabin. Although I didn’t really know how I could go about attaching the branches, so that might not work, really.

  “Finally, there is the issue of socks,” came Miriam’s voice. I made sure to keep my gaze on her forehead, so it would look like I was listening. “You must change them every day…”

  If I could somehow find a bunch of scrap wood, that’d take care of the problem. I could probably dig up some nails in the old shed and hammer the wood to the rafters and the middle joist. Joist. Mal taught me that word. But where would I find scrap plywood? And wouldn’t water soak in and destroy it pretty fast?

  “All right, children. Please try hard to remember these things. Now I would like you to clean your bathrooms and the hallway bathroom as well. Make them shine.” She gave us all a flat look. “You are dismissed,” Miriam said.

  Only the bathrooms. That wasn’t terrible. I could clean the hallway bathroom in like seven minutes if I focused hard.

  As we left the living room and filed up the stairs, I flicked Luke’s elbow. “You’re such a jerk.”

  “Ah he deserves it,” Luke said.

  “You deserve it,” I said. “Now he’s got lines.”

  “Who cares?”

  I rolled my eyes. Sometimes I wondered if Luke was just a natural criminal.

  I claimed the hallway bathroom right away and had it shining in record time. As I came out of the bathroom, drying my hands on my jeans, Mary passed me, carrying a couple of rags toward the stairs.

  I turned and followed Mary across the landing and down the stairs. She was a bit under a year younger than me, and she was definitely pretty, although I couldn’t really pin down why. She was maybe a little too quiet. But her eyes were darker green than Esther’s, and her face was more round. Her hair was light brown, almost blond and it fell in waves around her face.

  What am I thinking? She’s thirteen! I shook my head and passed her at the bottom of the stairs. With my rags in the laundry bin, I jetted through the front door, hearing Mary coming back through the living room. I wonder if she took Esther’s bed? I thought for a second and nearly stumbled when it hit me. I’d never even seen into the girls’ room. I’d lived in this house as long as I could remember—maybe I’d even been born here—and I’d never seen inside a room that was maybe twenty feet away from mine.

  I’d be surprised if any of the boys had ever seen or been in there. But that fact suddenly struck me as strange. Their room was at the far end of the hallway, while our room was the first door at the top of the stairs. Mal had told me once that the adults had done this because it put distance between the girls’ room and the boys’ room. So that we wouldn’t, as Mal put it, “get together.” I believed it. So maybe Mary’s got a perfectly fine bed!

  Suddenly I wanted to see inside the girls’ room. Maybe get one look, show that the adults’ stupidity didn’t control all of my life. Why not? It’s not like I’m gonna do anything. As I climbed the stairs, I had another thought, this one hitting harder, deeper. Not only have I not seen in their room, I’ve hardly ever even talked to Mary. And the other girls are annoying. How messed up was it that I had lived my whole life in this house, right next to so many people, and really I only talked to the other boys, even then only when I had to? I figured this was true of most of the kids, since the adults seemed to live in their own world.

  Why did they have us anyway? I mean, what’s the point if they’re gonna forget about us?

  I hit the landing. Decision time. See their room, or not? I tried to think of something I could say if Mary or some other girl was in there. I’ll say I’m looking for my jacket and wondered if one of the little ones had grabbed it. The lie came easily. How could it not after what we learned in Focus class? I’m as good as Luke. Or as bad, I guess.

  I nodded to myself and walked softly across the worn, brown carpet that coated the second floor landing. I passed Penelope and Abraham’s door on the left, then Tabitha and Enos’s room, empty again now that they had gone back to Dallas, on the right. One door past Ezekiel and Laura’s room was the girls’ room.

  What if Mary’s getting changed? The idea stopped me and made my chest tighten. I swallowed. I shook my head once, quickly. “Sicko,” I whispered.

  I stood in front of the worn, dusty white door, wishing that the light in the hallway wasn’t so bright. I paused, gathered a breath, and knocked.

  The sound of soft footsteps approached. The door opened wide and Mary stood there. Confusion showed on her face briefly. “What?” she asked.

  “Oh, uh,” I stuttered. What was I gonna.. oh! “I was just looking for my jacket and thought Sarah or Rachel might have grabbed it.”

  Mary turned her head to look around her room. I peered over her head and saw two bunks on opposite walls,
two dressers between them against the other walls. A door to a bathroom. Exactly like ours, but with one less bunk.

  “I don’t think so,” Mary said, turning to look at me again.

  “Oh. Alright,” I said, glancing back at Mary’s face. I hoped she hadn’t seen me scoping out her room. “Um, that’s okay. I’ll keep looking.”

  Mary nodded. “Sorry.”

  “No, that’s okay,” I stepped back. Then I noticed what was in Mary’s left hand. A book. It was The Black Stallion! “Hey, you like that book?”

  She looked down, her hand rising slightly. “Hm? Oh, yeah. I really like horses.”

  “Cool. I’ve read all of them, even the Flame ones.”

  “Oh. I haven’t gotten to those yet.”

  I nodded, feeling a smile spread across my face. “You’ll like them.”

  Mary smiled wide and laughed a little. “Thanks, I think I will. I really want to have a horse sometime.”

  “Me too!” I said. I sound like an idiot!

  Now I was grinning like a moron and I fought it down. I looked at her dark green eyes, her brown eyebrows. I shifted, not sure where to look as the silence grew.

  “Um,” I said, looking above Mary’s head. “Okay. Anyway, I guess I’ll look somewhere else for my coat.”

  “Okay,” Mary said. Somehow her eyes never seemed to leave mine, making me even more uncomfortable.

  I shrugged and turned. “Thanks.”

  As I walked down the hallway, a strange feeling assaulted me. I was grinning again, and I almost turned around to see if Mary was still standing at her door. My heart was still beating fast too.

  I heard Mary close her door, and the sound bothered me. I wished she were still standing there in her doorway, her pretty green eyes following my dramatically lit form as I walked toward my room. Did she ever hear music in her head? I cued up a soft, almost melancholy piano between my ears. I really need to stop that. So dumb.

  I opened my door, not really knowing what I should do for the rest of the day. Winter had come back two days ago, so outside was too cold. Plus, I had read all of my library books. Big deal, I’ll read one again.