Beyond the Cabin Read online

  “Huh?”

  “The phone. It’s for you.” Ezekiel gestured with his head, irritation on his face, “Downstairs.”

  The phone’s for me? It’s never for me. As Ezekiel turned and left, I stretched my legs over the side of my bed and stood. I rolled my head a couple times to loosen the tightness in my neck.

  I had to admit, though, it was pretty cool. None of the kids got phone calls. If the others heard that I had gotten one, they’d wonder. That was a good thing. And although I was surprised at the call, I knew who would be on the other end.

  I made my way down the stairs, nearly stepping on Waffen, who was camped out smack dab in the middle of one of the steps. I eased the cat out of the way with my foot and continued down. I turned left into the living room and padded across the worn area rug.

  “Hello?" I said in a nasal voice. “Who dis?”

  “You're a dweeb.”

  “Hey Mal!” My heart suddenly thumped heavily in my chest. I'd known it was him, but it was great to hear his voice.

  “Hey bro, how’s it going?”

  “Good,” I said.

  “How are things there at the Fundamental Faith in God commune?” Mal’s wry laughter echoed through the phone.

  “The same.” Why couldn’t I think of anything to say? That had been a great start, but now, nothing. I wondered why he was calling. Mal had visited twice. Each time he came, we went to our cabin in the woods and talked. Mal was always talking fast, about his job, about Tashina, about all the new friends he was making at the parties he went to. He kept telling me how stupid and weird our life in the Faith was, how much better it was to be able to do what he wanted.

  After that first visit, though, he hadn’t talked to Aaron, as far as I could tell. Maybe they had argued about something. Computers? Not likely.

  “So what are you doing these days? Put the roof on the cabin yet?” Mal’s voice cut through my wandering thoughts.

  “Just reading. And no, not yet.”

  “Huh,” Mal said. “Bro, you need to work on your conversation skills.”

  “Shut up!” I said, grinning. I flopped onto a nearby couch. Cat hair went flying. “You need to work on your visiting skills.” Good one.

  Mal laughed. “I know, I know. Sorry. I get so busy with work and friends and stuff that I can’t make the time. And I still don’t have a car and Hank won’t let me use his ‘cause he’s mad at me. Of course, I don’t have a license yet either, but that never stopped him before. Can you believe that? I’m nineteen and I don’t have a stupid license yet? That’s how messed up that cult thing is.”

  I laughed, surprised at how fast Mal was talking.

  “And I need a raise already, but I haven’t got enough experience to get them to give me one, so now I’m looking for a different job, but the same problem, you know. And I don’t know if I really want to give up the donuts. You know what I mean?”

  “Yeah. You’re gonna bring more the next time you come, right?”

  Mal laughed again. “Sure. If I still work here. I really need to make some more money. Maybe I should have done some of that begging Miriam’s got the adults there doing. And I could have kept it, you know?”

  “That would have worked,” I said. “And you need to bring some of the cream-filled. Write that down.”

  “Cream-filled? What do you mean?” Mal said.

  “Donuts, duh,” I said, still grinning. This was much better.

  “Donuts? Oh yeah, right!” Loud laughter came through the phone.

  It wasn’t that funny. I hadn't heard Mal talk like this before. The loud laughter and everything was beginning to sound strange.

  “Good one, bro. Hey listen, I’ve gotta go. But I wanted to call you, you know,” Mal said.

  “Already? But―”

  “Yeah, I know, but I gotta get going. Don’t worry though, I’ll get a better job and get some more money. It’ll be alright.”

  “What’re you talking about?” I looked at the phone. What the crap?

  “Nothing. Anyway, I’ve gotta run. I’ll come by soon, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Alright man. Don’t let those idiots get to you. They’ve got it all wrong.”

  “Of course they do.”

  “Alright bro. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Bye,” Mal said, hanging up before I could say the same. Why was he hanging up so fast? Was he annoyed with me? What had I done wrong?

  I hung the phone up, feeling like I had run a confusing race. Or like I had been spinning in a circle and couldn’t really focus on the room around me.

  Why had Mal been talking so fast? Why had he even called when he was going to say he had to go like a minute later? It seemed like his call was so random, so out of the blue, that it hadn’t been real.

  “Weird." I headed back up the stairs to my room, keeping a look out for adults. The last thing I needed was a random job or punishment.

  All clear. I made it up the stairs.

  I went in my room trying to picture what Mal’s room might look like now. He’d only been gone for three months, but he was already a part of a world that could have been another planet, for all I knew of it. I tried to imagine being able to come and go as I pleased, having money to buy things, or even having a driver’s license. And why didn’t Mal have a license yet? That’d be the first thing I got if I could get out of the Faith.

  I dropped back onto my bed and picked up my book. He’d better visit again soon. This place sucks.

  Chapter 5

  “Somebody’s getting ripped a new one in there.”

  I looked up from my book. Saul was coming out of the downstairs hallway into the living room. I stretched, settling a little deeper into my seat on the couch. The couch had almost no color, but was soft in all the right places. The adults weren’t back yet, so I was okay to read in the living room for now. “So?”

  “So somebody’s crying in Miriam’s office. Probably has to stand in the corner for a week.” Saul raised his eyebrows. “Like, bawling their head off. And it’s a girl.”

  “Why would I care?” I asked, irritated at the interruption.

  Saul rolled his eyes. “Fine. Don’t care. But she’ll probably be on the warpath again.”

  He had a point. I nodded actually a little grateful for the warning. Maybe Saul wasn’t all bad. I figured I should get off the couch and go somewhere out of sight to read. “Good call.”

  “Wanna hear something?” He lifted his guitar.

  I held up my book. “Reading.”

  “You’re always reading.”

  “You’re always playing that guitar,” I said. I had to hand it to him; he acted like he really did want to learn to play the thing.

  Saul grunted at me and walked away.

  I knew I should get up before Miriam came out of her office all worked up from reaming whatever kid was in there. I had to finish the chapter first.

  * * *

  “Joshua.”

  The wild black horse raced down the beach, the young man running after him.

  “Joshua!”

  I looked up and let the book drop, pushing Rosebud away from my neck. Why did the stupid cat want to be on my skin? I sat up a little on the couch. Miriam was calling me from her office down the hall. Confused, I glanced around. I hadn’t seen anybody come out of there. Who had been in there crying?

  Which was stupid to worry about. I should have gone outside! Now I would probably get yelled at for having bad posture while reading. Dread settled into my gut.

  “What?”

  “Please come here,” Miriam said.

  Wait, did I do something? Is there some reason I could be in actual trouble? I thought frantically, casting my mind over my actions of the last few days. I don’t think so. I set the book down and carefully lifted Rosebud off my chest, where she had been purring while I read. She had appeared soon after Saul left. I set her down gently on the couch cushion and stood.

 
“Joshua! Come on!”

  I spun and entered the brightly lit hallway. Miriam’s long face was blank, her brown eyes and black hair glittering in the glow of the bulbs.

  “Come in please,” she said, leaving her office door ajar and moving toward her desk.

  I walked into her office, my dread growing, making me feel almost ill. Nothing good ever came of being in Miriam’s office. If a kid was called in, they always came out crying, like Saul had reported. I don’t care what she says. She’s not gonna get to me. Not gonna leave here crying.

  “Close the door.”

  I closed the door and faced Miriam. Her office was lit by three lamps and a ceiling fixture. It was almost blindingly bright. As I'd done before, I wondered if she did this to make people nervous, to make them think that she could see everything. It didn’t work; all it did was give me a headache.

  “Joshua, please have a seat,” she said, gesturing to a chair in front of her desk.

  She kept saying my name. Always so formal. Obviously there was nothing I could do to get out of this, so I nodded, walking gingerly across the ornate area rug on the hardwood floor. I sat, my eyes wandering, not wanting to meet her gaze yet but not wanting to get an eyeball death ray from her bright lights. As soon as I looked at her, she would begin the quiet yelling. It always felt like yelling, but her voice was always quiet and her face was always hard and bony, almost expressionless. But her stare was like a tractor beam. Reluctantly, I looked at her.

  “God bless you, Joshua.”

  “God bless you,” I said. What was she waiting for?

  “I have some news,” she said, leaning forward and clasping her hands on her desk.

  “Okay.” Relief flooded me. I wasn’t in trouble. Okay. News. She’s pregnant?

  “Is something funny?”

  I realized I was smiling. Pregnant. Right.

  Carelessly, I met her gaze again. Something in them, or in the set of her face, killed the moment. I felt my smile die awkwardly. I couldn’t read whatever it was in Miriam's face, but something was going on. “No, nothing. Sorry,” I said, knowing I couldn’t go wrong with an apology.

  “Fine.” She arched her head back, stretching her neck and taking a deep breath.

  I sat on the hard chair. Get on with it! I was reading the greatest book in the world!

  “Well. You know that Malachi’s behavior over the last few months has become, well, somewhat erratic, right?”

  I nodded, an ache appearing in my chest. Even though I knew what had been going on, it was still hard to believe. Malachi was supposed to be selling donuts!

  “As I am sure you know, he and that friend of his, Hank, decided to supplement their income by selling drugs.”

  I wanted to grit my teeth or yell. It made me furious that Mal would be so stupid. It had to be Hank's fault.

  “Yeah,” I said, “Was he arrested again? Is he back in jail?” I could hardly believe how calm I was being. At first it had come as a huge shock when I found out. It was like a book or story happening, but in real life. It had been about a month after that strange, random phone call when Mal had come by and had looked different. He’d been driving Hank’s car, despite not having a license yet. His face was sharper, his eyes kind of deeper too, and he was acting different. He kept putting his arm around my shoulder. It had actually made me uncomfortable. I’d never seen Mal like that.

  Then, all of a sudden, Mal had taken off. I started hearing whispers about drugs and stuff. Then it had come out that Mal had been arrested, along with Hank, for selling heroin. He had done something called a plea bargain and I was pretty sure he’d been out for a couple of weeks now.

  The next time Malachi had come around, I confronted him and Malachi, going red in the face, had admitted to it. He had admitted to being addicted as well.

  “And did you know they were both addicted to the drug they were selling? To heroin? Did you know that?” Miriam’s voice was calm and quiet; her eyes were about the only thing in the room in shadow.

  “Yeah. I asked him because he was acting funny. And I saw his arm,” Stupid twit on a string. What the hell was he thinking?

  “Well. He has not been arrested. He tried to sell drugs to a young man who was somewhat disturbed.”

  I looked up and tried to see Miriam’s eyes. Wait a minute. “What? What happened?” My breath started to come fast. I knew. Something in her face had changed. I knew.

  I tried to force time to stop. Or at least to slow down. I tried to reach into her brain and steal the words so I could blow them up before she said it.

  It was something in the way she was holding herself. Her shoulders, or the tension in her neck.

  Miriam drew in a long breath.

  No. Don't say it. I leaned forward and almost reached across her desk to stop her.

  Too slow. I was too slow.

  “The young man pulled out a shotgun and shot Malachi in the head, killing him instantly.” She sat back, her eyes deeper in shadow.

  Everything froze. Her words sounded like a news report. The hard chair under me felt like it was holding me tight, or as if I had suddenly become part of it: a frozen carving on the hard wood.

  I didn't want to move. Didn't want to think or say anything. If I didn't acknowledge it, it… it couldn't…

  I felt my hands in my lap, my feet on the floor. I could suddenly see and feel my head resting on my neck. Miriam was miles away, her dark eyes windows into something terrifying, something impossible.

  “Joshua. Did you hear me? Because of his choices, and because of these drugs, Malachi is gone,” Miriam said, leaning forward again.

  Gone? Donuts. Our cabin. Reading my mind.

  Gone?

  No way. There was no freaking way.

  Wait. What the hell? She sounds like she’s… you gotta be kidding me. I remembered that I should be breathing, and suddenly I was again. I gasped and sucked in air, my hands clenching my legs, digging through denim toward bone. “Are you… you’re…” I couldn’t finish it. My throat tight, breathing raggedly, I stood. The chair was a trap. I had to get away.

  “I am sorry, Joshua. I wish this hadn’t happened. I―” she paused, “I almost knew that it would. Felt that this was the danger.”

  Is she freaking acting? This feels like a show! My legs gave out. I collapsed onto the chair. My brain was frozen solid, but my mouth still worked. “Malachi’s dead?”

  “Yes. He died almost instantly. He was shot in the―”

  “Shut up! Shut up! He’s not dead! He wasn’t shot in the head!” I was on my feet again, leaning forward with my hands on Miriam’s desk. I was shouting in her face but didn’t remember moving.

  “Joshua! You watch your tone with me!”

  “Watch my tone?” I snatched my gaze from her face, looked around the office. Too bright. Too much light. It stabbed right to my brain. She couldn’t see. I couldn’t let her see. I wasn’t going to let her get to me!

  “Malachi is dead, Joshua. It was probably painless. Except for the drugs.”

  She wasn't human! “But you, you’re… It’s like you’re happy!”

  “I am not happy about this!” For only the second time in my life, I heard Miriam raise her voice. Both times about Malachi. Now she stood. “How dare you say such a thing?”

  I felt my hands clench involuntarily. My right hand closed around a pen. What if I … used it to shut her up? That wouldn’t be painless!

  “I told him that it was a bad idea to leave. I knew that this could happen, I knew it. He didn’t listen!” Miriam leaned on her desk now too, her face inches from mine. Her breath smelled of ash and piety. “He didn’t listen and now he’s dead!” I almost felt like she wasn’t even talking to me. Like she was talking to hear her own voice.

  I fell back, dropping the pen. My hands, then my arms and then everything began to shake. I squeezed my teeth tight, relishing the pressure. I had to get control. I stepped back, bumping the chair and almost tripping. I turned and pushed the chair away, then look
ed back at Miriam. My mother. “And you’re happy about it! You think he had it coming!”

  “Joshua! You watch what you say to me! This is terrible!” Miriam took a deep breath, her long face framed by her glistening black hair. In another second I knew I would be on the floor, curled up, my bones breaking. Not gone. Not dead.

  Another flash. I knew what would come next. She’s gonna say that we can learn from this. That it can be a lesson. I kicked the other chair. “He’s dead and all you want to do is say why you’re right! My brother!” I had to get out of there. Find the cabin. Wait for him to show up and say it was all a big joke.

  Miriam nodded, her angular face hard in the blinding light of her office. “He is dead, yes, and this is terrible. We must try to learn from this―”

  I sucked in a breath of jagged spears. Knew it. I kicked the still standing chair again so it fell with a clatter. “Your son!” I shouted, spinning and going for the door.

  “Yes! My son! My son that would not listen. My son that―”

  I was running by the time I slammed her office door behind me. It felt good and right to use all my strength. Maybe the door cracked. Maybe the whole house cracked. It could fall down right now, crushing all of us. The world would be better.

  I ran down the bright hallway, stumbling into the living room. In a flash I was outside, running down the hill to the goose pond and picking up speed. I couldn’t get air. My chest felt like I’d been kicked, like by a horse, and crushed. Air stuttered in and out. My vision clouded and I was suddenly dizzy.

  I fell onto the stone bench and squeezed my eyes closed, knowing that it was coming. A raging burned inside, seeking release. He’s dead. I couldn’t let Miriam see me cry, couldn’t let her have the satisfaction. She was happy! She tried to teach me a lesson. I swore at the rippling pond. I wanted to punch the bench so hard it would break. For a second, I felt like I could.

  I slammed my fist into the stone, pulling the blow slightly before it landed. Still, the impact hurt my knuckles. The pain felt good. He’s dead! Mal’s dead. Not coming around. I still had trouble breathing. Gone. He was gone.