Holdout: A Moo U Hockey Romance Read online

  “We don’t have hands, obviously,” I said, making a real scene about it by rolling my eyes and giving Preston a look like, can you believe this guy?

  “Change the channel, mister,” Preston said, making his voice get all sweet. I’d give it to him, the kid had moxie. Jonah blew out a quick breath before taking three steps to the couch and grabbing the remote.

  “What do you want on?”

  “Movie with the yellow guys.”

  “Yellow guys?”

  “Mittens.”

  “Yellow mittens?” Jonah asked, the absolute confusion on his face making me laugh. Preston might as well have told him aliens existed and chocolate coins were the new currency.

  “Minions,” I said, throwing the guy a bone. “He’s asking for Minions.”

  “Ah, I see.”

  Jonah frowned at the remote and stared in utter silence. “Where would I even find that?”

  Before I could answer, my phone rang and Hannah’s name popped up. I used my nose to answer, still keeping my hands behind my back. I hit the speaker button after the call connected. “Hey Han. Got you on speaker.”

  “You never have to pay for coffee again. Ever. Thank you.”

  “No sweat. He was great. He doesn’t have hands anymore, but I don’t either, so we’ll have to adjust to our new life.”

  “I’m sure we’ll get through it. I’m heading back to the shop. Do you wanna bring him by in fifteen?”

  “As long as he doesn’t lose any feet on the way, we’ll walk there now.”

  “Thank you, Ryann.” Her voice got deep, and I understood the emotion in those words. They were often overused, but paired with intensity and sincerity, they became meaningful.

  “You’re welcome.”

  I hung up and waited for Preston to stand. “It’s walking time, kid. Can you get your stuff, or are we leaving it here forever?”

  “My tands came back.”

  “No way! Mine too!” I did a version of jazz hands, chuckling when Preston mimicked me. As I helped him get his small bag of stuff, I felt Jonah’s stare on me. It wasn’t like daggers poking my back, but there were questions.

  “Need anything, roomie? I’m walking my guy here to meet his mom.”

  “No.” He ran a hand over his jaw, his gaze dropping to the two goldfish on the couch.

  Shit.

  I dove for them, shoving them into my mouth and shrugging. “No mess. I swear! I followed that rule.”

  He blessed me with the smallest, barely traceable smile, and it felt like a gold medal. A warm, fuzzy feeling pooled in my chest, as if I’d just drunk a lot of hot cider, and I grinned back. Well, my smile was different. Bigger and made my chapped lips stretch, but it was worth it.

  J.D., the ray of sunshine, rolled his eyes at me.

  “Whoa, whoa. Don’t overdo it. A semi smile and an eyeroll? That’s close to being friends, which is moving way too fast for me.” I faced Preston and held out my hand. “Okay, little dude, let’s go see your mama.”

  “You think she’ll have tands?”

  “I’ll bet you a cookie she does.”

  The last thing I heard before shutting the front door was a small chuckle. It was deep and rough, like his laughter had been bottled up for nineteen years and he was trying it out for the first time.

  Man, what had J.D. so uptight and unhappy?

  I couldn’t spend too much time on analyzing my roommate though—Preston darted off the sidewalk so many times he needed every ounce of my attention. I pushed thoughts of Jonah to the back of my mind and made sure to get my new four-year-old friend back safely.

  I tied my plaid shirt around my waist on the walk back, enjoying a well-earned chocolate chip cookie. I even got a second one for Jonah as a thank-you for not kicking out a child. His rule of no visitors wasn’t hard to live by, but it was weird he was so damn uptight. Was it really the hockey thing? Didn’t he have friends? Michael loved the attention, so this completely opposite mindset was hard to digest.

  The afternoon sun beamed down, and the brisk walk caused me to sweat a bit. It was an easy stroll to the Victorian house, and I smiled at ten different students walking with headphones in. It was wild how my overall nerves did a one-eighty once I was done with the situation at the dorm.

  No more drugs and the potential to ruin my scholarship. No pressure of having Michael be disappointed in me.

  I was hopeful and excited.

  Hannah had promised me a job to help with the rent, and nothing would get in the way of getting good grades. I could actually enjoy this school year instead of just surviving it, as long as my grumpy roommate didn’t throw a wrench in my plan.

  With a huge smile, I jogged up the wooden steps and let myself into the place, the familiar scent of lemon and sweat welcoming me.

  “Have you talked to your brother yet?” he asked, his tone sharp.

  “Hello to you too,” I said, ignoring where he sat at the kitchen table to weave past him and get a glass of water. “I brought you a cookie.”

  “Why?” He looked up from his laptop and frowned at the packaged treat I set in front of him.

  “Because I poisoned it. My plot is to actually take this whole place for myself.” I plopped down on the chair opposite him, and his nostrils flared at my joke. “Dude, relax. It’s a thank-you and an apology for letting Preston stay here.”

  “Divorce sucks. I’m sorry he’s going through it.”

  “I am too. I don’t know his dad at all, but his mom is fantastic, and it’s awful she’s dealing with this alone.” I studied my roommate with his intense deep brown-eyed stare and messy hair. His dark features and chiseled jawline painted a pretty picture, but it was the lack of laugh lines that bothered me. Jonah was handsome, that was obvious, but the grumpiness seemed to overtake his features. “You going to eat that cookie or what?”

  He sighed like I was forcing him to eat sweets, which made no sense because a cookie was a gift to us mortals. Cookies were there before heartbreak and would be there after. They were forever.

  “Thanks.” He took it out of the plastic and took a bite before nodding. “Okay, this is good.”

  “Preston’s mom made them.”

  He swallowed and took another chunk. “If he needs to hang out here again, it’ll be alright. I know first-hand how bad divorces can go, and well, if pretending to not have hands is what he needs, I can relax that rule.”

  “So, we have our first addendum. Nice.” I got up and snatched a pen from my bag, moving toward the fridge and making an addition to the NO GUESTS rule. “Except Preston.” I wasn’t sure what his change of heart meant but seeing this brief soft side to him was nice. I wanted to ask a million questions but thought better of it. I’d only make him more closed off, and I liked having a brief window into who Jonah was.

  “Was it necessary to write it out?” he asked.

  “Yes. These rules are important for us to get along for the semester.”

  “So, no more thirty day trial?” he asked, his voice ringing with a hint of annoyance. “Did you talk to your brother, Ryann?”

  I sucked my lip into my mouth and shrugged, ignoring the small ball of dread growing in my gut. Michael would not be pleased. Not after what happened in high school or the teammate who got too flirty with me last year. I plastered on a fake smile. “I haven’t talked to him yet. I needed to secure a job first.” I snuck a glance at him, and his face paled, making his hard features even angrier. “I’ll do it soon. I promise.”

  “Please.” He swallowed hard. “He talked to me at the gym today, and I couldn’t focus. I was so worried he knew.”

  “What is your concern there, actually? That he won’t pass you the puck or he’ll start a mutiny against you?” I asked, ignoring my own warning bells. My brother wouldn’t let anything happen on the ice, but he could in the locker room, after the final period ended. My mind flashed to my dumb decision in high school, but I shook it away. Things were different now—so different—and we both had grown up sinc
e we lost our parents.

  “Team chemistry is essential,” Jonah said, making essential last eighteen syllables, like I’d never heard the word before. His tensed shoulders caused me to feel even worse.

  “Again, I understand, but my brother wouldn’t let us living together get in the way of his game.” I chewed my lip, not quite sure if I was telling the truth. I didn’t want to make him more upset, but I had to figure out shit with Michael first. He could not hear it from Jonah.

  “It doesn’t matter how well he can compartmentalize. I can’t risk him changing the dynamic,” he said, a slight color to his cheeks warning me. Jonah was as serious as a heart attack. Instead of backing off, I desperately wanted to know how he got this way. A dark past? A secret? Heartbreak? What made him like this?

  “Tell me why.”

  He tilted his head to the side, running his hand over his wicked jawline, and something dark and sad swirled in his eyes. “Why what?”

  “Why are you so grumpy? Why are you so insistent my brother will be furious enough to change whether he passes you the puck? What are you so afraid of happening?”

  Jonah’s grip on the table tightened to the point his knuckles were white, and his quick intake of breath seemed to steal the air out of my lungs.

  Shit.

  I went too far. Instead of focusing on my own guilt and worry, I pushed him.

  I knew I had the second the words left my mouth and the air changed. I couldn’t get an apology out quick enough.

  He stood, pushing the chair back with a loud noise, grabbed his schoolwork, and spoke in a calm, deep, and controlled voice. “You have twenty-eight days to find a new place.”

  That was all he said before going into his room and shutting the door.

  I sighed, leaned back in the chair, and rubbed my forehead. “Why did I do that?” I asked myself, annoyed at my roommate and the entire situation. If he meant what he said about having four weeks left… I groaned and stared at his door. It hadn’t been long, but this place felt more like a home than the dorms ever did, and it was close to the coffee shop and library.

  I didn’t want to leave, even if the place came with a grumpy hockey player.

  I’d have to show him I could be a good roommate. I could be clean and avoid him and... tell my brother. That was all.

  No big deal.

  Not.

  4

  Jonah

  Morning weights.

  Classes.

  Lunch.

  Classes.

  Rink for practice.

  Homework.

  Wash, rinse, and repeat on an endless cycle. My schedule had been that way for years, varying iterations while the pattern held true. There was little time for much else and zero time for distractions. In order to get another scholarship, I had to be the best, which meant sacrifice.

  Two days after I told Ryann she was leaving, she either avoided me entirely or made herself sparse. I hadn’t seen her. The only evidence of her was the slight floral smell that lingered in the air, annoying because it was nice to smell something feminine. Dumb distraction.

  My bones ached from going too hard at practice today, and while Wednesday nights were my scheduled time to do my reading for classes, I couldn’t focus. It was nine at night, Ryann wasn’t home, and the uncomfortable knot had only grown in my chest since the last words I said to her were about eviction.

  Focus.

  I shook my head and opened the used biology textbook. I got my pencil ready to take notes as the sounds of laughter stopped me. The pencil froze in my hand when the door opened and Ryann walked in, phone up to her ear and smile stretching across her face as she said, “Yup, love you too, idiot.”

  She held the phone against her ear and shoulder, turning to lock the door behind her. When her gaze landed on me, all evidence of joy evaporated. “Oh,” she said, her forehead crinkling with a frown.

  That one syllable made my head pound, irritation dancing down my spine that the mere sight of me upset her.

  “I’ll head into my room.” She ducked her head, tucking her bright red bag under her arm before she marched through the foyer and through the doorway to her bedroom. A subtle hint of coffee lingered in the air, and her apron made sense.

  She mentioned needing a job before talking to her brother.

  “You tell Michael yet?” I called, my voice releasing from my body like I was a sergeant. It made me wince at the harshness of it. My mom, my ex, everyone complained I was too focused on hockey. Not that I was an asshole, but I hadn’t given Ryann any reason to believe I could be nice.

  Her shut door didn’t open, but the sounds she made stopped. She heard me.

  It took thirty seconds, but she came out wearing short black shorts and a baggy green sweatshirt. Her blonde hair was piled on top of her head, and she twisted the hem of her shirt in her hands.

  “No.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  She studied me, her normally expressive face not giving anything away. “I found some new places I’m going to look into next week. Don’t need to tell him anything if I’m moving out. None of it will matter, so why cause any drama?”

  My jaw clenched, and I took a sharp breath. There were zero responses to the ad I’d left up, and my spreadsheet of funds had the amount highlighted in yellow. I couldn’t lose the money, even though living with her was a bad idea. A terrible idea.

  A teammate’s sister.

  I cringed.

  “I’m sorry,” I blurted out, my voice uneven and my heartbeat working overtime. I set the pencil down and wiped my hand on my thigh, hoping inspiration would hit me to finish the apology. None came though. “Don’t…move.”

  “Uh, yeah, you’re sending some mixed messages here.” She scrunched her brows together and frowned. “I’m not trying to be dramatic, really. You’re so uptight about the situation though, so I’ll make sure I’m out. I just have to find a place I can afford first.” Her voice got small, and her clear blue eyes clouded.

  Guilt clawed up my throat, and I took a sip of water before deciding my next move. There were a million different things I could say to try to make this better, to get rid of the worry on her face. The hesitation in her eyes gutted me, like she was scared of me. Not physically, but emotionally. I desperately wanted her to understand a little part of me. Maybe that would help her get why I was this way—so focused. “I need to earn a scholarship for next year. It’s my only chance at staying here. My dad is… this is the only way I can help him.”

  She sucked in a breath and blinked. “What do you mean?”

  She pushed off the door frame and joined me at the table. Ryann pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees, just like she did the other night. She seemed smaller that way, like her arms were a shield protecting her from the world. “Help him?” she clarified.

  Tell her.

  Five people knew about the shitstorm divorce my parents were going through. Me, my dad, my mom, the man she was sleeping with, and my former best friend who happened to be her boyfriend’s son. It was a scene out of a damn soap opera, but the drama didn’t lessen the hurt.

  I ran the pad of my thumb over my knuckles, finding myself continually looking at Ryann’s lips. They were full, pink, and expressive. Her mouth was pulled into a slight frown, like she already knew the torment of my family.

  “My senior year of high school, my mom left my dad and me for my former best friend’s father. I haven’t seen her since. She’s taken everything she can in the divorce, my dad’s heart and his money.” I gripped the water bottle and took a long drink, wetting my throat and willing the ball of emotion there to lessen. “His company also let him go a few months ago. He’s drowning in debt, lawyer fees, and might have to declare bankruptcy.”

  “The scholarship helps him financially,” she said. Her only reaction to my words was her face losing a bit of color.

  “Yes.”

  She tapped her nails on the table for a few beats, her eyes darkening as she nodded t
o herself. “Playing well with the team is everything.”

  “Exactly,” I sighed, relieved she got it. “That and never asking my dad for money. I can’t do that to him.”

  She wet her bottom lip and studied me. “Money is a sore spot for me too, if that makes you feel any better. I have a very limited amount of funds since I’m ditching the dorms.”

  “Why are you?” I asked, not even thinking about how the question crossed the line from casual roommates to something more. I didn’t expect her to answer. If it was me, I would’ve slammed my lips shut and retreated into another room, however, Ryann was so very much not like me.

  “Drugs, alcohol.” She shrugged and didn’t say anymore. I wasn’t sure if she meant she imbibed a lot or was tempted or what, but I didn’t get a chance to ask before she spoke again.

  “So, if Michael were to react poorly from us living together and take it out on you in the rink, it could hurt your chances of keeping your scholarship.” She moved her hand to rub down the length of her shin, the movement bringing my attention to her leg. Her skin looked soft and smooth, and for the life of me, I wondered how it would feel to touch it.

  Whoa.

  “Yes,” I said, relieved at having her know the truth, even though it gave her power over me. She knew my Achilles heel, yet despite the worry that came with sharing my past, my secret felt safe with her. Maybe it was the fact I knew her brother or the fact she wasn’t looking at me with pity. No, definitely not pity. Something…else. The longer she stared at me with her big blue eyes, nerves exploded in my stomach like a cannonball of butterflies. No one typically wore the expression she did right now around me, like my ambition had merit. Like she got me.

  “You’re not grumpy. You’re focused.” She hummed, nodding to herself as a hint of a smile played on her distracting lips. “Makes so much sense now. I misread you.”

  “I’m not sure what to say to that.”

  “It’s okay.” She lifted one shoulder in a shrug. The soft material hung off her, exposing her collarbone.

  Does she like being touched there?