Backroads Read online

  Her hair is messed up, and she tries to smooth it out. I run a finger down her arm, and she looks back up to me. “I can’t.”

  What?

  “What do you mean you can’t?”

  “I just... I can’t. This shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry. I had a weak moment,” she says, still not able to look at me.

  Hooking a finger under her chin, I force her eyes on me. “I’m not sorry, and neither are you. Are you afraid? Of me?”

  She swallows hard, and I can see thoughts warring behind her eyes. “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “You have the potential to hurt me.” Tears gather in the corners of her eyes, but they don’t fall.

  Doesn’t she know she has more potential to hurt me? “No. I won’t accept that. I think fucking you today would have hurt you, and I stopped that. I want to give you more than that. I think that scares you—the more.”

  Trying to push me away and failing, she glares back at me and says, “You don’t know a damn thing about me.”

  “I want to know everything about you,” I say, meeting her gaze.

  She stands there scowling at me, and it’s adorable.

  “The date is happening. And soon.”

  “No it’s not.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest, making my eyes zero in on her breasts.

  “Yes it is. Then we can see if there’s anything more than sexual chemistry between us.” I’m begging her and I don’t like it. I felt her want for me—she pulled me to her.

  A knock on the door makes us pull apart as Linda sticks her head in. “Holly, I was wondering if...” She trails off as she sees the both of us.

  “I ah... was just letting Holly know I would be around about six o’clock tomorrow to show her some things.”

  “What, six in the morning? What for?” she throws back at me.

  It’s a little earlier than I need her, but she doesn’t need to know that yet. “Well, I have some things to do afterwards, so we should start early.”

  “Right, well, I’d appreciate that,” Linda agrees with a smile at me, glancing back and forth between me and Holly.

  Hoping the erection that has slowly started to tame down isn’t noticeable, I make a quick exit, leaving the ladies to do whatever they were doing. I’m already making plans on how to get her to say yes to me.

  I walk away, savoring the taste of her still on my lips.

  The boys haven’t let up all afternoon, giving me shit about Holly. It’s aggravating, but after tasting her lips it’s not pissing me off quite as badly as before.

  We are finally finishing the fence I meant to get back to a few days ago. I’m glad I waited; now I have help. The sun has been beating down on us all afternoon. This kind of work is why I stayed here as long as I have. Most people don’t like hard labor, but I enjoy seeing the results of what my hands can do at the end of the day.

  It’s a big change from how I was brought up. Sure I had chores, but they only consisted of taking the trash out or raking leaves in the fall.

  Charlie and Lee both grew up on small farms. They moved away for a while after school but ended up back here. Neither enjoyed city life. And my daily job had me strapped to a desk or in a boardroom.

  “Have you talked Linda into hiring that Joe guy yet? The one who knows horses. I don’t mind the occasional ride, but it’s really not my thing. And she really wants to pursue this trail-riding thing,” Charlie huffs, tearing a part of the old fencing down.

  Working together, we clear the old rotting fence and have the new one almost done as the sun is dipping in the west. This is my favorite time of day. We know we’re getting close to calling it quits, and wordlessly we pack up the tools and anything lying around in the grass we forgot earlier.

  These past months I’ve felt grounded in a way I never have before. Part of me keeps saying it’s time to move on, but now there’s a stronger pull keeping me here—Holly.

  I haven’t wanted someone in so long. I’ve been attracted to women, but it was nothing like this. The thought of more never ran through my mind.

  There’s something about her. In the short time since she’s been here, she’s shown me she is different than most women. She doesn’t throw herself at me. She tries to keep me at arm’s length. It only makes me want to know her more. Be with her more.

  There’s that thought again: more.

  I keep replaying the sound of her breathing against my lips and the feeling of her in my arms, my hands exploring her creamy, smooth skin. It sends a jolt straight to my dick.

  “Hey, we done here? I need a shower and a beer. You coming into town later?” Lee asks, breaking my train of thought.

  “Uh no. I got an early day tomorrow,” I answer, shutting the tailgate of the pickup.

  It’s Friday and they like to go into town for a beer after work. They make it sound like they’re only there to pick up women. But honestly the few times I’ve been with them, I’ve never actually seen Charlie take anyone home, where Lee is always endlessly flirting with someone.

  The boys are nonstop chatter all the way back up to the main house.

  “Do you think Holly would want to go out with us?” I don’t even know which one asked the question, or if it was aimed at me.

  “No,” I answer anyway, glaring at them.

  “Oh come on, Chasey. Just ‘cause you’re chasing after her doesn’t mean she wants you. You might have to fend off better-looking competition, like myself,” Charlie says, sticking his head in between us from the back seat.

  “And me. I’m better-looking than the both of you,” Lee says, puffing his chest out.

  I’m taller than both of them by a few inches and have them beat by fifty pounds of muscle. I could use a haircut, but otherwise I’m confident of my looks.

  “She has an early day tomorrow too. I’m pretty sure she could find better company than the both of you to hang out with on a Friday night.”

  Lee turns to Charlie with a scowl on his face. “What the hell—do you think Linda is trying to get them together? Did she even think of us as being good enough for her niece?”

  “Shit, you don’t think that why she’s here, do you? So she can play matchmaker with them?” They both look at me.

  “It’s probably because she felt sorry for him, wondering if his dick is gonna fall off from playing with himself so much. We all know he hasn’t gotten laid in months.”

  “Yeah, it’s probably all for a pity fuck. Maybe she’s not even her niece. She could be a hired professional come to take his virginity.”

  “Fuck off, both of you. Can you just let it go?” I say, slamming the truck into park.

  They both crack up laughing. “Never!” they say in unison as they get out.

  “Calm your tits, Chase. You’re easier to rile up than Beth about her boyfriend,” Lee says, walking backward to his own truck before climbing in and taking off.

  Charlie stares me in the eye. “You gotta calm down, dude. This hostility is never going to win her over. You gotta know how to talk to a woman. And trust me, this pissy attitude isn’t it. I hope you do better around her than us.”

  “I do. Most of the time,” I answer honestly. “I just don’t like you guys talking about her that way.”

  Slugging me in the shoulder, he says, “I get it, you like her. And since we’ve never seen you even glance at a woman, it’s fun for us to tease you. Just work that brooding magic on her—you unknowingly do it to most of the single women who lay eyes on you. Holly will be falling at your feet in no time.”

  “I’m not taking your sleazy advice on women. I know how to date a girl.”

  “No, you have dated girls before—past tense, my friend. You’re rusty at your game.”

  “Maybe that’s because I don’t want to play any games.”

  “Damn, dude. That kind of talk is too serious for me right now. I gotta go. You know where we’ll be if you change your mind.” He jogs to his pickup, then yells out “good luck” after he climbs in and drives b
y.

  He’s right about one thing. It’s been a long time since I’ve been with anyone. A lot longer than he even knows or I want to admit.

  All day I’ve been replaying what went down earlier with Chase. He’s persistent, and I hate that it’s the biggest turn-on.

  I keep trying to push him away, to keep him at a distance.

  Or that’s what I tell myself I’m doing.

  Then I kissed him.

  I wanted him.

  When he came storming in talking about how I made him feel... I didn’t care he was a sweaty mess. Every part of me wanted him. I don’t know what I was willing to let happen. I can still feel his hard body against mine, how hard his cock was pressed against me.

  I shiver, getting worked up again thinking about him. I run the tip of my finger across my swollen lips where I can still taste him.

  There is no other way to say it, except he is sex on a stick being dangled in front of me. I’ve met good-looking men before, but never has my body reacted in a way to them that leaves my body humming and my breath panting.

  Of course, Linda had to ask me questions about what happened just before she walked in the room, then about what would have happened had she not.

  Thinking of what could have happened has me warring with myself. Did I want to go there with him? Should I go there with him?

  It’s been easy to forget why I left my life behind and came here, but only when I’m busy, when I don’t have time to think about it.

  Today I was fully reminded of why I drove fourteen hours across two states to work with my aunt. After the incident at my last job, I haven’t been able to get a new one yet. I put in countless applications before I left the city and have been filling some out online every night this week.

  When I finally checked my phone, I found I had heard back from some of them. All rejections. Most were kind enough to tell me I didn’t fit the position they were trying to fill. Others weren’t so kind—still professional, but telling me that with my reputation not to come back looking to apply for future openings.

  I’ve been blacklisted, and not just in the city I was living in, but in some of the surrounding areas as well.

  What’s more, the texts keep coming from an unknown number:

  You’re never going to work in this city again. Give me back the ring, or I’ll make things even harder for you.

  The threats my ex keeps sending me make me sick. How could I ever have seen a future with him?

  What would I do now? What if I stayed here and helped on the ranch for good? What if I made this my home? What if I let Chase show me what he means by more?

  The last question is the one that scares me the most.

  I’ve already given up my dreams for one man. I changed my plans to coordinate with his, and it all blew up in my face. Now I’m here, homeless without a job.

  Jumping from one mistake to the next won’t solve anything for me.

  I play the “what if” game for a while, and the questions all keep leading back to Chase.

  What if I gave in to my attraction for him?

  What if he shows me more?

  What if he isn’t like my ex?

  What if he is?

  What if he hurts me?

  My mind is tainted with thoughts of Daniel and what he did. Who he was. How did I even find that remotely attractive? The guy was shorter than me for fuck’s sake. His average, skinny pencil dick never got me off, and he never seemed to care either, never lasting longer than the five minutes of full-on pile driving till he was finished. How did I ever tell myself he was going to be good enough for forever?

  It makes me sick to look back and see what I allowed to happen. I dated the man not even a full three months before he asked me to marry him. Six months went by before it ended with me packing a car and saying goodbye to the life I was living.

  We had worked together at the same bank. His dad owned the bank, and he was one of the managers. I saw us moving up together, becoming a powerhouse family.

  I put on blinders to so many things after one of the few times I called my mother for advice, and she asked me if I saw myself dating someone like my high school boyfriend, getting knocked up, living in a trailer house. She painted a vivid picture of what my life could be like, what my childhood was like, so I said yes to him. Being with him painted a better picture.

  But no one ever asked me what I wanted. The problem is I don’t know. I still don’t. What I do know is I don’t want to end up like my mother, needing a man to take care of me.

  Does that mean I can’t be with a man?

  Being around Chase daily has been messing with the plan I was going to stick to. I’ve only known him a short time, but I already know I have never thought about a man this much before. The way he makes me feel when he walks into the room... watching his eyes find me has butterflies fluttering in my stomach. My fingers ache to explore the muscles on his six-foot-plus, tan body. I find myself thinking of grabbing his shoulder-length hair and pulling him to me, letting his lips crash into mine.

  By the time I climb into bed every night, the fantasies I have about him touching me, exploring my body, has my center aching for release. It’s his face I see when I come, his name on my lips.

  Now it’s worse. That kiss wasn’t just any kiss... it was a kiss that lit up my whole body. A kiss that seared me, claimed me. Thinking of it has me trembling.

  It was hot as hell to watch him come unglued for those brief seconds. To know he was as turned on as I was.

  I smile at how we were dry humping like teenagers. I can’t believe he found the strength to stop. I could have come right there without him entering me. The way he held me up as though I weighed nothing, the intensity of his blue eyes on me... I need to stop thinking about him, before I find a reason to hunt him down and demand he finish what we started.

  Why am I pushing him away again?

  My mind has been on this constant roller coaster, going around and around. I don’t need to drag him down into the mess I’ve created. He doesn’t need to be involved with what could come.

  I need to remember look but not touch... whoops, I forgot that part earlier.

  “Are you going to help us? Or just stand there with your hands in the dishwater doing nothing?” Beth asks, breaking me out of my thoughts. How long have I been standing here?

  Beth and Linda have a spread of food out on the table they are preparing to cook. We have a full house this weekend, and most have decided to eat here instead of going into town.

  “Uh, yeah. What can I do?” I ask as Beth eyes me.

  She doesn’t know I can’t cook. Linda has been showing me some of the basics in the morning while I help her with breakfast. She doesn’t know how much I ate at restaurants, or if I was really changing it up, I’d order takeout. The things I’ve learned in such a short time has amazed Linda. She doesn’t know how I survived as an adult.

  It’s not my fault I didn’t know how long noodles needed to boil.

  They direct me with small tasks, while they mix up the rest of the meal.

  “Do you girls have any plans tonight or tomorrow night? Beth, I know you’re going to see Jimmy, but anything else?” Linda asks.

  Jimmy is Beth’s boyfriend, and they’ve been high school sweethearts since they were fourteen years old. I have a hard time wrapping my head around how many years they’ve been together, where I can’t make a relationship last longer than a year.

  Beth lets out a huff of air. “Tonight I just want to curl up in bed with him and sleep. Just sleep. But since he doesn’t see me all week, he thinks we should go at it all night. My phone has been blowing up with texts wondering when I’m going to be home. It’s not even six yet.” She pops her bottom lip out and dramatically pouts.

  The little hussy winks at me with a sly grin that says she so wants it.

  Laughing at her, Linda rolls her eyes. “I hear this every week from you.” She nods to me. “Get used to it. They’re young, and it’s all about the sex.”


  Great, I’m horny as hell trying to keep my pants on, and now I’m going to be hearing about how she goes at it all night long. I’m not going to be jealous of a college kid’s sex life... yes I am.

  Thinking of how long it’s been since I’ve had sex depresses me. I angrily cut up the potatoes, imagining how Jimmy probably cares if she comes. Probably goes down on her too. That’s what real men do; they show a woman they can satisfy her.

  “Things are all taken care of here. All we have to do is slap it on the table for them when it’s done. Why don’t you run along and start your marathon night of sex so you can get some sleep. We’ll leave the dishes for you to do in the morning.” Linda all but shoves Beth out the door with a promise she won’t show up till eight tomorrow morning, then turns to me. “You’ve been quiet this afternoon. Anything you want to talk about?”

  “No.” I can feel my cheeks heating. No, I don’t want to talk about all the sex I keep imaging I would have with Chase. Or the shitty thoughts I’ve been having about my ex.

  “Are you sure? I know I walked in on something between you and Chase earlier. You don’t have to tell me... but I’ll listen.” She pauses, expecting me to spill something, but I hold my tongue. “He’s a good man. Quiet, sometimes brooding, but a good man. I want to say give whatever it is a chance, and the other half of me selfishly wants you two to keep your distance. Just in case it doesn’t work out. I want you both to stick around.”

  “You know I’m looking for another job and could leave any day if I get one,” I say slowly, finding it hard to meet her gaze.

  “I know. But I kind of like having you around here. I miss Alexis, and having you here this week reminds me so much of you girls growing up. I feel like we’ve missed out on each other’s lives. I don’t want us drifting apart again if you go back to the city.”

  With each word I can feel moisture pooling in my eyes. I’ve had similar thoughts all week. I could never rely on my own mother, but Linda was always there for me. Without her and Grandma Kelly, I don’t know where I would be. Alexis had begged me to go with her when she was about to go on the road. I wanted to go to school and make my way in life some other way.