Backroads Read online

  Collapsing back on my abandoned stool, I lean my head on the counter in mock shock. Was I really this reckless? Apparently. And there is no one to blame except myself.

  I felt sick to my stomach. I stroke it to see if it feels any different... What if I was?

  I chew on the inside of my cheek while thinking of how I could blame this on Chase. Right?

  “She’s not looking so hot, Linda,” Beth says, eyeballing me like I could puke any second.

  “Probably because she’s pregnant,” she mutters back to her.

  “Shut up, both of you. I’m freaking out here.” I stand and pace the floor. “Calendar! I need a calendar.”

  I’m trying to rack my brain—how many days has it been since my last period? How many days since we started having unprotected sex? And a lot of it. So much of it.

  Counting in my head, I let out a sigh of relief. “Ha! My period isn’t due for another four days.” Feeling lighter than I did moments ago, I dance around the room thrusting my hips back and forth. “Oh yeah, oh yeah.”

  Leaning toward Beth, Linda says, watching me, “She’s in denial.”

  “Who’s in denial?”

  We were all so preoccupied with the conversation, we hadn’t heard Chase walk in.

  Linda recovers when she sees my look of panic. “Ummm... you’re both in denial if you think I’m not going to chastise you about fornicating in the guest rooms.”

  He hangs his head a little. “I’m sorry, Linda. Holly jumped me. Threatened my manhood. I had no choice but to follow through.” He says it so seriously and straight-faced. I only threatened him once. Maybe twice. Dammit. It’s his fault for being so damn irresistible.

  Beth laughs. “I’m sure you couldn’t fend off her vicious attacks.”

  “Would everyone stop talking about our sex life? And we only had sex once in a guest room. And I washed the vanity off after.” I’m still a little freaked-out over the pregnancy talk and hope Chase doesn’t hear the panic in my voice.

  I walk to the fridge and grab a water, angrily opening the bottle before taking a large swallow. Everyone is watching me, but the only person I’m paying attention to now is Chase. The playful smile on the edge of his lips makes me suck in a shallow breath. One look and I want to kiss him senseless. When he raises an eyebrow and winks, I know he is taunting me now.

  Linda grabs the water out of my hand and swigs back half of it. “We can stop talking about your sex life when you two learn to do it behind closed doors. At night. Like normal people.”

  “Not everyone does it at night, Linda. This isn’t like back in your day. When holding hands in public was scandalous. Now couples even turn the lights on when they do it,” Beth says, winking at me before giving Chase an appreciative glance and mumbling, “I’d be doing it with the lights on if I had him to look at.”

  Chase approaches me from behind and circles his arms around my waist. When I’m snug against his chest, I feel the tension leaving my body. The contact sends shivers through my body. It’s so natural to be this intimate with him now. My affection is bubbling inside me, wanting to be released. He feels too good against me.

  He leans into my hair and whispers in a low voice, “Do I want to know what else you were talking about?”

  The feel of his breath tickles the back of my neck. My body reacts instantly to him, enjoying being encased in his arms.

  “See! No. Right there. No.” Linda points at us from across the room. “Get your hands off her. I can already tell by your dopey grins and Holly’s hard nipples through her shirt you’re seconds away from dragging her somewhere to shag.”

  Four sets of eyes, including my own, drop to my breasts. Sure enough, my nipples are protruding though my lime-green tank top.

  Chase’s body vibrates with a laugh. He kisses my neck and moves his forearm to hide them in a hug. His protectiveness isn’t helping how my body is reacting to his.

  “What are you thinking about, Princess?” His smug grin suggests he knows full well he just sealed the deal for me. I know my own smile matches his.

  Click, click, click.

  Our spell is broken by the noise, and I see Beth snapping pictures of us on her phone.

  “What are you doing?” I question.

  “Capturing this moment on camera.” She looks at the phone and smiles wistfully. “So this is what it’s supposed to look like, huh?”

  We glance at each other questioningly. I grab the phone from her so we can both look at the picture she took.

  “Do I always look at him like that?”

  Laughing, Chase replies for everyone. “Yes, you do.”

  “We need to break up this lovefest. I’m starting to feel ill watching and listening to you two,” Linda says with a smack to my butt that makes me yelp in surprise.

  “She only thinks that way because it’s been—how old is Alexis?—since she got any. She’s forgotten what sex does to a person,” Beth says, mocking Linda’s scowl and sticking her tongue out at her.

  “Wait, why are we talking about me? This was a conversation about you two.” She points to us.

  “And we had that talk. Now we’re on to something better. You and your cobwebs that need cleaning,” I reply with a nod.

  “We are not talking about my cobwebs, I mean my sex life. Talking about yours is far more entertaining.”

  “We could talk about Beth’s,” I try, not wanting to be in the spotlight again.

  Beth snorts. “What sex life? When I was gone all week, Jimmy couldn’t wait to screw me all night. Now that I’m back all the time... I don’t know. It’s just nonexistent.”

  The sadness in Beth’s eyes over what’s going on between her and Jimmy is hard to miss. They have been each other’s first in everything. First boyfriend/girlfriend. First kiss. First lovers. Beth said they had their future planned out. I’m not sure if she thought she’d ever need a contingency plan. I know I never thought I would need one.

  “Maybe he’s still adjusting to having you back all the time,” I offer, wishing I hadn’t brought it up in the first place.

  “Maybe. He also didn’t like the idea I proposed to him the other day about building a house here.” She glances at Linda, who nods encouragingly at her.

  “This has been our plan for over a year, and now he doesn’t know if he wants to stay here. His brother offered him a room at his house if he wants to go to school next fall. If he does that, I’ll be moving here alone and our relationship will be on hold again while he goes to school finally.” You can tell this has been bothering her for a while. “And looking at you two, seeing how you both always have to know where the other is when you enter a room, watching how you can’t keep your hands off each other... Jimmy and I don’t have that. We’ve never had that. I think we’ve been together so long we don’t know what else is out there.”

  We all stare at our little Beth, who is far more grown up than she should be for a twenty-two-year-old.

  “We can talk about my cobwebs more if that will bring your smile back,” Linda offers, walking over to her and giving her a hug.

  We all laugh to ease the tension in the room.

  “You know, wherever you go I’m following,” Chase says low enough so only I can hear him. He has said this before, but it feels like it’s sinking in now. Everyone has ended up leaving me at some point, and I realize I want him to follow me.

  “And if I stay forever?” I whisper. I had been thinking about what my plans would be. What I knew was I didn’t want to let him go to chase after my old life in a city that didn’t want me anymore. A city I had no future in anymore. A city that never felt like home like this place does.

  “Then we make this our home and raise our family here. My home is where ever you are.” He chuckles into my neck, kissing me below the ear.

  Family? Does this mean he wants a family?

  “Let’s get going before you two think you need to run off together,” Beth says jokingly.

  I turn to give Chase the kiss he deserves,
not caring that the other two are making fun of us.

  “Just so you know, my home is complete wherever you are,” I whisper to him.

  With a glance over my shoulder to our audience, he dips me low, putting on a show for them. “Then hurry home,” he murmurs before giving me another kiss.

  He sets me back upright, and I nod to Beth. “Let’s go before I change my mind.”

  Beth and I are driving an hour and a half away to retrieve some custom blinds she’d had commissioned several months ago.

  I’m still riding high from the zinger of a kiss Chase gave me. I almost told him I loved him before we left. If we’d been alone I might have.

  If only Linda hadn’t brought up the pregnancy talk. I’m still freaking out over it.

  My thoughts keep running back to the conversation I had with Daniel. How he got so angry over the thought of a baby. He was already cheating on me before I thought I was pregnant, but it was the conversation itself that first sealed the deal there wouldn’t be a future with him. I still wonder if he doesn’t want kids, or if he just didn’t want one with me.

  I would have never dreamed I would need to revisit the same conversation so soon.

  “What has you so lost in thought over there?” Beth asks, fiddling with the radio trying to find a station.

  Dragging my eyes from the window, I silently thank god she is driving. My thoughts have been all over the place, keeping me from being able to concentrate, let alone drive. “Do you think Chase would want kids?”

  “Are you really worried you could be pregnant? We were only teasing you.” she says sympathetically.

  “I don’t know. At this rate only time will tell. It scares me because of how my ex handled things when I thought I could be pregnant with his baby. I was on the pill and we used condoms, but when I was late getting my period he flipped out when I told him. Now I’m worried Chase will do the same.” There. I said my fears out loud. Though my stomach is still churning over it.

  “Maybe you won’t need to worry about it. You said you only have a few days before you should get your period. I wouldn’t bring it up if you don’t have to. But for the record, that man loves you. Fiercely. If you don’t know that, you’re not paying attention,” she says seriously.

  I’ve learned how to read him from paying attention to him since the first day I met him. I can read his dirty thoughts when they cross his mind. I can see when he gets frustrated, either by me or the guys when they razz us. I can see his possessive side when we’ve gone to the bar in town with the guys. I love it when he throws his arms around me so everyone knows I’m with him.

  I’ll admit I’m just as possessive with him, whether it be attention from a random guest staying with us, or one of the women from town throwing themselves at him. I love walking up to him and planting my lips on his for all to see.

  “Maybe I’ll at least see how he feels about kids. I know I want them someday. It’d be nice to know the person I’m with wants them too.”

  “Yeah, that’s safe to bring up. I guess Jimmy and I talked about that so long ago. We were kids ourselves back then. I’ve always known I wanted a family.” Her smile lights up the cabin of the truck.

  “You’d be so cute preggers.” She’s so small, only five two and petite. I can already see her with a little round tummy someday. “So... what’s up with you and Jimmy anyway?” I’m hesitant bringing it up, but normally she’s so positive about her boyfriend, it’s odd to hear her sad over him.

  She visibly shrinks in her seat, the smile replaced with a clenched jaw. “I’m worried he’s going to leave me. Not just leave and go to school—I mean break up with me. He didn’t want to go to school when we graduated. I was okay with his choice. He has a good job in town, and Linda has offered to employ him full-time since I started working with her. He works with Charlie and Lee when they need help. I thought we’d build our life on the ranch. But something changed these last couple of months. When I first talked about moving onto the ranch, he laughed. Now he gets angry. And suddenly he wants to go to school. In Kansas of all places.”

  Stray tears roll down her cheeks, and she angrily wipes them away. “Which means he won’t be coming back every weekend like I did. It will be holidays and maybe summer vacation. He doesn’t even know what he wants to go to school for, he just seems to want to leave. I don’t know what to do.”

  I reach a hand to her shoulder. My heart breaks seeing her hurting. “You know what you’re going to do. It only makes you mad you didn’t see it coming.”

  She laughs through her tears. “I do know. The shitty thing is I love that stupid guy. And I’ll support him no matter what he decides. Maybe he needs to see the world a little more before he’s tied down.” Taking a deep breath, she blinks the remaining tears away. “Maybe this is exactly what both of us need.”

  I’m struck with the realization Beth is the first friend I’ve gained outside of my family in a long time. I never noticed how controlling Daniel was till recently. The few friends I had before Daniel all disappeared slowly.

  They were things I didn’t think were important at the time. I’m wondering why I let any of it happen. More and more I wonder why I was with him in the first place. He may have looked good on paper, but that was his only attractive attribute. How did I become that person? I didn’t like her the longer I was at the ranch... the more I was with Chase. I like who I am with him. I can be myself. The real me.

  We can laugh at things together, and at each other. I can touch him and not have him flinch away. He isn’t worried about his hair being perfect, letting me guide him where I need him with a tug. His compliments are never-ending. And his eyes... they don’t wander.

  “This is the place,” Beth says, pulling into a parking lot. She pulls down the visor to look in the mirror. “How do I look?”

  “You look fine. Let’s go.”

  She picks up some dark-burgundy material and holds it out in front of her. “Are you going to paint your pink room one of these days?”

  “I still plan on it. Why?” I haven’t—it’s more that I know Chase wants me to move in with him. I feel like if I keep my clothing in my room, I still have a place to call mine. It’s kind of silly to think that way because I spend every night in Chase’s bed.

  “You should do that next week. Then I can move into it by the weekend.”

  I’m browsing through some of the fabrics a table over from her, so when she states that so matter-of-fact, I whip around. “What?”

  She laughs without giving me so much as a glance and continues to hold up different fabrics. “We all know you’re in his bed every night. Half your shit is in his house already—why not move in and get it over with? If you guys ever have a fight, I’m sure Linda will have a bed open for you.”

  She has a point—the same point Chase has been making for the past two weeks.

  Wait.

  “Did he put you up to this?” Her eyes give her away. “Oh my god! He did!” I screech in mock annoyance.

  “Only kind of. He heard Linda and me talking about me taking a room in the next week or two. He may have suggested taking yours, seeing as you don’t use it anymore. But there is no way I’m sleeping in that cotton-candy land.” She holds up another shade of burgundy to the other three she has already laid out. She really should have gone to school for interior designing. She is very talented when it comes to decorating.

  “I’ll move on one condition.”

  “What’s that?” she asks excitedly.

  I rattle off my requests. “Okay, make that three conditions. One, you help me move over there before I leave to visit Alexis. Two, you tape everything up while I’m gone so all I have to do is paint when I get back. And three, you come up with a new bedspread for his room. He only has sheets.”

  “Wow, aren’t you a demanding thing.” She laughs.

  She has no idea. Well, Chase has no idea. But the schemer will find out soon enough though. Ha. I have to laugh at myself—there is no demanding anything with
him, except maybe taking his clothes off faster. Everything else, he offers to me.

  My feet are dragging by the time I shuffle through Chase’s place. He’s lying naked on the bed, bare ass out for anyone to see. He is adorable and everything I want to find coming home.

  I tiptoe to the bathroom and gently close the door. The anticipation of climbing into bed with him has me running through my routine, stripping and getting ready for bed quickly.

  I’m pulling my hair up when I hear Chase yell out, “No!”

  His scream wakes me from my zombie-like state. With my heart racing, I burst back into the bedroom to find Chase throwing pillows and squirming in his sheets.

  “God, please no! Don’t take her from me too. No!” he cries.

  “Chase! Chase, baby, wake up!” He’s still asleep and scaring me. Not once in this past month has he had a night terror sleeping next to me. He’s told me about them, but I’ve never experienced seeing him have one. He doesn’t wake when I yell. I try to grab his arm, but his strength is too much for me and he twists away.

  I frantically try to wake him from his sleep while he cries out a few more times. After a few minutes, his body stops thrashing. He clings to the only pillow left on the bed.

  I take a deep breath to calm my nerves, thankful he is back to calmer sleep. I pick up the pillows on the floor and replace them on the bed. Before I climb in next to him, a sob breaks from him.

  “Not her. Why...” His words are garbled through his tears.

  My heart breaks instantly hearing and seeing my incredibly strong man fall apart in front of me. I climb on the bed slowly in case he starts thrashing again. As he cries, I realize I am crying with him. His muscles flex as his body shakes. What is he dreaming about that has him like this?

  I gently touch his arm. His skin is cold and clammy, as if at one point he may have been hot under the covers and kicked them off. When he doesn’t flinch at my touch, I move in closer behind him and wrap myself around him, holding him as tightly as I can. His body relaxes under my embrace.