Backroads Read online

  Looking around the room, I don’t know where to start. I’ve made so many bad decisions so quickly. This isn’t how I wanted to tell her anything.

  I sink back down into the chair I evacuated while Linda takes a seat next to me, grabbing my hand to comfort me. Why didn’t I call her for advice? Why did I call my mother? Her advice is what spurred my rash decisions not so long ago.

  “Daniel, my ex... I didn’t think I was in trouble to the point of his lawyer hunting me down.” I take a deep breath and try to collect my thoughts over the conversation I had been avoiding since the day it happened.

  Over a month ago:

  This has been one of the worst mornings I’ve ever had.

  I wake up late to find the bed next to me is still empty. Daniel was supposed to be back last night after being gone for a week.

  He left right after I told him I thought I was pregnant. It wasn’t something I planned, but I hadn’t seen his reaction coming. He acted like I was trying to trick him into marriage. I had to remind him we were already engaged. The fight lasted hours, with him going on about how he didn’t want children and I needed to get rid of it.

  Children weren’t even on my mind till I thought I could be pregnant. I know one thing now: I want this baby. I want a family.

  He left, coming up with an excuse about work and meetings. That was a week ago. He hasn’t talked to me since.

  I wasn’t happy when he said he was going. He knew I was upset and chose to ignore my texts all week, even after I texted to tell him it was a false alarm. My period started the day after he left.

  He finally texted me last night to say he was on his way home but would be late.

  I guess late means not coming back at all. I’m starting to see our relationship in a whole different way.

  Running around the apartment, I get ready in a flash of irritation before heading into the office.

  Our engagement isn’t turning out the way I imagined it would. I knew saying yes after only dating for three months was a mistake. Now I’m living with him and working in the same building. After this last week, I need to figure out what kind of future I’m looking at if I stay with him.

  When I get off the elevator, my irritation ratchets higher seeing my secretary’s chair is empty, like always. Her purse is hanging on the chair, so I know she’s in the building, but she is never doing her job. She chose the wrong day to piss me off, even more than I already am. She will be fired by the end of the day.

  As I enter my office, I call Daniel’s number. His secretary, who actually does her job, answers on the first ring and lets me know he’s in a meeting but will let him know I called.

  Tapping my foot, I try to focus on the paperwork on my desk. I can’t concentrate on anything.

  “Screw this. We need to talk,” I think, storming out of my office.

  I head up one more floor to his office, and his secretary tries to stop me before I open the door.

  I stand there frozen, shocked at the sight before me. Daniel is leaning against his desk while Amy, my slut of a secretary, is on her knees sucking his dick.

  The seconds drag out as I stand openmouthed listening to the disgusting slurps of her mouth while he makes an all-too-familiar noise telling me he is about to come. That’s the moment he opens his eyes and makes eye contact with me as he grunts into her mouth, holding her head down. I watch in horror as everything I thought I knew melts before my eyes.

  Screaming in frustration at the both of them, my vision goes red as I storm into the room.

  I must black out for a second.

  When I come out of my haze, I’m being dragged out of the destroyed office by security guards. Everything that had been on the walls was now littering the floor, smashed. Papers are scattered everywhere, some still floating slowly to the ground.

  I did this? I remember her laughter right before I picked up my first object and flung it at his head.

  The tears are falling freely as I hold my head in my hands after telling Linda the story.

  “I hit her. I meant to hit him with his stapler, but I hit her. It was just her arm, but the scratch drew blood and they’ve threatened to sue. In the same day I lost my fiancé, I was fired. Before I was released from custody, he had movers packing up my belonging from our apartment. I moved into a hotel for a week trying to figure things out, moving most things into storage. I looked for another apartment, applied for jobs... I’ve been blacklisted. His father owns the bank and has sent out emails to everyone I’ve sent applications to. No one will hire me now.”

  I can’t stop crying. It’s like it happened yesterday all over again. I relive that day with every rejection email and phone call from potential job prospects.

  I find the strength to look her in the eyes. It’s good I hadn’t tried to look at her while telling my story. I see the look on her face. It’s everything I feared it would be. Shock. Disappointment. Most of all pity. It’s all there.

  The room is turning darker as the clouds outside close in, matching the mood in the room.

  “Holly... I can’t... I mean, why wouldn’t you tell me? I could have helped you. Why... why would you hold all this in?” she pleas with anger in her voice as it rises in volume.

  “I didn’t tell you because of the look on your face right now. Because of the thoughts you’re having about me. That I’m just like my mother. This is my problem, not yours. I’ll figure it out.” I can’t control the volume of my voice, and it only gets louder. “Daniel is just pissed I still have the ring and because I hit the new woman in his life. I don’t even know where the ring is, except it’s in the storage unit I rented. The day I left, I threw it in the dark room as the door closed.”

  Rubbing a hand along my back, she asks, “Does Chase know any of this? I mean, I knew you had something going on, but Holly, this is more than just a breakup. We need to fix this before it becomes worse.”

  “Of course I haven’t told him. It’s why I wanted to push him away. The last man in my life complicated the fuck out of it. And now... now Chase actually makes me feel like he wants me. For me. Nothing else, just me. He wouldn’t look at me the same if he knew.”

  I sob. He won’t want me once he knows. I have more baggage than what he’s looking for. He himself is running from something. He was leaving here before I came... If he knew, if he finds out... he won’t have a reason to stay.

  The thought of not having him look at me the way he does tears me apart. I can’t stop the sobs now they’ve started, and my whole body begins to shake. My head falls in my hands, and lightning cracks outside the window so loud the pictures rattle against the wall.

  “Is it bad? Are the charges going to stick?” she asks.

  “I don’t know. I really don’t. I was mad and angry that everything in my life was over because of one selfish man I gave all my trust to. I admit I went a little crazy. They made me watch the security footage. The one thing that barely hit his arm bounced off him and hit the bitch standing next to him.” I wipe at my face, trying to clear my snot and tears.

  Linda is silent and wipes her own tears away. It’s all out there now. No more skirting around the topic. No more pretending things are okay. She knows.

  “I have nowhere else to go right now. Momma doesn’t want me to stay with her, and thanks to Daniel and his whore, I haven’t been able to find a job anywhere near where I was located, let alone make the salary I had. All that on top of the charges...” I ramble out the words I’ve held back for so long.

  She sits with one hand over her mouth, listening and shaking her head.

  Letting things go has drained me. There’s more to say. More to talk through. But I can’t. Not today. I can’t be in this room any longer. The walls are starting to close in on me and my uncertain future.

  Standing up, I wipe at my face again, trying to put on the mask I’ve worn so well. “I’m going to town to get your supplies. Text me whatever I’m supposed to be getting. I need... I need to move, to clear my head.”

&nbs
p; “Holly, wait.” She grabs me before I can make it to the door and pulls me into a hug that sets my tears loose again.

  “You know I’m here for you. We are here for you. We will figure this out together. I love you. Alexis loves you. Don’t forget that.” Her tears make her voice sound strained.

  When she lets me go, she nods to me, handing me her list. “You should take my truck, or at least grab Chase and have him go with you.”

  I walk out. I can’t face him right now.

  Linda’s truck is across the farmyard, and the rain is falling in sheets of water. My car is closer, so I run to it. I need get away now.

  The drive to town isn’t long enough to collect my thoughts, nor has the rain let up any. In fact, it’s coming down harder. Sitting in front of the post office after I’ve collected everything Linda needs, I stare at my steering wheel, willing myself to drive back.

  I’ve faced this all already. I’ve faced it alone.

  It’s facing Chase that scares me the most.

  Driving home from town, I can barely see out the window it’s raining so hard. The weather matches my mood. Dark storm clouds boom with thunder as the rain pelts the car.

  I drive slowly with the radio off, listening to the wipers on full blast. I still can’t see no matter how fast they are going.

  Why didn’t I listen to Linda when she said I should take her truck? I know why. It was the closest car. I just needed to get away as quickly as I could.

  I feel like an old-lady driver barely going twenty miles an hour hunched over the steering wheel, trying to see the road. To make matters worse, the windows are starting to fog up and the defrost can’t keep up.

  Everything keeps replaying through my mind. What am I supposed to do now? My ex had made things so much harder than they needed to be. Why couldn’t he just break up with me? Why did he have to break me this way?

  He already took everything from me. Wasn’t what they did bad enough?

  I’m mad, but really I’m okay with not being with him. During the week he was gone, I had a lot to think about.

  Did I ever love him? Or did I love the life he provided? It makes me sick to think I was planning a future with someone I didn’t love.

  Taking the last turn to the lodge, I feel the wheels slip and spin on the muddy road.

  “Almost there,” I mutter to myself. I can’t wait for a hot shower when I get back. The sky is dark as night, and it’s only early afternoon. When the lightning flashes, the sky lights up, temporarily blinding me, and the thunder following vibrates in the air around me.

  The car lurches in a rut. I try to drive out of it, fighting the wheel, and find myself being pulled into the ditch. Panicking, I hit the gas and yank the wheel in the opposite direction. Nothing happens—it’s too late, and my front tires spin wildly as I slide down the muddy ditch. Slamming my foot on the brake does nothing to slow my descent, and I stop abruptly at the bottom at an awkward angle.

  All motion stills except for the wiper blades still going at full blast. I sit looking out the window at the falling rain.

  Cursing loudly, I put the car in reverse, slamming on the pedals and hoping the tires find purchase, but they only spin. I don’t give up for several minutes, twisting the wheel back and forth, causing mud to hit the windows. The beeping warning of my car overheating is the only reason I finally cave in defeat.

  I can’t believe this. I’m stuck in a ditch, only two miles from the lodge. I don’t need this after everything else today. When I shut the car off, I’m instantly assaulted by the deafening noise of the rain hitting the roof of the car. The windows completely fog up, blocking me in. Being stuck in a car with only my thoughts running through my mind makes the cab feel like it’s closing in on me.

  I am homeless, with no job, and unemployable. The last couple of weeks being here on the ranch with my aunt, and all the tension between Chase and me...

  I can’t hold it back anymore. Gulping, I try to catch my breath as the panic races through me.

  I. Lose. It.

  I start to scream, hitting the steering wheel, breaking down. The tears start at some point, till all I have left are sobs. Big, ugly, snot-dripping sobs.

  Lost in my mental and emotional breakdown, I don’t hear the hammering on my door. I don’t hear him, till my door is yanked open, letting the rain flood in.

  Startled, I looked up. Chase.

  “Are you okay?” he yells at me, his eyes wild with concern as he looks me over. I’m too stunned to respond, looking up at this beautiful, drenched man who has broken down all the walls I built trying to stay strong. Staring at his white shirt, soaked and clinging to his body like a second skin, my voice is lost as I drink him in, working my eyes up to his.

  Did he ask me a question? All I can do is stare at his intense blue eyes, his mouth, his lips—the ones I have been dreaming about. The rain runs down his face and drips off his nose, and it only accentuates his beauty.

  “Holly, talk to me! Are you hurt?” he yells at me again.

  I finally register what he’s saying to me. Nodding, I unbuckle my seat belt. “I’m okay. I’m just...” I don’t finish that sentence. I don’t know what I am. I’m just... what? Broken? Starting to fall for you when I’ve been trying to push you away?

  I can’t say any of that out loud.

  Unable to speak, I turn to look into his eyes again, searching for an answer there.

  Suddenly he has his arms around me, lifting me out of the car. My arms naturally go around his neck and hold on, and I never break eye contact. I can feel his body move as he takes several large steps out of the ditch till we’re back on the road. We’re both drenched now, as the rain pelts down on us, our eyes refusing to look away from each other.

  It feels as though we are asking and answering questions with our looks without talking. I knew what I wanted for some time but didn’t want to want it either.

  “Chase.”

  I’m not even sure I said his name out loud before his lips are on mine, hot in contrast to the cold rain sheeting down on us.

  His lips are strong, possessive, and demanding. I find I’m just as demanding. He starts to pull away, but I’m not ready to let him go. My fingers fist his wet hair and pull him hard to me. Our tongues slide along each other’s, demanding more, both of us answering.

  My back is suddenly against his pickup. I didn’t even feel us moving closer to it.

  We move together in a rhythm I didn’t know two people could. He drops my legs, only to have me wrap them around his waist so he can use his hands to roam my body. Molding against me, he grinds, his hard against my soft, hitting me exactly where I need him to. I moan into his mouth as the friction against my center has me panting.

  He growls into the kiss and then breaks free. He brings a hand to my cheek, caressing my swollen lips with his rough thumb. “I need to hear you tell me you’re okay. That you’re not hurt,” he says, his voice hoarse as he looks into my eyes.

  I understand he needs reassurance I’m physically okay; I’m having a problem finding my voice though. All I can do is feel all the things I’ve been trying to keep buried.

  “I’m okay. I am. I’m okay.” I try to pull him back to me, wanting his lips back on mine, but he holds me still with his gaze.

  “I saw your car in the ditch... I was so scared... I haven’t felt that kind of fear since...” He lets the words die on his tongue as he leans in and softly kisses me, resting his forehead on mine while taking a deep breath. I feel his body quiver while he clings tightly to me.

  As we stand in the rain, the heat between us hasn’t gone away, and the moment his lips touch mine again, I can’t hold back the groan. The physical contact between us is what I need. When he touches me, everything else disappears. He makes me feel whole. I need him.

  “I need you, Chase. Please!” I beg him.

  “I want you so bad, Holly. I’ve waited this long to have you—let me take you home. I want you in my bed, not out here in the middle of the road.”
He trails kisses down my neck between each word.

  I’m feeling needy. “It’s fine. I want you right here. Right now.”

  Gripping my ass hard, he grinds his erection into me, and it lights every nerve on fire.

  Throwing my head back, I savor how good he is making me feel. “Keep going. Don’t. Stop.” I claw at his back, needing him closer.

  He groans in frustration, his hand snaking between us. Lost in how he makes me feel, I can only cry out when his fingers touch my clit, fire bursting through my core. “Is this what you need, baby?”

  I claw at his shoulders for support. “Yes—I need you.”

  Holding me against the truck, he plunges two fingers inside me, swallowing my cries with his lips. I no longer feel the torrent of rain hitting us. I don’t hear the thunder above us. There is only us.

  It feels like only moments of his magical fingers working in and out of me when I cry out my release against his lips. “Fuck, Princess. I’m not done with you yet.”

  Diving for my mouth again, he sucks on my bottom lip hard, and I gasp. “Get in the goddamn truck now,” he growls, my pussy clenching around his withdrawing fingers.

  He keeps one hand on my ass and lowers me to the ground. With one more squeeze, he lets go to open the door, but before I can lift a leg, he lifts me up and sits me on the seat.

  One look at me and he shuts the door, then runs around to the driver’s side. When he gets in, he urges, “Put your seat belt on.” As he does the same, his eyes never leave me. I can see the lust in them as they trail down my body and pause at my breasts.

  “Your tits are begging me to suck them right now, Holly.” His voice is desperate.

  Looking down, I can feel my blush grow. My white tank top and bra aren’t doing anything to hide their arousal.

  “You have as long as it takes to get to my cabin for you to change your mind. Otherwise I am going to spend the night finding out what brings your body pleasure.”

  His words and the way he is looking at me have me squeezing my legs together, my clit throbbing.

  I’m tired of holding back whatever this is between us. I want him. I know he wants me. There is only one thing left to say.