Her First, His Last Read online

  "You have me. You've always had me."

  I didn't know how to take his sentiment, so I sat up and started to read the last thoughts that went through the only man I will ever love’s mind before he was no more.

  Em, you’re the love of my life. Random scrapes of our past float around in my head as I remember the sheer joy I felt when we found each other in this lifetime. I will look for you in the next lifetime too. There is no other I could ever imagine sharing my life with after what we had. Every step I took with you was beautiful. I can't do it anymore. I only bring pain to the ones I love. Even my dad saw the darkness in me, but he couldn’t beat it away. He tried. I didn't start retaking drugs after I recently hurt my knee. I never stopped. I tried. Damn it, I never tried harder, but addiction had its claws sunk so deep, it wouldn’t let go. I just learned to hide the abuse from not only the world but myself too. I just wish I had been able to get a grip of it all earlier before it was too late. I understand why you never wanted to have a child with me. You are smart and beautiful, and having a child with me would only lead you down a road you never wanted to endure. I don’t know how to love you and not destroy you. And I can’t live without loving you. Listen to the songs I wrote. It’s the ultimate mixtape to the only one my heart could love. Share them with the ones you find in your life. Make the most beautiful memories. I will be waiting to hear them.

  Good-bye, my beautiful Blue Eyes, and know loving you was my most precious achievement.

  I’m ready.

  All my love, Myles

  NOT EVERY LOVE STORY ENDS HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

  If you or someone you know needs help, please reach out to one of these services.

  National Suicide Prevention Hotline:

  Call 1-800-273-8255.

  Treatment Referral and Information for Drug and Alcohol

  24 Hour National Helpline

  1-800-662-HELP

  Al-Anon Family Groups

  1-888-4AL-ANON

  Or for a listening ear, please email me at

  [email protected]

  Word to the Reader

  Hello Reader and Friend!!!

  First, thank you for reading Myles and Emma’s story. Now, take a deep breath and count to ten. This story was rough and too real for so many of us. It was for me. I need to tell you how Myles and Emma came to be and why their story is so special to me. Their story could be my life. My husband is an ADDICT -a recovering addict but still an addict. He has fought this demon off and on all his life. No, he isn’t a Rockstar, but he is the star of my love story. And no, he never cheated, but there were lies. There always is.

  Active addicts only think about their next fix and do things they would never do if they were clean. Despite everything, my star loves me with a passion unparallel to any love story and is there for our kids with a heart of tenderness and kindness. Addicts don’t equal bad people; addicts can be anyone from the soccer mom to the president of the bank to your favorite Rockstar. There are many sides to addiction, and I tried showing a few of those sides. Addiction doesn’t determine the worth of the addict.

  If you love an addict or even believe someone you love is an addict, reach out for help, email me at [email protected], and I will be glad to lend a caring ear.

  I hope I gave Emma and Myles’s story justice, and despite the heartache, you enjoyed reading it. Myles and Emma will always have a cherished place in my heart. Thank you so much for reading and make your journey beautiful.

  Love, Jana (JM) Worthington

  About The Author

  Want to keep up with all of JM’s work and be privy to some great deals in books? Join her newsletter!

  J.M. (Jana) Worthington is an avid reader turned full-time author and part-time model ... just kidding about the model part. It sounded cool though, right?

  She actually sits on the couch in her pajamas a lot which does nothing for her model body.

  Her favorite things include her HOT husband, their adorable grandson, and two kiddos, her fur baby Mia, Reece’s peanut butter cups, Broadway music, and Amazon Prime. But, mostly, that lovely spot on her couch.

  She could go on and on and blah, blah, blah about her fantastic writing skills and numerous awards but she would rather use this time for you to get to know the real her.

  She is the atypical blonde who fell in love with romance novels when she was in junior high school and needed an escape.

  She was born and raised in Alamo, Tennessee, and attended Dyersburg Community College and Jackson State Community College where she graduated with a degree in Emergency Medicine.

  JM currently lives in Tullahoma, Tennessee with her husband, Danny, and their son, Neyland. They have also been blessed with a daughter Tiffany who lives nearby with her husband, Steven, and their infant son, Myles,

  When she’s not reading, writing, or editing, you can find her watching The Middle or the ID channel.

  She started writing to get the stories she kept in her head down on paper for her daughter to read. (You do a lot of daydreaming on days MS keeps you on the couch.)

  She fell in love with writing after that and is thrilled to be able to create a world in her head and present it to you so that you can experience it too.

  She’s not sure where this writing journey will take her but either way, she knows it will be a fun new adventure and is super excited about sharing her unconventional stories.

  Also by JM Worthington

  Stand Alone Novels

  Broken

  His Hope