Holding You: A Blackthorn Elite Spinoff Read online

  The last thing I need is for my father to see me interested in someone. I don’t know what his plan is, but I know he has one. Why else would he stop drugging me? Forcing myself to think of something else, anything else, I stare down at my hands. My father casually carries on a conversation with a man I don’t know as if I’m not there.

  Stupid. I need to focus on getting myself and my mother out of this situation. I need to focus on figuring this out, not get distracted by Carter.

  When Carter suddenly grabs his glass off the table and begins to walk across the room, I almost start to hyperventilate. He oozes determination, and like a bug, I’m caught in his web, ensnared in his trap. He’s always had this hold on me, and part of me hates him for it because even when I cared for him, he never returned my feelings.

  Crazy Daisy… The taunt that haunted me for years fills my ears, and it’s almost like all those kids are standing right before me, shoving, and throwing things at me. I grit my teeth, trying to push down the anger that’s trying to break through the surface, but a memory from that time slams into me.

  “Oh, my god, Crazy Daisy is looking at you, Carter,” Natalie taunts. “It’s so cute that she thinks you care about her. Look…” Carter doesn’t even look up from his tray of food, and I try not to let what she said bother me, but my lip curls with rage.

  Was I that disgusting? I knew I was different but was I horrible?

  “Look at her, Carter, look at how crazy she looks…” The taunts grow louder…

  “Stop. I’m not crazy…” I growl and try to kick at the bullies surrounding me, watching in horror as they laugh and toss food on me.

  “Crazy Daisy. Crazy Daisy…” Their voices get so loud, I press my hands over my ears to block them out. My eyes remain open though, focused on the only person in the room that I care about.

  Carter.

  For years, I’d wanted him. Even when I was in my fucked up mental state, brought on by my father, I still lusted after him. He was a football player, the cocky jock, and when everyone made fun of me, he joined right in on it. He could have told them to stop, but he didn’t.

  Part of me wishes I didn’t feel drawn to him, that knowing he went along with the others should be enough to dull my want for him, but it doesn’t.

  Like a hawk, he watches me, moving closer and closer, but not close enough to draw my father’s attention. Fear claws at my insides. I don’t want him to get too close. I’m afraid of what may happen if he does.

  He never stuck up for me in middle school or high school, and when college came, he completely ignored me, which was far worse than being picked on if you ask me. I could handle insults and hate, but silence, that was the ultimate killer. Even getting bad attention is better than getting none at all.

  I wanted him for years, watching him from afar when he hadn’t even paid me the time of day. I can’t think about this right now, can’t digest the anger, and sadness I’m feeling because of him. I need to keep my head clear, keep myself in line. My life and my mother’s depends upon it. I’ll get out of my father’s hold, one way or another.

  “Is that your daughter?” A man I don’t recognize drawls, his voice, and presence pulling me from my thoughts. I look him up and down, only without actually meeting his eyes. He’s as old as my father, with weathered features, and a gold watch on his wrist. He’s looking at me like I’m a piece of steak, and I shiver involuntarily.

  “Why, yes, it is. Malcolm, I would like you to meet Daisy. Daisy, this is Malcolm.” That’s my father’s way of saying you may look up now. I do, dragging my gaze from my hands, and greet this Malcolm man with a forced smile. The corners of his mouth tuck upward, and slightly yellow teeth peek out between his lips. His gaze drops from my eyes to my mouth and travels down my chest.

  There is something so disgusting about that gesture. Like he’s eyeing me up as if I’m an award-winning steak or something. His smile makes me feel dirty, and I have the sudden urge to grab my jacket, so I can cover up more. I don’t even think when I make my next move.

  I clear my throat, giving him a stern look. “My eyes are up here…” I speak quietly, but unfortunately, my father still hears me. I immediately regret the words, knowing that I will hear about it later. My father does not approve of speaking up… ever.

  He chuckles, “You’re gorgeous, I’m just admiring your beauty.

  “Thank you,” I grit out, even though it’s the last thing I want to say, all while feeling Carter’s eyes on me the entire time.

  My father wraps his arm around me, and to any onlookers, it might seem like he’s just pulling me into a hug, but his fingers dig painfully into my arm, and I know it’s anything but a beautiful father-daughter moment. I wasn’t watching my mouth, and it’s going to cost me.

  “Maybe later, we can discuss an arrangement of some assortment? Though that gravely depends on her attitude.” Malcolm licks his lips, his beady eyes lingering on my breasts again, which are on display like I’m a trophy he might win. Little does he know, I’m not anyone’s property, not even my father’s.

  “Sure, sure, maybe…” My father’s voice trails off, and I drop my gaze, feeling my father staring at me with disapproval.

  “Okay, I’ll be going for now.” The man gives me one last lingering look and walks away. As soon as he’s out of earshot, my father turns to me, pinching my chin between two fingers, and forcing me to look him in the eyes.

  “Do you think making a mockery out of me is going to benefit you?” Anger swirls deep in his eyes. I want to pull away, to run away from him, and this place, but I can’t. So, I choose the easiest option and pacify him.

  “No, not at all,” I answer him softly, doing my best to try and convince him. I need to play the obedient little girl he wants me to be, not only for me.

  “Are you sure?” He narrows his gaze and inspects my face, but before I can answer him, he releases me and takes a step back.

  A second later, Carter appears, and my father takes another step back, a sinister smile on his face.

  “I’m going to get a drink from the bar,” he tells me and walks away, leaving me with the third least favorite person I want to be around at this party.

  4

  Carter

  When her father walks away, all I can do is stare. I’m mesmerized by her, and I hate myself for being the stupid teenage boy who never stuck up for her. Back then, I stood by and let others hurt her, and even joined in at times. If I could go back in time and change things, I would, but I can’t. All I have is the present.

  Instead of saying all the words we should, we just stare at each other. We are in this weird limbo together, where we know somebody should say something, but neither one of us wants to, least of all me. All I can do is stand here, admiring her beauty. Dark hair, piercing blue eyes, and a heart-shaped face needing to be held in my hands and kissed by my lips.

  I’d always thought she was beautiful, the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. There was never a doubt in my mind that she blew all the other girls out of the water. In my eyes, no one compared to Daisy.

  Even in all her craziness, there was something so angelic about her, something just begging to be discovered. She’s like a storm, chaos surrounding her, but deep down inside, in her core, she’s an angel, my angel. But she was broken then, so very broken, and I wasn’t sure I could save her.

  I was a selfish prick, and the only reason I never stuck up for her is that I was worried about my reputation. Worried what my friends would have thought. I almost snort. Friends. What are those? None of those fuckers matter, they shouldn’t have mattered then, and they sure as hell don’t now.

  Things have changed though, now I couldn’t care less about what anyone thought, but back then, I was nothing more than a kid. When college came, all I could do was watch from afar as guilt ate at me. I wanted her so badly, but I had screwed up before. I should have been there for her when she needed me, but I wasn’t, and I wasn’t going to try and come back into her life after b
eing a part of the worst parts of it.

  More often than not, I wondered if she too thought about me or noticed me watching her. Truth is while studying in Blackthorn, I was borderline obsessed with her, and eventually, I had to force myself to stop watching like a creep, to stop lingering in the corridors, praying that I would catch a glimpse of her. From afar, I had made sure no one picked on her, or messed with her, all while wanting her all to myself.

  “You look beautiful,” I gather my wits and say, after what seems like an eternity. Her big blue eyes light up, but her nose crinkles like I’ve said something to displease her.

  “Thank you, but you’re not required to say that. No flattery necessary, even if you did run into me.” She smiles, but I know a forced smile when I see one. I drag my gaze down her body, wishing I could unwrap her, see all her perfectly imperfect edges. I owe her an apology, a million times over, but I’m not sure I’ll ever get the chance to really apologize, and not just with words.

  “You seem different,” I state the obvious.

  She shrugs. “I grew out of the awkward teenage years, I guess.”

  Her explanation is full of shit, a steaming hot pile that I can smell from a mile away, but because I want to enjoy her company, instead of arguing, I decide to let it go, for now.

  “You seem different too… where is your date?” I blink, only slightly surprised by her question.

  “I don’t have one,” I try not to let the anger I feel for my ex fill my words. She was supposed to be here with me tonight, but in a way, I’m glad she isn’t because Daisy is here.

  “I’m just not used to seeing you without a woman on your arm.” I don’t miss the slight tone of jealousy in her voice. It’s barely there, but there, nevertheless.

  “Well, I got dumped last night, so I’m all alone today.”

  “Oh… I’m… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just blurted that out. That was rude of me.” Her creamy white cheeks turn two shades of red.

  “No, it’s okay…” I tell her, “Where is your date?” I try not to act like I care, but I really fucking care. I haven’t seen anyone with her tonight, or ever. As long as I’ve been watching her, I’ve never seen her even interested in anybody, but that doesn’t mean she’s alone.

  “No, I don’t…” She looks down at her hands and then back up to me. “I’m single. No date or boyfriend.”

  That only makes me crave her more. She’s free for the taking, and I don’t just want her, I need her. I have to make things right between us, prove to her that I’m more than the bastard from high school.

  Suddenly, Daisy shifts on her feet, her back straightens, and her slender fingers grasp the sparkling water she is holding in her hand hard enough to make the glass shatter. Looking away from her, I see her father approaching us.

  Is he making her nervous? Scared?

  Her father meanders toward us, and like a helicopter, he hovers just a short distance away. Knowing he’s this close makes me sick to my stomach, and I down the rest of my whiskey, setting the glass down on a passing tray.

  Something in my gut tells me I need to get her away from him and out of his grasp. It’s like a voice inside my head is whispering it over and over again. He’s a poison, and I need to save her from him.

  “Would you like to dance with me?” I ask, reaching for her hand. I’m not sure if she’ll agree, but I plead with my eyes, begging for her to say yes. Of course, she doesn’t look up at me. She’s loyal to her father, and whatever fucked up hold he has on her.

  “No, thank—” She starts, but like I suspected, her father is listening and cuts in from a few feet away.

  “Don’t let the man down, Daisy, give him a dance.” It isn’t a suggestion, but an order, and I clench my hand into a tight fist, wanting to tell him he can shove his order up his ass. Luckily for him, Daisy grabs onto my extended hand, momentarily dragging my attention back to her.

  Her hand seems tiny and breakable in mine, so I close my fingers around hers carefully. Her skin is warm and so fucking soft. I have the urge to bring her hand to my mouth to kiss it, to let my lips feel the softness.

  I let her guide us onto the dance floor. My body hums with anger toward her father, but it seeps away with every step we take. The fury inside me morphing into something else… an urge to keep her safe. A need to protect her. I’ve let her down so many times before, but I can’t let her down again. I won’t let her down again.

  5

  Daisy

  We stop in the center of the dance floor, and I awkwardly turn around. My nervousness about the dance, making my limbs move even more clumsily than normal. Carter, on the other hand, moves like he is completely sure of himself. Confident and comfortable in his own skin like he has always been.

  Holding my left hand in his, he places his free hand on my hip and pulls me close.

  The entire time I’m dancing with Carter, all I can feel is the warmth of his body seeping into my own, while my thoughts circle around my father and whatever demented arrangement he is setting up with that Malcolm man.

  “How has life been?” Carter asks, pulling me away from my thoughts.

  Licking my lips, I peer up at him, “It’s been good.”

  He’s so handsome like a real-life Ken doll, with his hair slicked back and his face carved from stone. Curiously, I wonder if he’s hiding a six-pack beneath his tux. He seems perfect in every sense of the word and standing beside him, I feel like a fraud. Like I don’t belong.

  “What do you do for work?” He fires off another question, and it’s an innocent enough one. As I inhale, I catch a whiff of his cologne. It’s a mix of cinnamon and amber wood, and it tickles my nostrils with its intoxicating scent.

  “Right now, I’m working for my father’s law firm as an assistant in the office.”

  “Is that what you would like to do in the long run?”

  “God, no,” I huff. I’m trying to get away as fast as I can, and even if it wasn’t for my father, I don’t like the job anyway. Actually, if I’m being honest, I hate it.

  “So, you are planning for something else, then? Getting married, maybe?”

  I blink, taken aback by his question. I also take note of how his hold on me tightens as if he’s afraid of my response.

  “I mean, someday, yes…”

  Carter smiles, showing off his perfectly straight white teeth. As we dance, I find myself being pulled deeper and deeper into his embrace. I want the warmth of his body to surround me. I want to be protected, secure, but staying with my father, I know I’ll never have any of those things. I’m merely a pawn to him.

  “What about kids? Do you see kids in your future?” I almost choke on my own spit. Oh, my god, does he know about my secret? His question unravels a plethora of other questions in my mind. Marriage? Kids? Where is this all coming from, why would Carter ask any of this? Unless…

  Suddenly, it all clicks into place, a bright red neon sign appearing in my mind.

  I feel so stupid for not seeing it before. The parties, my father making me mingle with all of his colleagues. It’s a setup. That’s all it’s ever been. All over again, I’m left reeling, feeling like I’ve finally been told a massive secret.

  Why else would he allow me to dress in such a provocative manner, and wear makeup? Showing me off to all these men, pushing me into dancing… That’s his plan, he’s trying to marry me off to someone of his choosing. It has to be. Panic claws up my throat, but before I can let it sink in, a thought appears in my mind.

  My gaze flickers over to my father, who is laughing, and sipping his expensive whiskey, paying no attention to me. If this has been his plan all along, then Carter just might be the saving grace I need. The saving grace my baby needs. If I can get him to think the baby I’m carrying is his, I won’t have to worry about my father forcing me to get an abortion.

  “Daisy, is everything okay?” Carter’s deep voice pulls me back to him, his dark eyes are brimming with concern, and I hate how he’s looking at me right now. I’m
planning on doing something deceiving and terrible to him, while he looks at me like he actually cares.

  Ha, like he would care. I hold that thought. Hold on to the pain he caused me in the past. I never allowed myself to get close to anyone because of him, I was afraid of being hurt. Then the chance to lose my virginity fell into my lap, and I gave myself to some random man. It was a terrible choice, but it was one I had gotten to make, not my father.

  “Yeah, I’m just happy to see you… Maybe… we can go somewhere more private to catch up?” I have to force the words out, and as soon as they have left my lips, regret, and doubt sets in. Regret that I’ve sunk this low, and doubt about him ever saying yes to my proposal.

  “Yes, I have a room here,” he says without stopping a beat. “Let’s go.”

  He starts pulling me off the dance floor so quickly I almost fall over my own two feet, the only thing keeping me from doing so is his tight grasp. I glance back at my father, but thankfully, he’s still busy talking and not paying me any attention.

  Never letting go of my hand, Carter leads me through the banquet hall and the lobby of the hotel. With every step we take closer to his room, my heart beats just a little bit faster. By the time we get to the elevator, my heartbeat matches that of a hummingbird. The doors slide shut, enclosing us in the small space. Suddenly, I feel hot like I’m burning up inside.

  Carter loosens his bowtie and wipes some sweat from his brow. He must be feeling it too.

  “I’ve been thinking about taking you to my room all night,” he confesses.

  “What?” I gasp, an entire kaleidoscope of butterflies takes flight in my stomach.

  “Don’t be so surprised… You have to know how beautiful you are, how beautiful you’ve always been.” I take notice of how he changed his words.

  Earlier, he told me I looked beautiful, now he simply states that I am. My cheeks heat, feeling like they are on fire, and I’m pretty sure they match the color as well.