Football Manager Stole My Life Read online

  What a start to the shoot-out: my team scored twice (Liam Buchanan and Paul McManus) and Rangers missed both (Steven Davis and Toto Tamuz). Score the third and it’s in the bag, I thought, and the taker was Graham Alexander, whom I’d signed on a free in the summer. I’d picked him third on purpose, thinking it would be a crucial pen.

  The ball was placed, he stood hands on hips at the edge of the area… the keeper wouldn’t have a chance with this. And then – BUZZ! Kellie had forgotten her keys and was full of beans, dying to tell me about her day at work and her evening. I even had to fetch her a glass of wine.

  The lights went on full beam, off went ‘La Femme d’Argent’ and on blared America’s Next Top Model. I regained my composure and hit the space bar to continue the shoot-out. Kellie was still talking, but I’d blocked her out. Up stepped Alexander – who hit it straight at his namesake Neil in the Rangers goal. I missed all my remaining spot kicks. They scored all of theirs. I slumped heartbroken in front of the PC, while Kellie – unaware of the ruin she had precipitated – smiled innocently as Tyra Banks sent another budding model home.

  Five days later, as we sat in a pub, she said: “You’ve been off with me for a few days. What is it?”

  13-10-2011 09:54 #62

  LA FURIA ROJA:

  FC Oss Researcher

  JOIN DATE:

  11th November 2008

  LOCATION

  Terrassa, Spain – FC Barcelona

  MEMBER

  #174408 (Formerly Aussieant32)

  POSTS

  3,452

  Hi again all.

  Just letting you know that the game is tomorrow. We fly out at 7 am. Club have confirmed that our custom shirts and match tickets are in the club shop waiting for us. Cant wait, will get some photos etc up.

  POST #75 – PART 1

  LA FURIA ROJA:

  FC Oss Researcher

  JOIN DATE:

  11th November 2008

  LOCATION

  Terrassa, Spain – FC Barcelona

  MEMBER

  #174408 (Formerly Aussieant32)

  POSTS

  3,452

  Well we are back, and what a trip!!

  We started off heading straight for Centraal Station after checking into our hotel with the intention of just grabbing our tickets to Oss and then heading in a bit later as it was only 11am and kick off wasn’t until 8pm. We managed to survive one hour before we jumped on the train, we just couldn’t wait.

  We didn’t think to get directions etc to the ground so we just thought to wing it, this wasn’t a great idea as it took us 2 hours to do a 20 minute journey, but when we walked around the corner and saw the Frans Heensen Stadium in front of us, all frustrations were forgotten, I turned to my mate and simply said “We are here”.

  We went to the club shop and got our shirts and I got a scarf and a key ring. We asked Sylvia, the lovely lady who made most of this possible, where the supporters sit. She advised us that the ‘tough’ group sit in the C stand so we had 2 tickets for that!

  POST #75 – PART 2

  LA FURIA ROJA:

  FC Oss Researcher

  JOIN DATE:

  11th November 2008

  LOCATION

  Terrassa, Spain – FC Barcelona

  MEMBER

  #174408 (Formerly Aussieant32)

  POSTS

  3,452

  Now, really there is nothing to do at or around the stadium 4 hours before kick off so we headed back into the town centre for a pub. We walked into a pub called “’T Libre”. Not 20 seconds from sitting down one of the 3 men at the bar calls over to us,

  “You are at the wrong pub for Top Oss (the old name of the team), the supporters drink a bit further down the road. We got chatting and explained that we had never been and had travelled from Australia and the UK. They could not believe it, the chap we were speaking to, Djippie (pronounced Jippee) even tried calling the local media to get them to take our story, he wasn’t able to get anyone to come out which was a shame. Djippie explained that he was a regular at the game and offered to go to the match with us and introduce us to everyone, we gladly accepted.

  POST #75 – PART 3

  LA FURIA ROJA:

  FC Oss Researcher

  JOIN DATE:

  11th November 2008

  LOCATION

  Terrassa, Spain – FC Barcelona

  MEMBER

  #174408 (Formerly Aussieant32)

  POSTS

  3,452

  When we got to the game it was pretty clear he wasn’t exaggerating, he was stopped every 10 seconds by someone saying hello! We went into the Oss pub inside the ground and then at kick off up to the stand. It was incredible how we were treated, everyone was so nice to us, welcoming us and making sure we were included in all the chants etc. 2 very kind people even gave us their own scarves from the Oss won promotion last season, we were told that these were no longer available so were very touched by this gesture.

  Now to the game itself, what a game it was!

  It started well, Oss took and early lead through De Ruiter on the 7th minute. Veendam equalised on the 24th but Oss soon took the lead again through Bieber on the 28th. We were all over them until Arends miss hit his goal kick and trying to recover took the striker down, and although he wasn’t the last line he received a straight red on the 35th. 2 goals in 2 minutes from Veendam put us 3–2 down at the break.

  POST #75 – PART 4

  LA FURIA ROJA:

  FC Oss Researcher

  JOIN DATE:

  11th November 2008

  LOCATION

  Terrassa, Spain – FC Barcelona

  MEMBER

  #174408 (Formerly Aussieant32)

  POSTS

  3,452

  The boys came back out but Veendam were just knocking it around and looking to hold the lead, in the 56th they were awarded a very soft penalty and at 4–2 and a man down Oss looked like they were done for.

  That was until Marcel Van Der Sloot took control of a loose pass 35 yards out in the 63rd minute, skinned his opponent and bent one in off the bar from 25 right in front of the Oss faithful to send us into raptures! 4–3 and Oss were flying. We were all over them and in the 76th when we won a corner it could only have one ending, Bart Van Muyen nodded it home and Oss were level and the stand was shaking!!

  We attacked for the rest of the match but it ended 4–4, what a way to end a fantastic experience.

  Needless to say, we WILL be back to Oss. Few pictures below.

  POST #75 – PART 5

  LA FURIA ROJA:

  FC Oss Researcher

  JOIN DATE:

  11th November 2008

  LOCATION

  Terrassa, Spain – FC Barcelona

  MEMBER

  #174408 (Formerly Aussieant32)

  POSTS

  3,452

  It really was a fantastic trip and worth every second, we even got let onto the pitch at the end and have spotted ourselves in the croud on the highlights video! Thanks all for the well wishes, I hope you all get to your FM Teams game soon!!

  Top Oss Till I Die!

  WESLEY

  AND ME

  JONNY SHARPLES

  On Football Manager 2010 I took on the role of Gateshead manager. In desperate need of a striker I looked to Newcastle United, who were my feeder club. In their reserves was a young Frenchman called Wesley Ngo Baheng, who agreed to join me on loan and so started a love affair between myself and Wesley.

  He finished my first season as top scorer in the Blue Square Bet Premier and in the next two seasons as we clinched promotion into League Two. That was just the start of the Ngo Baheng adventure.

  Wesley went on to score in every single division and competition we played in on our rise to the Premier League, becoming Gateshead’s all-time record appearance maker and goalscorer along the way.

  Such was my love for him that I ordered a Gateshead replica shirt and asked the club to print ‘NGO BAHENG 8’ on the back. I had
to specifically request this, as the option wasn’t available.

  I also had a shirt printed in celebration of his achievements in becoming Gateshead’s all-time record goalscorer. A page on Wikipedia was also created, detailing each season, before it was removed for “fictional information based in the future”. Wikipedia clearly just doesn’t appreciate Football Manager.

  But on November 11, 2010, Gateshead genuinely took Wesley Ngo Baheng on trial. I had predicted the future through Football Manager. Sadly the dream ends there, Wesley Ngo Baheng was never given a contract and Gateshead remain in the Blue Square Bet Premier – if only they had me in charge.

  Today Wesley and I are Facebook friends, but I think he’s a bit too busy to notice I have a photo of me wearing a shirt with his name on it.

  TECHNICAL

  SUPPORT

  SUKI BAHTH

  My parents weren’t that well off, so no Sky TV and definitely no consoles.

  ‘CM3.exe’ was basically my life. Installed on my family’s first PC, it became a 24-hour job on weekends. Most kids my age were starting to discover girlfriends and starting to fights. I was signing Batistuta for Manchester United.

  I also learnt the ins and outs of PCs, allowing me to understand why my PC was low on RAM; how to install additional RAM; how to install patches; how to extend I/O device cables to play without getting out of bed. It sparked my interest in PCs and the power they hold.

  Which, with a few other influences, led to me graduating in IT and working for one of the largest IT vendors in the world.

  An addiction? Most likely. Was that a bad thing? Never.

  JAMES AND

  THE GIANT PIE

  JONATHAN MARUM

  I moved to Sheffield in 2007 to start my University degree and when the 2008 version of FM came out my team was Sheffield United, recently relegated to the Championship. My star player was James Beattie, who scored a glorious 37 goals in our successful promotion campaign. Unfortunately, he never had the chance to disappoint in the Premiership. After hearing of interest from Juventus he demanded to move and I was forced to sell for £8.5m by the board.

  At the start of Feburary 2008 I ran into Beattie at the Devonshire Chippy in Sheffield just after midnight, in quite an inebriated state, and proceeded to tell him about how he upped and left us for the more glamorous surroundings of Turin.

  I will never forget his reply, mouth full of steak and onion pie: “Why on earth did I do that lad? Can’t get grub like this in Italy can you?”

  No, James, no you can’t.

  FM PLANNED

  MY HONEYMOON

  TIM PYKE

  It was 2007 and my future wife and I had set a date for our wedding – 08-08-08. A month later, we would go on our honeymoon.

  She had been looking at holidays in Spain, Greece or Portugal and I was all for it. But then came the fateful day I started beta-testing the Bulgarian league for Football Manager.

  I picked a random team. That team changed the whole concept of holidaying. That team was Nesebar, in the Bulgarian Second Division West.

  I grew fond of them and followed their real-life progress. Then I got curious and looked at costs for holidays in Bulgaria. I found out about the holiday resort of Sunny Beach, right next to Nesebar’s football stadium and the prices were excellent. Could I convince the wife-to-be?

  Yes I could. Two weeks all-inclusive was cheaper than one week half-board at any of the other locations, so it was set. September 5, 2008 I was flying out to Bulgaria. Now I needed to figure out a way to go and see Nesebar in action. A week into the honeymoon the opportunity arrived. We made some new friends out there and the girls wanted to split off to have some girlie time. I convinced the lads to go see the football. Although the wife knew I went to the football match, to this day she doesn’t know I chose Bulgaria because of the team I saw play out there.

  YOUTH

  POLICY

  MARTIN HAWKINS

  Since I first started playing CM, I have grown feelings for teams I have managed. On CM1 it was Crewe Alexandra, with Neil Lennon and Danny Murphy, and on CM2 I fell in love with Wigan and their Spanish trio of Jesus Seba, Roberto Martinez and Isidro Diaz.

  Later in life (I am 31) I have taken an affinity towards the lower leagues in England, and I would like to think that I am the only person in Denmark who owns replica shirts from Boston United, King’s Lynn and Weston-super-Mare. They aren’t exactly easy to get hold of, either.

  Our first child was born last summer; while we were at the hospital I put in a good shift whenever our newborn was sleeping. My girlfriend was not amused.

  PRIMUS

  INTER NERDUS

  MIKE SWIFT

  I attended a Magic: The Gathering tournament with my teenage son in the United States of America. I brought along my Alienware laptop computer, which I’d purchased two months earlier with the specific purpose of playing FM on it. Many of the tournament participants were aware that my computer model is designed especially for computer gaming and were quite impressed at seeing one up close and personal.

  After they were done ogling the hardware, they inquired about the software. Was I playing World of Warcraft? Call of Duty? Halo? When they learned I played FM on it exclusively, they were shocked.

  “You spent that much money on a gaming computer to play Football Manager? What the heck is that? ”

  I explained in their jargon that “It’s a turn-based sports-based simulation in which I become a manager of a football club somewhere on Earth”.

  They weren’t convinced that my money was well spent. I continued, “It’s a game that has a database of 57 countries, 118 leagues, and over 350,000 players on it.”

  “Really? That’s awesome! How do they get all the information?”

  Then, I landed the detail-oriented inquisitors who spend hours researching the best playing cards to build their competitive Magic decks (sometimes spending over $1000); combinations of 60+ cards across five colors, each with unique themes and strategies, to defeat their opponents, with a hook they couldn’t resist.

  “Most of the database is created voluntarily by fans of the game who research the players according to approximately 26 attributes and a host of other hidden attributes. The research is then coded into the game and the players can improve or get worse depending on my choices as manager and are affected by the decisions that I make regarding their training, the match experience they are provided, and the motivational speeches I give them within the framework of the game, in matches and in the press.”

  “Wow! That’s impressive and sounds massively detailed!”

  I swelled with pride. I’d impressed this finicky crowd of gamers, many of whom were half my age.

  “So, what are you doing right now?” One of them saw my word document opened up with over 100K displaying as the word count.

  “I’m writing a story about it.” I replied.

  “You’re writing a story about a computer game?” He inquired, with more than a hint of disbelief in his voice.

  “Yes, I’m writing a novelisation about my career within the game and it’s currently more than 100,000 words in length.”

  “Wow!” Then came the silence as his mind whirred in contemplation as to whether or not he should verbalize his thoughts. “What do you do with what you write?”

  “I put it online in an international forum community where fellow writers share their versions of their careers in story form. We even have an awards ceremony in which people vote for their favorite stories, characters, plot lines, and best authors, including a Hall of Fame.”

  I waited patiently, bracing myself with the knowledge that many who play Magic: The Gathering are an eccentric lot with some rough social skills.

  I didn’t have to wait long before he checkmated me. “Don’t take offence at this, but that’s really geeky...even for nerds.”

  We both laughed and he returned to the next round of the tournament in which he was competing against the other 40 males who had gathered in
a very small warehouse with extremely poor heating in the middle of winter with the outside temperature just below freezing playing his role-playing card game on a Friday night while wearing his winter coat, a knit cap, and fingerless gloves to sit on a steel folding chair at a wobbly card table opposite his opponent dressed in similar fashion.

  COMMUNICATION

  BREAKDOWN

  J JAKUBOWSKI

  I’m a very emotional and tempestuous player. Once I was playing in the Champions League final and lost, conceding a goal in the last minute of extra time, despite leading 2–0 at half-time.

  My reaction was to throw my cell phone at the wall. It broke, of course. The LCD stopped displaying anything and the microphone was broken too. I couldn’t afford a new one and as punishment my parents refused to buy me one.

  When people called me (or I called them) they wouldn’t hear me, but I would hear them. When texting, I was unable to read messages, but I could type replies (some texts were gibberish because I didn’t see the mistakes I made). For five months my friends called me, telling me what they wanted to say and then I texted them back. Hell on Earth.

  ANTI-SOCIAL

  NETWORKING

  MATTY BROADFOOT

  Ever since I first purchased Championship Manager 4 and found an unknown Morten Gamst Pedersen available on loan from Tromso, I have been hooked. I told near enough anyone with ears that I had found him long before Blackburn Rovers did.

  Yes, I have worn a suit when playing a final at Wembley, and yes, I have conducted mini press conferences while taking a toilet break at 2am.

  However, the moment I realised it had completely taken over was during a long blown-out save as Tiverton Town of English non-league obscurity. I had flown through the leagues and finally made it to the Premiership. Throughout this save a 16-year-old striker, Ashley Barnes, on loan from my feeder club Plymouth, was banging in the goals. He scored over 500 goals in 600 appearances, even claiming the Premiership Golden Boot.