Football Manager Stole My Life Read online

  Has that followed you ever since?

  Throughout my career, new team-mates have known who I am because of the game but it’s never put me under any additional pressure. We have a laugh about it.

  What about the future?

  I’m enjoying my football again, which is important, but I still have big hopes for the future. I’m sure something will happen but it’s just a case of when. Every day I work hard and hope for the best. I’ve had offers from lower-league clubs in England but I want to prepare myself properly so I can do myself justice.

  Finally, did you play the game?

  Yes, of course! When I was at Derby I’d take charge of them. I’d heard so many good things about this ‘Tonton Zola Moukoko’ guy that I wanted to see for myself. We made a good partnership.

  WILLIE HOWIE

  Position: CM

  Real-life career: DPartick Thistle, Glenafton, Cumnock Juniors

  In-game high: Championship Manager 99/00

  The free-scoring Scotsman was part of a Partick Thistle super-team that was tailor-made for bargain-conscious bosses – featuring the likes of Alan Archibald, Alex Martin, Billy MacDonald, John Ritchie, Martin Lauchlan and Robert Dunn.

  We hear you’re a bit of a Champ Man expert…

  I was properly addicted. All my friends were. I still have the odd moment of weakness when I crack and promise myself I’ll only play a couple of games, then before I know what’s happened three weeks have passed and I’m 15 seasons into a new game.

  How did you approach the game?

  I’d sign myself for starters, no matter what team I was at. The one thing I never did was cash in. I remember knocking back a £55 million bid from Borussia Dortmund. Thankfully the computer Willie Howie didn’t throw the toys out of the pram.

  Any memorable teams or players?

  I’d get bored pretty quickly going the bigger teams. The real fun is in lower league challenges. Player-wise, John Welsh at Liverpool was a favourite. Mark Kerr was a no-brainer signing and, if I had a bit of cash, I’d go all-out for Kim Kallstrom and Zlatan Ibrahimovich. The goalkeeper, Andreas Isaksson, was another one. I’d spend hours scouring the Scandinavian market and I still look online for tips.

  And the lows?

  No matter what I did I could never beat Roma away from home. I must have tried every combination of players and tactics. I remember posting on a messageboard, looking for advice as my favoured 4–3–1–2 with Tonton Zola Moukoko and Youssouf Hersi just wasn’t cutting it against them.

  Did the in-game fame ever spill over to the real world?

  I remember being interviewed by someone from Championship Manager’s magazine, who was going all over to speak to the best young players from the game. Sometimes, to this day, I’ll be out for a quiet drink and someone will come up and ask if I’m Willie Howie. You prepare yourself for the worst in these situations! Thankfully then they smile and say ‘you were great for me in Championship Manager’. At the moment I work for a Sat Nav company, going round the motorways fixing cameras, and I play for Cumnock Juniors. Maybe when this book’s out a few folk will come and watch us play.

  ALAN FETTIS

  Position: GK

  Real-life career: Glentoran, Ards, Hull City, West Brom (loan), Nottingham Forest, Blackburn Rovers, Leicester City (loan), York City, Hull City, Sheffield Utd (loan), Grimsby Town (loan), Macclesfield Town, Bury; Northern Ireland (25 caps)

  In-game high: Championship Manager 96/97

  I know all about Championship Manager! Back in my playing days I got a free copy and I know from playing it briefly how addictive it was. My brother-in-law was right into it and would keep me up to date on my progress in the game. Nowadays I’m the goalkeeping coach for Manchester United’s academy teams and I know it’s still popular within the dressing room.

  BILLY JONES

  Position: D/DM/MRLC

  Real-life career: Crewe, Preston, West Brom

  In-game high: Football Manager 2005

  Random supporters would tell me I was doing a great job for them in the game. They must look at me on the pitch now and wonder what happened! I got hooked on it one summer and I tend to go the bigger teams with money to spend. I only ever last a couple of months before I’m sacked, though. I take too much enjoyment from dumping the prima donnas in the reserves and fining them, which never goes down well.

  DANIEL BRAATEN

  Position: FLC

  Real-life career: Skeid, Rosenborg, Bolton, Toulouse; Norway (34 caps, 2 goals)

  In-game high: Championship Manager 03/04

  Everyone in football knows all about Championship/Football Manager. No matter what club you’re at or which country you’re in, you can bet there will be a group of players in every dressing room who are addicted to it. I steered clear, but friends told me I was good in the 2003/04 version. I think the scouts got my pace statistics right, but I’m sorry I couldn’t score as many in real life as I could in the game! It’s flattering to think that, in a few years’ time, people who have never seen me play will remember a cheap attacker from Skeid who was value for money.

  DEAN KEATES

  Position: DM

  Real-life career: Walsall, Hull City, Kidderminster Harriers, Lincoln City, Walsall, Peterborough Utd, Wycombe Wanders, Wrexham

  In-game high: Championship Manager 99/00

  About ten years ago I travelled to Glasgow with Walsall for a pre-season tour. This little kid, who couldn’t have been more than seven years old, ambled up asking which one of us was Dean Keates. When I put my hand up he said ‘You’re the best player in Championship Manager. I’ve got you in my team – you’re unbelievable’. It makes more sense after hearing about this book.

  RENE MIHELIC

  Position: AMLC

  Real-life career: Maribor, Nacional; Slovenia (3 caps)

  In-game high: Football Manager 2009

  I play the game, as do a lot of my friends and team-mates. But I had no idea I was highly rated within the game. That comes as a big surprise, albeit a welcome one. It’s a nice thought to think that so many people know me from Football Manager. When I have a go I like to play as AS Roma because Francesco Totti has always been my idol.

  SERGE MAKOFO

  Position: DR

  Real-life career: MK Dons, Kettering Town, Maidenhead Utd, Halesowen Town, Potters Bar Town, Croydon Athletic, Grays Athletic, Burton Albion (loan), Kettering Town, Grimsby Town

  In-game high: Championship Manager 4

  I used to get letters about this when I was at MK Dons. Even now I get the odd one through. They’ll talk about me being cheap to buy, scoring a lot of goals and then moving on to someone like Real Madrid. I looked it up on the Internet and only recently found out what ‘CM’ meant. It all makes a bit more sense now!

  BACKPACK TO THE FUTURE

  Gap year? Mid-life crisis? Then why not take some time to finally see the players that you have built your teams around for the past 20 years?

  If you’re very nice, perhaps these legendary figures will even pose for a picture with you after the game and sign a match programme – or your copy of Football Manager Saved My Life. If you do manage to track any of them down, send all relevant documentation to [email protected] and earn your place in our FM Stalkers Hall of Fame.

  But be quick! These guys tend to move around a lot!

  #1 SWITZERLAND

  Alexander Farnerud – playing for Young Boys, Berne

  Joao Paiva – playing for Grasshoppers Zurich

  #2 SWEDEN

  Anders Svensson – playing for Elfsborg

  Stefan Selakovic – playing for IFK Goteborg

  Tonton Zola Moukoko – playing for IFK Lidingo, island off Stockholm

  #3 NORWAY

  Cherno Samba – playing for FK Tonsberg

  Tommy Svindal Larsen – coach, FK Grenland

  #4 ENGLAND

  Gareth Jelleyman – playing for Boston Utd

  John Welsh – playing for Preston North End

 
Serge Makofo – playing for Grimsby Town

  Michael Duff – playing for Burnley

  Michael Dunwell – playing for Billingham Town

  Ryan Williams – playing for Gainsborough Trinity

  #5 SPAIN

  Kennedy Bakircioglu – playing for Racing Santander

  #6 SCOTLAND

  Mark Kerr – playing for Dunfermline

  Willie Howie – playing for Cumnock Juniors

  #7 HOLLAND

  Tim Sparv – playing for Groningen

  #8 WALES

  Dean Keates – playing for Wrexham

  #9 FRANCE

  Daniel Braaten – playing for Toulouse

  #10 PORTUGAL

  Rene Mihelic – playing for Nacional

  FOOTBALL

  MANAGER

  STOLE MY LIFE

  Broken homes, broken bones

  and broken phones

  When we went looking for stories of how this game had crossed over into the lives of those who play it, we had no idea what to expect, but car crashes, police raids, and straight-up stalking wouldn’t have been on the list. How wrong we were.

  LOST IN

  TRANSLATION

  ARTA WILDEBOER

  In 2006, I attended a semester abroad in Seville during my final year of college, armed with my laptop and a copy of Football Manager.

  In honour of my new home for the semester, I chose to start a season with Sevilla FC. Fond memories of Dani Alves and Fredi Kanoute still flood my mind now as I type.

  Being the gregarious type, I spoke incessantly about Spanish football with the directors of my program any time I was afforded the chance. They all were very impressed by my knowledge of Spanish football, which I had gained from so many hours watching my little dots fly around the screen.

  Deep down I felt like I was cheating a little, since most of my familiarity came from those precious hours ignoring my girlfriend and school work in front of the laptop, instead of watching actual games, which were so hard to find on US television.

  One day while at school, I was approached by Mario, one of the directors of my program, who asked me if I had a job while in Seville. I scoffed, since I was there to drink beer and chase women and ostensibly to learn a bit of Spanish, which at the time I did not speak at all. He asked me if I was amenable to the idea of working unpaid, to which I replied ‘yes’, albeit suspiciously.

  The job, as it turned out, was to change my life.

  Apparently, impressed with my knowledge of Spanish football, which he was blissfully unaware I had gleaned solely from hours upon hours of scouting teams and playing matches on FM, he told me that Sevilla FC had a position open in the marketing department for a Spanish to English translator.

  Seville is a city with a smalltown vibe, where everybody knows everyone else in their particular section of the city, and Mario’s parents’ neighbour’s son was the assistant to the director of marketing at Sevilla FC.

  I stood there in a bit of shook for a moment. I gathered myself and replied that I would be extremely interested, knowing full well that my knowledge of Spanish was limited to the words ‘Ole’ and ‘Gol’ and hiding that precious fact from Mario. He then told me he would get back to me and soon I had a call from him telling me to meet him at a coffeeshop near the stadium to meet Curro, the neighbour’s son.

  To prepare for my interview, I switched the language setting on FM to Spanish and did my best to write down notes on Spanish translations for each position on the pitch, football-related idioms and the like.

  I committed to memory every team member’s statistics, past clubs, and other tidbits that FM could provide about Sevilla FC, and their youth team ranks as well.

  As fate would have it, Curro was more interested on the occasion of my interview to practise his English, to my great relief. The interview consisted of me spilling my guts on my love affair with Dani Alves, though I failed to mention my love was directed to the little round dot version of my hero, who marauded down the right side of the electronic green pitch of my laptop screen.

  I was told that I could start the next week, and that the marketing offices were inside of the stadium. On my first day I felt as if I was in a surreal fantasy. I was given an ID card and was now privy to a very special place during a very special year for the team. Given full access to the stadium, I explored every inch, though I was barred, along with everyone else, from actually walking on that beautiful pitch.

  I couldn’t help but be nervous that they would soon find out that I didn’t speak a lick of Spanish, and was hardly up to the task of translating the first half-season’s match reports. I begged and cajoled my classmates and even my girlfriend back at school in Arizona to help me with the translation.

  After the first day I was contemplating how I would break the news to my boss that I was not up to the job due to my lack of Spanish, but this was the team’s 100th anniversary year, when Sevilla won their first of two Uefa Cups and the luck rubbed off on me, in conjunction with a bit of hard work. My boss insisted on speaking English in the office in order better to learn, so I was able to take the first two weeks or so to learn enough Spanish to do a quickie translation that no one at the club could read anyway.

  Satisfied that my position was safe, I settled into the next few months of watching games while proudly displaying my club ID card to whoever tried to stop me sitting where I pleased, and explaining in broken Spanish that I was the official club translator, which in retrospect sounds absurd.

  On my first day at work I attended the press conference marking the signing of Julien Escude from Ajax. After my first match working for the team, I was taken in by my boss to the press conference, where I was able sit in the front row and draw a bemused stare from Juande Ramos as he saw me furiously snapping away with my camera.

  Handshakes with Saviola in his final season with the club and pictures of Fredi Kanoute from two feet away, who I freaked out when I yelled “good game, Fredi” in English, which I suppose he was not expecting to hear in Southern Spain, remain strong in my memory.

  I was introduced to the club’s youth director, who looked at me wide-eyed while I rattled off names of youth team members like Lolo and the now departed Antonio Puerta, who was just breaking into the first team at the time. I marvelled at how short Jose Maria del Nido, the chairman, was – and for an alleged mob attorney, he was a very nice man.

  Dozens of such experiences followed and the season was a special one for not only me, but the club and I honestly owe it all to Football Manager.

  Although I never did get to meet Dani Alves, who was partly responsible for me getting the job, I did walk off with one of his jerseys as a parting gift from the club.

  Vamos mi Sevilla, Vamos Campeon!

  FALSE

  NUMBER 999

  ADAM CLERY

  There was no greater example of my commitment to FM than when my parents were away and I got my Hibernian side to the Uefa Cup final.

  While I was hooking my laptop up to the TV downstairs, I thought, ‘You should wear your suit for this. If it was a real game you’d wear a suit’. So I did.

  The game was end to end stuff; an enthralling cup classic. Towards the end of the first half there was a coming together, the referee played on and Wolfsburg scored. This just completely flipped my lid. It looked like one of the dots had really lunged in: a clear foul. I’m still angry.

  I got the lads in at half time and I gave myself five minutes to lay into them. In terms of detail or emotion, nothing was held back.

  The second half was everything the first half had been, and more. We hit the post, shots were cleared off the line, we had a penalty shout. I was going through the whole range of emotions. The pressure was starting to tell and there was a foul on the edge of the box.

  We got a penalty. I paused the game and went all Alan Pardew, but instead of there being another manager there, there was nobody; nobody except a metaphorical rest-of-the-world. I composed myself, pressed resume and Andy Carroll slotte
d home the spot kick. The tide had turned. Their resolve was broken, their spirit shattered.

  The tension was building when there was a bang on the front door. It was like a horror film where the victim was hiding in a barn with some sort of wild ox trying to charge it down. Reality set in. I was startled so much I just didn’t answer it. Another knock, louder. I pressed pause and I crept towards the door.

  As the door creaked open, a blue light flooded in. I could make out the nervous outline of my frail neighbour, flanked by two policemen. Knowing that I was alone in the house and having heard all these screams and shouts for over an hour, he thought he’d better call the local constabulary to check I was ok.

  The officers asked me what was going on. I was going to say I was having a fight with my girlfriend, but I’m glad I didn’t. I think my life would have turned out differently had I gone down that route. I swallowed my pride and explained I was playing a game. The more senior copper gave me a lecture, but I swear the other one was a player. He looked at me and in one glance said, “I know, mate”.

  23-07-2011 23:35 #1

  LA FURIA ROJA:

  FC Oss Researcher

  JOIN DATE:

  11th November 2008

  LOCATION

  Terrassa, Spain – FC Barcelona

  MEMBER

  #174408 (Formerly Aussieant32)

  POSTS

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  I have fallen in love with my FM Club so much that I am flying abroad to watch them!

  Sorry, I know this isn’t really about the game itself but I wanted to share. I have really only played one save on FM this year, FC Oss. For those that don’t know they are in the Dutch 3rd tier and doing Gundo’s challenge they got promoted to the Erste Division. Now my best mate, in Wales, also did the challenge and got the same team and we both fell in love with the club. We made a deal, if they ever won promotion IRL to the Erste we would go watch them, well that happened and on the 14th of October we are both flying to Amsterdam then getting a train to Oss to watch them against Veenam.