Before You Ghost Read online

  Table of Contents

  Before You Ghost

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Other Titles Debra

  Other Titles Helena

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  About The Author Helena Hunting

  About The Author Debra Anastasia

  Connect With Helena Hunting

  Connect with Debra Anastasia

  Copyright © 2020 Debra Anastasia and Helena Hunting

  All rights reserved

  Published by Debra Anastasia and Helena Hunting

  Editing by Paige Maroney Smith

  Proofing by Debra’s Beta Girls

  And The Hustlers

  Cover TJ Designs

  Cover Photo Tandem X Visuals

  Interior Design By CP Smith

  Before You Ghost is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are all products of the author’s twisted imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locals, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Except as permitted under the US Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author

  Dedication

  Helena’s: For Hubs and Kidlet

  Debra’s:T, J and D, it’s always all for you

  Other Titles From Debra Anastasia

  Silly Humor:

  FIRE DOWN BELOW

  FIRE IN THE HOLE

  https://www.debraanastasia.com/humor

  Funny Humor:

  BEAST

  BOOTY CAMP

  FELONY EVER AFTER

  https://www.debraanastasia.com/more-humor

  Angst with Feels:

  DROWNING IN STARS

  https://www.debraanastasia.com/drowing-in-stars-giveaway

  MERCY

  HAVOC

  LOCK

  https://www.debraanastasia.com/mercy-verse

  POUGHKEEPSIE BROTHERHOOD SERIES

  https://www.debraanastasia.com/copy-of-paranormal-1

  Paranormal:

  THE REVENGER

  FOR ALL THE EVERS

  SERAPHIM SERIES

  https://www.debraanastasia.com/paranormal

  Other Titles From HelenaHunting

  All IN SERIES

  A Lie for a Lie

  A Favor for a Favor

  A Secret for a Secret

  PUCKED SERIES

  Pucked (Pucked #1)

  Pucked Up (Pucked #2)

  Pucked Over (Pucked #3)

  Forever Pucked (Pucked Book #4)

  Pucked Under (Pucked #5)

  Pucked Off (Pucked #6)

  Pucked Love (Pucked #7)

  AREA 51: Deleted Scenes & Outtakes

  Get Inked

  Pucks & Penalties

  SHACKING UP SERIES

  Shacking Up

  Getting Down (Novella)

  Hooking Up

  I Flipping Love You

  Making Up

  Handle with Care

  THE CLIPPED WINGS SERIES

  Cupcakes and Ink

  Clipped Wings

  Between the Cracks

  Inked Armor

  Cracks in the Armor

  Fractures in Ink

  STANDALONE NOVELS

  The Librarian Principle

  Felony Ever After

  FOREVER ROMANCE STANDALONES

  The Good Luck Charm

  Meet Cute

  Kiss my Cupcake

  Little Lies

  I NEVER IMAGINED my lady bits would be photographed as a crime scene, but here we are. At least I had put my clothes on, but all the bystanders understood what was going on.

  I’d never had so many straight-faced people learn how and where I put my limbs during doggy style.

  But when your boyfriend flies off a cliff behind you during your adventurous hiking sex, new experiences crop up.

  And I would cry more. And maybe even scream some if his ghost wasn’t sitting three feet from me cracking jokes the whole time. Hell, for all I know, he might have even finished as a ghost.

  “Do you want me to help them find the disaster area tape? Or do you think people can just judge that from your granny panties? I bet we can fashion a thong out of the tape. Save a little of your rep.”

  I had to wait for the detective to finish up his last batch of photos before I could hiss in Evan’s direction, “I wear granny panties when we hike so I don’t get wedgies. You know that.”

  “Miss? Everything okay?” The cop seemed worried about me. I should possibly be more worried about me. Maybe it was shock mixed with the energy drink Evan had passed to me just before the incident.

  “Using sex as a weapon, huh?” Ghost Evan gave me a wink.

  I pursed my lips and gave him a hard stare.

  “You know, I kinda love this. You can’t give me attitude. People will think you’re crazy.”

  He was enjoying this. His almost see-through handsome face was flashing his token smile. Damn, his giant pearly whites and devilish dimples. He got out of a lot of trouble with those things. And now he’s getting me into a lot of trouble with them.

  I bit my lips from the inside to keep all my comebacks from coming out of my mouth. We fought. It’s what we did. I had a temper and he had an attitude. Our makeup sex was off the charts. Half the time we were giving each other a hard time just to get to the good times.

  I overheard the closest group of cops pontificating about the situation that had recently occurred as I glared at Evan.

  “I mean, that’s another clear video. She’s on her hands and knees and when they, um… finish, it appears that her orgasm is so strong that it literally launches him off the cliff like a cannon.”

  I turned my head just as the three cops shifted to face me.

  We all had the most awkward eye contact in the history of human existence.

  One cleared his throat, the other adjusted his belt, and the third was blushing so hard his ears were red.

  “Your pussy blew me off the cliff of Lover’s Peak?” Evan was bent over laughing. They couldn’t hear him, but I could. He was pissing me off.

  Cliff fighting was a bad idea. Cliff sex was worse.

  We got each other like that. Hot and bothered. I would grab the front of his shirt and then he would grab me by my ass and haul me to him.

  And his stupid jaw was so well-defined. I had bitten it. Well, of course, next thing you know we were pulling each other’s clothes off. In a highly public place. On the edge of a cliff.

  The red-eared cop approached. “I’m supposed to find out if you have any injuries?”

  I shook my head, lips still in a restraint with my teeth.

  “Okay, well, we have various videos from numerous sources that clearly show no malicious intent on your part. I mean, our captain has to take a look. And maybe the coroner? We can’t get your boyfriend’s body off the cliff right now. The rescue team has to come out with the proper equipment. They said they can come by around lunchtime tomorrow. They’re on a call. The boys and I are going to try to tarp up the body.” He jammed his hands into his pockets as his forehead joined his ears in their red color.

  “So I can go?” That seemed wrong somehow. But Evan had already stood and was brushing off his ghost pants. That was always h
is signal that he wanted to leave.

  Red Ears seemed reluctant to answer that question and looked over his shoulder twice. Finally, he shrugged and showed me his teeth like he was smiling for his preschool picture.

  I stood, too, joining Evan.

  “Don’t forget your fanny pack. And your hat.” Evan tried to grab both for me. His finger rustled them a little, but he was unable to grab them. I did it instead.

  It was the first time his mood dampened. The wicked, semi-opaque sparkle left his eyes briefly.

  I needed to hike back down the mountain. I was grateful that we took my car and not his earlier—at least I had the keys in my fanny pack. The hike down was much shorter than the hike up had been. Of course, Evan and I had stopped to fight and then kiss and then fight some more on the way up.

  “What were we even arguing about?” I pointed to a distinctive row of trees that had the bark smoothed off from either animals or weather. He’d pressed me against that tree and kissed the hell out of me earlier while we dry humped each other, back when he was alive.

  “I don’t remember. You were angry, which makes you even hotter. And then your nose flared a bit and it was over for me. Whatever it was, just remembering it makes me horn…” he trailed off and looked down. I looked down with him. We were like two dogs that had their favorite toy taken away for misbehaving. The silence filled itself with the sounds of nature. Birds chirped and a couple of squirrels made that annoying clicking noise.

  “Is it...doing anything?” I tried to squint to see if his ghost pants had moved in any way.

  “Holy crap. Do not squint at my dick. Can you not? I mean, try to look a little impressed or something.” He gestured to his crotch.

  I looked from his face to my hand to his crotch once, twice, and by the third time, Evan had resigned himself to what must have been clearly obvious.

  I wanted to touch it.

  I stretched out my hand, palm up, and stepped closer to him. I held my breath. His ghost eyes were wide and slightly untrusting, which was fair. Neither of us knew what was going to happen if I managed to cup his ghost junk.

  Closer still. And then, just as I was about to make contact or slide right through his body, we both heard the cops jingling down the mountain.

  “Nice shot, man. I didn’t think you could cover a whole body with one tarp like that. If there was a body covering event in the Olympics, you’d get at least a bronze, Michigan.” We heard the telltale sound of two palms slapping together in a high-five. It was followed by birds cawing their annoyance and squirrels nattering angrily.

  Evan’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as we overheard the police talking about his corpse.

  “Yeah, well, you can’t leave a man uncovered like that. His twig and berries were out.” They came into the clearing just as the pants adjusting cop finished up his observation.

  I pulled my hand away from Evan’s crotch. It was weird that his ghost was fully dressed, but his body was naked as the day he was born. Maybe there was such a thing as ghost modesty?

  “You okay, miss?”

  I took a deep breath. Maybe this would all hit me soon. Maybe my shock was a real thing that was just hovering on the edge of my sanity.

  “You know what? I think maybe I shouldn’t drive home. Would it be cool if you dropped me off? I’ll come back later to get my car.”

  Red Ears nodded quickly. “Yeah, of course. You know what? Michigan here can drive your car home, save you the trouble later.”

  “Thanks. I feel like this hasn’t hit me yet, you know?”

  “That makes sense.” They went from joking about Evan’s body to being understanding about my concerns at the snap of the fingers. They must bounce from emotion to emotion all day, every day. Like squirrels hopping from tree to tree, or electrical pole to electrical pole.

  “We’ll take you home. No problem.” They all handed me business cards. I didn’t know cops even carried them.

  I made sure Evan was able to come with me. He sat in the back of the squad car as I sat up front with Red Ears. I noticed that the back car door never opened, yet Evan was still present. We’d have some things to discuss tonight, for sure.

  ________________

  I got ready for the evening like I always did. Took a shower, washed my face, used my toner, put on my night cream, and made sure my armpits were hairless, as well as my lady business. I made Evan promise he’d stay in the living room since locking the bathroom door was pointless. He could just walk through it if he wanted.

  Evan struggled to pick up his toothbrush next to mine.

  “Should we both be screaming at this point?” His hand passed through the handle of the brush yet again.

  I folded my arms across my chest. Maybe I would wake up and the whole thing would be a giant hairy nightmare.

  “Does it feel like anything when you move through stuff?”

  He shrugged his massive shoulders. There was a reason we were still together. His beautiful shoulders were like eighty percent of why I put up with the fighting. His pretty face was another ten percent, his giant sex pistol another nine percent, and the final one percent was reserved for his personality and killer sense of humor. No pun intended.

  “I mean, I guess it tickles a little?” His hands fell to his sides, clearly giving up.

  “Let’s sleep on it. Maybe we’ll both feel better in the morning.” I wanted to offer him some comfort, but I was concerned that giving him a hug right now and walking through him would freak him out more than he already was. And that I would finally lose what little was left of my sanity.

  I turned and walked to the bed, pulling the covers back for the both of us. He hopped in on his side, but the bed didn’t register his weight. I got in and covered us both with a blanket. It went right through him. I was under the covers, and he was on top of them. I had to move the pillow for him, too, because his head would sink about halfway into it and he said it was giving him a headache. I wasn’t sure he could actually get a headache since he wasn’t alive, but I didn’t feel like addressing that was a good plan.

  He was staying on the bed, though, and I pointed it out to him, “Well, you have some sort of control over gravity, otherwise you would sink straight through the floor.”

  I reached over to the melatonin bottle and took a gummy, then shook out a second one. I was going to need a little help falling asleep tonight.

  WELL, CLOSING MY eyes was pointless. I could see through my eyelids. I was dead. I mean, clearly. But Sammi wasn’t upset. And maybe I was waiting for that cue. She’d said she couldn’t drive, so I knew she was in shock and acknowledged that. But I didn’t feel departed yet. Even a little bit. I felt very much alive. As far as I knew, I finished having sex with my girlfriend when I heard the screaming. The people at all the picture spots around the mountain had seen something horrifying. I had felt bad for them until I tried to pull Sammi close and my arms went through her. Then I felt bad for me. Actually, there was a period of time between pumpin’ and a humpin’ that I sort of blacked out. It was missing somehow. Like the file didn’t save properly.

  The first few minutes I was a ghost, my only concern was keeping Sammi calm. That was my goal. We were on the edge of the cliff having mind-blowing makeup sex that was swirled in with the adrenaline boost we got from being so close to the edge. I was stupid. I mean, if I was really dead.

  Sammi was passed out now, her full lips slack. I forgot how beautiful she was like this. In repose when she wasn’t up and fighting me. She looked like a vintage movie star with a Cupid’s bow mouth and porcelain skin. If I was really, really dead, what scared me the most was that I would disappear before I could tell her that the fights didn’t matter. It was the quiet that mattered. Her beautiful face and boundless adventurism. If we hadn’t gotten into that stupid fight, there wouldn’t have been makeup sex and I wouldn’t have been launched off the cliff. Now, I had no idea if I’d end up spending the afterlife as a semi-opaque fixture in her reality. With her, but never able to
touch her. What a fucking buzzkill death was.

  I sat up and was able to rest my back on the headboard. I just had to concentrate on the moment it happened a bit. The more I tried to focus, the more I realized I had some kind of memory block. My thoughts were, sex, pussy, sex is the best, I love my dick, her pussy loves my dick, my dick loves her pussy, pound harder… and then I could see through myself.

  I didn’t believe the cops when they said her pussy had shot me off the mountain like a cannon. She was good. Hell, she was amazing. There were times I thought she was writing her name in cursive on my dick through Kegel exercises during sex, but she couldn’t launch me.

  That was an insane conclusion to come to, but the cops couldn’t see that I was a ghost standing right there. I knew that now. And I needed to know more about this supernatural part of the world. I couldn’t be the only dead dude hanging around in a semi-transparent state. I leaned down and gave her a ghost kiss on the forehead. She was supposed to be up at noon, and I knew the melatonin would keep her out like she’d been hit over the head with a mallet.

  I needed to find out more. Maybe see my body. See what the hell was happening on the mountain, because something was seriously off up there.

  I rolled out of bed and landed facedown on the floor, except it didn’t hurt and the floor didn’t completely stop my soundless fall. Instead, I found myself staring at old Ms. Pontoon’s naked butt, her bedroom being right below ours. I was grateful that she required hearing aids, otherwise she would probably hate us. We fucked like we were trying to break the bedframe. And sometimes each other. We angry fucked a lot. The orgasms were out of this world. In fact, we’d had to replace our bedframe more than once in the two years we’d been living in this apartment. We’d also replaced the drywall behind our headboard. We’d dented it so many times, I actually put one of those cushioned memory boards up so I wouldn’t have to keep patching the drywall. I sucked at that.

  Ms. Pontoon rolled over and I got an eyeful of her hairy crotch muppet. Her mudflaps with nipples sprawled on the mattress on either side of her. I tried to do a push-up, but I seemed to be stuck halfway between my own floor and Ms. Pontoon’s ceiling. It took me several minutes and a lot of concentration before I was finally able to roll over and pull myself back up to my apartment floor.