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  A Country Year

  Living the Questions

  Sue Hubbell

  Illustrations by Liddy Hubbell

  The Wild Things helped

  Contents

  Foreword

  SPRING

  SUMMER

  AUTUMN

  WINTER

  SPRING

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Foreword

  There are three big windows that go from floor to ceiling on the south side of my cabin. I like to sit in the brown leather chair in the twilight of winter evenings and watch birds at the feeder that stretches across them. The windows were a gift from my husband before he left the last time. He had come and gone before, and we were not sure that this would be the last time, although I suspected that it was.

  I have lived here in the Ozark Mountains of southern Missouri for twelve years now, and for most of that time I have been alone. I have learned to run a business that we started together, a commercial beekeeping and honey-producing operation, a shaky, marginal sort of affair that never quite leaves me free of money worries but which allows me to live in these hills that I love.

  My share of the Ozarks is unusual and striking. My farm lies two hundred and fifty feet above a swift, showy river to the north and a small creek to the south, its run broken by waterfalls. Creek and river join just to the east, so I live on a peninsula of land. The back fifty acres are covered with second-growth timber, and I take my firewood there. Last summer when I was cutting firewood, I came across a magnificent black walnut, tall and straight, with no jutting branches to mar its value as a timber tree. I don’t expect to sell it, although even a single walnut so straight and unblemished would fetch a good price, but I cut some trees near it to give it room. The botanic name for black walnut is Juglans nigra—“Black Nut Tree of God,” a suitable name for a tree of such dignity, and I wanted to give it space.

  Over the past twelve years I have learned that a tree needs space to grow, that coyotes sing down by the creek in January, that I can drive a nail into oak only when it is green, that bees know more about making honey than I do, that love can become sadness, and that there are more questions than answers.

  SPRING

  The river to the north of my place is claimed by the U.S. Park Service, and the creek to the south is under the protection of the Missouri State Conservation Department, so I am surrounded by government land. The deed to the property says my farm is a hundred and five acres, but it is probably something more like ninety. The land hasn’t been surveyed since the mid-1800s and it is hard to know where the boundaries are; a park ranger told me he suspected that the nineteenth-century surveyor had run his lines from a tavern, because the corners seem to have been established by someone in his cups.

  The place is so beautiful that it nearly brought tears to my eyes the first time I saw it twelve years ago; I feel the same way today, so I have never much cared about the number of acres, or where the boundary lines run or who, exactly, owns what. But the things that make it so beautiful and desirable to me have also convinced others that this is prime land, too, and belongs to them as well. At the moment, for instance, I am feeling a bit of an outsider, having discovered that I live in the middle of an indigo bunting ghetto. As ghettos go, it is a cheerful one in which to live, but it has forced me to think about property rights.

  Indigo buntings are small but emphatic birds. They believe that they own the place, and it is hard to ignore their claim. The male birds—brilliant, shimmering blue—perch on the garden posts or on top of the cedar trees that have taken over the pasture. From there they survey their holdings and belt out their songs, complicated tangles of couplets that waken me first thing in the morning; they keep it up all day, even at noon, after the other birds have quieted. The indigo buntings have several important facts to tell us, especially about who’s in charge around here. The dull brown, sparrowlike females and juveniles are more interested in eating; they stay nearer the ground and search the low-growing shrubs and grasses for seeds and an occasional caterpillar, but even they know what’s what. One day, walking back along the edge of the field, I came upon a young indigo bunting preoccupied with song practice. He had not yet dared take as visible a perch as his father would have chosen, but there he was, clinging to a bare twig and softly running through his couplets, getting them all wrong and then going back over them so quietly that had I not been within a few feet of him I would not have heard.

  Another time I discovered that the back door of the honey house had blown open and the room was filled with a variety of winged creatures. Most were insects, but among them I found a half-grown indigo bunting who had blundered in and was trying to find his way out, beating his small wings against the screened window. Holding him carefully, I stroked the back of his neck to try to soothe him, but discovered that his heart was not beating in terror. Perhaps he was so young that he had not learned fear, but I prefer to think that like the rest of his breed he was simply too pert and too sure of his rights to be afraid. He eyed me crossly and tweaked my giant thumb with his beak to tell me that I was to let him go right this minute. I did so, of course, and watched him fly off to the tall grasses behind the honey house, where I knew that one family of indigo buntings had been nesting.

  Well, they think they own the place, and their assurance is only countered by a scrap of paper in my files. But there are other contenders, and perhaps I ought to try to take a census and judge claims before I grant them title. There are other birds who call this place theirs—buzzards, who work the updrafts over the river and creek, goldfinches, wild turkey, phoebes and whippoorwills. But it is a pair of cardinals who have ended up with the prize piece of real estate—the spot with the bird feeder. I have tapes of birdsongs, and when I play them I try to skip the one of the cardinal, because the current resident goes into a frenzy of territorial song when he hears his rival. His otherwise lovely day is ruined.

  And what about the coyote? For a while she was confident that this was her farm, especially the chicken part of it. She was so sure of herself that once she sauntered by in daylight and picked up the tough old rooster to take back to her pups. However, the dogs grew wise to her, and the next few times she returned to exercise her rights they chased her off, explaining that this farm belonged to them and that the chicken flock was their responsibility.

  When I start thinking about it that way—that those who inhabit the land and use it have a real claim to it in a nonlegal sort of way—the whole question gets complicated.

  A long time ago, before I came to live in the Ozarks, I spent a springtime working on a plot of university research land. I was young and in love, and most tasks seemed happy ones, but the project would have captured my fancy anyway. There were three contrasting habitats being studied: upland forest, bottomland and sandy waste. My job was to dig up a cube of earth from each place every week, sift it, count and rough-classify the inhabitants visible to the naked eye, and then plot the population growth. The resulting curve, a joyous, vibrant freshening of life, matched the weather and my own pulse beat.

  That particular love has quieted, and I have not excavated cubes of earth on this place, but I know what is going on down there: Millions of little bodies are fiercely metabolizing and using the land. I dare not even think what numbers I would come up with if I added a pocket lens or microscope to my census-taking tools. But there are other residents I can count who do have arguable title here. There are twenty hives of bees back
by the woodlot in my home beeyard, each hive containing some 60,000 bees. That makes 1,200,000 bee souls flitting about making claim to all the flowers within two miles.

  On the other hand, there are the copperheads, who make walking the fields a boot affair, and all their snakish kin. How am I to count them and judge their claims? There are the turtles who eat the strawberries in the garden, the peepers who own the pond. What about raccoon and skunk and deer rights? What about the bobcat who denned in the cliff by the river and considers my place to be the merest sliver of her own?

  It begins to make me dizzy even trying to think of taking a census of everybody who lives here; and all of them seem to have certain claims to the place that are every bit as good as and perhaps better than mine.

  Up the road there is a human squabble going on over some land less happily situated. Rather than lying between two environmentally benign government stake-outs, that land and all that surrounds it is in private hands. One owner wants to bulldoze and develop, and so the boundary question is becoming a sticky one. There is talk about having an expensive survey made to establish who owns what. As a spinoff, I suppose that corners will be set and lines run, and then I may know whether this farm is a hundred and five acres or ninety or some other definity.

  The indigo buntings probably won’t care.

  I met Paul, the boy who was to become my husband, when he was sixteen and I was fifteen. We were married some years later, and the legal arrangement that is called marriage worked well enough while we were children and while we had a child. But we grew older, and the son went off to school, and marriage did not serve as a structure for our lives as well as it once had. Still, he was the man in my life for all those years. There was no other. So when the legal arrangement was ended, I had a difficult time sifting through the emotional debris that was left after the framework of an intimate, thirty-year association had broken.

  I went through all the usual things: I couldn’t sleep or eat, talked feverishly to friends, plunged recklessly into a destructive affair with a man who had more problems than I did but who was convenient, made a series of stupid decisions about my honey business and pretty generally botched up my life for several years running. And for a long, long time, my mind didn’t work. I could not listen to the news on the radio with understanding. My attention came unglued when I tried to read anything but the lightest froth. My brain spun in endless, painful loops, and I could neither concentrate nor think with any semblance of order. I had always rather enjoyed having a mind, and I missed mine extravagantly. I was out to lunch for three years.

  I mused about structure, framework, schemata, system, classification and order. I discovered a classification Jorge Luis Borges devised, claiming that

  A certain Chinese encyclopedia divides animals into:

  a. Belonging to the Emperor

  b. Embalmed

  c. Tame

  d. Sucking pigs

  e. Sirens

  f. Fabulous

  g. Stray dogs

  h. Included in the present classification

  i. Frenzied

  j. Innumerable

  k. Drawn with a very fine camel-hair brush

  l. Et cetera

  m. Having just broken the water pitcher

  n. That from a long way off look like flies.

  Friends and I laughed over the list, and we decided that the fact that we did so tells more about us and our European, Western way of thinking than it does about a supposed Oriental world view. We believe we have a more proper concept of how the natural world should be classified, and when Borges rumples that concept it amuses us. That I could join in the laughter made me realize I must have retained some sense of that order, no matter how disorderly my mind seemed to have become.

  My father was a botanist. When I was a child he reserved Saturday afternoons for me, and we spent many of them walking in woods and rough places. He would name the plants we came upon by their Latin binomials and tell me how they grew. The names were too hard for me, but I did understand that plants had names that described their relationships one to another and found this elegant and interesting even when I was six years old.

  So after reading the Borges list, I turned to Linnaeus. Whatever faults the man may have had as a scientist, he gave us a beautiful tool for thinking about diversity in the world. The first word in his scheme of Latin binomials tells the genus, grouping diverse plants which nevertheless share a commonality; the second word names the species, plants alike enough to regularly interbreed and produce offspring like themselves. It is a framework for understanding, a way to show how pieces of the world fit together.

  I have no Latin, but as I began to botanize, to learn to call the plants around me up here on my hill by their Latin names, I was diverted from my lack of wits by the wit of the system.

  Commelina virginica, the common dayflower, is a rangy weed bearing blue flowers with unequal sepals, two of them showy and rounded, the third hardly noticeable. After I identified it as that particular Commelina, named from a sample taken in Virginia, I read in one of my handbooks, written before it was considered necessary to be dull to be taken seriously:

  Delightful Linnaeus, who dearly loved his little joke, himself confesses to have named the dayflowers after three brothers Commelyn, Dutch botanists, because two of them—commemorated in the showy blue petals of the blossom—published their works; the third, lacking application and ambition, amounted to nothing, like the third inconspicuous whitish third petal.

  There is a tree growing in the woodland with shiny, oval leaves that turn brilliant red early in the fall, sometimes even at summer’s end. It has small clusters of white flowers in June that bees like, and later blue fruits that are eaten by bluebirds and robins. It is one of the tupelos, and people in this part of the country call it black-gum or sour-gum. When I was growing up in Michigan I knew it as pepperidge. Its botanic name is Nyssa sylvatica. Nyssa groups the tupelos, and is derived from the Nyseides—the Greek nymphs of Mount Nysa who cared for the infant Dionysus. Sylvatica means “of the woodlands.” Nyssa sylvatica, a wild, untamed name. The trees, which are often hollow when old, served as beehives for the first American settlers, who cut sections of them, capped them and dumped in the swarms that they found. To this day some people still call beehives “gums,” unknowingly acknowledging the common name of the tree. The hollow logs were also used for making pipes that carried salt water to the salt works in Syracuse in colonial days. The ends of the wooden pipes could be fitted together without using iron bands, which would rust.

  This gives me a lot to think about when I come across Nyssa sylvatica in the woods.

  I botanized obsessively during that difficult time. Every day I learned new plants by their Latin names. I wandered about the woods that winter, good for little else, examining the bark of leafless trees. As wildflowers began to bloom in the spring, I carried my guidebooks with me, and filled a fat notebook as I identified the plants, their habitats, habits and dates of blooming. I had to write them down, for my brain, unaccustomed to exercise, was now on overload.

  One spring afternoon, I was walking back down my lane after getting the mail. I had two fine new flowers to look up when I got back to the cabin. Warblers were migrating, and I had been watching them with binoculars; I had identified one I had never before seen. The sun was slanting through new leaves, and the air was fragrant with wild cherry (Prunus serotina: Prunus—plum, serotina—late blooming) blossoms, which my bees were working eagerly. I stopped to watch them, standing in the sunbeam. The world appeared to have been running along quite nicely without my even noticing it. Quietly, gratefully, I discovered that a part of me that had been off somewhere nursing grief and pain had returned. I had come back from lunch.

  Once back, I set about doing all the things that one does when one returns from lunch. I cleared the desk and tended to the messages that others had left. I had been gone for a long time, so there was quite a pile to clear away before I could settle down to the work of t
he afternoon of my life, the work of building a new kind of order, a structure on which a fifty-year-old woman can live her life alone, at peace with herself and the world around her.

  One spring evening a couple of years ago, I was sitting in the brown leather chair in the living room reading the newspaper and minding my own business when I became aware that I was no longer alone.

  Looking up, I discovered that the three big windows that run from floor to ceiling were covered with frogs.

  There were hundreds of them, inch-long frogs with delicate webbed feet whose fingerlike toes ended in round pads that enabled them to cling to the smooth surface of the glass. From their toe structure, size and light-colored bellies, I supposed them to be spring peepers, Hyla crucifer, and went outside for a closer look. I had to be careful where I put my feet, for the grass in front of the windows was thick with frogs, waiting in patient ranks to move up to the lighted surface of the glass. Sure enough, each pinkish-brownish frog had a back crisscrossed with the dark markings that give the species its scientific name. I had not known before that they were attracted to light.

  I let my newspaper go and spent the evening watching them. They did not move much beyond the top of the windows, but clung to the glass or the moldings, seemingly unable to decide what to do next. The following morning they were gone, and I have never seen them at the windows since. It struck me as curious behavior.

  These window climbers were silent; we usually are only aware of spring peepers at winter’s end—I first hear their shrill bell-like mating calls in February from the pond up in the field. The males produce the calls by closing their mouths and nasal openings and forcing air from their lungs over the vocal cords into their mouths, and then back over the vocal cords into the lungs again. This sound attracts the females to the pond, and when they enter the water the males embrace them, positioning their vents directly above those of the females. The females then lay their eggs, which the males fertilize with their milt.