The Forgotten Love Read online

  I was so busy looking out that I didn’t realise Harry had walked next to me, watching the view of the city.

  “It’s beautiful isn’t it? I wish I could stay here every day and just watch. I want to watch every individual carry out their everyday mundane tasks unaware they are being watched. I sometimes paint what I imagine people are doing down there.”

  “It is… so wonderful. I would never want to leave either.” I melted, still astounded by the view. “Wait, what do you mean ‘sometimes paint’ how long have you lived here?”

  He was silent for a moment thinking about his answer.

  “A few months.”

  “Wait, wait. You paint?” I reluctantly removed my hand from the window, not wanting to let go of this magnificent view and turn to face him. He was still facing the window out at the view, it’s as if he was entranced by the view, not able to look away.

  “Yes, if you go through that door – you will see some of my paintings.” He pointed to a second door on the back wall. I left him gazing and decide to see how good of a painter he is. Upon opening the door lights started flickering on and off for a second until they stayed alight. So many paintings hanging on the walls of this small room, some big, some small, the largest is of the view from his room. It is hung in the middle of one of the walls surrounded by smaller paintings of the same view at different times of the day. There is so much detail in the painting, all the buildings, the lights, the dark night sky with the glow of the city, the moon and the stars. He is such a talented painter. I slowly gaze around the room bursting with artistic talent. Suddenly the sounds of violins pour into the room and I wonder what’s going on? Surely Harry doesn’t play the violin too! I turned to the door to see Harry there his body leant against the door frame, his legs crossed over, his head rested against the door frame too, a small smile on his face, eyes closed, he was obviously basking in the sound of the music.

  “Classical music helps inspire me, it brings out my artistic talent. One of my favourite pieces is actually a rock song performed by an orchestra. It just fills you up with emotion and feeling, as if your body is being filled with every note until you are about to burst. Would you like to hear it?” I nodded and seemingly without moving a muscle the song changed and a steadying drum roll picked up volume. I didn’t recognise it at first. After a little while of the song playing I got it! It was Sweet child O’ Mine. He’s right, the beginning with the drums feels like the music is filling up every little bit of my body. Harry began to walk over to me. His hips swayed, his eyes locked onto mine, it was a sexy enticing walk, as if perhaps he was trying to lure me. He was. And what’s more, it was working. He stopped directly in front of me, our noses almost touching, I could feel the breath of him on my lips, it was so harsh and quick, his eyes alight with fiery lust, he lifted his hand up to my chin, his thumb resting there, his fingers spread on my throat. I had no idea what was going on. Two 18 year old guys standing in a room full of paintings surrounded by a bombardment of orchestral rock swirling around us, our bodies so close indulging in each other. For that brief moment it felt like everything was absolutely perfect and nothing could be better. His mouth slowly turning into a small playful smile, immediately my mouth returned the smile without me knowing. A second later his face pressed slightly closer to mine and the soft tender caressing touch of his lips on mine resonated throughout my entire body, every single strand of hair standing to attention, a shiver ran down my spine. Every inch of me filled with … something indescribable. Much like how the music filled me. He pulled away, his smile still intact. Overwhelmed by the entire experience my body went limp. And unbelievable I fainted hitting the floor hard.

  When I woke up I was laid on Harry’s bed, with him leaning over me, his unruly hair flowing down, a glass of water in his hand. A look of worry coated on his face.

  “Jeez, you okay?” Harry said softly. The voice lifting me up out of my dazed confused state.

  “Perfect” I beamed at him. “Absolutely perfect waking up to you.” I said without a care. Holy! … What did I just say? My brain must still be a bit confused, I shouldn’t have said that! He gave an almighty burst of laughter. I felt my face heat up blushing uncontrollably.

  “Here, drink some of this.” Still laughing and thrusting the glass of water at my face. Shyly I placed my hand around the glass, our fingers touching, mine on top of his, and he stopped laughing. Our eyes on each other’s again. A shy smile found its way to his mouth as he withdrew his hand. He crawled up to lay next to me. His body outstretched on the bed, his hands clasped together behind his head, gazing up at the roof, which of course is glass, I hadn’t noticed.

  “I imagine it must be beautiful at night, gazing up.” I spoke quietly.

  “It is. When there are no clouds, and I can see the stars and the moon shining in all their glory.” I envy him. A lot. I would give anything to live in a place like this. It is so, so perfect.

  “Where’s the music?” I asked, tilting my head to face him.

  “I switched it off. Would you like it on again?”

  “I don’t mind. I’m happy to sit in silence, or with music playing. Either is fitting for this view. I’m still amazed at it!” Music started playing again. This time I recognised it. Jason Mraz. I soaked in the lyrics and the music. And all we did for the rest of the evening is lay on his bed listening to music. Rarely saying a word, lost in our own thoughts of each other.

  At 9pm I decided I should go and he walked me down to the door.

  “Know your way home?” He prompted.

  “I think so. Once I get back to the pond I should be fine.”

  “Good.” He smiled and I returned the smile. We stood at the door awkwardly for a little while. I secretly hoped he would kiss me again, maybe this time I wouldn’t faint. But he didn’t. I thought about reaching my hand out to meet his at his side. I decided not to. So I waved goodbye and made my way home down the long private driveway. Looking back to see if he was still watching me, and to my surprise, the door was closed and he was gone, the thought that perhaps he doesn’t like me crossed my mind, and immediately I was swarmed by similar thoughts and my smile turned to a disheartened frown.

  Pain from protection

  10th September, 2012

  Dear Diary,

  Today I was looking forward to school so much, looking forward to seeing Harry. I got up did my normal morning routine. Get up, shower, brush teeth, brush hair, check school emails, check phone, breakfast, go to school. No email, no texts or missed phone calls. I felt rather saddened that Harry had not text me, but then I realised I didn’t give him my number. Shit. “I’ll do it today.” I thought. I couldn’t get the stupid smile off of my face whilst eating breakfast, across the table my Mother asking why I was so happy.

  “Well?” She prompted.

  “Mum, leave it. It’s nothing. I just had some nice dreams last night that’s all.”

  “Is there a guy in your life?” She winked.

  “No.” I blushed. With the blush in my cheeks she gently nudged my hand from across the table. I couldn’t help myself from throwing all these words at my mother about Harry, what happened last night in his rather luxurious bedroom, in the hopes she could understand and make sense of all the words hitting her in a never ending barrage of excitement. She sat beaming at me, taking in all I was saying about this wonderful person I’ve known for only two days.

  When I got to registration this morning Shan was there to meet me. Unusual for her to be on-time for school, let alone early, but somehow she’s managed to do it all week. But then, it is only the first week of the year, this time next week she’ll be back to her old self.

  “So, how was your date last night?” She nudged me in the ribs as soon as I’d sat down.

  “It wasn’t a date!”

  “Oh so what was it then? And what happened!” She pressed hard to extract the information from me.

  “Oh, nothing. We just hung out listening to music for the evening. We laid down on his
massive bed and it was just lovely.”

  “Is that all? Just laid there? I don’t believe you.”

  “Ok fine, we MIGHT have kissed. And then I MIGHT have fainted making a fool of myself.”

  “Hang on, you kissed, and then you fainted? Oh my god. Carl. You’re so adorable.” At that precise moment Harry walked through the door. I beamed and smiled at him, but he blanked me completely, his eyes looked right through me as if I invisible. He walked across the room and sat by himself. I looked at Shan, she returned my confused look.

  “What’s his problem?” She asked.

  “I – I don’t know.” I hung my head ashamed. And Shan pulled me into a hug wrapping her arms tightly around me. The rest of the day was exactly the same. At lunch, he didn’t sit with us, he sat by himself, and during drama he avoided me at all costs.

  At the end of the day as we left our last lesson together I pulled him into an empty classroom walking down a corridor.

  “Why are you ignoring me?” I shouted, pinning him against the wall.

  “You know I’ve always wanted to be slammed up against a wall and kissed, it’s so romantic.” With that he grabbed my head and pulled me into a bitter-sweet kiss.

  “What the hell?” I shouted again after I pulled away, reluctantly from the kiss.

  “I – I DON’T KNOW. Just, stay away from me. Please.” He screamed at me, tears in his eyes. He tried pushing against my hold, but I pushed back harder.

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want to hurt you.” He whimpered. Stroking tears from his eyes. I let my hold of him go and in seconds he had gone. No more was said between us today.

  Friends Reunited

  29th September, 2012

  Dear Diary,

  After all this time, Harry spoke to me again today after having not even acknowledging my existence for weeks. It was as if nothing ever happened and we were still best friends who spoke to each other every day. There was no awkward feelings, no memories flicked through my heads of us, just what is now, and what will or could be. Nothing of the past. Me and Shan were talking about hot guys at school, and not once did Harry cross my mind, until he came up to us.

  “Hey guys, my parents are away tonight, was wondering if you wanted to come round for a small party?” He smiled at us. No hint of remembrance in his eyes. I looked at Shan, who smiled at me, nodding, and I looked back to Harry with a small grin;

  “We’d be delighted. So who else is coming?”

  “Oh. Erm. Well. I just invited you guys I wouldn’t feel comfortable with any of the other people here in my house.” The words took me by surprise. But he’s got other friends, why wouldn’t he feel comfortable with them around?

  “Ok. Well what time shall we come round?” Shan interjected.

  “6 is good. I’ll cook something for when you arrive. Bring some alcohol obviously.” He chuckled at us, that little laugh, “it’s cute” I thought to myself. With which he left. Leaving me and Shan discussing what to take with us, and Shan panicking about what to wear as all girls do.

  “It’s just us 3, it’s not like you need to impress us is it?” I laughed.

  “Yeah, but it’s out of the blue isn’t it? Like. The first time he spoke to you in ages and he invites you over to a small intimate party?”

  “What? Don’t change subject. I’m thinking I might wear that nice blue tee I’ve got? I know what you mean though. It is just strange. But it makes me happy.”

  The conversation continued as you can imagine Diary, Shan did nothing but talk about it for the rest of the day. But while she was busy talking, I was busy eyeing up that handsome dark haired guy I had once kissed.

  ---

  As myself and Shan made our way to the enormous front gates of the ‘Holston Manor’ in which my dark haired prince awaited me, I became racked with nerves with each intense foot step leading to the call box. Both Shan and I eventually reached the small silver box breathless, her out of astonishment due to the size of the gates, myself bursting with anxiety, excitement and most of all fear. Fear of what might happen - what if we kiss again? And then he never talks to me? The tension of my body filled the air as I reached out to buzz the call box. The tension built as we waited for a response… still we waited. I buzzed once more, this time almost instantaneously I heard his soft enigmatic voice deliciously filling my ears, wrapping around my head.

  “Hey Carl – oh, and Shan! Hey, come in.” There was a buzz, and the gate unlocked.

  Shan nudged me in the ribs as we walked up his drive with the first glimpse of the house, slowly leaning her head toward me, whispering,

  “Shit. He’s rich.”

  “You couldn’t tell that by the gates?” I responded sarcastically.

  “I didn’t realise he was this rich.”

  “Wait until you see his bedroom.” Shan looked at me with surprise, and winked.

  “No, Shan. I told you, we didn’t do anything.”

  “Maybe if you both have a little to drink you might tonight eh?” Her smirk contagious, and as we reached the front door both of us smiling from ear to ear. What a strange sight we must have looked to Harry when he opened the door.

  “Carl.” His voice called, seemingly longing for me as he threw his arms around me, locking me into an embrace. For a few seconds it felt like everything was perfect, like when he kissed me, my body flared with emotions, as if a firework display had just exploded inside my stomach. When he let me go, my body became cold. I already missed his touch, I became numb again. As if I could feel nothing but his touch. He turned his gleeful look to Shan, he greeted her much less warmly, even sternly. “Shan.” He simply said no offer of a hug, not even a courteous offer of a handshake, the joy leaving his expression. She regarded him with the same cool expression, a cold smile. Has something happened between them? Why are they so taciturn around each other?

  Harry stood back from the doorway his right arm out wide, inviting us inside as he bowed graciously. Immediately Shan was through the door eyes darting around the grand entranceway. Harry stood up from his bow courteously, his eyes locked onto mine, burning away with lust, I could feel my heart beat quicken, neither of us blinked as I walked, as calmly and collectively as I could, trying not to give away my nerves. His stance had changed, his body language was introverted but somehow I knew he wanted me, right there and then. As I took my step over the doorstep, I misplaced my foot and I slipped, flying forward, Harry whisked down to catch me, and I stared up at him, as I laid in his arms. His frightful face turned to one of happiness, his eyes widened, his eyebrows raised, his open mouth pressed to a small smile. I reached my hand and pressed it against his chest, his breathing accelerated, as did mine, I turned my flat hand to a fist, clutching his clothes, pulling his torso and head down to meet mine, our lips so close, I could smell him, he licked his lips, and bent in a little closer, our lips touching, my body relishing the contact, blood surging, hearts pumping, thoughts ticking over at a thousand miles an hour.

  “Carl.” Shan snapped. I am drawn back to reality, confused. “Are you coming in?” she continued. I murmur something; even I don’t know what I said. I glanced at Harry; his eyes alight with fiery lust, his smile wide. I suddenly become aware that my jeans are tightening and I know why Harry is smiling a wicked smile and I flush with embarrassment and race through the door and up the stairs. “I’m just going to drop my stuff in your room Harry.” I called as I raced away desperate to escape my mortification.

  When I reached Harry’s room I slammed the door, and pressed my back against it and slid down, my head in my hands. I could’ve cried with embarrassment. And I sit for a moment trying to recover myself when I heard a door on the other side of the room creak open, and Harry’s head popped around the door.

  “Hey.” He smiled.

  “Hi.” I choked, throwing my head back into my hands.

  “What’re you doing up here?” His voice was genuinely kind and inquisitive.

  “Hiding.” I muttered through my hands.
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  “From what?”

  “You.” There was a short pause. Harry came into the room, closing the door behind him and slowly, he walked over to me. He stood at my feet for a short time, not saying anything I could feel his gaze burning into me.

  “It’s ok, it’s a compliment.” He said. I looked up at him, confused. What does he mean? What was the compliment? I question myself. And he sees the confusion wrought on my face.

  “Your… excitement shall we say?” I gasp in horror and shame and hide my head again. He gently pulled my hands, pulling me up to stand before him.

  “Seriously. I mean it. It’s a compliment.” He continued. My hands now clasped in front of my groin, trying to hide my ‘excitement’ as he put it. He glanced down and then back up at me, and our eyes meet, staring into one another. He reached a hand to my face and cupped my jaw and chin as he leant in and gently placed a kiss on my lips.

  “I miss you.” His other hand placed on my chest, slowly heading down. I moved my hands to his hips, one on either side, grabbing him tight, pulling him close, and we stumbled backwards into the door. His hand grasping a fistful of my hair, his other hand finding its way to my trouser line, his index finger running its way along the line around my waist back and forth along the front, teasing, my hips thrusting forward every time he neared the centre of my lower stomach, his hips thrusting forward, pinning me against the wall. His index finger slipped under the waistband of my boxers, still tracing the line back and forth. I moved my hands from his hips to his behind, grabbing each buttock tightly pulling him even closer to me. He pulled away. A smile firmly planted on his face. “Later.” Harry said. Immediately I felt sad, I wanted him right then, I couldn’t wait. “I need him now.” I thought.