H.M.S. Illustrious Read online

  That, however, was successful, because it missed the target. The idea is that the missile doesn’t actually take out the RPV (Remotely Piloted Vehicle), but just goes sufficiently close so that the detonation of the Sea Dart warhead would have taken the target out if it had been in a real life situation.

  We anchored again, as usual, just off Fishguard for a quiet evening. The only real advantage of being here is that life is at least civilised, with the ship anchoring every evening, and we are getting not only a good night’s sleep due to the lack of motion of the ship, but also newspapers and mail every day as well. The good life. Or the better life, anyway.

  Wednesday 18th May 1983

  All same, same, nothing changed. Well, I suppose a few things did, but nothing of any real consequence, and we managed only one more Sea Dart shoot. The good thing, I suppose, is that both launches so far have been exactly according to plan, so it looks as if the various aspects of the system that have been altered are functioning correctly.

  I spent the early evening stuck up in Flyco, as the Wessex 5 of 845 NAS had got itself stuck on shore at Aberporth with an engine problem, so we had to fly one of the Sea King Mk 4 aircraft in to collect the crew and also the various readings and recordings from the afternoon missile launch. As John Lamb had to shoot away to a meeting, that left me up there and in charge. Very pleasant change, and there were no hitches.

  I tried to watch the evening film – Zoltan, Hound of Dracula – but the acting was pure ham, and the script slightly below Crossroads, so I left, before my entertainment pain threshold was exceeded. The dog was the best bit of the film, really.

  Thursday 19th May 1983

  Quite a busy day, one way and another. I was tied up all the morning acting as a host for a party of twenty (my share was five) people from the data processing section at Aberporth, which was quite enjoyable – I do like taking people round the ship – even though the missile firing we were expecting, and hoping to watch, didn’t actually happen. We gave them lunch and a drink, and then packed them back into the Sea King 4 for the trip back to Aberporth in the early afternoon.

  We were supposed to have had three firings during the day, but there were apparently certain problems (I think with the shore facilities), and so we didn’t in fact launch any, and left the range area rather earlier than we had planned, en route for Plymouth – our first visit to Devon.

  The Wessex which had suffered the engine problem (basically it was running rather hotter than it should have been, and wasn’t giving quite the power output expected) was rectified sufficiently to not only get it back to Illustrious, but also so that it could subsequently disembark to RNAS Yeovilton tomorrow.

  I had the usual ‘few little jobs’ needing to be done during the afternoon, the main one being to type out a vast great ten-page presentation for the Padre, which I will confess did not actually over-joy me. It had to be done in a rush, as usual, as it had to leave the ship on Friday. It does seem that on this vessel most people work to a simple formula – ‘Of course I want it today. If I’d wanted it done by tomorrow, I’d have given it to you tomorrow’. It gets a bit wearing after a while.

  Then we had a Flight Safety Committee Meeting, which we hold at regular intervals to discuss any aspects of operations which are relevant to Flight Safety. And, finally, dinner with the Captain. Or, to be specific, the Captain had dinner with us. It had been arranged a little while ago that the Lieutenants on the ship would invite the Captain down to dine in the Wardroom, and to my great astonishment, I have discovered that I am the second most senior Lieutenant on board – the most senior one had joined the Navy in 1953! I must be getting old! Anyway, Mike Prior (the Captain’s Secretary) and I selected a group of Lieutenants to host, and we had a very convivial meal indeed. Most enjoyable, and I think the Captain had a good time too, which was the main thing.

  To round off the evening, I nipped up to the TV room to catch the evening film – The Andromeda Strain – which was quite entertaining, with good technical effects, though it wasn’t as good as I remember the book being.

  Friday 20th May 1983

  We were dragged protestingly from our beds this morning at 0545, on the slightly shaky premise that by starting work an hour earlier than usual we could go off on weekend leave an hour earlier. Which is all very well, I suppose, if you are going off on weekend leave. I wasn’t, so this rationale fell on somewhat stony ground at 0600.

  I was very busy all the morning, getting things sorted out ready for the two squadrons – 801 (Sea Harriers) and 820 (Sea Kings ASW) – when they arrive on Monday after we sail from Plymouth.

  We arrived at about lunchtime (lunch having been taken somewhat earlier than usual – starting at 1050 – on the assumption that as breakfast had been eaten in what were effectively the wee small hours, we would all be hungry that much earlier), and there was a fairly concentrated exodus from the ship more or less as soon as we were secured alongside. I was kept running about the ship at speed, by one telephone call (from the Stores Chief Petty Officer at Aberporth, wondering where the money was for the newspapers supplied to the ship while we were in the range), and two visitors. These were both newspaper vendors, one of whom had arrived to supply the papers I had ordered by post last week, and the other had arrived to complain that he was the official vendor for the dockyard. I had brief visions of the two of them coming to blows on the after brow, but it all ended amicably enough.

  In the evening the ship bore a more than passing resemblance to the Marie Celeste, with great, long echoing passages entirely devoid of any apparent form of life, human or otherwise. The number of officers in the Wardroom could comfortably be counted on the thumbs of one foot (a slight exaggeration, perhaps), and clearly all those people able to have seized the opportunity to take one last weekend at home before we head off into the Atlantic for ‘Ocean Safari’. I wish I had been able to join them, but Hastings would take the better part of a day to reach, so it, really is out of the question.

  Saturday 21st May 1983

  The ship is still more or less deserted, though there was at least one more person on board this morning, as I had a visitor. Chris Morris, a Lieutenant I first met at Culdrose, rang the ship and came on board for coffee and a chat. I hadn’t seen him for quite a while; in fact, I think it was actually at Culdrose that we last met and it was most interesting talking to him, as he was the first Air Staff Officer on board Invincible, and we were able to swap views and opinions on the system. In fact, as a result of talking to him, I think I will go to print on the whole question of Air Department manning in the very near future, as the present

  set-up is most unsatisfactory in very many respects.

  I tried to contact Marlin Engineering in the afternoon (the people who make the Marlin kit-car), but they appeared to be closed, probably due to the bloody football final, and also to the fact that there was some sort of a major parade in the centre of Plymouth. If I get the chance, I’ll try to get to see the car when we next reach Plymouth, later this year.

  Sunday 22nd May 1983

  A very, very quiet day, with a virtually empty ship. I spent most of the day just catching up with letters and other bits and pieces, including getting my script ready for the first ITV Live show, which will be on the air on Monday evening, all being well.

  Monday 23rd May 1983

  This was one of those days when my feet appeared to touch the ground very infrequently and extremely briefly. It started with a briefing on a CB (Confidential Book) muster that I’ve just got lumbered with doing, at 0830, and I then spent the rest of the morning taking a couple of Officers Under Training round the department and giving them an introductory briefing. Then there was the evening edition of ITV Live to get sorted out, as well as two air traffic briefings to give to the newly-joined squadrons. All in all, a fairly hectic day.

  The two squadrons, 820 and 802 (the former complete with Prince Andrew), joined us during the afternoon, though a large percentage of their personnel had arrived yesterday
afternoon before we sailed, along with most of their heavy baggage. The ship had set out from Plymouth at about ten this morning, and we were fairly well out towards Land’s End before all the aircraft were on board. It is rather pleasant to have a full Air Group on board again, even for such a short time, and I am rather looking forward to working a fair amount in Flyco over the next few weeks.

  The evening performance, if that’s the word I’m after, of the Bad Taste Show seemed to be quite well received, and it was certainly very pleasant to be back on the air again. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to record the show, as I had hoped, but with any luck at all I will be able to record all future performances. Afterwards I went up into the Guest Room to watch the evening film – Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid – which proved to be one of those films which should really never have made it to the screen, being both long and dull. However, while there I had a word or two with ‘H’ (Prince Andrew), and he is thinking about making a brief appearance on TV for us, so I will have to discuss that a bit more with the powers that be before making any definite plans. I wouldn’t think there would be any difficulty, as he did appear on Invincible’s CCTV system before he left the ship in March 1982.

  Tuesday 24th May 1983

  A full flying day, and a day with the odd incident to break the monotony a bit. First of all, Andrew dragged his sister Anne on board for a look round. She arrived by Royal Flight helicopter at about ten this morning, and departed shortly after lunch, and by all accounts seemed to have enjoyed herself very much. It was very much an informal occasion, as she appeared wearing more or less jeans and a T-shirt, and we had laid on no special services for her – everyone was in standard working gear, and work carried on just as if she wasn’t there. Well, almost as if she wasn’t there. She toured most of the usual spaces on the ship, including the Wardroom, though she had lunch privately with the Captain (who, by the way, knows the lady-in-waiting who accompanied Princess Anne very well, at least, judging by the kisses they exchanged on meeting and saying farewell – to the delight of the watching members of the ship’s company). I saw nothing of her at all, as I had to go up to Flyco to relieve John Lamb just before she visited the Wardroom (and my grotty little office certainly wasn’t on her tour route), and I was then relieved by him before she took off again.

  However, over the lunchtime period I was certainly kept awake, as one of our Harriers called a ‘Mayday’ while on the Air Director frequency in the Operations Room. It seemed he had suffered an engine surge (an uncontrollable increase in revolutions), followed by a flame-out (the engine stopped).

  Now a Sea Harrier with no engine running is not a good place to be, as they have the gliding characteristics of a brick, but fortunately the pilot was able to re-light the engine, and with his number two in company, he set course for RAF St Mawgan, as the nearest suitable airfield to receive him. Fortunately, he made it and landed the aircraft successfully after a Precautionary Landing, but initial reports suggest that the engine itself is in a bit of a mess, and may actually need to be replaced.

  This incident does very clearly point up one of the difficulties of operating from this class of ship, as we have no facilities to accept an aircraft back for anything other than a vertical landing – unlike the old-style carriers, with their arrester wires and barriers. As far as the Sea Harrier pilot is concerned, his engine must be working efficiently to land safely, as he will need full engine power to hover. In this case, the pilot was not getting anything like full power, so if we had not been near land, he would not have been able to land, and would almost certainly have had to eject. It is possible that on the next generation of this carrier type, some sort of barrier system may be incorporated, but that is a long way off yet.

  From my point of view, up in Flyco, there was very little that could be done, as the aircraft was obviously not going to try to recover to the ship, but I did at least brief the three Sea Kings I had in the visual DLP (Deck Landing Practice) circuit on what was going on, just in case we had to send them off to collect the pilot if he had finally had to eject. Other than that, a quiet watch!

  I was supposed to be up in Flyco to control the circuit during the planned helicopter night flying, but in the event the weather clamped very quickly indeed, and night flying was therefore cancelled. That meant that I could get down to the Wardroom to watch the evening film, or the latter two thirds of it anyway. Not a great film, but it certainly had its moments. It was called, I think, American Raspberry, and it was a sort of collage of sketches, some very funny, some not so funny and some sick. There was such a lot happening in the film that I really would rather like to see it again, just to take note of the bits I missed first time round.

  Wednesday 25th May 1983

  Another of those rush-around-in-small-circles-without-actually-achieving-anything kind of days. The photocopier in the office broke down, which was a major crisis in itself, as we do a lot of copying in the office, and the breakdown meant that we had to tramp all the way to the MCO (Main Communications Office) or the Captain’s Office to use their machines. I don’t generally mind walking, but I did get a bit bored after the third trip.

  We heard a few more details about the Sea Harrier incident yesterday – it seems that he flamed out at 15,000 feet, and managed to relight the engine at 11,000 feet, which is a little too low for comfort. Exactly what went wrong with the engine is still not clear, but it is apparently too badly damaged to be repaired in situ, so another engine is being sent over to RAF St Mawgan from RNAS Yeovilton to replace it. From the sound of things, FOD (Foreign Object Damage) seems the most likely cause of the trouble, and as he was far too high for any normal FOD, we suspect that either he ingested a bird (and you would be amazed at how much damage they can do to an engine, though with terminal effects on themselves) or else a piece of his own airframe was sucked in (much like the incident last year on our way back from the South Atlantic, when a suction door was ingested. As a point of interest, the pilot of the Harrier yesterday was the Squadron Commanding Officer, and it was also the Squadron CO who suffered the door ingestion last year… Maybe someone up there has a down on Squadron COs). Anyway, all will no doubt be made clear in due course, once the investigation is over.

  I also had cause to speak to ‘H’ today, as he seemed the right man to answer my question – I wanted to know how his old man spelt his Christian name: was it Phillip or Philip? That may sound rather strange, but I just had one of those peculiar mental blocks, and as the result had to go down on a signal for the world to see, it had to be right. Anyway, if he gets it wrong, I thought, I did have the perfect excuse! (It’s Philip).

  Another very long evening up in Flyco rounded off the day. The Sea King Squadron is rather low on night flying hours, and are consequently very keen to fly as often as possible, for as long as possible. Hence I went up to relieve John Lamb at about ten, and finally got back to my cabin at nearly one in the morning.

  Thursday 26th May 1983

  I actually managed to achieve a certain amount today, as I almost finished a CB muster, or one bit of it anyway. CBs are Confidential Books, which means those classified Confidential or above (all the way up to Cosmic), and several people on the ship hold dozens of them, particularly those officers involved in the fighting of the ship, as there are a host of Rules of Engagement, books on tactics and so on, all of which are fairly sensitive, to grossly understate the case. All these books will have been signed for from the CB Officer, who actually supplies them in the first place, but they have to be checked at periodic intervals, and physically sighted by the checking officer – me! It’s as boring as it sounds to do it, but it is clearly very important that it is done. I’m just grateful that I don’t have to do the cryptographic material as well, as there are thousands of little sealed packets of that to be looked at.

  A busy flying day as well, though things didn’t go entirely as planned, with 801 NAS being reduced to only one serviceable Sea Harrier, after a series of malfunctions, none terribly serious, but a bit em
barrassing, as we now have almost more Harriers sick on shore than we do on the ship. It is hoped that the status quo will be restored tomorrow.

  I was up in Flyco for a good part of the evening, though I did find time to visit the demon barber of 2 Deck, as I certainly needed a trim, and I also did the late night flying as well, once again getting back to my cabin in the early hours of the morning. The idea of a long lie-in gets more and more attractive with every passing day…

  Friday 27th May 1983

  Still pursuing CBs round the ship, I nevertheless got lumbered to do a bit of work in Flyco this morning. It made a change to see the flight deck in daylight, and it was in fact quite an interesting session, as two Sea Kings were doing load lifting (which we use quite a lot for delivering bulky objects to other ship), and also HIFR (Helicopter In-Flight Refuelling). In the latter case, the aircraft appears over the deck, lowers its winch wire and picks up the end of a fuelling line.

  Once the hose reaches the aircraft, the back-seat crew plug it in, and the ship starts pumping fuel into the aircraft. It works well on these ships, though it isn’t so good on a frigate, as the Sea King burns fuel almost as fast as their rather low capacity pumps can force it in. It was the first time I’d seen it done, so it was worth going up for.