Hard to Say Yes (The Fallout Series Book 3) Read online

  Hard to Say Yes

  The Fallout Series 3

  Copyright © 2020 by Heather YoungNichols

  Cover Art by Booked By Design

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  About the Author

  Chapter One

  Going away for the weekend with my boyfriend should’ve been the highlight of my month… hell, the highlight of my year. Yet here I was standing in my bedroom not yet fully packed. Not even all that excited. Part of that was due to how irritated I was over Ian asking Zac Walsh, the father of my child, to take him for the weekend. It was the first time someone had overstepped into my Mom life.

  Then again, a lot about Ian had been bothering me. The way he referred to me as a trophy in front of my friends, for example. To most, it might’ve sounded like a joke. To my ears, he’d been trying too hard for it to sound like a joke. But this… Asking Zac to switch weekends without even consulting me about it was at the top.

  “Mommy, where are you going?” Dylan ran into the room and hopped onto my bed.

  He’d looked like Zac from the moment he came out of me. A tiny bit of dark hair and screaming his head off. Zac’s hair was so dark it was almost black whereas mine was firmly brown, though with a little bit of hairdresser finesse, I’d almost call it light brown now. Dylan started life with blue eyes as most babies do but they quickly went to a dark, almost cocoa brown. I’d been hoping he’d get my hazel because the combination would’ve broken hearts one day.

  “Remember, I told you I’m going away for the weekend with my friend Ian?” I asked him.

  At five years old, he understood more than I would’ve thought. But my policy was to always be as honest with him as possible. Dylan had met Ian on several occasions but they didn’t spend any real time together.

  “I’m going to Daddy’s?”

  I nodded. “Right. You and Daddy and Laney are going to have so much fun.”

  “We always have fun.”

  I gave him a wide smile. “I know.”

  When Zac and I had found out we were having a baby before the end of our junior year of high school, I thought that my life was over. My parents had been pissed, of course, more than that they’d been disappointed but they’d also done this before. One of my sisters had gotten pregnant at fifteen. But Zac had stepped up. He’d wanted to be the dad he’d never had for our kid and that was exactly what he became. A lot of seventeen-year-old guys would’ve bolted.

  We weren’t together as a couple and never had been. Instead, we were happily co-parenting. A relationship with Zac wasn’t something I’d ever wanted and seeing him now with our high school best friend, Laney Douglas, made me almost as happy as they were.

  “Is your bag packed?” I asked him.

  “Yup.”

  “OK, then let me finish and I’ll take you over to Dad’s house.”

  “Yup,” he said again, hopping off my bed and scurrying out of the room.

  Back to packing. Since I’d never gone away with a boyfriend before, I had no idea what to take. I muttered, “Fuck it,” and tossed in whatever I’d wear here at home and called it good. As I dropped bag at the front door, I called out, “Dylan, let’s go!”

  He immediately came running out of his room with his superhero backpack and we headed out.

  I’d chosen this apartment for Dylan and me because it was in the right place, was as safe as it could’ve been and I could afford it. No, it wasn’t huge but two bedrooms was just enough room for him and me. My dad hated that it opened up to the outside instead of a hallway. The biggest plus was that it was only about ten minutes to Zac’s house. Well, Zac and Laney’s house now since he’d moved in with her.

  Laney was back in town permanently now, so it wasn’t hard to predict that they’d be living together in the near future. Maybe even married.

  Dylan ran up Zac’s porch and charged through the front door. After all, this was his home, too. I followed behind because it’d been years since I’d knocked on Zac’s door or he on mine unless it was locked. Laney and I didn’t used to knock either but we weren’t totally back to being the friends the way we’d been before.

  “Hey, Maddie,” Zac said as he squatted down to pull Dylan in his arms. One of the best things about Zac was how much he loved his son. The way he always looked at him with pride. The fact that Dylan was turning into his mini-me probably made him incredibly happy. Dark, almost black hair and brown eyes. Dylan even had his body shape. It was like I hadn’t actually been a part of the gene pool.

  “Hey.”

  “Excited to go away for the weekend?” he asked.

  I shrugged. I should’ve been.

  His brows furrowed. “Why not?”

  After swallowing hard, I said, “No. I am.” My voice was high, not at all like me.

  Zac studied me in a way that only he, our other friend Porter, and maybe Laney could. Knowing something was off with me and knowing exactly what it was were two different things. I didn’t want to say anything about what was going on in my head until I knew exactly what my feelings were. Though I was acutely aware of my anger toward Ian, I thought that maybe we could work through it this weekend.

  “Well, try to have fun then,” Zac said.

  I just smiled before giving Dylan the biggest hug I probably had ever given him and told them I’d see them Sunday.

  On my drive back to my apartment, I tried talking myself down. Ian was the kind of guy I should want to fall for. We’d been dating a year, which was forever for me. Yet he wanted things to progress much faster than I did. I liked him for the most part but still didn’t have an overwhelming feeling of love for him.

  When I pulled into the parking lot, Ian was already there waiting for me.

  “Hey, baby,” he said as he climbed out of his car.

  On the outside, Ian was perfect. Brown hair, clean cut, never a centimeter of stubble on his jaw. Expensive clothing that I never really understood the need for. Sure. He made good money but why waste it on a label when something less expensive would’ve been just as good?

  “Hi,” I answered as I gave him the quick kiss he was expecting. “I just have to run in and grab my bag. Be right back.”

  Ian nodded as I jogged into the apartment.

  When I came back out, he said, “I thought you were going to change.” He did at least take the bag from me and drop it into the trunk. I didn’t think about what he said until we were both back inside his car.

  I wasn’t wearing sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt or anything else Ian should’ve been able to deem undesirable. I’d put on cute jean shorts, sandals with a gemmed lining and a tank top but it was silky and bi
llowed a little. It was a very flattering outfit if I did say so myself. I’d even taken extra time bending my hair into beach waves. The look said we were going somewhere nice but it’d be fun. Which I thought was the entire point.

  Yet even when were on the road for our four-and-a-half-hour road trip to Chicago, I clamped my mouth shut without giving him the attitude I would’ve given anyone else. I’d never been to Chicago and had wanted to go but was rethinking who I was going with right about then. Besides, giving him any cheek would’ve started the trip on the wrong foot. He’d decided on Chicago for the weekend and if there was anything I’d learned about Ian, it was that when he’d decided something, there was no point in arguing about it. Apparently that even applied to the clothing I wore on a car ride.

  This trip should’ve been more exciting than it was. I pretended to sleep a good part of it because I was still upset with him over asking Zac to take Dylan this weekend. Nobody had butted in where Dylan was concerned before. Laney didn’t do it and Ian shouldn’t have.

  “We’re getting off the highway,” Ian said, which made me open my eyes and sit up.

  Chicago was laid out before my eyes. The tall buildings, the massive amount of traffic… I’d gone into Detroit regularly and loved the city vibe, but this was on the next level.

  “We’re staying pretty close. In the River North area.”

  As if I knew what that was. I just nodded and kept watching the city draw closer and closer.

  He swore a few times as he threaded his car into the lanes he needed to be in, ignoring the honking of the other vehicles, and he’d been right. We were at our hotel in no time. It wasn’t a fancy place, but being in the city, I’d bet it was still expensive.

  The first thing I did when we got to our room on the eleventh floor was go to the windows and open the sheers for a bird’s eye view of the area.

  “This is nice, right?” he asked with a huge smile.

  “Sure is,” I told him because I loved everything about the skyline before me.

  “So I was thinking we’d go for a nice dinner tonight then fuck like rabbits on this amazingly soft bed.”

  Instead of groaning at his suggestion, I turned and found him lying on the bed, which was apparently amazingly soft. We actually hadn’t had sex in a while because after what he’d done when it came to Dylan, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to.

  He stood and stalked over to me, not a strand of dark hair out of place. When I’d first met Ian, I worried that other people might think I was trying to replace Zac because they had similar coloring. But Zac and I had never been like that. Dylan was the product of a lonely, sad night that had only happened once.

  When he stopped in front of me, he cupped my cheeks and said, “And I think it’s time we try the thing you weren’t sure you wanted to do.”

  My jaw tensed under his hands. “I never said I wasn’t sure.”

  His smile grew. “Perfect.”

  “Uh, not perfect.” I stepped away from him. “I said I didn’t want to do it. One hundred percent sure I don’t want to do anal with you, so we aren’t trying it.”

  Ian sighed, as if I were testing his patience. “Maddie… ”

  “Nope.” I held up a hand to stop him. “There’s no Maddie in this. I said no before. I’m saying no now and I’ll say no forever.”

  His mouth snapped shut and the muscles in his neck bulged the way they did when he was trying not to lose his shit. “Maybe we should just get ready for dinner. You’ll want to shower, right? And do your hair. Gotta look like that trophy on my arm.”

  My stomach tightened. He knew I hated it when he called me a trophy. “I already did my hair today,” I told him.

  “Did you?” he asked, as if my answer confused him.

  Instead of arguing, I told him to go first and once I heard the water running, I slipped out of the room and went straight out of the hotel for some air.

  All I did was walk around and take in the city. It was a warm, beautiful July day and there were so many people that I could’ve gotten lost in the crowd, which was exactly what I wanted right then. The comment on my hair didn’t bother me, per se but my hair looked good, so I knew it was just a way for Ian to make me feel less than.

  My hair was long-ish, just past my shoulders, and light brown. My sister Natalie had done the highlights and she was amazing at highlights. I’d curled beachy waves into it. It actually looked amazing and since I was a hairstylist, I would’ve known. Still, that wasn’t good enough for Ian.

  Sometimes I wondered why he was with me at all since it seemed every once in a while he was utterly irritated by everything I was.

  We couldn’t go on this way. Once we were back home, I’d have to make a decision about Ian. For now, I just had to make it through the weekend.

  Three calls and ten text messages later, all of which I ignored, I knew I’d better get back to the hotel. When I got to our room, I expected Ian to be angry at my ignoring him, but all he did was ask where I’d gone.

  “For a walk,” I told him.

  “It’s a beautiful day for it,” he said and then he continued unpacking his bag.

  Even though this confused me to no end, I grabbed the dress I’d planned to wear tonight and my makeup bag for a touchup and headed into the bathroom. There was nothing that could’ve made me redo my hair though. I pinned it up carefully so it wouldn’t get wet in the shower. Not only did I not want to take the time to start from scratch but I also wasn’t going to allow Ian to think his comment made me do it.

  Then we were off to dinner. We didn’t take his car; instead, he called up a ride share. This way we wouldn’t have to worry about drinking or traffic, he’d said. What he didn’t know was I had no plans on drinking any alcohol on this trip.

  I couldn’t deny the restaurant was beautiful. It was a steakhouse whose name I didn’t catch on the way in but the dim lighting and the ambience screamed romance. He ordered an appetizer for the table and a glass of wine with his steak. I ordered a salad and a water. Now it looked to be a huge salad, but I wasn’t in the mood for anything heavy. My appetite had disappeared before we ever got here.

  “Get a glass of wine,” he said while the waitress still stood there.

  “No, thank you.”

  “Maddie,” he snapped. “Get the fucking glass of wine.”

  My eyes moved slowly up to his. I couldn’t believe he’d just spoken to me like that in public. The waitress looked as shocked as I felt when I glanced at her.

  This had all started slowly. At first, he was basically perfect. Then he’d make little comments to me but had never really shown anything but being the perfect boyfriend in front of others like this.

  “I said no,” I snapped back at him.

  We stared at each other until the waitress left. This was getting out of control and I needed to be the one to do something about it. I already knew that deep down, if I was being honest with myself.

  “This is nice,” he finally said as he reached out across the table, placing his hand on top of mine.

  “The restaurant is beautiful.”

  He did his deep irritated sigh. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “What did you mean?”

  “You and me. Here. Alone.”

  “Oh.” I couldn’t return the sentiment and instead focused on my very interesting silverware.

  “You know I could have any woman I want, but I choose you.”

  This wasn’t the first time he’d said that. “If you have to keep reminding me of that,” I told him, “maybe you chose wrong.”

  “No. We look great together. People are jealous when we walk into a room.”

  No idea what that meant or why what others felt mattered, but OK.

  “Listen.” He pulled an envelope out of his sport coat pocket. The waitress dropped our appetizer off but kept moving. She obviously didn’t want to spend more time at our table than she had to. “I’ve been thinking about the future.”

  My stomach clenched. “The future.�
�� This acidy taste flooded my mouth.

  “Yeah, I’ve done some looking online and apparently it’d be pretty easy for you to sign over full custody of Dylan to Zac. Assuming he wants it. He seems like the kind of guy who would.”

  Ian pulled some papers from the envelope then slid them toward me. Dumbfounded, I sat there blinking. He couldn’t have said what I thought I’d heard. That would be crazy. But I opened the folded papers anyway.

  Sure enough. They were documents to transfer custody that Ian had already begun filling out with my information. What. The. Fuck.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I yelled louder than I intended. We were in public after all. But this was about eight million steps too far even for him.

  “It would give us some time to be a couple.”

  “Time as a couple?” I repeated.

  “Yeah. Without the hassle of a kid being around. We could be spontaneous and—”

  “Who the fuck do you think you are?” I asked at a more normal volume. There was no coming back from this. He went to answer, but I cut him off again. “Do you think for one second that I’d choose you over my own fucking kid? I love Dylan. I tolerate you.”

  His jaw tightened and he looked mildly irritated by my words. “Don’t get emotional over this, Maddie.”

  “Don’t get emotional?” I asked with all of the outrage I felt running through my veins as I pushed up from the table. “He is my son and I love him more than anything in this world. Of course Zac would take him if I asked, but I wouldn’t ask. I’d never give up my son to anyone. Or for anyone.”

  “Maddie—”

  “No.” I picked up my full glass of water and tossed the liquid in his surprised face. Then followed that with dumping everything else on the table into his lap. The people around us gasped and the whispering started. I didn’t give a fuck.