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  I nodded, “That’s not so bad, I guess.” I murmured.

  He nodded, “Well, no – but you might need the whole process to be repeated the following day if we don’t get enough the first time.”

  Great... Just remind me again – why was I doing all this for someone who hated everything about me?

  Chapter 22 – Waiting...

  Franz

  It was a tense few days waiting for the results of the blood test but finally he got the call he was on tenterhooks waiting for.

  He turned to me when he ended the call, “I’m a match. They want me in this afternoon to begin the procedure – the first appointment is apparently kind of boring and very long – with a lot of sitting around...” As much as he was trying to play it off as nothing to worry about, there was definitely something lurking behind those beautiful big brown eyes that I thought was close to fear. Was it the procedure that he was afraid of? Or was it what it represented? Was he worried that his father would reject his help?

  I was a little shocked to realise that he was so insecure. Buzz was kind of my hero. Nothing seemed to ever faze him – he’d done the whole injections every day for four days without batting an eyelid... Hell, he was a bouncer. He dealt with drunken idiots that wanted to fight every night of the week... but this was something else and if he was afraid, then I wanted to be his hero for a change. “Want me to come with you?” I offered. I had nothing to do this afternoon and I was happy to go with him.

  He raised his eyebrows hopefully at me, “Really?” he asked, “You’ll come with me?”

  I rolled my eyes, “Well, of course I will. I’m a very good boyfriend.” I said without really thinking about it. I bit my lip once the words were out of my mouth. As much as I had a key to his house and he’d said we were exclusive, we hadn’t actually officially established our relationship yet. Was I being too presumptuous?

  From the adoring smile on his face I guessed I’d just struck gold. “You want to be my boyfriend?” he asked softly, “Oh, wow. That’s amazing.”

  I jumped into his arms, “Of course I want to be your boyfriend, Buzz – I’ve wanted to be your boyfriend since I first laid eyes on you – I thought I’d already told you that.”

  He shrugged, “Yeah, you did when we first met – but you know me better now.” He bit his lip, “You know what I’m like... What I like...” he trailed off, looking embarrassed.

  I gaped at him, “What are you on about?”

  He bit his lip and looked at the floor before raising his eyes back up and looking at me bashfully, “Don’t you think I’m weak?” he asked.

  I blinked, “Weak?” I repeated. “What the fuck are you on about?” What was he on about? He was the strongest guy I knew. He was physically strong – that went without saying with his height and build... but there was a calm inner-strength to him too. He looked after absolutely everyone he knew. Hell, he was even here now, looking after his waste-of-space father who’d kicked him out of his life nigh on ten years ago...

  “You know,” he said looking embarrassed, “wanting you to take the lead...”

  Light finally dawned. He was talking about sex. “Hey, babe.” I said, “I don’t care whether I’m flat on my back – or if you are – as long as we’re together, I couldn’t give a fuck.”

  He smiled, his eyes hopeful, “Are you sure?”

  I nodded, taking his hands in mine, “I couldn’t be happier than when I’m with you,” I said, “I love you, Buzz.”

  He opened his mouth to reply, but the nurse came barging in at that moment, “Barnard Porter?”

  I looked up blankly. I might be in love with Buzz, but I actually had no idea what his real name was.

  He stood up, “Yeah, that’s me.”

  I blinked, “Barnard?” I asked.

  He pulled a face, “Yeah, it’s not the best name in the world.”

  I looked at him. I’d only ever known him as Buzz. I guess I knew it couldn’t be his real name, but I’d never put too much thought into what his real name was either and it hadn’t mattered. He was mine and I loved him – end of... “I like it.” I said, “Makes you sound kind of posh.”

  He chuckled, “Well, you know I’m not.” He said, “Come on – we’d better go.”

  I followed him down the corridor.

  *

  He was right. It was a very boring few hours, “God.” I exclaimed after a couple of hours, “If we do have to do this again, tomorrow, we’re bringing the X-Box or something.” I grumbled, “Or at least a good book.

  Buzz smiled at me, “Well, that might be a good idea for you.” He said, “But I don’t like books.”

  I gaped at him, “You don’t like books?” I asked incredulously.

  He blushed and shook his head, “You know I can’t read very well...”

  I was shocked. He’d hidden that well. I would have had no idea... I knew he was dyslexic but I hadn’t really thought about how that affected his reading – call me slow... “But you definitely can read – and write. You texted me...” Oh... It occurred to me belatedly that he might have got someone else to do it...

  He nodded, blushing furiously, “yeah, I know. Predictive text.” He said with a rueful grin, “It’s a lifesaver.”

  I smiled. “You’re amazing.”

  He smiled back at me, “No,” he said, “You’re amazing – and, Franz?”

  I looked at him, “Yeah?”

  His smile was breathtaking, “I love you, too.”

  My heart rate about doubled when he said that. My eyes filled with tears as emotion took over me.

  “Come here.” He said, holding out his hand and giving me a mischievous grin, “I seriously need a cuddle from my boyfriend.”

  Oh man, I could really get used to being called his boyfriend...

  The nurse appeared again, “How are you boys doing?” she asked, smiling around at us both, “Want a cup of tea?”

  I nodded, “I would love one.” I said, “But can you make Buzz a coffee? He doesn’t really like tea.”

  “Of course I can,” she said, and went away with a smile.

  I leaned closer to Buzz, “I’m gonna give you a really good time tonight.” I murmured in his ear, “I’ve got some new toys that I thought we might try out – how do you fancy that?”

  Buzz’s eyes glazed over with lust and he nodded, “I think that sounds like a great idea.” He murmured.

  Chapter 23 – Apologies...

  Buzz

  After hours and hours of doing nothing but wait for the procedure to end, I was knackered. The doctor came in at the end of the session to tell me that he’d call me the next day to tell me whether or not it was successful or not. If not – we’d be back for hours on end again tomorrow. If it was successful... Well, I guess I’d have to actually go and see the old bastard...

  Franz must have been able to read my mind... “So, are you going to go and tell him?” he asked, looking at me with an expectant look on his face.

  I shook my head, “Uh, not today.” I said, “It’s been a long day... I just want to go home and rest before I have to start at work.”

  He sighed, “But he’s your dad, Buzz.” He said, “Don’t you want him to know it’s you who’s saving his life?”

  I shrugged, “Not really,” I said, “what difference does it make?” It really made no difference to me...

  Franz smiled at me, “It makes all the difference.” He said, “He might realise what a complete fool he’s been for the last few years by not having you in his life.”

  I rolled my eyes, “Or he might say that he doesn’t want the treatment and that he’d rather die.” I really didn’t need to hear that.

  Franz shook his head, “I think you’re wrong.”

  He was right, though – he really was my voice of reason. If I went home now, I’d likely never want to come back. “You’re right.” I muttered with a sigh, “We’ll go and see him in a minute.

  It only took a few minutes to find the ward he was in, but it took me ages to actually bring myself to walk into the ward and face him. Eventually I grew a pair and went in.

  “Hi, Dad.” I approached the bed.

  He looked up at me and blinked, “Barnard?” he asked incredulously, “Is that really you?”

  I winced. “Yeah,” I said, a little sarcastically, “Shocker. It’s really me.”

  His lip trembled, “I didn’t think you’d come.”

  I shrugged, “Well, you never really did know me, did you Dad?”

  He sighed and shook his head, “I’m so sorry, son. For everything I said and did.”

  I nodded, “Well, I could have handled my coming out a little better but...” I trailed off. Would it be too shocking for him to hear about Susan’s behaviour?

  He frowned, “You trusted me and I let you down, son.”

  I nodded, “I was so afraid...”

  He frowned, “No,” he argued, “You were very brave to come and tell me – I was just my usual bull-headed self...” he looked slightly ashamed.

  I took a deep breath, “But there was something else that I never told you...” I trailed off. I had to tell him the truth about his sister. I’d lose my sanity if I didn’t finally get it off my chest.

  He shook his head, not really listening to me, “I didn’t know how to handle it...”

  I took a deep breath. I’d allowed that woman to get away with lying about me – and outing me against my will. The bitch had been lying all of this time, poisoning him against me – and she’d probably continued with her pursuit of grooming young guys since. She needed stopping. I cleared my throat, “Aunt Susan was trying to get me into bed, Dad – that was why I had to come out. I didn’t want to tell anyone that I was gay at that time. I was still coming to terms with it myself – but she fo
rced my hand, she said she was going to say I’d raped her.”

  Franz’s jaw dropped and Dad stared up at me in utter disbelief. Well, I might not have amounted to much academically but fuck, I was good at dropping bombshells.

  I turned to Franz apologetically, “Could I maybe have a minute alone with my father?”

  He nodded and drifted away to the door. I immediately felt his loss and wished I’d not asked for a minute alone.

  Dad was still staring at me in utter horror, “Susan molested you?” he asked.

  I shrugged, “Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it being molested.” I hedged, “She pushed herself up against me and stroked me in places she had no business stroking me.” I was as red as a beetroot and felt the hot flush of shame that always accompanied a memory of my aunt.

  “Oh, my God.” Dad whispered, “Audrey always said...”

  I blinked. What? “Mum had suspicions about her?” I asked. And she never thought to come and talk to me about it?

  He nodded.

  Fuck. I really should have told Mum...

  He wiped his hands down his face, “Oh, God... I’m so sorry, son – we let you down. I...”

  It was too much. I had to get out of there. I stood up and backed away towards the door, “I’ll be back later.” I blurted out before bolting.

  Franz was stood just outside. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  I nodded, breathing hard, “I’ll be fine.” I muttered, leaning over and putting my hands on my knees, trying to gather myself, “I always am.”

  He sighed, “No you’re not.” He murmured, stroking my back, “You’ve got a beautiful soul but you’ve been damaged by your past. I’m here to fix that.”

  I sighed and stood up straight. Leaning into him, I rubbed my nose against his and smiled, “You are my Christmas miracle. Did you know that?”

  He nodded, smiling back at me, “Yeah,” he said, “or maybe I’m cupid.”

  I chuckled, “You’re perfect is what you are.”

  He smiled at me, “Did you tell him you were his match?”

  I shook my head, “We didn’t actually get that far.” I said, “The walls kind of closed in on me and I had to get out of there...”

  He sighed, “So, are you going to go back in there and tell him?”

  I took a deep breath as a lump formed in my throat. I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t show emotion. That I’d come, say my piece, tell him that his life wasn’t quite over yet since I was miraculously a match and then get the hell out of there. Seeing him looking so ill and frail, however, was a shock. I loved my dad. I just didn’t like him very much.

  I nodded, “Come with me?”

  He smiled, “I’d follow you to the ends of the earth, Buzz.” He said, “So of course I’ll come with you.”

  We walked back in, hand-in-hand.

  I could see that Dad had spotted our entwined fingers but he didn’t change his expression. He sat up, looking earnest.

  “I’m really sorry, Barnard.” He started, “I had no idea about Susan – and as for everything else...”

  I cut him off, “Are you really sorry?” I asked, trying my best not to make it sound too harsh and probably failing miserably, “Or are you just sorry that you’re dying?” Well it was a valid question. I doubted he’d have the balls to answer me.

  He frowned, “No, son – I’m not afraid of dying – I made my peace with that a long time ago.” Fury shot through me at his words. He was happier to die than to have my blood pumping through his veins. He really did hate me... “I’m just so sorry for everything I did wrong. I didn’t understand – and I didn’t even try to. I was horrified that you liked men instead of women and instead of trying to understand it I just got angry with you...” he shook his head and muttered, “And I really wish you’d said what Susan was up to...”

  I ignored his comments about his sister. I didn’t want to mention that woman’s name again for as long as I lived. It was the way he’d dealt with finding out that I was gay that I’d come to realise was what really mattered to me, “I do know all this, Dad,” I said sarcastically, “I was there, remember? And I also understand that you’d rather die than accept my help.” My voice cracked. So much for not showing emotion...

  Franz squeezed my hand, “Will you stop being all defensive about this and listen to your father, Buzz – he’s trying to apologise.” He whispered in my ear.

  I squeezed his hand back, “Yeah,” I said, letting all my breath go in one big huff, “You’re right.”

  I turned back to Dad. “Look, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to anything like we were before you kicked me out of our house and out of your life, Dad – but I’d like us to have some sort of relationship.” I turned to Franz, “This is my boyfriend, Franz Krämer.”

  Dad smiled and held his hand out, “It’s very nice to meet you, Franz – I’ve heard a little about you.” My jaw dropped as Dad added, “Simon told me – I understand you’re into performing arts or something?”

  I blinked. Wow! Simon had told him I had a boyfriend – and he’d actually remembered what he’d told him? Unbelievable!

  Franz grinned, “Yeah,” he said enthusiastically, “I’m in my second year – I’m really loving it.”

  Dad turned back to me, “He’s a charming fellow.” He said, “I’d love you to both come for dinner when – if – I get out of here...”

  I nodded, “You’re going to be fine,” I said confidently, “Once they’ve done the transplant, I’m sure you’ll be feeling a whole lot better and we’ll all have dinner together – I’ll even cook.”

  His jaw dropped, “They’ve found a match?” he asked.

  I nodded, swallowing hard I finally managed to get the words out, “Of course they found a match you fucking idiot. If you weren’t such a prejudiced prick you’d have been well a long time ago. It’s me. I’m your match, Dad. It’s down to me to save your life.”

  Dad smiled up at me, “God works in mysterious ways.” He said softly. Before I could scoff at him and tell him that I didn’t believe in that shit for one second, he floored me with his next sentence, “And I couldn’t ask for a better man to help me out in my hour of need.”

  I looked at Franz in shock. He smiled at me and slinging his arm around my waist he gave me a squeeze, “You see.” He said, “I told you that you were the best man on the planet.”

  I chuckled softly and without even thinking about it I leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips. Dad didn’t even bat an eyelid; instead he reached for my hand. “Thank God I’ve got you back in my life, Barnard.” He said and honestly, in that moment, I don’t think it had anything to do with me being a match...

  Chapter 24 – Can’t argue...

  Buzz

  I smiled as Franz slipped his hand into mine as we walked down the corridor towards the main entrance. It felt so natural and right. My heart felt lighter than it had in years. Franz loved me and Dad hadn’t batted an eyelid that Franz and I were an item. Not that he should have done – he’d known what I was for long enough – but to finally be accepted for the way I was... well, it was just brilliant.

  “Shall we pick up a takeaway?” Franz asked, looking up at me anxiously, “You’ve been through a lot today and I don’t want you cooking when we get back.”

  I smiled and shook my head, “No need. I’ve prepared something and it’s all in the fridge – do you want to do it and I’ll just tell you what goes with what?”

  He smiled at me, “That’ll work.” He said, “Let’s go home, big guy.”

  We went to wait for the bus. The weather was bloody awful, it had snowed on and off for the last couple of days and the roads were mainly clear – but up and around where I lived, it was never cleared and I didn’t fancy the idea of us coming off the bike on a patch of black ice.

  We’d gone to the hospital in a taxi but rather than wasting a load of money, we caught the bus back.

  Finally, we got home. It was snowing and settling pretty fast. “Oh, look Buzz,” Franz sighed, “We might even get a white Christmas.”

  I slung an arm around his shoulder, “That would be pretty cool.” I agreed, “Let’s hope so, huh?”