Sam I Am Read online

  Well, not exactly in that class.

  Her class was choir and his was advanced guitar, but they were held in the same drama department at the same time and there was nothing between them to keep her from surreptitiously glancing at him except the thick glass window of the sound room.

  Logan had lived in her small town for a long time – too long, by her book. But in all of the years she’d spent there, she had only ever had a crush on one boy. And that crush, she had suffered since the fourth grade.

  She remembered her first meeting with Dom as if it was yesterday. She’d been running on the torn asphalt and gravel playground, trying to escape some kid who liked tagging the girls because they were slower.

  Logan had never been one to give up easily, so she had run with all of her might, and when she’d run out of space to go straight, she’d made a hard right. The kid leapt, tagging her hard in the back and knocking her off balance. She lunged forward and hit the ground at a roll, scraping up everything from her shoulders on down.

  The first person in the world to be at her side on that playground was Dominic Maldovan. She had looked up, through a tilted world of blurred shock and pain, and Dominic had been there, dressed in a leather jacket, even at his age. Even in the fourth grade.

  He had reached down and offered her his hand.

  She’d taken it. He walked her to the nurse’s office, right up to the door, and didn’t leave until the nurse closed it between them.

  It was strange, but in the years following that day, he never spoke to Logan. Not really. He would occasionally say “hi,” or nod in that rocker-like way he always did. He would smile at her, sort of lopsided and gorgeous, over his broad, leather-encased shoulder.

  And she would duck her head and hide her eyes and dream at night about the young man in the black leather jacket with eyes like flinted jade and hair the color of raven’s wings.

  He was the only boy she had ever crushed on; the only one she thought even remotely appealing or attractive. Maybe her standards were too high. Or maybe she had no interest in dating someone she didn’t feel was worth it, just for the sake of dating. It wasn’t her thing. She could take boys or leave them. It didn’t really matter. Life was complicated enough for her as it was.

  But Dominic gave her hope. He was, to her, a glimpse of what might be if the world looked the way it would have looked if she had painted it.

  If she had written its story.

  It would be so beautiful – and its men would wear black leather jackets.

  Of course, she wasn’t alone in her opinion of Dominic Maldovan. Practically every girl in the school had a thing for him. It was hard not to. He was so tall, he stood at least a head above most of the other boys in the school. He played guitar as if he’d been born with a pick between his thumb and forefinger. He even had a band – and they were good. But most of all, when Dominic looked at you, with those piercing green eyes of his, he really looked at you – as if he were truly seeing you there.

  That was rare for boys.

  And it drove Logan slightly mad. It was the stuff of dreams; it was definitely the stuff of her dreams. And she’d missed him this morning because her brother had gone ballistic. Literally.

  With a heavy sigh and a heart that felt equally heavy, Logan shut her locker door and turned to peer down the empty hallway. Her mother had made excuses for her, as usual. It was nothing new, and embarrassing as it was, Logan was used to the principal simply nodding at her as she walked through the school’s front door two hours late.

  The one good thing that came of it was that she could take her time sorting herself out before she went to third period. She was already late. She was already behind. She may as well stand there and breathe and think before she was shoved head-long into what was left of another stressful high school day.

  The silence in the halls was so very rare. To Logan, when she stood still and alone in the hallway between classes or after school, she felt as if she’d entered some kind of movie or book or even a dream. It was surreal to hear the echoes of the twelve hundred students who had traversed the hall only moments ago – but stare down its length and see nothing but rows and rows of lockers and a few pieces of careless trash.

  It was like living in a ghost story. She expected to catch a glimpse of some student body president from the past, outlined in white transparency, with holes where his eyes had once been.

  But that was just Logan. That was the way her mind worked.

  It kept her sane when Taylor sent someone to the emergency room or her mother began to slur her speech or her father had one of his bad days.

  Now, the silence in the hall stretched and she began to feel the guilty prodding of time at her back. She needed to get to class. But she hated third period. It was a newly required part of their curriculum – a health class – taught by the gym teacher, who was a meat head in the worst kind of way. And none of her friends were in that class with her.

  “Hey Logan.”

  Logan jumped and spun around at the sound of the deep voice behind her. She barely managed to keep down the yelp of surprise that threatened her lips, but the wide eyes and quickened pulse, she was helpless to stop.

  Dominic Maldovan smiled guiltily down at her. “Sorry,” he chuckled. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

  Logan swallowed hard, trying to get past the lump in her throat, but it was difficult; her mouth had gone dry.

  “No, you – you didn’t –” Logan croaked on her words and blushed furiously. She put her hand to her chest and turned her face away, trying to clear her voice. Dominic Maldovan is talking to me, she thought. He’s alone with me, here in the hall, and he’s talking to me!

  She could feel Dominic smiling beside her. It was wholly unnerving.

  “You didn’t scare me,” she finally finished. She was completely unconvincing.

  “Okay,” Dominic grinned. “I noticed you weren’t in class today.”

  You noticed? Logan thought feverishly. He’s talking to me and he noticed I wasn’t in class? “I… I was late getting here this morning. Family issues,” she explained softly. She had no idea why she was explaining this to him. Most of her couldn’t really believe that she was alone, in the hall, talking to Maldovan in the first place.

  I must be dreaming, she decided. I’ve had dreams like this before, after all.

  “Oh? Is everything okay?” he asked, his brow furrowed.

  “Everything’s fine,” she lied.

  Dominic gazed steadily down at her. He’s seeing me, Logan thought. He’s really seeing me.

  “I gotta get back to class,” he finally said, pulling the hall pass out of his back pocket and giving it a little wave in the air before shoving it back in. “Take it easy, Logan.” He nodded at her once, in that respectful, rocker-like way he always did, and then he stepped around her and headed down the long length of the hall.

  Logan watched him round the corner. And then she groaned defeatedly and slumped against her shut locker. Way to blow it, Logan, she thought.

  Dominic rounded the corner and ducked into the men’s restroom. Once inside, he leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. Smooth, Dom. Very, very smooth.

  Moron.

  He mentally kicked himself with steel-toed boots, standing there, cursing softly, until several minutes had passed and he felt a bit better.

  How many years had passed? How many chances had he lost? What, exactly, was he afraid of?

  She’ll turn you down, man. She’s a fucking genius. She’s creative, she’s gorgeous, she’s quiet…. You’re out of her league.

  It would seem Dominic wasn’t quite done kicking himself yet after all. A plethora of unpleasant thoughts chased each other through his head. Another opportunity had come, serendipitous and perfect, and he’d let it slip through his fingers.

  All because he was afraid of rejection. Just like every other sorry-ass high school kid in existence.

  It hurt all the more because this was their final year together.
They were seniors, with less than half a term left, and he wasn’t stupid. He knew that once Logan Wright graduated and rid herself of this sorry excuse for a town, she would be hit on by every college kid she crossed paths with. And maybe one of them would be in her league, and probably he would show her how special she was and she would smile at him.

  Dominic’s hands fisted at his sides and his teeth ground together. Now all he could imagine was Logan Wright with another guy; he couldn’t get the image out of his head.

  Cool it, Dom. Get control of yourself. He opened his eyes and strode to the sinks against one wall. All of the mirrors had been shattered long ago, and most of the faucets were broken. But one of the four still worked. He turned it on and caught the cold water in his hands, splashing it over his face.

  A few minutes later, he dried off and left the bathroom to head back to class. He felt a little better.

  He’d come to a decision.

  Time was not on his side. And where Logan was concerned, he wasn’t going to waste any more of it.

  Chapter Two

  It was half-way through the passing period between sixth and seventh period when Logan’s cell phone beeped with a text notice. She glanced down at the LCD screen and felt the blood drain from her face.

  It was her mother. Her mother never bothered her at school unless something bad had happened. Again.

  Katelyn had already asked her over for some studying before Logan had to head to work. Logan had gratefully accepted the invitation. Anything to get out of the insane asylum.

  But as she dialed the call back number and lifted her phone to her ear, her heart sank. She knew it wouldn’t be happening. It almost never did.

  “It’s me, mom.”

  She listened, not even bothering to allow emotion to register on her features. She simply absorbed the information her mother almost mechanically gave her. Taylor had woken up disoriented from the Ativan. He’d been scared… he’d attacked Kayla. She was okay. But her shoulder was sprained and she was getting stitches in her scalp.

  “Okay.” Logan replied to a question her mother asked. “What room?” Her voice sounded far off, even to her own ears.

  No one around her paid her any attention. The warning bell for seventh period sounded and Logan blocked out the sound. In a few seconds, she hung up and took her back pack out of her locker. She absent-mindedly picked a few of her text books from the stack and shoved them into her bag.

  Then she threw the bag over her shoulder and left the school to head for the hospital.

  Meagan shrank beneath the cowl of her black cloak as the wind picked up a few dried-paper leaves and tossed them into the air. She looked around nervously.

  She was alone in the graveyard.

  She found a place beneath the shelter of an old oak and then knelt, wracking her brain, trying desperately to remember the words the Grove leader had warned her to memorize. She’d thought she’d had them down. She really did. She hadn’t taken this lightly!

  But then she’d managed to come down with some sort of head cold and she felt fuzzy and indistinct and the words to the spell swam in disorder in her befuddled head and…. Shit! She swore internally. Fuck and damn! she swore again. Now, the spell was a jumbled mess in her head. And she couldn’t straighten it out.

  Not to save my life, she thought, weakly. I feel like shit.

  Nevertheless, she was running out of time.

  The ceremony had to be performed tonight. Before midnight. It was October 1st. The moon was full. And it was the first moon of a blue pair – the second would come on the 31st. This was vital.

  God damn it all to Hell! She yanked the cloak off of her shoulders with an angry flourish and let it fall to the cemetery floor. Then she sneezed. It sent a horribly delicious chill throughout her entire body. Oh crap, she thought. There was no getting out of this. She didn’t have a choice. It was now or never. The Lord of the Dead needed to be kept where he was. If she didn’t do this right….

  October was not like the other months. People didn’t realize it, either. Well, some did, but to them, it was nothing more than a feeling. An inkling. A scent on the wind.

  The truth was that October was really one giant, massive, door. And it was always waiting to be opened. It was waiting to swing wide on an unsuspecting world.

  Meagan needed to keep that door shut.

  Here goes everything, she thought. And then she began to chant.

  * * * *

  “You’re late, sweetheart.”

  “Fuck off, Randy. I got here when I could.” Logan pulled off her jacket and hung it on the hook, keeping her head down as she pulled the apron off of the hook beside it and draped it over her neck.

  But Randy wasn’t a stupid man. Mean, yes. Stupid, not exactly. “You’ve been crying again, haven’t you?”

  “No.”

  He gave a short, derisive snort and shook his head. Logan glanced up at him, knowing it was useless to try to hide the redness in her amber eyes.

  “Sweetheart, you’re too sensitive. Everyone has family problems. You need to stop letting yours interfere with your work.” He nodded, at once pleased with his little quip of wise advice.

  Logan stiffened and remained quiet. She occupied herself with pretending to review the evening’s order chart.

  Randy went on, regardless. “Get here on time tomorrow night.” He took a pan of pastries to the door that led to the display counter, his wrist watch glittering beneath the kitchen lights. He paused and looked her over, his dark eyes taking on a nasty gleam. “Or I’ll sign you up for fewer hours.” Then he walked through the door, leaving Logan alone.

  At once, she set down the chart and closed her eyes. Maybe he’s right, she thought, bitterly. He’s an asshole, but I am too sensitive. It’s just me. Other people have it worse. They have bruises – I don’t. They can handle it just fine.

  Why can’t I?

  * * * *

  There was no substance. Nothing to hold on to. He was free, but he felt as if he would float away from the earth, fall off of it, and get lost in the blackness of space.

  He needed something. Something tangible to become – to hold on to.

  There was an old silver-blue car just ahead. He didn’t know why, but he was drawn to it. It sat alone in the parking lot, its scratches and dents highlighted by the harsh brilliance of the parking lot lights.

  He floated toward it. And then he floated through it, into the front end.

  A notebook sat in the passenger seat. It seemed to glow with welcome. He willed it open and read….

  * * * *

  It always felt to Logan as if the dramatic nature of a day ought to dictate how the night proceeded after it. The night should be a time of mourning for anything that had been suffered while the sun was up. But it didn’t work that way, and despite the events of the last few hours, the night’s work at the pastry shop went as it always did.

  Of course, Logan’s mind wandered from time to time. As usual, her teenage brain whirled around two basic and very different things. One part of her reviewed the day’s events in vivid, traumatic detail.

  While the other half of her feverishly created another world.

  Tonight’s world had vampires in it. They were gorgeous, tall, smooth-talking vampires. And they had a king… with blonde hair and blue eyes and a shit-load of money. The king wanted to make her their queen. She would pretend to put up a fight at first, of course. But, eventually, she would give in. And let him turn her.

  Logan closed her eyes as she imagined the climactic scene. The sex would be mind-blowing. He would take her as if his hunger for her were insatiable. As if his thirst for her were unquenchable. He would be a force of fury and need and love, and as he came within her, he would sink his fangs into her throat.

  Yes, she thought. He would drink her in. And then he would make her drink of him. And she would be invincible. She liked that idea. Immortality. An end to pain and weakness. She could take out anyone as a vampire.

  In that w
orld, there were no families. No parents and no brothers and there was no nausea or cramping and no swearing and there were no holes in the walls….

  By the time the shop closed down for the night, Logan yearned whole-heartedly for the notebook she had left in the passenger seat of her parents’ car. It was a five-subject spiral notebook. Each section held a different story. They were stories she’d dreamed up and penned when she had desperately needed to escape this world.

  And enter another.

  She longed for that notebook now like a man without legs must long to walk. That – and the ball-point pen she’d left in the cup holder.

  “Your turn with the trash, Wright,” Randy called to her over his shoulder as he locked the front door and then turned to make his way to the back of the shop. Logan didn’t respond. She already knew it was her turn. She never forgot to take out the trash. Or sweep up or mop or clean the bathroom.

  He only reminded her – again and again – because he knew it bothered her that she was never allowed to do these things on her own. He liked having that bit of control over her. He liked having any control over her.

  “And don’t forget what I said, sweetheart. You wanna keep working here, you’ll get here on time tomorrow night.”

  That’s it, she thought. The day’s adrenaline rush had been simmering, left there in the bottom of her conscious, for just such a moment. “You do realize that I’m a volunteer here, right?” she countered, one hand on her hip bone, the other wrapped around the top of a full garbage bag.

  He shoved his keys into his jeans pocket and cocked his head to one side. His eyes glittered darkly. “Oh I know, sweetheart.” He took a step toward her, then, and Logan’s stomach began to churn once more.

  “But where would you go, little Luka, if you didn’t have this ‘job’ of yours to come to every night? You think I don’t know how badly you want out of that house of yours?”

  Logan swallowed. She was suddenly very conscious of the fact that she was a young woman, and that she was alone in an otherwise empty building on a now-deserted street - with a young man.