Mr. And Mrs. Woodbridge Read online

  "You are right" murmured Woodbridge. "If always admitted behind the scenes, perhaps fewer beaux would be willing to take the character of husbands."

  They now descended the lower staircase, and went to inspect the kitchen, which formed a part of what in Philadelphia is called the back building. Woodbridge pointed out to his wife its numerous conveniences; upon which she told him that she was sorry to find he knew so much about kitchens. They then took a survey of the chambers; and on afterwards descending the stairs they came to a few steps branching off from the lower landingplace, and entered a door which admitted them into a narrow room in the back−building, directly over the kitchen. This room had short windows, a low ceiling, a small coal−grate, and was in every respect very plainly finished.

  "This" said Woodbridge "is the room I intend for my library."

  "I did not know I had married a literary man" said Charlotte looking highly discomposed.

  "I am not what is termed a literary man" replied her husband "I do not write, but I take much pleasure in reading. And it is my intention to have this room fitted up with book−shelves, and furnished with a library−table, a stuffed leather fauteuil, a reading−lamp, and whatever else is necessary to make it comfortable."

  "Where then is to be our sitting−room?"

  "We can seat ourselves very well in either the back parlor or the front one. We will have a rocking−chair a−piece, besides ottomans or sofas."

  "But where are we to eat our meals?"

  "In the back parlor, I think unless you prefer the front."

  "I prefer neither. We never ate in a parlour at ma's in spite of all pa' could say. Down in the basement story we were so snug, and so out of the way."

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  "I have always been accustomed to eating quite above ground" said Woodbridge "I am quite as much opposed to the burrowing system as you say your good father was."

  "Oh! but he had to give up" replied Charlotte.

  "Which is more than I shall do" answered her husband looking very resolute. "On this point my firmness is not to be shaken."

  "Nobody asks you to eat in the basement story" said Charlotte "because there is none. But this little room in the back−building is the very thing for our common sitting−place and also to use as a dining−room."

  "We can dine far more agreeably in one of the parlors."

  "The parlors, indeed! suppose somebody should chance to come in and catch us at table, would not you be very much mortified?"

  "By no means I hope I shall never have cause to be ashamed of my dinner."

  "You don't know what may happen. After a trial of the expenses of housekeeping, we may find it necessary to economize. And whether or not, I can assure you I am not going to keep an extravagant table. Ma' never did in spite of pa's murmurings."

  "Then we will economize in finery rather than in comfort" said Woodbridge. "I do not wish for an extravagant table, and I am not a gourmand; but there is no man that does not feel somewhat meanly when obliged, in his own house, to partake of a paltry or scanty dinner; particularly when he knows that he can afford to have a good one."

  "That was just the way pa' used to talk to ma'. He said that as the head of the house earned all the market−money (only think of his calling himself the head of the house,) and gave out a liberal allowance of it, he had a right to expect, for himself and family, a well−supplied and inviting table. He had some old saying that he who was the bread−winner ought to have his bread as he liked it."

  "And in this opinion I think most husbands will coincide with Mr. Stapleford" said the old gentleman's son−in−law.

  "There will be no use in that, unless their wives coincide also" remarked the old gentleman's daughter.

  "However, to cut the matter short, whatever sort of table we may keep, this apartment must certainly be arranged for an eating room."

  "But we really do not require it for that purpose" replied her husband, with strange pertinacity "and I must positively have it for a library."

  "The truth is, dear Harvey" said Charlotte, coaxingly "I am afraid if I allow you a regular library, I should lose too much of your society think how lonely I shall be when you are away from me at your books. Even were I always to sit with you in the library, (as Mrs. Deadweight does with her husband,) it would be very hard for me to keep silent the whole time, according to her custom. And if, like Mrs. Le Bore, I were to talk to you all the while you were reading, perhaps you might think it an interruption. Mrs. Duncely, who has had four husbands (two lawyers, one doctor, and a clergyman,) all of whom spent as little time with her as they could, frequently told us that libraries were of no use but to part man and wife. Dear Harvey, it would break my heart to suppose that you could prefer any thing in the world to the company of your own Charlotte Augusta. So let us have this nice little place for our dining−room, and let us sit in it almost always. It will MR. AND MRS. WOODBRIDGE.

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  save the parlors so much."

  "Indeed my dear Charlotte, I do not intend to get any furniture for the parlors of so costly a description that we shall be afraid to use it."

  "What! are we not to have Saxony carpets, and silk curtains, and silk−covered lounges, and large glasses, and chandeliers, and beautiful mantel−lamps; and above all, a'n't we to have elegant things for the centre−table?"

  "My design" answered Woodbridge "is to furnish the house throughout, as genteelly, and in as good taste as my circumstances will allow: but always with regard to convenience rather than to show."

  "Then I know not how I can look ma' in the face!"

  "You may throw all the blame on me, my love."

  "Pray, Mr. Harvey Woodbridge (if I may venture to ask) how will these plain, convenient, comfortable parlors look when we have a party?"

  "I do not furnish my house for the occasional reception of a crowd of people, but for the every day use of you and myself, with a few chosen friends in whose frequent visits we can take pleasure."

  "If you mean frequent tea−visits, I can assure you, sir, I shall take no pleasure in any such trouble and extravagance with your few chosen friends, indeed! when it is so much cheaper to have a large party once a year (as we always had at ma's:) asking every presentable person we knew, and every body to whom we owed an invitation; and making one expense serve for all. Though our yearly party was always an absolute squeeze, you cannot think how much we saved by it. Pa' called it saying grace over the whole barrel some foolish idea that he got from Dr. Franklin."

  "For my part"remarked Woodbridge"I hope I shall never be brought to regard social intercourse as a mere calculation of dollars and cents. I would rather, if necessary, save in something else than make economy the chief consideration in regulating the mode of entertaining my friends and acquaintances."

  "Then why do you object to saving our parlors by using them as little as possible?"

  "When our furniture wears out, or ceases to look comme it faut , I hope I shall be able to replace it with new articles, quite as good, and perhaps betterparticularly if we do not begin too extravagatly at first."

  "I suppose then your plan is to fit up these parlors with ingrain carpets, maple−chairs, and black hair−cloth sofas, and instead of curtains, nothing but venitian blinds."

  "Not exactly though young people, on commencing married life in moderate circumstances, have been very happy with such furniture."

  "More fools they! For my part, I should be ashamed to show my face to a morning visitor in such paltry parlors. That sort of furniture is scarcely better than what I intend for this little up−stairs sitting room."

  "If this little room is devoted to the purpose you talk of, we must there show our faces to each other."

  "Nonsense, Mr. Woodbridge! How can it possibly signify what faces married people show to each other?"

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  "It sigifies much very much indeed."

  "To put an end to this foolery" resumed the bride "I tell you once for all, Harvey Woodbridge, that I must and will have this very apartment for an eating−room, or a dining−room or a sitting−room or whatever you please to call it to take our meals in without danger of being caught at them, and to stay in when I am not drest and do not wish to be seen."

  "The hiding room I think would be the best name for it" murmered Woodbridge.

  "Only let us try it awhile"persisted the fair Charlotte, softening her tone, and looking fondly at her leige−lord"think how happy we shall be in this sweet little retreat, where I will always keep a few flower−potsyou know I doat on flowers imagine your dear Charlotte Augusta in a comfortable wrapper, seated on a nice calico sofa, and doing beautiful worsted work: and yourself in a round jacket, lolling in a good wooden rocking chair either cane−colored or green, with slippers on your feet, and a newspaper in your hand. We can have a shelf or two for a few select books. And of an evening, when I do not happen to be sleepy you can read to me in the Summer at Brighton, or the Winter in London, or Almacks, or Santo Sebastiano. I have them all. Brother Jem bought them cheap at auction. But I never had time to get to the second volume of any of them. So we have all that pleasure to come. And I shall be delighted to have those sweet books read aloud to me by you. You will like them far better than those Scotch novels that people are always talking about."

  Woodbridge looked dubious. Finally, being tired of the controversy, he thought best to end it by saying

  "Well, well we'll let this subject rest for the present." But he resolved in his own mind to hold out for ever against it.

  At their boarding−house dinner−table, Mrs. Woodbridge informed a lady who sat opposite, that she was delighted with her new house; and that it was a love of a place; particularly a snug little apartment in the back building which Mr. Woodbridge had promised her for a sitting−room, to save the parlors, as they were to be furnished in very handsome style. Woodbridge reddened at her pertinacity, and to divert the attention of those around him from a very voluble expose of what she called her plans, he began to talk to a gentleman on the other side of the table about the latest news from Europe.

  From this day our heroine spoke of the little sitting−room as a thing course, without noticing any of the deprecatory lookings and sayings of her husband. And she succeeded in teazing him into allowing her to choose all the furniture of the house without his assistance: guided only by the taste of one of the female boarders, Mrs. Squanderfield, a lady who had been married about a twelvemonth, and after commencing house−keeping in magnificent style, her husband (whose affairs had been involved at the time of their marriage,) was obliged at the close of the winter, to make an assignment for the benefit of his creditors; and the tradesmen who had supplied it took back the unpaid furniture.

  After her parlors had been fitted up in a very showy and expensive manner, (not forgetting the centre−table and its multitude of costly baubles,) Mrs. Woodbridge found that these two rooms had already absorbed so large a portion of the sum allotted by her husband for furnishing the whole house that it was necessary to economize greatly in all the other apartments; and to leave two chambers in the third story with nothing but the bare walls. This discrepancy was much regretted by Mr. Woodbridge, even after his wife had reminded him that these chambers could only have been used as spare bed−rooms, which in all probability would never be wanted as they did not intend keeping a hotel; and that as to encouraging people to come and stay at her house, (even her own relations) she should do no such expensive thing. "You may depend upon it, my dear,"

  said she on the day that they installed themselves in their new abode, "I shall make you a very economical wife."

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  And so she did, as far as comforts were concerned, aided and abetted by the advice of her friend Mrs.

  Squanderfield, who consulted her in what to spend money; and in what to save it she was guided by the precepts of Mrs. Pinchington, an other inmate of the same boarding−house, a widow of moderate income, whose forte was the closest parsimony, and who had broken up her own establishment and gone to boarding ostensibly because she was lonely, but in reality because she could get no servant to live with her. The advice of these two counsellors never clashed, for Mrs. Squanderfield took cognizance of the dress and the parlor arrangements of the pupil, while Mrs. Pinchington directed the housewifery: and both of them found in our heroine an apt scholar.

  We need not tell our readers that the fair bride carried her point with regard to the little apartment at the head of the stairs, which she concluded to designate as the dining−room, though they ate all their meals in it; and it became in fact their regular abiding place, her husband finding all opposition fruitless, and finally yielding for the sake of peace.

  It took Mrs. Woodbridge a fortnight to recover from the fatigue of moving into their new house: and during this time she was denied to all visitors, and spent the day in a wrapper on the dining−room sofa, sometimes sleeping, and sometimes sitting up at a frame and working in worsted a square−faced lap−dog, with paws and tail also as square as cross−stitch could make them; this remarkable animal most miraculously keeping his seat upon the perpendicular side of an upright green bank, with three red flowers growing on his right and three blue ones on the left. During the progress of this useful and ornamental piece of needle−work, the lady kept a resolute silence, rarely opening her lips except to check her husband for speaking to her, as it put her out in counting the threads. And if he attempted to read aloud, (even in Santo Sebastiano,) she shortly desired to him to desist, as it puzzled her head and caused her to confuse the proper number of stitches alloted to each of the various worsted shades. If he tried to interest her by a really amusing book of his own choice, she always went fast asleep, and on raising his eyes from the page he found himself reading to nothing. If, on the other hand, he wished to entertain himself by reading in silence, he was generally interrupted by something like this, precluded by a deep sigh "Harvey you are not thinking now of your poor Charlotte Augusta you never took up a book and read during the week you were courting me. Times are sadly altered now; but I suppose all wives must make up their minds to be forgotten and neglected after the first fortnight. Don't look so disagreeable; but if you really care any thing about me, come and wind this gold−colored worsted I want it for my dog's collar."

  The fortnight of rest being over, Mrs. Woodbridge concluded to receive morning visitors and display to them her handsome parlors; which for two weeks were opened every day for that purpose during the usual hours for making calls. Also she availed herself of the opportunity of wearing in turn twelve new and beautiful dresses, and twelve pelerines and collars equally new and beautiful.

  Various parties were made for his bride by the families that knew Harvey Woodbridge, who was much liked throughout the circle in which he had visited; and for every party the bride found that she wanted some new and expensive articles of decoration, notwithstanding her very recent outfit; she and her ma' having taken care that the trousseau should in the number and costliness of its items be the admiration of all New York, that is of the set of people among which the Staplefords were accustomed to revolve.

  When the bridal parties were over, Woodbridge was very earnest that his wife should give one herself in return for the civilities she had received from his friends; for though he had no fondness for parties he thought they should be reciprocated by those who went to them themselves, and who had the appliances and means of entertaining company in a house of their own and in a customary manner. To this proposal our heroine pertinaciously objected, upon the ground that she was tired and worn out with parties, and saw no reason for incurring the expense and trouble of giving one herself.

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  "But" said her husband "have you not often told me of your mother's annual parties. Did she not give at least one every season?"

  "She never did any such thing" replied Charlotte "till after I was old enough to come out. And she had as many invitations herself, before she began to give parties as she had afterwards. It makes no sort of difference. Ladies that dress well and look well, and therefore help to adorn the rooms are under no necessity of making a return (as you call it) even if they go to parties every night in the season. Then, if, besides being elegantly drest, they are belles and beauties (here she fixed her eyes on the glass) their presence gives an eclat which is a sufficient compensation to their hostess."

  "But if they are not belles and beauties" observed Woodbridge, a little mischievously.

  "I don't know what you are talking about!" replied the lady with a look of surprise.

  "Well, well" resumed the husband "argue as you will on this subject, you never can convince me that it is right first to lay ourselves under obligations, and then to hold back from returning them, when we have it amply in our power to do so."

  "I am glad to hear you are so rich a man. It was but last week you told me you could not afford to get me that case of emeralds I set my mind upon at Thibaut's."

  "Neither I can. And excuse me for saying that I think you have already as many articles of jewelry as the wife of a Market−street merchant ought to possess."

  "Are the things you gave me on our wedding−day to last my life−time? Fashion changes in jewelry as well as in every thing else."

  "It cannot have changed much already, as but a few weeks have elapsed since that giorno felice. However, let us say no more about jewels."

  "Oh! yes I know it is an irksome topic to husbands and fathers and all that sort of thing. Pa' was always disagreeable whenever Marquand's bill was sent in."

  "To return to our former subject" resumed Woodbridge "I positively cannot be satisfied, if after accepting in every instance the civilties of our friends, we should meanly pass over our obligation of offering the usual return. I acknowledge that I do not like parties; but having in compliance with your wishes accompanied you to so many, we really must make the exertion of giving one ourselves."