Hidden in Smoke Read online

  “I don’t think Barrett, Donovan, or Cayden are going to let me go back to the dorms right away. I’m so sorry.” She winced, but I quickly waved her off.

  “Like Hiro, Ryder, Theo, Killian, or Damien are going to let me go back? It’s not likely… and honestly, I’m not sure I want to go back yet.” I wrapped my arms around myself. I didn’t want to be paranoid or afraid, but the idea of staying alone in the dorm at night—even with Rini right next door—did scare me, and I hated myself for those thoughts. “Did you hear that he wasn’t really my father?” My voice was so quiet, I almost couldn’t even hear myself.

  “I did. Theo.” That’s all she needed to say. I sighed. In some ways it was nice that Theo was so close to her, so that I didn’t have to explain everything again and again, especially when I didn’t really understand it all myself. I did hope that he wasn’t quite as open with our sex lives, however…

  “I don’t even know what to think. I hate him.” Truer words had never been spoken, but I also knew I shouldn’t let that hate rot inside of me. Somehow, I needed to glean onto the good things. I needed to let him be a memory, to let the past be just that. I may not be able to stop hating him, but I could let the hate not matter and slowly disappear from my life. I wasn’t related to that son of bitch. He had no claim over me. If he would just go away, I may even be able to finally live a normal life. Or some semblance of normal, anyway.

  “I’m pretty sure that’s a fair reaction. What he did to you, it’s terrible, Nix. I hate that you had to grow up in such a terrible situation. I wish you had grown up here, with all of us.” She reached forward and placed her hand on my knee carefully. Seeing the movement coming, I didn’t flinch or pull away, instead, I looked up at her and gave her a watery smile.

  “I just wish I knew more about what happened in my past. Who the hell is my real father? What happened to my mother? I wish I could remember more, but I just can’t. I was young. The only thing I remember is that sadistic asshole and small glimpses of my mother. They’re just little clips of images and memories that I think are real, but I’m not even sure.” My heart broke over all the things I didn’t know or remember.

  “You should ask Theo for more help. I know he will help you track down any information he can on your birth parents and your lineage. Maybe there’s family out there somewhere that are worth knowing.” She shrugged. “And if not, you’ll always have all of us. I know things are a little tense at the moment, but that will pass. The guys are downstairs right now working on their differences.”

  I tensed, and she felt it from where her hand still rested on my knee. “They’re not fighting are they? I mean… don’t guys tend to get physical when they work out their differences?” I put the last word in quotations, seriously worried.

  Rini’s laughter was good for my somber heart. “I doubt it. They’re probably just talking.” She waved her hand in front of her face, dismissing my concerns.

  For the next hour, we painted our nails and talked about strictly girly things that the guys had no interest in. She filled me in on dorm gossip she’d gotten through the grapevine while I mostly listened. I didn’t know about half the people she talked about, but I enjoyed the time to zone out and focus on anything other than my messed up past or overdue homework.

  “You know, I’ve never see the guys like this.” She said as she waved her hands in the air, letting the polish dry before touching anything else.

  “Your guys or mine?” I immediately blushed at the blip I had let slip from my lips. Rini’s eyes went wide and then she doubled over with laughter.

  “Oh my God! You admitted it out loud! No take backs! They’re yours!” The expression on her face was jubilant and triumphant, and I narrowed my eyes at her, raising a brow.

  “You know very well what I meant.” I poked her in the stomach, my nails having already dried. Thank you instant dry nail polish! I did not have the patience to sit around forever waiting for polish to set. “So what’s different about them?” I pried.

  “I’ve never seen them so unified and committed. I mean, they’ve always been a close group and great friends, but this is different. Do you know they never left your side while you were going through your rebirth? You’re special, Nix. I don’t just say that because you’ve become an amazing friend. I know they’re drawn to you. You’re compatible with each other, both on a creature level and a human one. I can tell.” She gave me a gentle smile, and I felt butterflies at her words. “It was the same with my guys…” she continued, “ … that indescribable pull.”

  “That’s exactly what it feels like.” I rubbed a hand over my fluttering stomach. Even now I could feel the tendrils of magic dancing between of all us, and I felt connected to them on a deep level I couldn’t fully comprehend . My Phoenix called to me, and I felt her resounding happiness at our acceptance of the bond that was forming. There was no way I could deny it. My life had turned out differently than I had planned since moving to Alaska, but when had my life ever been normal?

  “Are you and your bear’s officially mated yet?” I asked, curious.

  “We’ve obtained the permission we need, but I haven’t sealed the deal yet, officially.” She put the last word in quotations.

  “Why not?”

  “I’m not sure.” She glanced up at me, and I could see the questions playing through her eyes as she struggled to give me an answer that made more sense. “I wanted that little bit of freedom, you know? The independence before I settled down and lost myself to motherhood. Please don’t take that the wrong way!” She rushed. “I want to be a mother, more than most things in my life, which is good since I’m a female shifter. That’s kind of our job.” She scrunched her nose up at the thought but quickly cleared her face. “My guys wouldn’t ever force me to breed right away; we’ve talk about it. I just wanted to live a little more before I settled down. Now, though, none of that seems as important.” She shrugged.

  “You mean after watching Theo get shot?” I barely got the words out as my throat tightened.

  She nodded somberly. “Barrett, Donovan, and Cayden mean everything to me. Maybe I’ve just been dumb, putting off the thing we all want so badly. In that moment, when that asshole pulled the gun, the only thought going through my mind for a split second when I stared down the barrel was that I wanted to be with my bears. Why had I waited so long to accept fate? They respect me enough to give me time after mating before we make babies. Not all women are so lucky, especially mythologicals.” Her eyes looked pained as they met mine. I knew breeding was important to shifters, but hell, it was starting to sound like some men thought that was all there was to life. Didn’t they know you could still have plenty of sex without the fear of pregnancy these days?

  “So what does mating entail?” The second I said the words, my face heated. Stuttering, I tried to redeem myself, “I mean… you know what I meant… I wasn’t talking about…” Rini roared with laughter, nearly knocking over her nail polish bottle onto my bed in her hysterics.

  “Do we need a more in-depth birds and bees talk, Nix?” Her smile took over her whole face, and I couldn’t help but join in her laughter, even if I was giggling at my own expense.

  “You know what I meant!” I yelled loudly.

  Calming down, she finally answered, “Yes, there is a ceremony that goes with the mating process. Sometimes, mating looks different depending on the cultural aspects of the species. Since we’re all bears, it’s relatively easy. For you, however, it will be a little harder since you have so many different cultures in your group of sexy men.” She grinned wickedly.

  “Rini! We’re talking about you!” I huffed, trying to refocus the conversation.

  “Well, the hardest part for us is done, and it wasn’t all that hard in the first place. The Council approved our mating with no issues. They barely even looked at us.” She rolled her eyes. “We’re regular animal shifters though… lowly bears.” Once again, she made quotations.

  My eyes narrowed. “They seriously have a
n issue with you being bears?” I asked. It sounded ridiculous.

  “No, forget I mentioned it.” She tried to change the subject but I reached out, touching her arm.

  “Tell me.”

  “Let’s just say that they care much more about mythological shifters than they do about us normal ones. It’s more work to get approved for a mythological mating, so for once, I’m glad I’m a lowly animal shifter.” She sassed before growing serious again, “Honestly, I can’t say that’s a bad thing. I don’t want any extra attention from any of the Council members. Sometimes I think it’s best to fly under the radar if you can.” She waved away my concerns then, refusing to keep talking about the subject even though I was dying to know more about the Council and her mating.

  Checking her watch, Rini let out an exaggerated sigh and jumped from the bed. After stretching her back in an elegant arching motion she reached into the box and grabbed a glazed donut. Taking a large bite, she spoke while she chewed. “I have to get to class.” Her eyes looked regretful, and I was sad that our girl time was ending. Standing, I reached over and pulled Rini into a hug, completely shocking the bear.

  “Thank you, Rini. I don’t know how to say this, but I’ve never had a friend like you. No one has ever cared enough about me to come after me the way you did in that clearing. I’m sorry I brought all this trouble into your lives, and I swear I am going to fix it.”

  “We’ll all fix it, Nix. You’re not alone anymore. No matter what, we’re your family now.” My heart squeezed in my chest, and I almost started crying again before I was able to pull myself together. Thank God I had donuts! I’d work on scrubbing out bad habits later. I had a feeling I’d need all the comfort food in the world to deal with the rest of this day.

  Nine

  Nix

  “I don't care if I have to light each and every one of you on fire. I’m going to class!” My Phoenix hissed in agreement where I sat on my bed. I knew I was being hard on the guys, but I was getting frustrated by their overprotectiveness. They were taking it to the extreme. I had barely left this room, let alone the house, for the last four days as I tried to recuperate. I had missed almost two full weeks of classes. Thanks to some well-forged doctors notes from Theo, at least the teachers were sympathetic to my “pneumonia” and had kindly been sending me updates via e-mail and encouraging me to get lecture notes from the other students. It wasn’t the same, however. I needed to be in class.

  Killian glared at me from the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. “You’re still weak. You had huge news dropped on you just two nights ago. You can do your work from here. Your teachers don't have an issue with it. We still haven't caught up to Michael, and I’d feel better if you stayed out of sight. Don’t be a fool about this, Nix. Michael is still a threat.”

  “Trust me, I know, but I can’t just sit here and act like a victim for the rest of my life! I can’t give him that power. I can’t just sit here and stew over everything, either. It’s not healthy. Plus, it’s not like any of you are going to let me leave this house alone, so I’ll always have that extra layer of protection. Hell, you practically babysit me when I go to the bathroom!” I knew my voice was exasperated, but the arguments that had evolved over that little issue the past several days had been fairly epic. After my freak out with the shower curtain, they had been relentless in following me around. With Rini on my side, we had convinced them that they could escort me to the bathroom door and make sure I was okay, but they had to wait down the hall. Shifter hearing could be damned embarrassing!

  Taking a deep breath to calm down a little, I continued. “I feel much better. You know this. I have most of my energy back. I need to start living my life again.” I pleaded with my eyes, looking at each of them in turn. Hiro and Damien exchanged a quick glance, and I had to resist giving a fist pump. As much as I knew they worried about my physical health they were just as worried about my mental health. They wouldn't want to keep me trapped in this room forever. Killian and Ryder, however, were solidly against me being more than a few feet from either of them at any time. I adored the fact that they cared about me, but I was starting to feel suffocated.

  Theo was my wild card. He didn't wear his emotions on his face the way the others did. Understanding that he was ruled by logic, I could see his answer going either way: that it would make more sense for me to rest awhile longer and wait until I was physically stronger or that it was time to return to my regular activities and stop missing school.

  Theo rubbed his hands over his face, his bright blonde locks falling into his eyes. “Kill. Ryder. She's right. She needs to begin returning to normal activities.”

  Ryder's jaw dropped. “Traitor!”

  Theo whipped around to glare at him. “Ryder, you say you’re concerned about her health. If you don’t let her out of this bedroom, her muscles are going to begin to atrophy. That doesn’t even begin to address the fact that she’s not getting accustomed to the cold weather nor is she getting the benefit of the Vitamin D while it’s available. And if she starts failing classes, she’ll certainly be upset.” His tone softened as he pressed a hand to his friend’s shoulder. “You’re scared. That’s fine. It’s one of the ways you show you care. You let us back out of the house after we were hurt. It’s time to do the same for her.”

  Killian hissed between his teeth. “We’ve got to work out class schedules.”

  Hiro spoke up, pushing his glasses up his nose. “No. It can’t just be us. We’ve all missed nearly as much class as Nix has. If we don’t spread this out, our grades are going to drop, and the Council is going to interfere. They’re already on edge with our refusal to return to the compound lately. Continuing this behavior is only going to put more strain on Nix.”

  Damien cocked his head, considering. “One of us can drive her to and from campus, at least. One of us is over there every day she’d have class, anyway.” The others nodded in agreement, though Killian and Ryder were both still reluctant.

  "What about Barrett, Cayden, and Donovan?” Killian’s voice was mulish. “I know they have their own jobs, but maybe they’d be willing to help out.”

  Ryder snickered. My chest ached at his tom-foolery. I had missed this side of him. He had been so stressed lately, that he hadn’t been joking with me. It was hard to believe how much I had already gotten used to him being my sense of humor. “If it means more time around Rini, I’m sure they’ll figure out a way to make it work.”

  I snorted my own agreement. Apparently, things had been a little tense between both sets of guys before I had first woken up. They were incredibly pissed that Rini had been endangered by Michael. According to Rini, they were nearly as over-protective of her as my guys were of me. A kind of truce had developed after a few days when Rini had finally thrown up her arms and chewed all of them out. One of the things that made Rini such an amazing friend was her ability to own up to her own shit. That’s exactly what she had done by acknowledging that she had been warned by my guys to stay in our dorm and, not only had Rini refused and gone against their orders, but she had specifically gone after Michael, distracting everyone, and given him the opportunity to pull a gun on her and Theo.

  I couldn’t help but wince at the thought. I blamed myself even more than her guys blamed mine. I was the cause, after all. If it weren’t for me she never would have crossed paths with Michael, never would have been threatened by a silver bullet. Rini would never have had to live with images of her friend—hell, almost her brother—bleeding out on the cold ground, and never would have been stuck nursing bruises and scrapes from trying to haul him out of the woods and to safety.

  “Are there other friends of yours who could help?” I was reluctant to ask the question. I didn't want a babysitter to begin with. My Phoenix hissed at me, flapping her wings at my half-lie. Alright, I did want one of my guys with me, I just didn’t want a stranger with me. I also wanted them with me because they wanted to be with me, not because they felt they had to try and protect me from any potential dange
r. I wasn’t a ward, damn it. I was supposed to be their friend!

  Hiro considered, his long, golden fingers tugging at his lips. I couldn’t look away, could barely breathe. Holy hell, did he know what that did to me? From the smirk that suddenly tugged at the corners of that gorgeous mouth, I would guess he did. His voice was deeper when he spoke. “Maybe Alex? Or James?” He asked the group, raising an eyebrow. I had absolutely no idea who they were talking about, but his words were met with nods and murmurs of agreement.

  “Fine. It’s settled. I need to get ready if I’m going to make it to my first class on time.” I waved my fingers at them with a quick shooing motion as I struggled to get out from under the pile of covers that Killian and Ryder had dumped on me. I swear, they thought if they could just weigh me down with enough blankets I would never be able to get out of the bed. Ryder was the last to leave, and I could see the lines of strain around his eyes as he forced a smile for me.

  “You sure you don’t need help showering? I’m extremely good when it comes to getting things wet.” I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of me. I had missed my playful, teasing boy. I threw a pillow at him in response and waited for him to close the door before I stretched my arms above my head.

  A part of me did want to simply crawl back into that nice, comfortable bed and let my guys protect me. I wasn’t used to feeling safe or cared for. I was definitely still scared of Michael. In the past, I had always known, at least on some level, that no matter what he did to me, I would always come back. I would always win. My chance to escape would arrive, and I would take it. With a few drops of venom, he’d nearly changed all of that. I was still too new to this world. I didn’t—and couldn’t—know what other deadly secrets it held—like Vish Kaya venom. I cocked my head, wavering slightly. My bed was very comfortable…

  I snorted at my own foolishness and hardened my resolve. Not a victim, Nix. I had lived through Michael for eighteen years, and the bastard wasn’t even my father. I was still processing everything, but I couldn’t deny the relief I felt at knowing I wasn’t related to that piece of crap. I had settled on being angry as hell at him, but I wouldn’t let that anger bleed into other areas of my life. No, that was reserved just for him. I wasn’t going to allow the fuck-tard to keep chasing me into corners. I had come to Alaska to live my life, and I was damn well going to do just that. I’d just make sure I had some extra backup with me, that was all.