Away From You Read online

David was a very bright, sharp, too smart it was scary, for his age. He was personable, a math genius, fast learner in most things. Out of all four of us, he could remember numbers with a photographic memory and calculate in his mind like a pocket calculator. David was quiet, introverted, but socially knew how to behave properly. In middle school, around age 13, he began playing competitive team sports. Hockey in the winter and soccer all year. That was when he became more social and extroverted with other kids. He was a friendly teenager but still a loner. Ethan was really his only friend. David wasn’t much for social cliques and groups. He navigated between different people socially. David didn’t want to be defined.

  Sounds like David and Ethan were pretty tight pals.

  David related to Ethan. He was mildly OCD but as a teenager it made him self-conscious as he started socializing more. OCD helped him master the multiplication tables quicker than anyone else in class but it was annoying for him in social events. Ethan had it too. He was a neat freak, a germaphobe, creative, but average in math. A teacher paired them up in the 7th grade so Ethan could catch up in class. No one else wanted to tutor Ethan except David. David didn’t care for the social status impact of being associated with Ethan. That’s why it never affected him. The other kids knew it. David really didn’t care if he had their acceptance or not. In that way they lost the ability to influence or manipulate him.

  Sounds like having mild OCD was the basis of their friendship.

  Yes. Ethan was teased for his phobia of germs and dirt. David understood it. How it made it hard to stop thinking in mental loops.

  After Ethan died, did anyone think David was depressed? Like on the anniversary of Ethan’s death was there any sign of increased grief?

  David was even more stoic. My mother called him her little German. She said her mother’s father was stoic like David. It was how her grandfather coped with all the losses of the war in Europe and coming to America at the cost of separation from loved ones. Her belief was that David adopted the same kind of Teutonic temperament because crying was useless. Ethan wasn’t going to return to life .

  David said that?

  No. That is how my mother interpreted his behavior.

  A German personality, does it exist as a template?

  Sure. Stoic, rational, able to compartmentalize well with logic, analytical, and cold blooded. David never got mad. He just found a way to double cross anyone who was unfair or offended him. There was never a need to use force. Mental ninja, that is what David was before he started losing his memory.

  How was he a mental ninja?

  That popular kid Jason, the one who bullied Ethan, David did blame him a lot on the rare occasions he talked about Ethan. I overheard my parents trying to talk sense into him after the funeral. David was adamant. He sounded like a debater in a championship match. His voice had no distinct emotion but he was arguing that Ethan died because Jason wouldn’t stop harassing him. He was talking point by point to show the cause and effect.

  7 LOST SOULS ALONG THE WAY

  My childhood best friend hung himself at 14. I found him.

  You were alone?

  No. My soccer team practiced in the large field behind our school. We started at 7:00am. I ran onto the field and someone yelled that there was a scarecrow hanging over the goalpost. It looked like it so we just kept running towards it. I was in the front row and the first to recognize it was Ethan, not a scarecrow. The next thing I remember was hearing myself scream.

  Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here.

  Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here.

  Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here.

  Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here.

  Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here.

>   Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here. Insert chapter seven text here.

  8 A CRIMINAL MIND

  There was this kid, named Jason, he ruled the school. Heck, he ruled all of Rockaway and Queens together.

  By being socially popular?

  More than that. Jason was a thug with charm. His parents had money and he knew how to lead a group of desperate followers.

  That is usually how kids that age become so popular. Their leadership skills, social savvy, and ability to navigate the social pecking order of their peer group wins them influence.

  He was also smart, fit the type, you know, the Golden Child.

  So what were you and Ethan? If Jason was the Golden Child then how did you define yourselves?

  Ethan was inconsequential.

  Your best friend was meaningless?

  In the scheme of things he was irrelevant. So was I. Neither of us existed enough in the minds of peers to fit a role in the social order.

  Ethan’s suicide had impact. The NYPD investigated his death to rule out it wasn’t a homicide. They determined he died by his own hands which made the Catholic administrators uncomfortable.

  True. Ethan may have hung himself but Jason was the one who killed him.

  How could Jason have been responsible? Whatever was going on in Ethan’s life was beyond the stress of high school.

  Ethan was Jason’s special project. He orchestrated a special kind of torment towards Ethan.

  What for?

  Ethan was different, awkward, sensitive type, but wise beyond his years. He had a uniqueness that Jason couldn’t compete with.

  How was Ethan unique?

  His family was prominent but it didn’t have any impact on his popularity. Ethan was also a mixed kid. He looked like an original, had the personality to match, and couldn’t be manipulated. Ethan was a loner that I befriended because he didn’t think like the rest. He thought for himself. My other friends warned me not to be nice to him because I’d become an outcast too. But I didn’t care. I was 12 years old and I knew that the rules wouldn’t apply to me.

  Why not?

  Because I didn’t care but acted like I did. The fact is, the only reason Ethan was socially excluded was because Jason marked him as a social leper. Had Jason took Ethan on like a Pygmalion project, he would have been one of the most popular kids too. I was socially flexible and had the right friends among the different social sets. People respected my opinion and left me alone. They knew that using social capital or lack of it to manipulate my decisions, was useless. Rejection didn’t bother me.

  Rejection is a natural concern for kids that age. How did you develop such ambivalence to it?

  I accepted me and knew it. So proving it was a waste of time. Why walk around with bravado that you love yourself when you really don’t. I just went about my business and treated people the same. Not out of some Catholic value but because it sent a message. The message was that their opinions were neutral to me. They had nothing on me. To take away people’s power is to let them know how impossible it is for them to impact your emotions. Now if someone tried to violate my space for no reason, I never hesitated to stand up for myself. No matter who it was.

  Even against older kids who were bigger and stronger?

  Who said I used brute force?

  What did you use?

  Humor that seemed innocent versus sarcastic. I would not know the social borders and not place myself in a situation where a confrontation was a sure thing. Whenever it happened, the best move for me to make was to crack jokes that were insidious, make the other person look like a fool. So they would stop before being ousted by themselves as idiots.

  I want to go back to what you said, about Jason being responsible for Ethan’s death. Do you mean by relentlessly teasing him?

  Jason didn’t just bully Ethan. He led an army of classmates to harass him at every turn.

  What did you do to protect your friend?

  I told him that he was in the driver’s seat more than he knew. He could dictate how people treated him. I told him to try and look at it like a social experiment.

  Did you ever intervene?

  Of course I did. I stood up to the crowds every chance I got but couldn’t always be there. Just like the teachers.

  And they listened?

  Yes. Even Jason. I had something on him.

  Blackmail in middle school.

  What else would work?

  Tell me.

  Jason was into the skater phase that got popular after 1985. Somehow people got it in their head to be like California, and get around New York on a skateboard.

  How did this work to your advantage with working Jason?

  The skater culture put him in the company of older kids from Manhattan who adopted another California past time.

  Weed.

  Among other things illegal in the State of New York. Jason took to chemicals like it was love at first sight. He learned to hide it well from his wealthy parents but he knew I knew. Made it my business to find out.

  You were looking for something to have on him?

  Unlike me, Jason cared all too much what other people thought. He didn’t realize that holding position didn’t require feelings. His power came from others. As popular as he was, he was weak and at the mercy of adolescent whims.

  Jason knew you had discovered his secret drug use?

  Yes, who do think offered to sell him a few blunts at a discount because I bought them off an older kid from Brooklyn known for good stash.

  He didn’t know he would be buying from you?

  No. Not until I the transaction was made. After that, he was on a tightrope when I was around. Only had to sell to him once. Then convince him that I ran several blocks in the Bronx. Kid was naïve enough to believe it all without proof. He was too scared to verify the story.

  So how did Jason still become responsible for Ethan dying?

  The kid found a way to employ his friends in tormenting Ethan with a particular goal of humiliating him. Little by little Ethan got depressed, one blow after another, yet he never said a thing to me. Jason led a six month campaign again Ethan. It ended with my friend hanging from a pole.

  Did anyone else feel Jason was responsible for what happened.

  No. Just me. Kept it to myself. Even when I retaliated.

  How did you retaliate?

  Right now Jason is a 43-year-old junkie still living in Queen’s with his parents who keep hiding the fact that their son is utterly useless.

  Addiction is genetic.

  Yes. I knew Jason’s weakness and played it for all it was worth. His main choice of drugs were hard liquor, weed, and eventually he graduated to cocaine. Affluenza was his downfall. His parents money gave him the buying power to get the good stuff.

  Jason choosing to continue using drugs was ultimately his genes and his choice to not get treatment.

  Yes, chemistry, it was my best friend. Jason was responsible for Ethan’s suicide. What better revenge on behalf of my childhood pal than to give Jason a taste of what slow-motion suicide felt like.

  Other than sell him drugs how was that retaliation? You profited from this activity and just happened to be smart enough to not use the substances yourself.

  Think outside the box Dr. Halloway. Genetic medicine may have been in its infancy but Jason was my guinea pig. I kept my eye on Jason’s reactions. Then I kept my hands clean by having his dealers make a concoction of drugs just for him. Like how the big tobacco companies spend millions in research to deve
lop a more addictive cigarette. I tipped his suppliers to follow my suggested recipes. Never wrote them down. Just remembered the formulas. Like math. It came easy.

  You deliberately created a chemical composition that would optimize Jason’s dependency?

  Yes. I mixed it up every few weeks so he never lost his high. I helped him not overspend so his rich parents never suspected what he was spending his allowance on. The constant rush of dopamine became irresistible. He had a steady supply going in that brain of his. By the time we were seniors, Jason’s brain probably had signs of organic brain disease. During the summers between the eight and twelfth grade, I tweaked the concoctions to increase his taste for alcohol. So I made sure to show up to those summer parties to prevent him from driving drunk.

  So what happened during the fall?

  Changed the formula so that alcohol would suddenly feel like it wasn’t doing anything. I tweaked it so he got a flood of dopamine without drinking. No withdrawals and no one suspected. After we graduated that was when all the fun really began. I decided it was time to chemically introduce Jason’s mind to painkillers.