The Devil's Concubine Read online

  “I hugged him impulsively, then I saw Chretien’s surprised face as he looked at us standing some ten meters away. He was staring at Shallem’s beautiful naked body and his eyes were as big as plates.

  “Shallem turned and looked at him for a few seconds. Then, he stood up and purposefully displayed his magnificence. Chretien looked like a fragile, helpless child as he approached Shallem. His surprised eyes kept looking up and up at and Shallem’s towering body. He stared at the size of his chest, the perfect muscles that delicately sprung forth from beneath his skin. Shallem looked at him haughtily, with evident arrogance, while the sun brought out the mahogany highlights in his beautiful hair. My son looked at him with expressive respect and admiration. He was fascinated, astonished.

  “ ‘You’re one of them,’ he whispered. ‘I’m sure you are.’ And after a pause he timidly added, ‘My father says you are all idiots.’

  “Shallem stepped toward him and Chretien immediately backed away. I had never seen him be so respectful, or so afraid.

  “ ‘You’re lying, Chretien,’ Shallem scolded him in a severe voice. He backed away even further. ‘That’s not what your father told you. ‘Stay away from them because you’ll never have their powers’, that’s what he told you. Isn’t that right? And, do you know why you’ll never have our powers? Because he was too much of a coward to give them to you.’

  “ ‘Leave me alone!’ Chretien screamed. ‘Go away!’

  “He began running circles around Shallem, as if something were keeping him from running away. He was scared. More than that, he was truly terrified.

  “Suddenly, Shallem threw himself at Chretien and, giving him no opportunity to escape, picked him up by his arms. My heart raced with excitement as I listened with indifference, no, with happiness, to his shrill screams of panic.

  “Shallem carried him toward the lake and I thought he was about to throw him into the water. The blood must have drained from my face when I saw he didn’t stop at the edge of the lake but rather, like Jesus, continued walking across the water, his footsteps barely disturbing the fragile surface. The swans followed him with their gaze, slowly moving in their direction, leaving a gentle wake behind them.

  “He stopped around ten or fifteen meters from the shore and was saying something to Chretien. I strained my ears to try and hear what they were saying but they spoke in whispers and I couldn’t hear anything. Then, turning to look at me, Shallem placed the boy on the palms of his hands, lifted him until his arms were fully extended and then threw him into the water. Chretien’s body disappeared for a few seconds. When he reappeared, coughing and with his blond hair covering his face, Shallem was squatting to stroke the swan’s soft feathers.

  “ ‘Shallem!’ I called to him, completely astounded by the ease in which he performed the miracle. ‘Shallem, come here!’

  “He raised his head to look at me, immediately stood and walked toward me.

  “ ‘Shallem!’ cried Chretien.

  “He stopped, turned around, lowered his head and looked at the fascinated expression on Chretien’s face who was completely dumbfounded as he watched Shallem’s feet on the surface of the water.

  “ ‘How do you do it?’ he asked.

  “Shallem smiled and held out his hand. Chretien hesitated before he reached out with his. But he did reach out. Laughing and looking at Shallem as if he had just discovered a god, my son walked on water holding his hand. He seemed like such an innocent child during those moments. Shallem looked at him and smiled.

  “ ‘Can I do it alone, Shallem?’ he asked innocently, so full of excitement.

  “ ‘No, you’ll sink if I let you go.’

  “ ‘Are you sure?’

  “ ‘Do you want to try it?’

  “Chretien stopped and looked at his feet to make sure they were firmly placed on top of the water.

  “ ‘I’m sure I can do it!’ he shouted arrogantly. Shallem let go of his hand and he immediately sank into the water.

  “He laughed when he surfaced. It had been years since I’d seen him acting so young. Seeing them together, openly looking at each other and smiling, I wondered if everything would change, if, under Shallem’s influence, he would once again be the charming child he had once been, if Shallem could free him of his wickedness.

  “I was so happy I could barely believe he had returned. I clung to him like a limpet, which he, fortunately, seemed to enjoy. We spent all of our days and nights in perpetual passion.

  “I told him everything that had happened to me just to get it off my chest since he had already seen it through my soul; he had seen it more clearly than my lips could ever describe. I told him, again and again, how much I had missed him, how I had prayed to him, to God, to the Virgin Mary, and to all the angels in heaven just to be able to feel his kisses on my skin again, just to feel his caresses and hear his deep sighs that made me shudder with pleasure.

  “Chretien was fascinated by Shallem from the moment he had seen him and was very excited he was staying in our home.

  “ ‘Will you stay here with me?’ he asked Shallem repeatedly. He was truly obsessed with him. He seemed seduced by him, in love with him.

  “Every time we walked through the gardens we could hear Chretien’s stealthy steps behind us. He secretly followed Shallem wherever he went. During dinner he would watch him out of the corner of his eye and, with silent admiration, imitated even his most insignificant gestures; the way he held his cup, the way he brushed his hair from his face, the way he broke off a piece of bread or how he crossed his legs. He craved his presence, his company.

  “Chretien abandoned his business once he saw he couldn’t share it with Shallem. Shallem had no interest, whatsoever, in anything he scornfully referred to as “human affairs”. My son and I soon found out the extent of Shallem’s aversion to humans. It was an extreme hatred, which constantly led him to scorn and insult, without distinction, servants and nobles alike. This attitude, even though he was the first to experience it, fascinated Chretien. He had found someone better than anything human, than anything divine. He had found a master of all that is supernatural. The ideal creature whose perfection he aspired to obtain. Someone, finally, better than him.

  “However, Shallem constantly avoided Chretien. He tolerated him but didn’t show him any affection. A “beautiful poisoned flower” is what he called him and always shunned his company.

  “The humiliating disdain with which Shallem treated him did nothing but exalt him in Chretien’s eyes. He seemed to think this was one of Shallem’s silly quirks and far from being sad or discouraged, his efforts and enthusiasm to pursue Shallem doubled. Chretien begged him to fly, to walk on water again, to make himself disappear, to do this or that extraordinary act.

  When, after hours or days of continual insistence, he finally accepted Shallem’s lack of attention and abrasive responses, he decided to try less aggressive tactics. He started asking Shallem to elaborate on what Eonar had already explained to him about angels and their activities. Chretien did this using words and expressions no ordinary human could ever understand, however and of course, Shallem never told him anything.

  “ ‘Why don’t you talk to him?” I asked Shallem, hurt by the way he always ignored Chretien. ‘Why don’t you teach him to be like you? He adores you. If you only knew how much he’s changed since you’ve been here...’

  “Shallem gave me one of his compassionate smiles; a smile which seemed a bit anguished, as though he were sorry I belonged to a species of such little intelligence. Then he told me:

  “ ‘No, my love. He hasn’t changed at all. He admires my superiority, all the qualities that make me different from mortal men, all the qualities that he wants for himself. He envies me. He would kill me if by doing so he could possess just one of my most simple powers. He would even kill me if one hair on my head, which he admires so much, would adorn his. He doesn’t love me, he loves what I have. Don’t blame yourself for not loving him, he doesn’t deserve your love. Thank God h
e’s a mere mortal and as such, can die at anytime.’

  “ ‘I still believe in him. If you help him, he’ll get better. Just barely two years ago, he was... angelic, like you.’

  “ ‘Two years ago Chretien didn’t know who his father was. He didn’t know he was the direct descendent of an angel, or about the position he holds above mortals, his supremacy and the greatness he can achieve. No human spirit can resist the venom of this knowledge without aspiring to be a deity. Believe me. Chretien will never understand he’ll never be anything other than a mortal, even if Jesus himself were his father. We must leave Juliette. I don’t want to hurt him. Eonar is watching; he’s alarmed by my presence, by my contact with his son. Chretien will be okay, don’t worry. His father will take care of him.’

  “ ‘Are you sure you can’t help him?’ I insisted.

  “ ‘Completely. He’s nothing more than a poisoned and ordinary human spirit. It’s too late for him.’

  “ ‘Give me just a few days, Shallem. So I can...’

  “ ‘Whatever you like.’

  “I made the mistake of telling Chretien we were leaving. Although I thought he would be sad to see Shallem go, deep down I knew he’d be happy to be rid of me. However, I underestimated just how much he loved his idol. In his eyes, it was my fault Shallem wanted to leave him. It was my decision to take him away. He didn’t seem to accept nor be worried by the fact that Shallem blatantly despised him and could barely stand being around him. Maybe this was because dealing with rejection was a true challenge for him, seeing how all men and women had always fallen at his feet. He had never learned to deal with rejection.

  “ ‘You pig! I need him!’ he screamed at me when I calmly announced our decision to leave him to his own comforts at home, that he would be the owner and master of everything and that in the future, we would never get in his way. ‘I won’t let you take him! I swear I won’t let you!’

  “ ‘Didn’t your father tell you to stay away from him?’ I asked sarcastically.

  “ ‘Then make him come back! I’m fed up with being alone! I’m sick of it!’ he screamed and then turned toward the window and covered his eyes. He was crying.

  “I was moved to pity and couldn’t stop myself from going to him. His hair seemed to fuse with the sun’s rays. I stroked it with my hand, it was as soft as a swan’s feathers and then I caressed his cheek.

  “ ‘You’ll never be alone,’ I whispered.

  “ ‘Leave me alone,’ he sobbed. ‘Get away from me.’

  “Ignoring his coldness, I knelt and gently pressed my lips against his cheek. I didn’t feel anything.

  “I had already started to pack my trunk with the belongings I wanted to take. Besides clothes, I was taking very little. I had decided that we would leave as soon as everything was packed. There was nothing, not even the slightest emotion, which could keep me there for even one more day.

  “It was Chretien’s birthday; the day he turned seven. I was working quickly to try and select something small I could take with me that would remind me of Dolmance and his kindness. Finally, I thought of something ideal, an old copy of the Odyssey, which we had had such a good time reading.

  “I went downstairs to the library and looked for the book. It was easy to find since all the books dealing with mythology had been Dolmance’s favorites and were within arm’s reach. I took it upstairs to my bedroom and opened the heavy trunk. There was enough room inside it so I carefully placed the book between two dresses so it wouldn’t get damaged.

  “Then, when I was about to stand, the edge of the trunk’s lid suddenly fell on my neck. I was being crushed and smothered between the trunk and its lid. My neck was compressed beneath the lid’s heavy weight, blood was pooling without circulating. The pain was unbearable. I grabbed the lid with all the strength I could muster given the position I was in and the lack of air. I tried to scream but couldn’t get air into my throat. Suddenly the weight grew heavier, I felt something pressing down and jumping on the lid. I knew it was my son. I tried to say ‘Shallem’ but I was already giving in to death’s sweet slumber. I wasn’t able to fight it. Shallem’s face was all I saw; he was my last thought.

  “I felt the weight lessen and then the lid opened and Shallem carried me in his arms to lay me down on the bed. My breathing had turned into an agonizing rattle. My lungs, although they were suffering strong and long spasms, willed me to gulp down air again and again, as though I would never be satisfied.

  “The pressure in my throat went away slowly and painfully. I hugged Shallem as soon as I had the strength to do so. His kisses calmed me and slowly I began breathing normally. As I moved my face to look into his eyes, a bundle lying on the floor caught my attention. It was Chretien’s lifeless body. Blood was still gushing from the wound in his head. Shallem had thrown him against the wall.

  “I let out an agonized cry and pushed Shallem’s head so he would look in Chretien’s direction.

  “ ‘Oh no,’ he said as though he just realized what he had done. ‘Damn!’

  “Chretien lay dead on the floor, as if his body had never been alive.

  “I got up and floated toward him as if in a dream. ‘My son is dead,’ I said to myself again and again. I was tormented by the lack of emotions that I thought I should have been suffering during that moment. I didn’t want to cry or throw my arms around the dead body. I didn’t feel sad or the slightest bit of pain. The same expression of arrogance and conceit that I knew so well remained on his inanimate face.

  “An image of the lavish crypt Dolmance had stubbornly build flashed through my mind. He rested there next to the empty tomb that awaited my body. I ran to the drawer where I kept the key to the crypt and with it in my hand, I approached Shallem.

  “ ‘Shallem, please, let’s take him to the crypt. I can’t leave him here.’

  “ ‘There’s no time. Come here.’

  “ ‘Please!’

  “He hesitated for a few seconds and then turned his disapproving eyes toward the ceiling, he murmured something I couldn’t understand then knelt and picked up the cadaver. Without saying a word, he carried the body to the crypt as I followed from behind.

  “As soon as I opened the heavy doorway, the chamber was filled with a sinister light. The stone slab rested against the tomb that was inscribed with my name. All Shallem had to do was place the body in the tomb and cover it with the heavy slab.

  “As Chretien disappeared forever, I felt a certain bitter relief. It angered me to feel this way. I lifted my eyes toward the mosaic Christ Pantocrator that had shown Dolmance the way toward eternal life. He stood there, with his right hand raised, blessing Dolmance and showing him the road to salvation. A road I was sure I would never take.

  “Shallem didn’t wait a second longer than was necessary. He started walking toward the stairs while urging me to follow him. But I was saying my last good-byes to Dolmance, Chretien, and to the agonizing life that I had suffered till then.

  “When I heard the hint of anger in Shallem’s voice as he called my name from the top of the stairs, I turned around and quickly left to join him. Shallem had walked a few more steps and was waiting for me outside the crypt. When I was just about to reach him, the door to the crypt violently slammed shut and left me submerged in almost complete darkness. From a narrow and extremely dirty window, a bit of light penetrated the blackness.

  “I heard the window shatter into a thousand pieces as I tried, desperately and uselessly, to open the heavy iron door.

  “Suddenly, I felt cold. An otherworldly and enveloping cold that immediately froze every one of the hairs on my body. It wrapped around me and compressed my flesh as if it wanted to tear it from my body. It was a freezing cold that had came about unexpectedly and with no gradation. I lifted my head with difficulty, it felt like blood was freezing in my veins. I opened my eyes, they hurt as if a fine sheet of frozen glass covered them and would break when I blinked, hammering shards into my pupils. All was black as I looked around. I turned toward t
he window trying to catch a glimpse of light, which may tell me I wasn’t blind. But there was no light, only a murky mist darker than night and more freezing than ice. I wasn’t blind. At least not yet. The mist impeded my vision. It was palpable, I could feel it between my fingers like a delicate, thick vapor.

  “Suddenly the cold disappeared. The mist filled with an unnatural and blinding white light; I covered my eyes with my hands. Then came the heat, burning scorching heat. Its atoms pierced my body like heavy stones plunge into rivers. A few more seconds and the blood in my heart would boil.

  “Then it got cold and dark again. Next, once again, came the heat causing the mist to condense and run down my face. I was going to die and my death would be horrific.

  “Finally, I heard some noises, an insistent and forceful banging coming from the other side of the door. Then Shallem was calling my name and grabbing me with his hands.

  “If I had to die, I wanted to die with him. Our souls could plummet to hell together or could roam the silent dark universe, enjoying the silence of that peaceful void, enjoying its calming stillness for all time. Shallem held me firmly against him. I felt the warmth of his cheek and the softness of his fragrant hair. I couldn’t press myself against him more tightly even if I tried. I wanted to become one with him, to melt into him. I had my eyes tightly shut and my face buried in his hair. It felt like my bones were going to break from the pressure of his arms but I didn’t care. I wanted him to hold me tighter and tighter, never let me go for anything in the world.

  “ ‘At last I’m in heaven!’ I said to myself in my delirium, but of course it wasn’t. I was still on Earth, an Earth that was opening beneath our feet ready to devour us. I was with my love again and I fought not to lose consciousness. We were outside of the crypt but the mist had followed us out. We were immersed in it. It felt like we were in Leviathan’s mouth.