Free as a Bird Read online

  As we walked down the echo stairs I membered the first time I came up em. I was holdin Mom’s hand — she scolded me for makin so much noise an said, “Stop it, Ruby Jean. Just stop it.” Now, after a long long time, there I was all growed up, holdin hands with my friend, Mrs. Gentry, and goin back down em for the last time.

  As we drove down the road I had a strange feelin inside of me. Somehow the place dint look so bad from the inside of a car — a car that was leavin. When we drove passed the big stone-an-meddal gate I looked back an watched as everythin got smaller an smaller. It weren’t till Mrs. Gentry handed me a tissue that I found out I had tears runnin down my face. Dint knowed why — cause I sure was awful happy.

  Drivin in a car was like bein a balloon — I felt all light an bouncy as I watched all em trucks an cars an buses an bikes goin this way an that. An passin by so many buildins too — there was some big an some small, an some was department stores with people goin in an out, an some was jus liddle places with only one or two inside. When we drove cross a bridge I saw the river below — there was a tiny liddle boat draggin a big box filled to the top — wondered how somethin so small could be so strong. Soon we was passin lotsa houses an grassy places where liddle kids ran an played. Even if everythin looked new an different, I knowed I’d seen it all before.

  “Here we are, Ruby Jean. This is the Williamses’ place and your new home.” Mrs. Gentry drove her car up in front of a white-an-green house an stopped. I dunno why but all of a sudden I had the jitters an started twistin an scratchin my hands.

  “Now, Ruby Jean, we’ve talked about this. You don’t need to be afraid. These people are wonderful and they’re looking forward to meeting you. Please don’t scratch yourself. Everything will be okay — you’ll see.” Mrs. Gentry was awful good to me an I knowed I could trust her. So I tried real hard not to scratch my hands. “Okay, ready? Let’s go meet your new friends.”

  We went up to the front door an Mrs. Gentry let me push the button. I was surprised to hear a bing-bong sound comin from inside the house. When the door opened I saw my new friends for the first time. I can’t esplain it on account of me not bein so smart, but the second I looked at em I knowed everythin was gunna be okay.

  Mr. an Mrs. Williams said I should call em Nan an Pops. I dint call em that cause I dint talk, but I wanted to. Then Nan told me to follow her down the hall.

  “Here’s your bedroom, Ruby Jean,” Nan said. “We did our best to make it beautiful. Do you like it?”

  I dint member seein walls that weren’t green, or windows without meddal bars. In that room — the room Nan said was mine — the walls were yellow with tiny flowers an the window had fluffy white curtains. An the bed — instead of brown meddal an a mattress covered in plastic with green sheets — it was white an big an soft an had a frilly skirt that looked like it was sposed to be for a princess. There was a big pink chair with pillows, drawers with shiny handles, an pictures on the walls of horses an flowers. Suddenly, I was one of those happy ladies on The Price Is Right that won the big prize an I felt full of bubbles an Jell-O. There was a rumble inside me an I laughed — yup, I laughed out loud. Nearly scared myself. That’s cause I dint knowed I could laugh like that.

  The day Mom an Harold left me at Woodlands was the saddest day of my life — yup, saddest day of all. But that day … the day I stood in my new room … in my beaudiful new house … with my new family — that was the happiest. Yup, cause I was finally home.

  chapter 7

  The first night in my new home I couldn’t sleep — nope, not a wink. In the corner of my room was a small light that made everythin orangey — Nan an Pops put it there cause Mrs. Gentry told em I dint like the dark.

  “There are things that make Ruby Jean nervous, like being in the dark, the sound of ambulances and crowded places,” she told em. “Try to keep these things in mind as you help her to adjust to her life outside the institution.”

  But even though I had a night light an was awful tired, I still couldn’t sleep. I dint know why till I figured it out — it was cause it was way too quiet in my room. Yup, I was used to lotsa noises … like voices down in the office … an the buzz of the big lights in the hall … an the clink of meddal locks an doors. An I was used to sleepin sounds from the kids in the beds nex to me — sleeptalkin, snorin, cryin. I layed there in my new bed, wishin I could sleep. But wasn’t no use — jus too quiet.

  After lots of nights like that I started to nap in the day while Nan banged round the kitchen … or vacuumed the house … or talked on the phone. She dint mind cause Pops liked to nap like that too. Then one night Nan put a radio side my bed an left it on. Priddy soon I was goin off to sleep listenin to Kenny Rogers an Dottie West an Ronnie Milsap an lots of others too. After that I slept like a baby. Sometimes when I listened to them guitars an sad songs I wondered bout Norval — wondered if maybe he was lyin in bed listenin too.

  One thing I liked best bout livin with Nan an Pops was how the house smelled. My room smelled clean — not a’tall like Lysol. More like flowers. An the bathroom smelled like a garden too, even after … ya know … big business. But the kitchen smelled the best … like liciousness. That’s cause Nan was a awful good cook — yup, awful good.

  Nother thing I liked bout my new home — I could help Nan cook. She said I was good at choppin vegables an stirrin the pots. But the best part was when we baked — Pops always got to lick the spoon an I got the bowl. I never knowed a bowl could taste so good.

  Mrs. Gentry came to see me a lot. One day she brought some pictures. They was nice pictures … of food … an people walkin in a park … of a man sleepin in bed an lots more.

  “We need to find a way to help Ruby Jean begin communicating with us,” Mrs. Gentry said. “For now she could use these pictures to tell us things. If she wants to go outside for a walk, she could show us this picture of people walking. Or if she wants to help plan meals, she can tell us by choosing from these food pictures.”

  I looked at the pictures of all the things to eat an boy oh boy, I suddenly got hungry — hungry for spaghetti an pie, soup an buns, salad, apples, an muffins!

  “I hope one day Ruby Jean will begin talking again,” Mrs. Gentry said. “We know she used to when she was little. But that’s not likely to happen until she feels completely safe. So for now these pictures will be a good way for her to start. Right, Ruby Jean?”

  I smiled as big as I could at Mrs. Gentry.

  “Let’s try it out,” Nan said. She spread the food pictures all over the counter. “Okay, Ruby Jean, tonight’s your turn to pick supper.”

  I looked into her smilin eyes — I could always tell bout Nan by her eyes.

  “Nan, this is a new experience for Ruby Jean.” Mrs. Gentry said. “She’s never been asked before about what she wants. It might take her some time to get used to it.”

  I looked at all em pictures an my mouth got slurpy — yup, awful drooly. There was macaroni, hamburgers, spaghetti an chicken. Everybody laughed cause I took so long.

  “Sorry, Ruby Jean, can’t have it all tonight!” Nan said. “But you can pick one.”

  After a long time all that decidin got me jittery. I jus couldn’t pick so I started scratchin my hands. But then Pops helped me an pointed to the macaroni.

  “How about some good old macaroni and cheese?” he asked.

  I membered Gramma used to make that. I smiled an put my hand on the picture of macaroni.

  Nan smiled. “Mac and cheese it is! Don’t worry, Ruby Jean, dear. It’ll get easier.”

  After that Nan an Pops used those pictures all the time to help me make decisions. They’d put em out on the table an say, “What would you like to do today, Ruby Jean?” Or “Which of the chores do you want to take on — dusting, folding laundry, drying dishes?” Or “It’s Friday night, Ruby Jean. What will it be? A movie, maybe a puzzle … how about dancing?” Thinkin bout dancin with Pops always made me laugh.

  Then one day Nan told me it was time I started makin my own breakf
ast. “There’s lots you can prepare by yourself, dear. Of course, there’s toast and tea. But you could get yourself cereal, fruit, put some waffles in the toaster … lots of things. And on special mornings we’ll cook eggs or pancakes together. Okay?”

  I mostly jus liked to make tea an toast for breakfast, but sometimes I had other things too.

  When Nan first told me I should make my own breakfast, I started havin it all mornin long — right on till it was time to start havin lunch. Nan was surprised when the bread kept disappearin so fast.

  “Pops, I just took a loaf of bread out of the freezer last night and it’s already finished,” she said one day. After that I think she musta figured out I was havin more than one toast an tea. “I see you like to eat, Ruby Jean. But if you don’t watch out you’re going to start packing on the pounds. How about from now on you have breakfast only once each morning?”

  I liked to eat on the sundeck on nice days an look down on the liddle orange fish swimmin in the pond. Those goldfish swam round an round an round that liddle pond. Made me think of Jessie an Melinda an Susan an all the others on Ward 33 — jus like the liddle fish, they was goin round an round in circles, nothin changin, nowhere to go. Then I got a idea … the idea was to drop a bit of my toast into the pond jus to see what the fishies would do.

  At first they bobbed up an down tryin to decide bout that toast. When they finally figured it was somethin innerestin, somethin good, they all crowded round an wanted some of it. When it was gone they jus went back to swimmin round in circles. That got me wonderin what’d happen if I dropped other things into the pond. So one time I dropped in a piece of my nutloaf. Nother time it was potato chips. An once it was a piece of chicken — cept now I knowed fish dint like to eat chicken.

  One day Pops came into the house an he was mad — yup, awful mad. “Something’s been killing those goldfish — I found another four of them belly up this morning. And the pump and filter are all gummed up with greasy gunk. I wonder what’s causing it.” After that I only gave the fish small bits of toast — yup, jus once in a while.

  Tea use to be my favourite drink fore I tasted Nan’s mint hot chocolate. Nan made it for me one night an after that I wanted it all the time. Nan said I had to be careful bout all the sweets I was eatin an drinkin … said I was gunna get fat. But I dint think I minded bein fat a’tall — specially if I could have mint hot chocolate every day. Pops dint care bout bein fat neither. He always said, “Let’s celebrate, Ruby Jean!” Then he’d get out the cookies or Licorice Allsorts. Nan frowned, but she dint never really mind.

  One time I decided to make myself a big cup of mint hot chocolate — cept it was in the middle of the night. Nan an Pops was sleepin so’s I was quiet — yup, quiet as a mouse. After I had two cups I got sleepy an went back to bed. But I woke up later an my bed was wet — yup, all wet cause I peed in my sleep. I was fraid what Nan would say, so I hid the wet sheets an my pajamas in the closet. The nex day Nan came into my room.

  “Oh, dear, it smells awful in your room, Ruby Jean. Something’s gone bad … what could it be?” All morning I’d been hearin Morris inside my head callin me a retard. I guess I thought Nan would be mad at me too.

  When she finally found the smelly things in the closet, she said, “Ah, I see, Ruby Jean. Did you have an accident?” I dint look in her eyes, cause I dint wanna see her angry. “Accidents happen, dear. C’mon, let’s put these in the wash. I’ll show you how to do it, then next time if you have an accident you can fix it all by yourself. Okay?”

  After that I only had mint hot chocolate at day time — never at night time. Nope, dint do that again. But if I had an accident I wasn’t so fraid of what Nan an Pops would say. Could still hear the uniforms in my head though — yup, couldn’t get them to stop callin me names.

  I liked doin things with Pops a lot — yup, bedder than havin breakfast all day long or drinkin mint hot chocolate. That’s cause he was fun — he liked celebratin — an he taught me lotsa things too.

  One day he told me, “You’re going to be a working girl soon, Ruby Jean.” He said I was gunna get a job at Four Leaf Shelter Workshop an even get money. After that he showed me how to put stuff together — like light switches an a birdhouse, an flower boxes too. At first I dint do a good job cause I couldn’t member all the things he told me to do. But Pops dint get mad at me — nope, he jus kept tellin me again an again an again.

  One day I heard him talkin to Nan. “It took me a while, but I finally figured out the secret to teaching Ruby Jean.”

  “What’s that?” Nan asked.

  “The secret is to not talk too much.”

  Nan laughed when he said that. “Well, I could’ve told you that.”

  “Very funny. But seriously, Ruby Jean’s a visual learner, and when I try explaining things to her it’s like the words confuse and distract her. But if I simply show her how things work, she watches carefully … then, man, look out. Last week I told her how to assemble the light switch — I told her over and over and she still couldn’t do it. Then yesterday I just showed her — didn’t say a word, just put the pieces together. I did it once more just in case she’d missed a step. Then, by golly she put that thing together without a hitch. It was amazing!”

  “I know what you mean,” said Nan. “I’ve never seen anyone put puzzles together as fast as she can. I guess she just has a knack for seeing how things fit together.”

  Pops an me went walkin every day. Sometimes we went round the block an sometimes we went to the park. I liked goin to the park best cause there was liddle kids there. I liked playin with em in the sand or pushin em on the swings. Some of the mommas was scared of me an so they took their kids home. But some of em dint mind an let their kids stay an play with me.

  If Nan wasn’t at home waitin for Pops an me, we went to Harvey’s Doughnuts for a snack after our walk. After that Pops would pat his tummy an say, “Nothin like a nap after a walk and doughnuts, eh, Ruby Jean? C’mon, let’s go home.” Then me an Pops took a liddle nap while Mr. Cronkite talked on the TV.

  My real favourite thing to do with Pops was shoppin at Spencer’s Grocery. Pops an me went shoppin every Tuesday. That’s cause he said that was customer appreciation day an the best time for sales. I dint know nothin bout customer appreciation till I started grocery shoppin at Spencer’s with Pops. They got ladies givin out yummy samples an coupons too.

  Pops said ya gotta have a system for grocery shoppin — that’s why we always started at produce. Fore goin to Spencer’s I dint knowed that fruits an vegetables could look like rainbows — yup, a rainbow you could eat. They got orange oranges, green an red grapes, yellow squashes an bananas too, an there’s peppers that come in yellow an orange an red an green. An boy oh boy — they got apples in all sizes an colours too.

  It was my job to push the grocery cart. Up an down we went puttin lotsa food into the cart — milk an cheese, eggs, bagga flour, cereal, frozen juice, frozen peas. An boy oh boy — there was the potato chips an ginger snaps an so many kindsa crackers. Finally, we’d go to the bakery department — the best part of shoppin. While Pops went to find bread on sale I got to look inside the glass case at all the tarts an squares an cinnamon buns. Lookin at them goodies always made my mouth get all slurpy.

  There was one thing I dint like bout shoppin — nope, dint like it when people stared at me. Can’t say why I was so interestin to em.

  “Never mind them, Ruby Jean,” Pops told me. “You’d think by the look on their faces you were from Mars.”

  I wondered where Mars was. Maybe one day I was gunna go there an find out if I really did look like them people that come from there.

  One time when Pops an me was in the bakery department I stood nex to two boys who was pickin out a big cake. We was all there lookin at the good stuff to eat. Then one boy started whisperin to his friend — cept he weren’t too quiet cause I heard what he said.

  “Gawd, take a look at that — it’s a retard. Man, they give me the creeps.”

 
My face got all hot an my heart hurt too — yup, felt just like heartburn. I tried to think why some people dint like me. All I could say was maybe if I was more smart I wouldn’t like me neither. Then I membered that silly boy on the fence — the one who called us kids flat-faced cauliflower ears — the one Jimmy T wanted to get.

  I walked away from them boys an followed Pops to get fresh bread.

  “Try not to feel bad, Ruby Jean,” Pops said. “Some people just don’t know how to accept others who are different.”

  Pops went round the bakery getting all kindsa bread — brown bread, white bread, raison bread, an even some nut bread. When those two boys walked passed with their cake — an boy oh boy, that cake looked licious with all that chocolate icin an red flowers on top — Pops stopped em.

  “Hi there, fellas,” Pops said to the boys real friendly. “I’m Pops Williams and this here is my friend, Ruby Jean.” The boy in the green shirt went splochy red like Dr. Lennox. “I overheard you back there, and I just thought I’d take the opportunity to tell you a little something about my friend here.” Then Pops told em boys all bout me — how I liked to listen to country music, an how he’d never knowed anyone who put a puzzle together fasser than me, an how I was learnin how to do hook rugs with Nan, an how my favourite thing to eat was toast an tea. “I just thought I’d tell you all that because folks usually aren’t so afraid of someone once they get to know them.”

  “I ain’t afraid, old man,” said the boy. “Retards give me the creeps — didn’t say they scared me. Anyway, you should mind your own business. Didn’t your momma teach you that listening to other people’s conversations wasn’t polite?”

  Pops laughed. “You got a point there, son. Thanks for the lesson on etiquette. Ruby Jean and I are just trying to do our best to fit in, be good, and live a happy life.”

  The boy said, “Whatever.”