Gina Lamm Read online

  Copyright © 2013 by Gina Lamm

  Cover and internal design © 2013 by Sourcebooks, Inc.

  Cover design by Aleta Rafton

  Photography by Jon Zychowski

  Models: Austin Zenere and Cassie Keller/Agency Galatea

  Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.

  The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Published by Sourcebooks Casablanca, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc.

  P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567-4410

  (630) 961-3900

  Fax: (630) 961-2168

  www.sourcebooks.com

  Contents

  Front Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Eighteen

  Nineteen

  Twenty

  Twenty-One

  Twenty-Two

  Twenty-Three

  Twenty-Four

  Twenty-Five

  Twenty-Six

  Twenty-Seven

  Twenty-Eight

  Twenty-Nine

  Thirty

  Thirty-One

  Excerpt from The Geek Girl and the Reluctant Rake

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Back Cover

  To my sister. We used to want to kill each other, and now we’re best friends. Nana was right. I love you, Heather!

  One

  “Excuse me, you’re stepping all over my farthingale.” Leah tugged her hoop underskirt free of the clueless knight’s boots. Having the most spectacular garb at the Renaissance Faire was becoming more of a burden than a bragging right.

  He staggered away from her and blundered into a tree, his homemade metallic armor clanking. Leah smothered her laugh at the sight. “Somebody should pop the lid off that tin can with legs, and if he doesn’t watch out, I’ll do it for him.”

  Ella, Leah’s good friend and Ren-Faire buddy, snickered behind her hand. “Go easy on the guy. He didn’t make the eye slits in his helm big enough.”

  Irritation wrinkled Leah’s forehead as she watched him apologize to the tree and turn to walk the other way. “Made his codpiece too big if you want my opinion,” Leah muttered as she brushed the dirt from the gold brocade hem of her handmade Anjou gown. “If he was packing that much, he’d never be able to sit on a horse.”

  Ella’s snort brought a smile to Leah’s face. She was kind of glad she hadn’t called in sick like she’d planned. This outing was just what she needed to get her mind off her best friend’s upcoming wedding. Jamie’s joy only reinforced Leah’s own shit-tastic love life. Ella had encouraged her to stop moping and get back to having fun, and Leah was determined to give it a shot.

  As Ella and Leah made their way through the Faire, Leah dipped her head and mumbled “Good morrow” to a passing fairy. Why did people insist on doing that? It was a Renaissance Faire, not a nearly nude fairy-for-all. It really burned her when people took one of her favorite events and turned it into another excuse to wear booty shorts, bikini tops, and clearance Halloween wire-and-sparkly-mesh wings.

  “Ooh, a henna artist.” Ella pointed to a silk tent strung beneath a large oak. “And bonus, no line! Want to get inked?”

  Leah smiled. “I really need to get going, or I’ll be late for the coronation. Why don’t you go ahead? I’ll catch up with you after, I promise.”

  “Okay,” Ella said, tilting her head. “If you’re sure.”

  Leah nodded. With a parting wave, she wound her way through the crowd as gracefully as her hooped skirt would allow.

  Once alone, Leah’s mood turned south. She slumped against a tree by a palm reader’s cart, cradling her head in her hands. What was wrong with her? Jamie’s wedding was in just a few days, and if Leah couldn’t get herself together enough to be there for her best friend, she’d always regret it. Her own loneliness could shove it until Jamie’s happy day was done. Besides, she wasn’t really losing her best friend, so she needed to buck the hell up.

  The cheerful chatter of the Faire goers surrounded her—normally a wonderful, happy sound. Today, instead of scanning her fellow attendees’ garb for historical accuracy and nifty ideas, all Leah could do was feel sorry for herself. Ella was right. She had to stop acting like she was losing her best friend. Shoving herself upright, Leah glared at the green canopy of leaves above her.

  “Screw this,” she said, adjusting her skirts and straightening her French hood. “I’ve got a coronation to attend.” Leah strode toward the parade ground, nearly mowing someone down in the process.

  “I do beg your pardon,” Leah said as she bowed her head and bobbed a curtsy to the man. “I didst not see…” She trailed off as she got a look at his face. “Kevin? What are you doing here?” Seriously? She gripped the sides of her skirt so hard the fabric rasped in protest.

  “Leah. I hoped you’d be here.” Kevin’s self-conscious smile didn’t reach his eyes. He smoothed his clearly expensive jeans over his too-lean hips. “I need to ask you something.”

  “Sorry, I don’t have time to talk. Her Majesty is expecting me to help with the coronation.” Leah resumed walking, hoping like hell he’d get the hint and not follow. Their particular personal history wasn’t one she wanted to relive.

  No such luck. He trotted to keep up with her, weaving through the crowd. “You’ve got half an hour before that starts. I checked the schedule. Listen, Leah, I’ve been thinking.”

  “About Teresa, hopefully. She is the one you’re going to marry.” Leah fought the angry blush climbing her neckline. How could she have been stupid enough to believe that Kevin loved her? She quickened her step, wishing she could leave him, and the past he reminded her of, behind.

  “You know I didn’t mean for that to happen the way it did. I still care about you, Leah. I always wanted to stay friends with you, and Teresa wants that too. She actually wanted me to ask you to possibly, I don’t know—beabridesmaidorsomething.”

  The rushed words sent a white-hot knife of hurt and anger through her chest. She stopped so fast that Kevin nearly knocked her down. Whirling, she gaped at him.

  “You have got to be kidding me. A bridesmaid? She called me a slut the first time she met me! And she met me on the night that I’d thought…” The words swelled in her throat, and she fought to get them free. “I’d thought…”

  “You thought I was going to propose to you.” Kevin scuffed the toe of his leather loafer in the dirt. “I know. I didn’t want to hurt you. It was just…I don’t know.”

  “Hard to tell me you’ve been in love with Teresa for five years? Hard to tell me you’d been engaged the whole time you were stringing me along?” She dashed the angry tears away, hating that he could see how much she still hurt over the whole sorry situation, six months later. “Sorry, Kevin. I can’t help you.”

  “Come on, Leah, it wasn’t like that. You know how my parents are. Teresa is an attorney—she’s great at what she does. Her f
amily has known mine forever. They’re from DC too, and they all move in the same circles. I like you, you know that.”

  “But an elementary school drama teacher who just happens to enjoy fantasy more than fund-raising events was more than your ancient and revered family name could take. It’s fine, Kevin. I get it.” Her voice was ragged and her chest tight, but she stood her ground. She wasn’t going to apologize. She’d tried to be the kind of girl he wanted, but that particular mask hadn’t fit. It was just as well. His mother had hated her with a passion, and no matter how hard Leah tried, she could never live up to that impossible standard. It had been much easier to cling to Jamie than to try to fight for Kevin anymore. Of course, now she didn’t have her best friend either.

  He took her hand, gently rubbing a tiny circle over her knuckles. “I still care about you. A lot. And I know it’s shitty of me to ask this. But listen, Teresa’s cousin Wendy had to back out of the wedding. Her doctor put her on bed rest until the baby comes. You can wear Wendy’s dress for the ceremony and be in the pictures. And you don’t have to worry about anything because the photographer said he can Photoshop Wendy’s face in afterward.”

  She’d have laughed if it wasn’t so pathetically painful. Jerking her hand away, she stared at him—his fancy clothes, hair perfectly gelled into that tousled look, his complete discomfort at standing on a dirt path in the middle of the woods—all of it. Even though she’d wanted him desperately at the time, she could see now that she’d been a total idiot to think he could have made her happy. Didn’t stop it from hurting like hell, though.

  “There is no way that I’ll be in your wedding. You and that attorney bitch really deserve each other.”

  She walked away without looking back, her aching heart turning to lead in her chest. What a stinking mess her life had become, and it was nobody’s fault but her own. She’d been so busy chasing the dream of a happily-ever-after that she’d completely lost sight of who and what she wanted.

  The coronation, normally one of Leah’s favorite events, seemed to drag on forever today. She performed her bit perfectly—like a trained monkey in a circus, she thought, her dark thoughts belying the bright smile on her face. She didn’t miss a step, and her solo performance got the largest applause. Once the final song was completed and the parade through the fairgrounds done, Leah yanked off her hood and went straight to the gates. Her sanctuary was only a few miles away. She had to go see the one man in the world who could make her feel better about everything.

  “Leah, there you are,” Ella called to her from a pottery vendor’s stall. She grinned as she approached. “You were beautiful in the coronation ceremony.”

  Leah gave as sincere a smile as she was capable of, considering the roiling mass of snarled emotions inside her. “Thanks.” She scuffed the toe of her slipper in the dirt.

  “Hey,” Ella said, her voice soft and knowing. “What’s up?”

  Leah shook her head. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” Leah turned away abruptly and cleared her throat. Between the pain of Kevin’s request and Ella’s gentle probing, she couldn’t take much more today. Cursing herself inwardly for the lie, she said it anyway. “I wish I could stay longer, but Pawpaw needs some help at the shop this afternoon.”

  Ella crossed her arms over her middle, framing her green-corseted chest. “You going to keep lying to my face? Because we can play that game if you want.”

  Leah begged Ella with eyes already filling with tears. “Don’t make me talk about it, please.”

  Ella lowered her brows but nodded. “Okay.”

  “Thanks for hanging out with me today. I do appreciate it.”

  Ella grabbed Leah’s arm. “Anytime, Leah. I mean it. Call me.”

  The knowing look in Ella’s eyes made Leah feel even worse somehow. She agreed anyway.

  “I will.” Leah pulled free and walked away. She hoped she was fast enough to keep Ella from seeing the stupid tears that flowed down her cheeks.

  Two

  The bronze bell strung over the door of Ramsey’s Antiques had long ago lost its clapper, but it still managed to clang violently whenever Leah pushed through the door. Pawpaw said that it never sang that loud for anyone but his granddaughter.

  “Pawpaw?” Leah dropped her French hood atop the glass counter at the front of the store. Scanning the empty sales floor, she drew in a deep breath, tasting the familiar scent of ancient leather, dust, and pipe tobacco. “You around?”

  His voice sounded far away. “In the back, Leelee. What are you doing here so soon? I thought you were at the Faire today.”

  Leah rounded the corner and collapsed on the stool behind the counter. The hoops of her farthingale flopped upward, nearly whacking her in the face. With a frustrated groan, she stood and smacked them down again. “I was. I ran into Kevin, so I left after the coronation.”

  “Kevin?” Her grandfather pushed through the swinging door to the stockroom and set an antique vase beside the register. “What in the hell was he doing at the Renaissance festival? I thought he hated ’em.”

  “He does.” Leah leaned on the counter, cupping her chin in her hands. “He came to see me.”

  Pawpaw’s already lined face wrinkled further with temper. He crossed his arms over his barrel-like chest, his nostrils flaring. “What did he want with you?”

  “To ask me to be Teresa’s bridesmaid.” Her stupid eyes were watering again. She sniffed and trained her gaze at the silver spoons nestled inside the glass case below her elbows. “This is complete and utter crap. I wasn’t good enough for him to love, but I’m good enough to be her stupid bridesmaid?” She dashed the tears away. “Sorry, I don’t mean to dump my problems on you.”

  “Leelee.” Her grandfather pulled her upright. “Look at me, girl. Come on.” He wiped the tears from her cheeks with his callused thumbs, demanding her attention with eyes that were so blue it was eerie—the same eyes that Leah saw in the mirror every day, only his were crowned by wiry salt-and-pepper brows instead of neatly groomed blond ones. Her grandfather, the gold standard for men everywhere. She just wished she could find someone as honorable and protective as he was. “That boy wasn’t ever good enough for you.”

  Leah barked a bitter laugh as she averted her gaze. “Apparently he was too good for me. I’m not Washington caliber.”

  “I’m not talking about money and power and all that hooey. Leelee, you were a bright child, and you’ve grown into an even brighter woman. It’s going to take a fine man to be able to make you happy. And Kevin wasn’t it. Don’t shed another tear over that good-for-nothin’.” He pressed his lips to her forehead, chasing some of the chill from her heart.

  She smiled shakily, drawing in a deep, cleansing breath. “Thank you, Pawpaw.”

  He folded her into his arms and she rested her head on his shoulder, just as she had a thousand times before. He smelled sweet, of his favorite pipe tobacco and aftershave. His broad hands were warm on her upper back, and she sighed against his familiar faded plaid shirt. Pawpaw was right. He’d always been right.

  “Promise me somethin’.”

  She looked up at him.

  He continued with a half smile, “Promise me you’ll find somebody you can count on. A man who knows what it means to work for a living. A man who won’t let you run over him but will listen to every word you say.”

  “I’ve got a grandfather like that,” Leah said with a laugh. “There can’t be another man like you.”

  He smiled, but his voice was serious. “Leelee, listen to me. A good, strong, honest man. You find him, and you marry him. I want to know you’ve got somebody to come home to, so when I’m dead and gone, I know you’ll be taken care of.”

  She pulled free of his arms and shook her head vehemently. “Why would you say that? You’re healthy as a horse.”

  He shook his head. “I’m not guaranteed tomorrow, and I want to know you won’t be alone.”

  “I can take care of myself, you know.” She tried to focus on the insinuation of her
helplessness instead of the dead and gone statement. She refused to even consider a world without Pawpaw. And besides, she was an independent woman. While a romance would be wonderful, she didn’t need it to survive.

  “I’m not talking about money or protection or anything like that, and you know it, girl.” He stared her down. “I mean a partner like I had with your grandma, someone to share life’s burdens with. You haven’t had it easy, and with Jamie gettin’ married, you’ll be more alone than is good for you.”

  Leah stared at the carpet. She couldn’t look Pawpaw in the face. While the rest of the world saw the laughing, adventurous woman she’d chosen to be, she knew that he saw the lonely child she’d been when he and her grandmother had taken her in. He knew her too well. How could any man hope to do a better job of taking care of her than the man who’d raised her when her own mother hadn’t cared enough to do the job herself?

  Her grandfather sighed. “If you’re going to stay around here this afternoon, you’d better change outta that getup. I could use some of your help staging the new silver I just bought. You’ve always been better at that than me.”

  He patted her on the back and nodded toward the office at the back of the store.

  “Yes, sir.” She caught the hood that he tossed at her and made her way through the back room. Maybe an afternoon of manual labor would keep the ugly memories of Kevin and her worries about the future at bay. Her throat tightened at the thought of Pawpaw’s words. Why would he be so worried about her getting married? What had he meant, dead and gone?

  It took most of the afternoon before she could breathe normally again.

  ***

  Leah stoically stared at Jamie’s TV, determined to ignore the pitiful whining of one claiming-to-be-starved greyhound. He’d had a bowl and a half of food only an hour ago, the rotten liar. He pawed at the foot she’d propped on the coffee table, his high-pitched cries fighting with the TV for her attention.

  She’d volunteered to house and dog sit for the happy honeymooners, but Baron seemed determined to pester her to death. Instead of teaching a week at summer theatre camp, she was moping around Jamie’s house with a pile of movies, a boatload of snack food, and a greyhound that refused to get full.