The Morning Myth Read online

  Eventually I simply gave up. I had accepted the brainwashing. I accepted my fate as being a night owl and settled for a life of believing that the problem was with me, not with society’s celebratory views on early rising.

  At that point, I was fully locked up in “the prison.”

  The definition of the prison is the life of the night owl who is forced to live in a world where schedules are dictated by early risers. It makes them feel ashamed, inferior, and not a productive member of society. Worse, many night owls assume there must be something wrong with them, that they must indeed be lazy, slothful, and disorganized.

  When the night owl tries to switch to an early-riser sleep schedule, the result is cognitive impairment, reduced productivity, higher risk of causing an automobile accident while driving to work, and more. Perhaps the worst consequence is the inability to hold onto a job. I know I went through this early in my sales career, having to fight traffic in an hour-long commute to arrive at a daily 7:30 a.m. sales meeting on time. Heck, I even lost my job as an auto mechanic after leaving school because I had trouble getting there by 8:00 a.m., even though the shop was 10 minutes from home. Mind you I was only 20 years old at the time, young enough to have been bursting with energy, but that didn’t help me to get up any earlier.

  That is also largely why I failed at so many sales jobs, despite having strong sales skills. When I was hired by the person I call “my first sales manager with a brain,” I no longer had to show up at 8:00 a.m. for daily meetings or just for the sake of being there. While it’s true that his sharing the fact that cold calling is a waste of time really did skyrocket my sales career, a big part of my success was that I no longer had to get up at 5:30 or 6:00 a.m. to get to work on time. As long as I was producing sales numbers—and I was—he didn’t care if I slept in until noon and played golf every day. (Yes, he actually said that. But I hate golf.) So, I got up at my normal time of between 8:30 and 9:00 a.m. and suddenly I was “on”—wired, ambitious, prepared to conquer the world. And at that job, I did; in fact, it was the success and knowledge gained working there that allowed me to save enough money to start a business, and only three years later my first book was released and immediately became a New York Times best-seller. Keep in mind this was three years of being my own boss and, most important, sleeping on my own schedule. Most of that book, and all of my others, was written while all those lazy-ass morning people were in bed sleeping. (See how easily we can turn it around on them?)

  As you can see, that job was anything but a prison; however, the overwhelming majority of night owls are stuck in 8-to-5 jobs, or in school with similar early hours, which means getting up as early as six o’clock in the morning to get there on time. Many employers are beginning to allow flexible hours but we have a long, long way to go. I don’t think society will ever stop believing Ben Franklin’s blatant lie about rising early, written at the same time that he was waking up at nine o’clock every day.

  In his book Why We Sleep (Scribner, 2017), Dr. Matthew Walker explains that about 40% of the population are morning people, 30% are night owls, and the remaining 30% fall somewhere in between.

  This means that less than half of society consists of morning people, yet everyone has to fall in line in the same prison nevertheless.

  He goes on to say that when night owls are forced to rise early, the prefrontal cortex in the brain, which controls thought processes and logical reasoning, remains in a disabled or “offline” state. “Like a cold engine in an early-morning start, it takes a long time before it warms up to operating temperature.”

  I can’t speak for anyone else, but I take about two hours from waking to feeling fully alert. Having said that, two hours is the average time for all people to become fully alert after getting out of bed. It’s no coincidence, then, that a disproportionate amount of automobile accidents occur during the morning commute. To further complicate matters, most people get up and immediately start drinking coffee, usually more than one cup. And when I say cup, I mean a normal cup like you get in a diner, not a giant Starbucks coffee or a huge travel mug filled to the brim; that’s more like three or four cups. As Stephen Cherniske explains in his book Caffeine Blues: Wake Up to the Hidden Dangers of America’s #1 Drug (Grand Central Publishing, 2008), the hyper state that caffeine induces contributes to morning road rage, excessive speeding and weaving in and out of traffic, and overall aggressive driving, all of which lead to even more car accidents in the morning hours. The frantic rush to get to work at a too-early hour contributes as well.

  While I’m rarely on the road during morning rush hour, the few times I am, which are mostly for school events, I am stunned at just how aggressive, obnoxious, and angry drivers seem to be, supporting Cherniske’s claims. It’s also very interesting to note that I don’t experience this when I drive home during afternoon rush hour, which is typically when I head home. I have to believe that’s because everyone isn’t hyped up on caffeine and making a mad rush to get to work on time. (It’s a sad state of affairs, however, if people aren’t rushing home to see their families. I know I do, or perhaps I’m unknowingly using that to justify my high rate of speed?)

  By the way, after reading Caffeine Blues and weaning myself off of coffee, I amazingly did start waking up earlier and just as refreshed as if I’d slept until 10:00 a.m., which was my normal time for most of my life. Being caffeine-free has pushed that back to between 8:30 and 9:00 a.m. I personally believe it is the one and only thing that will help night owls get up earlier, but wean yourself slowly by gradually mixing in decaf with your regular coffee over a month until you’re drinking strictly decaf, which still contains caffeine, at which point you can safely quit without the brutal withdrawal headaches associated with caffeine cessation. Oh, and when I say get up earlier, you won’t be jumping out of bed at 5:30 a.m. The difference will be more like 30–60 minutes earlier. Interestingly, the reason for caffeine withdrawal headaches is because caffeine is a vasoconstrictor, meaning it narrows your blood vessels. After years of drinking coffee, then stopping, the blood vessels to your brain are no longer constricted and can finally function normally, and it’s the new flood of oxygen into the brain that triggers the headaches. Or, in other words, caffeine limits the amount of oxygen your brain gets, literally making you dumber. Until you quit, anyway.

  In other words, consuming caffeine, especially in large amounts, is tantamount to going from the town jail to the state penitentiary.

  I can say with certainty that quitting alcohol had little positive impact, and in fact it had negative ones such as gaining weight just like smokers do when they quit; dropping caffeine, on the other hand, was almost miraculous in terms of how much more energy I suddenly had! Even my wife, who has known me for over 14 years, said one day, “Who are you?” (That’s one of my favorite songs by the way—and she hates it!)

  Morning People Can’t Keep Their Mouths Shut About It

  As part of the research for this book, I came across an article in the New York Times by Alex Williams, entitled Maybe Your Sleep Problem Isn’t a Problem.

  He recalls being on a Delta airlines flight and seeing one of their commercials from his in-seat screen, one that hits home a bit too hard for us night owls:

  It starts off with a montage of perky professionals, rising before dawn in homes and executive-class hotel rooms around the world, stretching their gym-toned bodies and firing up coffeepots at an hour usually reserved for mating fruit bats.

  “Here’s to all 180 million of you early risers, go-getters and should-be sleepers,” the voice-over says, as Disney’s “Heigh-Ho” swells in the background. “Because the ones who truly change the world are the ones who can’t wait to get out in it.”

  All that commercials like this do is to reinforce the myth that morning people are more punctual (not in my experience, while I’m never, ever late), and do better in school and in their careers. Society continues to celebrate these so-called winners, and despite all the research to the contrary, commercials li
ke Delta’s and other media continue to perpetuate this myth that morning people are just somehow better, and that night owls are losers.

  As you’ll learn throughout this book, the truth is the exact opposite: Night owls are more successful and earn more money than morning people.

  If you doubt that statement, consider someone like Mark Zuckerberg, who routinely stays up until 6:00 a.m. Love him or hate him, he is a very well-known—and very wealthy—night owl and, like me, has no shame about it.

  Then there’s former U.S. president Barack Obama. Even during his two terms as president, he went to bed at 1:00 a.m. and started work at 9:00 a.m… . and despite that—or perhaps because of it—he went on to achieve the highest level of success on this side of the pond—President of the United States of America.

  Or consider the man who saved England from Germany during World War II. Winston Churchill got up at 11, started work at noon, and required his staff to work as late as he did. Hah—take that, you early risers!

  If Jerry Seinfeld weren’t a night owl, he wouldn’t have been able to spend years working late-night comedy clubs and would not have a current net worth estimated at $870 million. Yes, you heard that right—he’s close to becoming a billionaire—all thanks to the ability to be sharp late at night. (Don’t think a morning person can just hammer coffee and be equally sharp at that hour; as you’re about to learn in the upcoming chapters, they simply cannot, just as we cannot be expected to be that “on” in the early mornings.)

  Having said all that, in my research for this book, I found article after article claiming that these, and many other highly successful night owls, are actually morning people! The nerve! Or, I should say, the brainwashing.

  Maybe they’re not brainwashed. Maybe they’re night owls, too, but their employers are making them write this drivel to fulfill their superiority complex over late risers.

  Night Owl Shaming Must Stop—Now

  Throughout my life, as you know, I’ve been a night owl. Even when I have the best intentions of going to bed early, it simply does not happen, no matter how tired I am.

  Just recently I was seriously exhausted after a lousy night’s sleep the night before. I went to bed about two hours earlier than my usual time, expecting to be asleep by the time my head hit the pillow.

  An hour later I gave up and got back up.

  While my wife understands it, even my kids, at five and seven years old, ask me why I sleep “so late.” It doesn’t help much to try to explain it when they are in a world where mommy gets to work and they get to school at eight o’clock, just as I’m getting close to waking up.

  In fact, friends, relatives, and other successful people will shame me. Coworkers did it when I had a job, and during my one year in college—which I flunked out of thanks to the eight o’clock start—friends would try to come and wake me up to get me to class, but it was to no avail. When I visit family out of state it’s like some kind of running joke that I get up as late as I do. Then again, my brother Dan and sister Lisa also get up late, thanks to the genetic nature of sleep chronotypes. More on that later.

  We live in a politically correct society where shaming someone for their race or gender or sexual orientation can get you thrown in jail on hate speech charges, yet it’s somehow okay to shame night owls. The problem is especially enormous in America, where the myth of the “successful early riser and lazy night owl” persists, and on top of that, countries in Europe, South America, and elsewhere have gotten with the program and it’s common for employers there to offer flexible hours to late risers.

  Camilla Kring, the founder of B-Society, a night owl advocacy group, says that the typical workday discriminates against late-sleeping night owls.

  “Early risers have the competitive edge. Most schools and workplaces are organized based on an 8:00 or 9:00 o’clock starting time. But why are we considered less productive if we prefer an active evening and calm morning? And why do early risers have the patent on discipline simply because they get up early? Quality of life, health, infrastructure, and productivity would all improve if we offered people work hours matching their circadian rhythms.”

  Silicon Valley is a prime example. It’s one of the most expensive places to live in America, has many of the most desirable jobs, and—drumroll please—is the one place in the United States where flexible work schedules are offered to accommodate early risers, night owls, and everyone in between.

  Why can’t the rest of America get off their early morning high horse and get with that program? After all, are they not aware of the fact that the area has an annual GDP of approximately one trillion dollars? Yes, that’s trillion with a capital T, more than most countries. Here’s a new slogan for them: “Silicon Valley—Where Night Owls Can Be Night Owls.”

  As Silicon Valley continues to migrate from Northern California to North Texas (the Dallas area), hopefully they bring their positive attitudes toward night owls with them and we can finally be done with this Southern nonsense of everyone being in a pissing contest to see who gets bragging rights about being the earliest riser of all. I’ve literally heard conversations like this: “I get up at 5:30 every day.” “Well I’m up at five.” “Heck, I’m up at 4:30.” And it’s not just Texas; I heard this kind of stupidity living in Arizona, Nevada, and other states.

  Biologist Christoph Randler, interviewed in the July–August 2010 issue of Harvard Business Review, was challenged on the accuracy of his research showing that early risers do better in life than night owls.

  However, when pressed on the issue, he said, “Children show a marked increase in eveningness from around age 13 to late adolescence, and, on balance, more people under 30 are evening types. From 30 to 50, the population is about evenly split, but after age 50, most people are morning types.”

  Guess who the business owners and CEOs primarily are? If you guessed the over-50 crowd, you guessed right, although I still question even that statement. I’m in my late 40s and not even remotely close to somehow magically transforming into a morning person. All age has given me is multiple pairs of reading glasses that I keep everywhere. Granted, I only need them when I’m tired and the fatigue blurs my near-field vision, but still …

  Here’s another admission from Mr. Randler that contradicts his claims about the superiority of early risers and the idea that people can change their sleep schedule: “Throughout the world, people who sleep late are too often assumed to be lazy. The result is that the vast majority of school and work schedules are tailored to morning types. Few people are even aware that morningness and eveningness have a powerful biological component.”

  There you have it, thanks to an evidently anonymous interviewer at HBR: We’re assumed to be lazy throughout the world, yet few people are aware that our night owl tendencies are inherited and biological, and they cannot be changed. Society must change to better accommodate us.

  It’s no wonder why night owls have higher rates of depression and anxiety, when society demeans us and demands that we conform to ancient agrarian work and school schedules. Then they have the nerve to call us lazy and slothful when we don’t. I’m sorry, but if that’s not discrimination, then I don’t know what is.

  Perhaps the time has come for lawyers to get in on this? After all, the opioid crisis in America has fueled an unexpected cottage industry: malpractice lawsuits against doctors who do not provide adequate pain relief to those in need of it, something that I personally experienced and that led to my heavy drinking for pain relief and the ability to sleep through pain. The worst part was when I had a total ankle replacement last year and the IV pain medications were not working because all that booze made my liver extremely efficient at removing toxins. I ended up on hydromorphone, which is four times more powerful than heroin, and oral oxycodone on top of that, and yet I was still in agony. After all, my bones had been power-sawed, drilled, and had metal implants hammered into them the previous day. That hurts!

  Likewise, looking back on those years of, one, suffering thr
ough extremely difficult mornings when I couldn’t think straight, let alone perform, and two, the endless sleep shaming from seemingly everyone, I think we’re long overdue for something to change in our society.

  I’ll close this chapter with a quote from author Chelsea Fagan, in an article in Thought Catalog:

  All I ask is that morning people be kind to night owls, that they try their best to understand how difficult life already is in the first few hours of the day and not compound it with suggestions on how to perk up and loud monologues about all of the things they’ve already accomplished. When I am just sipping a coffee and trying to get acclimated to human life, and someone comes up and starts talking at me, it’s all I can do not to just pour my coffee on them and burst into tears. Don’t do that. Be kind. Be chill. Above all, be the kind of person that night owls want to invite to their sweet-ass parties, because you know we’re throwing all of them.

  Morning Madness

  Society’s endless insistence on early morning schedules along with the endless shaming of night owls is literally a form of discrimination that must be stopped. How many millions of night owls must suffer what I suffered: Daily wondering of what’s wrong with me, why I can’t get up early and perform well, and being sick and tired of early risers shaming us and then telling us just how wonderful their mornings are, complete with a snarky, “Nice of you to join us today” when we do arrive. Enough is enough already. Bring on the lawyers.

  CHAPTER 4

  Studies Favoring Morning Larks Are Fatally Flawed: Our Society Is Rigged in Favor of Early Birds

  At this point I’ve ranted and raved relentlessly (say that fast 10 times) about the fact that night owls are forced to live, learn, and work in a world that’s still ruled by a centuries-old, farming-centric school and work schedule.