WTF! This Is A Liberal Utopia! Read online

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Special gratitude to the motion picture Idiocracy and Cyril M. Kornbluth’s 1951 Sci-Fi Classic The Marching Morons on which the movie was based for the inspiration in writing this ongoing serial novel.

  Further appreciation to those organizations and the people behind and inside them for working...working extremely hard for the good of humanity including: CBS, ABC, NBC, PBS, NPR, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, USA Today, the Associated Press, Reuters, Hollywood, the NAACP, the ACLU, the NEA, the President, Congress and the thousands upon thousands of distinct institutions and organizations which I do not have occasion to enumerate at present.

  My gratitude extends out to the breed of folks who are helping morph this country into their idea of a panacea on our behalf including...the so-called watchdogs of democracy: the journalists; the reporters’ bosses ‘the editors’ and their bosses’ bosses ‘the publishers.’ My blessings go out to today’s “card carrying” school teachers, every notable Hollywood performer with the exceptions of Clint Eastwood and John Wayne (deceased), and let us not forget those “slip and fall,” trial lawyers...thank you guys and gals for all the great work.

  Kudos to the ninety-seven percent of all tenured college faculty; the Democrat politicians impersonating Republican politicians; every living, breathing Democrat politician; the Amazons wearing the “pink hats,” nearly everyone living in New York City, the State of New Jersey and anyone in Boston, and nearly every one of the 2,790,000 men, women and children who work tirelessly on our behalf in one of 456 U.S. Federal Government departments and agencies. This novel is dedicated to you, for your commitment, your fortitude, your farsightedness, your greatness, your wisdom, your genius and your spectacularness.

  Thank you liberalism and all the other ‘isms': illusionism, nihilism, feminism, socialism, immoralism, communism, collectivism, absurdism, for providing humanity with the blueprint for the ‘Garden of Eden.’ I know someday...hopefully soon, you will succeed and your “grand strategy” will succeed, and when it does America will be a much more sensational, wondrous land: a greener place with more trees; a much happier setting in view that none of us will have to work: a venue where everyone breathes fresh, clean air owing to the actuality that you will have gotten rid of all those fossil-fuel-burning contraptions. The Nirvana and paradise of our dreams. A dominion where everyone will drink pure, clean water directly from the spigot. A place where exceptionalism does not matter; where everyone is taxed into equalityism; a spot on earth where some unseen bureaucrat controls our every move to ensure our collective happiness. A country where that immoral, wicked ‘industrialism’ and that heartless, villainous ‘capitalism’ are put out to pasture, to never again threaten the existence of ‘Gaia’...liberals’ label for their deity, “Mother Earth.” A loving, tender country where anyone forced to work would do so in “Green Industries” in an American society that had finally returned to its roots, ‘Agrarianism.’

  We implore you, continue the fight, continue your duty up to the time the goal is reached. You have been bestowed by birthright with brilliancy, splendor, magnificence and silver tongues with all the answers to mankind’s and womankind’s questions...do not ever forget that.

  Someday, Americans will see what you have created, see that your creations are outstanding. No, make that great. No, better make that cool, marvelous, breathtaking, spectacular. Yes, that’s it...and the very exceptional, awesomeness will be all around...far and wide for everybody to see! Yes, everywhere all will see the fruits of your genius...the stupendousness of your clairvoyance...the magnificent results brought about by your righteous cause! And, we will need statues...lots of statues to honor you...you who will have created this veritable paradise for us...this utopia we have all been dreaming of for so, so, so extremely long.

  ...Nevertheless, some of us are beginning to get a little fatigued...burnt out on waiting and what’s more, more than a little alarmed, almost schiessenless, at what are starting to appear like ‘empty promises.’ Most of us are most definitely getting worn out on all your clichés...all your criticizing and moaning...all your finger pointing. We just want what you have been promising us for the last fifty years. Give us a demonstration, some small shred of proof that what you’ve been saying is true, that it’s not been just a pack of lies, that it’s not just a further hair-brained, social experiment with the American people the guinea pigs.

  Come on, give us a little taste...a little taste of paradise...a little taste of the forbidden fruit...a little bite of that apple.

  Prologue