Billy Whiskers: The Autobiography of a Goat Read online

  _Billy Whiskers Makes Trouble_

  The day after Billy Whiskers was sold to the Biggses he was shutin a small yard to keep him out of mischief. Feeling lonesome, hethought that he would jump the fence and look around a little. Hewas getting cross-eyed looking through the palings of the fencewhich were very close together, so suiting the action to thethought, he vaulted over the fence, landing in a kettle ofscarlet dye, that had been left there to cool. When he got out ofthe kettle the fore-part of him was scarlet, and the hind, white,but he did not mind that, so after shaking the drops from hiseyes and beard, he was as ready to explore as if nothing hadhappened.

  Seeing the kitchen door open, he went up the steps softly andlooked in. He could see no one in the kitchen, and smelling somenice sweet-cakes, which had just been taken out of the oven andplaced on the table, he walked cautiously across the floor andbegan to eat them. From the floor he could only reach a few, sohe mounted a chair, and from that stepped onto the table. As hedid so, he stepped into a large loaf cake with frosting on it.While kicking that off, and licking the frosting off his feet, hecaught sight of a nice red apple that one of the children had puton a small shelf for safe keeping. This he quickly packed awaywhere moth and rust doth not corrupt. Hearing some noise, he wasabout to get off the table, when raising his head, he facedanother goat. But this goat must have come from the infernalregions for in all his life he had never seen such a villainouslooking fellow. Billy was no coward, so he backed off as far asthe table would allow, and then butted forward as hard as hecould. A crash! a bang! and the other goat was upon him, and theyboth rolled off the table.

  Where had the other goat disappeared when he had butted him, andwhat was this thing around his neck? A looking-glass frame, withlittle pieces of glass sticking in it. Backing out of the frame,Billy went in pursuit of the other goat; for he did not know thatit was his own image he had butted in the kitchen looking-glass.Seeing a dark hall-way, he went boldly in, and walked on toward alight he saw at the other end. Arriving there, he found that thelight came from a window in the parlor. He marched in, stilllooking for his rival, but soon forgot him in gazing at thethings in the room, especially a fancy basket of fruit under aglass cover. Now Billy was very partial to fruit of all kinds, sohe upset the marble-top table the basket was setting on and outrolled all the luscious looking fruit. He bit into a rosy cheekedpeach, but of all fruit he had ever eaten, this was the mosttasteless and tough. It stuck to his teeth so he could notseparate his upper jaw from his lower. Just then he heard voices,and some one say:

  "Susie, I heard a terrible crash down stairs. You had better rundown and see what it was. You may have left the kitchen door openand the cat possibly came in and upset something."

  Then he heard Susie say, "All right, Mum."

  He thought that if anyone was coming down he had better get outso he started on a run, but the door at the end of the hall hadblown shut, and the only other way of escape was up the frontstairs. As he reached the top, he saw Susie who had beenscrubbing the top of the back stairs, throw down her brush,preparatory to going to see what the noise was. They both caughtsight of each other at the same moment, and Susie thought thelong, sinister looking, scarlet-bearded face with the horns, thatappeared at the top of the stairs, was the devil; and with ablood-curdling scream she threw up her hands and rolled to thefoot of the stairs, upsetting the pail of suds that she hadclutched when she felt herself falling. There she lay toofrightened to move, but Billy rushed on trying to find a way outfor he commenced to feel that there would be trouble if he werefound.

  Mrs. Biggs, hearing Susie scream, rushed to the door with hermouth full of tacks, and a hammer in her hand, just in time toget butted into by Billy, which laid her flat on her back in lesstime than you can wink. As luck would have it, the shock made heropen her mouth and the tacks flew out for if she had swallowedthem she would never have gotten off her back.

  Billy Whiskers gave her one look when he saw what he had done,and turned and fled back down the stairs, and out the front doorbetween the legs of Mr. Biggs who was just coming in, and Billybeing a big goat, and Mr. Biggs a short, stout man, there was notmuch room to go through, but it was the first daylight Billy hadseen, so he gave Mr. Biggs a boost as he straddled his back,which helped him to fall off, over the side of the porch where helanded in a nice soft bed of geraniums.

  As Billy was a knowing goat, he decided that they would not carefor him after what had happened, nor look for him if hedisappeared, so seeing the front gate open, he ran out andtrotted down the road and that was the last that was heard ofhim. His surmises were right. The Biggses never even looked forhim.