Up and Coming (Coastal College Football Book 1) Read online

  He headed to Jake’s room, and the guy’s eager expression made him smile. As much as Emmett loved knowing Jake had feelings for him, he felt pressured all the same. He couldn’t put off this conversation.

  They got comfortable sitting on the bed, far enough apart that they weren’t touching. “Before we get into this,” Emmett started awkwardly, “we need to set boundaries. You’re used to hookups, but that’s not me. Sex isn’t something I can do lightly.”

  Jake was blushing again, looking down into his lap, adorable as hell. “I get that. Emmett, I’m not into hookups. Sometimes that’s just how things work out. And…I haven’t been with as many guys as you seem to think. Yeah, Waseem and I go to the club pretty regularly, but it’s not like I get with some guy every time.”

  Emmett nodded, taking in that new information. He’d just assumed that was what gay dudes did. He remembered what Waseem said earlier, about other guys being a substitute for Emmett, and he was emboldened.

  “Exclusivity is important to me, and you’re important to me. I’ll make as much room in my life for you as I can. But I’m not ready to rush into a serious relationship. There are times when I won’t be available, and I need to know you’ll understand.”

  Jake looked away. “Yeah, okay. I get it.”

  “Don’t be like that. I just don’t want a repeat of our fight on Saturday. I care about you—”

  “I’m sure you do.” He rose and paced across the narrow room.

  Emmett stood and walked up to him. “I don’t get it. What’s the problem?”

  Jake massaged his temples. “This was a mistake.”

  The words feel like a punch to the chest. “Why is it a mistake?” Emmett tried to stay rational, but there was a shaky whine to his voice that didn’t sound like him. Which was no surprise, because he’d never felt this way before.

  “You care for me,” Jake said, “and you’ll find ways to fit me into your life. Meanwhile, I’m in love with you, and you are my life. There’s no way I walk away from this without a broken heart.”

  “Jakey…” Emmett nuzzled his neck. “I’ll make you a priority. You’re not an afterthought in my life. I think about you all the time.”

  Jake pulled back. “And will you make me a priority if you get drafted by Miami or Minnesota, and I’m in grad school at Berkeley?”

  Emmett shrugged. “We’ve been dating for five days. That discussion is premature.”

  “It’s not premature for me. I’ve got to submit applications, and now I’m researching schools all over the country, because I don’t know where you’re going to end up.”

  Emmett wanted to be annoyed but he couldn’t, because that was the nicest damn thing anyone had ever said to him. “It means a lot that you’re willing to adapt your life to me. I wish I could do the same, but I can’t. You get that, right? That it has nothing to do with how I feel for you?”

  “Yeah, I get it.” Jake’s voice was flat, and his mouth turned down.

  Emmett kissed him, tenderly with a hint of tongue but no urgency. “I wish I could show you everything you mean to me right now. Take you out, wine and dine you, then bring you back here and suck you dry. But I can’t. I’ve got to study. If I get behind, I’ll never get caught up.”

  Jake nodded and gave him a crooked smile.

  Emmett felt bad all the same. He tried not to be down on himself. His mom had drilled into him from the time he was in kindergarten that a negative attitude made things harder for him. He couldn’t compare himself to other people. But it sucked that his academic situation was limiting his relationship with Jake. Falling in love should be easy, but for Emmett, it was just fucking not.

  And Jake deserved better.

  The press of Jake’s hand on his drew Emmett out of the dark place he had momentarily sunk into. He looked up to see beautiful blue eyes gazing into his own, soft and accepting. “It’s okay, babe, I understand,” Jake said. And this time, it sounded like he really did. He unfastened the top buttons on Emmett’s shirt and kissed the hollow of his throat.

  Emmett wrapped him in his arms and rested his chin on the top of Jake’s head. Once again, he couldn’t get over how perfectly their bodies fit together. “Wish I could hold you all night.”

  Jake kissed his cheek. “You want to study here? I don’t mind taking the bed if you want the desk.”

  “Yeah…actually, that would be great.” The last thing Emmett wanted was to break contact, but he did have work to do.

  He took his laptop and headphones out of his backpack and set them up on the desk. Listening to the audio version of the textbooks while he read helped a lot. It was great when studying alone but isolating while studying with someone.

  As they studied, he and Jake exchanged glances, but it was difficult to talk. After the third time taking off his headphones and asking Jake to repeat himself, Emmett wondered if he should tell him about the dyslexia. Jake probably thought Emmett was listening to music or something, which was pretty damn antisocial. He didn’t want Jake to think he was blocking him out.

  As nice a guy as Jake was, he wouldn’t think less of Emmett because of his disability. But Waseem told him Jake was on track to graduate summa cum laude. He didn’t talk about it much, but the guy was a genius. And that…could be intimidating.

  In middle school, the kids gave Emmett shit about the special treatment he got, especially the part about having longer to take tests. Said it was unfair. Called him dumb. Until his growth spurt hit and suddenly he could kick all their asses.

  He had learned to let the taunts roll off him like rainwater off a freshly waxed car. By high school, the girls were swooning over him, talking about how smooth he was. Unflappable. That was the image he had been projecting ever since. And it had worked for him.

  He looked over at Jake until the guy raised his eyes. Emmett smiled and waggled his brows. Jake smiled back.

  Emmett returned to his textbook, feeling better now that he’d signaled his appreciation of Jake’s presence. Emmett shouldn’t feel embarrassed about his dyslexia, but he didn’t want it to define him. He didn’t want Jake to treat him differently because of it.

  Emmett wouldn’t hide it forever. But he wasn’t ready to let the truth out yet.

  ***

  It had been three hours, and Emmett was still wearing those damn headphones. Jake understood that some people liked music while they studied, but this seemed a little ridiculous. Jake had invited him to stay so they could spend time together, but instead Jake felt shut out.

  So, okay, Emmett did take a couple of breaks to kiss him. And it wasn’t I-can’t-wait-to-get-you-naked kissing, it was you’re-so-damn-irresistible kissing. Which was nice. Freaking awesome, actually. If someone had told Jake a month ago that Emmett Cross would be in his dorm room taking breaks from studying so he could kiss him, he’d have been insanely happy.

  Still, it was a pretty lonely feeling, sharing space with someone you were crazy about, when they were as self-contained as Emmett was. The guy was intensely focused when he was working. Which just made it more tempting to distract him.

  Not that Jake would do that. Emmett was a no-bullshit guy, and he wouldn’t be amused.

  But now it was almost eleven. Jake had morning classes, and he was kind of hoping Emmett would want to get in some naked time before heading back to his room.

  He took a chance and walked up behind Emmett, rubbing his shoulders and bending down to kiss the nape of his neck.

  Emmett moaned softly and finally took off his headphones. He turned and met Jake’s lips. And this time it was deep and possessive.

  Emmett stood and stroked Jake’s hair. “You know, I’ve got my gym bag. I can spend the night if you want.”

  Jake thrilled at the words. “Hell yeah I do.”

  They brushed their teeth, then quickly stripped out of their clothes. They rolled into bed, and Jake couldn’t stop kissing him. Emmett hovered over him, sliding their dicks together, and it felt damn good.

  “Yeah, just like th
at,” Jake moaned. “Frotting is one of my favorite things.”

  “Frotting?”

  “Yeah, rubbing together. To actually come, it usually takes more friction, like two dicks in one hand. And since you’ve got the larger hand…”

  “Oh, yeah, I’m all over that.” Emmett nipped at Jake’s shoulder.

  Jake yelped, then ground against him. “Hell yes.”

  With a dollop of lube in his hand, Emmett positioned himself side-by-side with Jake, lining up their bodies. The feel of their two hard cocks in Emmett’s strong hand sent shivers through Jake. He kissed Emmett’s mouth, flicking their tongues together. It was sweet and decadent at the same time, like two teenagers first discovering the pleasures of the flesh.

  They took their time, touching and tasting each other with roaming hands and lips. Emmett learned Jake’s erogenous zones, the little patches of skin that made him keen with delight. He whispered in Jake’s ear, “You’re beautiful when you’re turned on.”

  “You turn me on so hard, babe.” Jake squeezed out more lube and took over for a while. With his smaller hand, he held Emmett’s big dick against his own, cupping them against his body, stroking Emmett’s cock with a firm grip.

  “You’re so good to me, Jakey,” Emmett murmured into his ear, the heat of Emmett’s breath warming his face.

  “Yes,” Jake grunted, picking up speed, “oh yes, Emmett, you feel amazing—keep pumping against me like that.”

  And Emmett did, until he came all over their stomachs and chests. Then, he took Jake in hand and finished the job.

  Lying in the darkness wrapped in Emmett’s arms, Jake’s worries melted away. If this was what dating Emmett was going to be like, he had no complaints. He didn’t need movies or nightclubs. Just Emmett.

  He bit his cheek. His grandma would be pissed when she found out he was thinking about giving up Berkeley for a man. But it wasn’t any man. It was Emmett Cross. And while Jake couldn’t care less about Emmett’s earning potential, he had to admit that marriage to a pro football player would make his life and his parents’ a lot easier. He hoped his grandma could see that, could see that the sacrifices were worth it.

  He snuggled against Emmett’s chest, and a strong arm encircled him. Even if they’d been officially dating only five days, Jake already knew that this was where he wanted to be for the rest of his life.

  Chapter 10

  Jake stepped into the chem lab to check on an experiment. Amber turned to him and smiled. “Hey stranger, haven’t seen you much lately.”

  Jake nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been spending all my free time with Emmett.”

  “Look at you, all smiles and googly eyes. You’ve got it bad.”

  He put on a white coat. “I guess I do. What about you and Demonté? How’s that going?”

  She inserted two test tubes into a centrifuge and turned it on. “It’s strange. I wouldn’t have thought Demonté was my type… But I don’t know when I’ve laughed this much. Sometimes what you think you want is totally wrong for you, while the thing you’ve been overlooking is exactly what you need.” She shook her head. “Sorry, I’m rambling. At first I didn’t want Demonté to make me happy, but now I’m just going with it. I have no idea where it will lead. I’m keeping an open mind. Because I obviously have no judgment where men are concerned.” She grinned.

  He slipped his hands into latex gloves. “I hope I’m not saying the same thing six months from now.”

  She scowled. “You think you will be?”

  He shrugged. “Emmett’s in an extraordinary situation. I can’t judge it the way I would a normal relationship. I have to make allowances for the fact that he could be signing a multimillion dollar contract six months from now, if things go right. And for the fact that he has no say in where he’ll be living a year from now. He’s in an enviable situation, but at the same time, his choices are limited. Which means my choices are limited, if I want to be with him. And if things don’t work out between us, I lose out. All the sacrifices are for nothing. Part of me resents that, but there’s nothing Emmett can do about it. He’s not asking me to make sacrifices. If I want to be with him, that’s just the way it’s got to be.”

  She eyed him, head tilted to one side. “I never thought about it that way. I mainly fixated on that fine body of his.” She gave him a sly grin.

  His cheeks warmed. Flustered, he took a moment to gather his thoughts. “I can’t complain about that part of the relationship.” He moved his test sample from one machine to another.

  “Jake…just because we’re busy with our boys, that doesn’t mean we can’t still talk like we used to. You can come over to chat any time. I can kick Demonté out.”

  “I may take you up on that.”

  Jake dropped his gloves into the receptacle and set the timer on his phone. He’d have to come back in eight hours to analyze how much the sample had degraded. For now, he was free. He could study until Emmett finished football practice, then maybe they could get some dinner together. As he headed out of the building and down the stairs, he texted Emmett to see what his plans were.

  But Emmett’s response wasn’t what he expected. Said he was having dinner with his teammates, and made no indication that Jake was welcome to join them.

  Of course not. Because Emmett was in the closet. Jake kept forgetting that.

  This is what you signed up for, he reminded himself. This was the price of dating Emmett Cross. And he was worth the price, if it was only for a year or two.

  But what if it wasn’t? What if Emmett started playing pro ball, and decided it wasn’t worth the risk to come out? Because that could happen. Guys did it all the time, made promises they didn’t keep. And by the time you realized they had no intention of being true to their word, you were invested in the relationship. You’d put a year or two of your life into it, and kept telling yourself that it was only for a little while longer. Then five years later, nothing had changed.

  Jake didn’t want to be one of those people. He’d like to believe that Emmett would never do that to him, but the fact was, Emmett had a lot to process. In a matter of weeks, his whole identity had changed. How could he possibly know how he’d feel a year or two from now, about being out? So much was at stake for him. Jake couldn’t reasonably ask him to risk his future.

  So Jake was stuck. Stuck having the best sex of his life with the most handsome man he’d ever known. A man who was smart and kind and generous—at least when he could be. Because sometimes, Emmett had to be selfish. And sometimes, Jake had to let him, even though it made him feel small and unloved.

  He knew Emmett cared for him, knew it not just in his head but in his heart. So he put his trust in that. A trust that somehow, they’d find a way to make it work. Together.

  He needed to believe that, because otherwise it would all crumble.

  ***

  Jake was sitting in the cafeteria with Amber and Seth, absently twirling his fettuccine carbonara around his fork.

  “What’ve you got planned for fall break?” Seth asked him.

  He looked over. “Not much. Hanging out with my folks.” He was wary, talking about his parents. Seth had met them, but Amber hadn’t. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of them—truly, he wasn’t—but it was an ordeal having to explain it to people. That it was possible for him to be typical when his parents weren’t.

  Of course, as a fellow biochem major, Amber would understand that. She knew what trisomy 21 meant, how the genetics of it work. The fact was, he was just tired. He’d heard the word retarded so much growing up that he just had no energy around explaining it to people. It wore him down. And he felt terrible about that. He should be an advocate, the way his grandparents were. But he’d never been political. His approach was scientific. He wanted to find a cure.

  So he turned the question around to Seth. “How about you? Any special plans?”

  “My grandma wants to take me to a harvest festival the tribe is holding. Says I need to get to know my cousins better. Truth is, I don’t
have much family left. So I suppose she’s right.”

  “Sounds like it could be fun,” Jake encouraged.

  Seth shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “I didn’t know you were Native American,” Amber said.

  “One-quarter. My maternal grandfather was full-blooded. He died when I was thirteen, though, so I don’t know as much about it as I’d like.”

  The fact was, Seth was pretty sensitive about his heritage. He didn’t talk about it much, but his childhood was difficult. More so than Jake’s, probably. They had both been raised primarily by their grandparents, so they had that in common. But Jake’s parents were around and gave him unconditional love. Seth lost his parents when he was pretty young. There was a hard edge to him when the subject came up, so Jake didn’t ask about it. Seth was carrying around a lot of baggage, and it wasn’t like Jake was a psych major anything.

  “What about you, Amber?” Jake asked. “You doing anything for break?”

  “Taking Demonté to meet my parents, then I’m going to meet his.”

  “You’ve been dating two weeks.”

  “To be honest, I think he just can’t go a week without sex.”

  Jake grinned, but Seth blushed deeply. He grew up in a conservative home where sex wasn’t talked about. Jake respected that, but other people didn’t always understand.

  “What are Emmett’s plans?” She lowered her voice. “Do you think he’ll come out to his family?”

  “Subject hasn’t come up,” Jake said.

  “Do you think he should?” she asked.

  He shrugged. “Depends on his parents, and his relationship with them—”

  “I always thought they were close.”

  “Yeah, I think so. And I know he could use their advice. I hope he does it, but he might not be ready.”

  Amber nodded, eyebrows drawn together pensively.

  He sat back and bit his lip. He knew he should be patient. Some people took years to come out to their parents. Hiding their relationship was wearing on Jake, and it would mean a lot to him if Emmett were open with his family. But it was too soon to hope for that.