Up and Coming (Coastal College Football Book 1) Read online

  Emmett leaned forward a few millimeters until his shoulder was touching Jake’s. Jake let out a soft gasp. Emmett’s hand snaked over the blanket, and his pinky brushed Jake’s thigh. Emmett was fully hard and thinking about what it would be like to run his tongue along the nape of Jake’s neck. He could hear how Jake would moan.

  But he was kidding himself and he knew it. This couldn’t happen. The fantasy was fun, but he and Jake could only ever be friends.

  ***

  Jake slammed the door to his room and turned on the light. What the fuck was Emmett thinking? Flirting with Jake like that? Brushing faint little touches along Jake’s skin that made him shiver? The pressure of Emmett’s fingertip on him was more erotic than another man’s cock inside him.

  He needed a cold shower. But hell, getting naked, feeling the water on his skin—he’d just end up hard again by the time he toweled off.

  He should jack off and get some relief. But if he did, he’d fantasize about Emmett, which would only make things worse.

  Instead, he opened up his biology textbook to a particularly gruesome passage on sexually transmitted diseases, complete with pictures. That did the trick.

  He was engrossed in his studies when a knock on his door startled him. Expecting Waseem, he opened it to find Emmett.

  “Can I come in?”

  A rush of blood heated his skin. Jake stepped aside so the tall, lean, kissable quarterback could enter. Jake needed to keep it together, keep his desire from leading him into something stupid.

  Emmett was wary, like a puma checking out unfamiliar territory, but powerful all the same. “Look, this is…” Emmett turned his eyes away, his gaze sweeping the wall. “It’s like I told you. Things can’t happen between us—it’s too complicated.” He shook his head, then looked up, his glance meeting Jake’s. A shiver ran through Jake at the intensity in those deep, honey-brown eyes.

  “You’re a temptation,” Emmett continued, “but we’ve got to be smart about this. If we hook up, it’s only going to be more painful when it inevitably ends.”

  “And the end is inevitable,” Jake said with a laugh that was more bitter than he intended. “Because of football.”

  “If it were just a sport, it would be different. My family is counting on this. They’ve poured every penny into preparing me for a pro football career. My dad’s a high school coach, my mom’s an elementary school principal. There’s no money left for my sisters to go to college if I don’t make it. I can’t let them down.”

  Jake nodded slowly. “And coming out isn’t an option.”

  Emmett rubbed his hand across the crown of his head. “Maybe in a few years. The sports world is changing. Football isn’t there yet.”

  Jake struggled to keep it together even though it felt like someone had swung a pickax into his chest. “Yeah. Well then, I guess there’s no point in your being here.”

  “Don’t be like that.”

  “How am I supposed to be? You act all through lunch like you want to fuck me, and then you come here just to tell me you can’t? We’ve already had this conversation.”

  “I need you to understand—”

  “I do understand. You have to choose, and you’re choosing football. It’s a reasonable thing to do. It still makes me feel like shit, and nothing you say will change that. Because whatever your reasons are, it’s a shitty thing to do. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong. Maybe it’s the lesser of two evils. But it’s still shitty.”

  “Jake, come on.”

  “Come on and what? Make you feel better about rejecting me?”

  “I’m not rejecting you.”

  “That’s exactly what you’re doing.” Jake moderated his tone, letting go of the anger. “You don’t have to feel guilty. I told you I understand, and I don’t hold it against you. But be honest with yourself. You’re throwing away something that could be great between us, all because of other people’s prejudice and fear. It sucks, but that’s life, right?”

  Jake bit his lip, thinking maybe it was wrong for him to talk that way about prejudice to someone who’d had to face racism his whole life.

  But Emmett didn’t seem to react to that. Instead, he said, “I’m no coward. This is a business decision.”

  “Of course it is. You’re comparing the ROI of football against the ROI of being with me, and football wins.”

  Hurt flashed in Emmett’s eyes. “You think this is easy for me? I’ve never felt this way about another person. You’re special, Jake. I get that I’m throwing away something important. But this is the way it has to be.”

  “Right. Understood. Door’s that way.”

  “I can’t leave with you angry.”

  “I’m not angry. Why come here, just to tell me I have no say? If you need a friend, go talk to Waseem.”

  “Jake.”

  His voice was low and gravelly, resonant with desire. His pupils, blown wide, communicated everything he wasn’t saying.

  Jake’s chest stilled, his breath caught in his lungs. The soft press of a hand on his shoulder shut down his brain. Emmett was close enough that Jake could feel his heat, breathe his woodsy musk. Intoxicated, Jake knew he needed to stop this, but couldn’t remember why. His vision had narrowed to Emmett’s handsome face, his broad shoulders, his full, sensuous lips.

  He whimpered, his body taut with need. Blood rushed to his core and his head grew light.

  Emmett let out a strangled cry, sweeping Jake into his arms and crushing their bodies together.

  ***

  Emmett’s senses soaked Jake in: The nip of teeth tugging on lips. The silken feel of Jake’s hair clutched in one hand and the hard muscle of his ass cheek in the other. The faint mint of toothpaste an undertone to the flavor of raw, earthy man.

  Their hips found a rhythm as they ground their erections together, and Emmett saw stars behind his closed eyelids. He danced Jake across the floor and backed him against the wall. While his body held the smaller man in place like a protective shield, his mouth decided what to taste next. The hollow of Jake’s throat looked damn enticing, so he tried that. Jake let out a shivering moan, and Emmett intensified the onslaught of his tongue.

  Jake was begging now. His responsiveness fed Emmett’s desire. The throbbing in his dick was difficult to ignore, but he wasn’t ready to give up the exploratory kisses. He pulled Jake’s polo shirt off over his head, revealing toned muscle and a dusting of blond hair on Jake’s pecs that trailed down to a faint line on his flat stomach.

  With one hand encircling Jake’s waist, Emmett flicked a nipple with the other. Jake gasped. Emmett took the nub into his mouth, gently suckling, then tried circling it with his tongue. Jake bucked against him, and Emmett laughed softly at the reaction. He kissed Jake’s mouth again, affection spreading in his chest, a warm balm awakening the slumbering parts of his heart.

  Jake’s hands slid over Emmett’s body, across his chest and down his back, landing at his waist and then inching lower. He cupped Emmett’s balls through his denim shorts, and Emmett’s conscious mind stopped for a second from the intensity of sensation.

  Jake’s fingers fumbled at Emmett’s fly. Emmett was so close, he almost flew apart at the contact. When Jake found Emmett’s cock, the sensation of skin on skin left him gasping.

  Emmett squeezed Jake’s dick through his clothes, then found his way inside. He’d never touched another man like that before, but it was heaven. Plush skin slick with precum gliding beneath his fingers as he pumped the rigid shaft.

  He wanted more, much more, but the orgasm barreled over him. He captured Jake’s mouth with his own, taking him to completion. They moaned and nipped at each other, the affection in his chest giving him a new sensation of peace as he came down from the high.

  Emmett gulped in air and took a step back, chest heaving. Jake’s glazed eyes looked up at him, his mouth pink and thoroughly kissed. He was beautiful and vulnerable, and Emmett’s knees wobbled.

  He wanted this—to explore more of Jake’s body and discover
all its secrets. But Emmett had been over this in his head. He and Jake had no future. What was he thinking, coming here and losing control this way, leading Jake on?

  The truth was, he had nothing to offer. He had to put his career first. Emmett would only disappoint Jake. And Emmett couldn’t stand for Jake to think less of him.

  He flexed his jaw, heart crashing at what he had to do. His throat was dry and he struggled to swallow. “This…um, I’m sorry, Jake. I shouldn’t have let that happen. I’ve never done that before—hooking up isn’t my thing.”

  Jake blinked, then anger flashed through his eyes. “We’ve known each other three years. This isn’t a hookup.”

  “Yeah, but it can’t be a relationship, either. I want to be with you, but professional football isn’t ready for a gay player. It’s just not.”

  Jake’s body, so pliant a moment ago, turned rigid. “Get. Out.”

  Emmett winced at the cold expression on Jake’s face, but he knew Jake was right. Emmett should have left when Jake first asked him to. Now he’d fucked this up royally, and Jake probably wouldn’t ever want to see him again.

  His heart fought the heavy weight pulling it down. He’d felt protective before, toward his family and especially his sisters, but not like this. He didn’t want anything to hurt Jake, yet here Emmett was, breaking his heart. What a loser I am.

  He slinked out, giving Jake a backward glance, but Jake was staring steadfastly at the wall. Emmett opened his mouth to apologize, but his throat closed and his tongue turned to ash. So he left without a good-bye, chest heavy with guilt and regret.

  Chapter 6

  Jake sat up on his bed and wiped away tears. The October light was fading. His throat was raw, and pain still twisted at his gut. Emmett had come there to tell him they couldn’t be together—yet Jake had let Emmett kiss him again and touch him in that intimate way. Why had he expected a different outcome this time?

  “Fool me twice, shame on me,” he said to the empty room. Yeah, okay, it shouldn’t really have been such a surprise. Emmett had always been kind of a self-centered prick. Aloof, analytical, and disciplined, he wasn’t the most demonstrative person. Even on the football field, he displayed little emotion. That was probably part of what made him a good quarterback.

  But he was also kind, a good friend, someone who looked out for his buddies. So what the fuck was going on with him now? He was acting like a horny teenager who hadn’t learned how to control himself. What was that even about?

  Jake walked to the window and looked out over the darkening campus. The last rays of sunlight on the trees created a halo of red and gold that glowed against the purple sky. Students milled about, headed to dinner before a long night of studying.

  His stomach rumbled. Time to get out of the damn room, eat something, and forget Emmett even existed.

  Jake had always seen Emmett as a puzzle to solve, and that was part of the attraction. He wanted to know what was going on behind the cool exterior. But now, Emmett wasn’t just aloof, he downright cold. Fuck if Jake had time for that. It didn’t matter that he’d had a crush on Emmett forever, or that he was closer than he could have imagined. Emmett had pushed him away three times, and Jake had gotten the message. Loud and one hundred percent clear.

  Taking a bottle of water from the fridge, he sipped it down and checked the clock. In twenty minutes, he needed to make a quick stop in the lab. Then he would go out to find some food and company. He wasn’t wasting one more minute on Emmett Cross. Not today, and not ever.

  ***

  The last rays of daylight shone through the narrow window in the stairwell of Harmony Hall, casting the space in a yellow glow. Emmett’s ass was turning numb from sitting on the hard steps. This was as far as he had gotten after leaving Jake’s room. He should go back, apologize, tell Jake he wanted to give it a try. But as much as he wanted to in his heart, it wasn’t the smart thing for his future.

  The ache in his chest had spread all through his body. He had to let Jake go—not just as a lover, but as a friend, too. The closer he got to Jake, the more he hurt him. And he didn’t want to hurt him anymore.

  The click of a woman’s shoes on the stairs below caught his attention. He turned his gaze to Amber, rising toward him. The sight of her made him smile.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked gently, sitting beside him and laying a hand on his arm. It was warm and soft, a comfort in his sadness.

  “Came to see Jake, but—damn, I screwed that up.”

  “You and Jake are friends. You’ll work it out.”

  His sigh was shaky, fluttering in his chest. “Not this time.”

  She gave him a small smile. “What could go down between you and Jake that’s as serious as this?”

  He must have sounded ridiculous to her. He and Jake had always had an easy friendship, not too intense, just two people without much in common on the surface, but who just got each other.

  He turned to her, this woman who clearly cared for him, who’d proven herself smart and trustworthy. “Can I tell you something?” His voice was thin, but he had to do this. He needed advice, and not the kind he could get from Waseem.

  “You can tell me anything. You know that.” She looked at him with those pretty, dark eyes, full of wistful affection. She’d be surprised to learn the truth, but it would probably be a relief to her all the same.

  “Not here. Your room?”

  She led him by the hand. Stepping out of the stairwell, he looked warily down the hall, hoping to avoid Jake. Fortunately, the corridor was empty.

  Her room had the same setup as Jake’s and Waseem’s, but it was brighter with feminine touches. White lace bed linens, posters of impressionist paintings, a willow basket of silk wildflowers. It was homey and calming.

  They sat on the bed together. She was still holding his hand. He might never have given a thought to it a few weeks ago, but now he wondered if she saw anything sexual in it. Probably not. She knew where things stood between them, and it was only when she had been drinking that she crossed that line.

  “I did something dumb, and now Jake is pissed,” he began.

  “No surprise there. You may be brilliant, and a talented athlete, but you’ve got the emotional maturity of an eight-year-old child.” Her sweet smile filled some of the emptiness in his heart.

  “This isn’t a joke, Amber. I feel like no matter what I do, I’m messing up my future.”

  She tilted her head, and he continued, “I’m bi, and I’m falling for Jake. I don’t know what to do about it.”

  Her hand fell away. Looking up at him with wide eyes, her lips parted, she inched back from him.

  He braced for anger, for disgust. If he had misjudged in trusting her, it was all over. The news would be buzzing across campus by dinnertime.

  She coughed out a laugh and covered her mouth with her hand. “Well that explains a lot. No wonder you didn’t want to hit this.”

  His cheeks heated and he gave her an embarrassed smile. “Sorry.”

  “So who knows about this?” She was in gossip mode now, more animated than he’d seen her in a while. Not that he was worried about her telling his secret. She was a loyal friend. Just don’t get on her bad side.

  He breathed, relaxing a little, glad to have someone to talk to. “Besides Jake, Waseem knows. And I guess Brent, since he saw me at the Parrot two weekends ago, making out with Jake.”

  “Shut up!” She smacked his arm. “You and Jake are an item?”

  “Well, that’s just it.” The weight in his chest came back full force. “Pro football isn’t ready for an out player.”

  She nodded, serious now, lips pursed. “And Jake doesn’t like your being closeted?”

  “He hasn’t said anything about that. A relationship right now would be a distraction for me. Football and classes are all I’ve got time for.”

  “Oh, so you thought Jake would be good for a booty call, and he’s not down with that.” Now her tone was mocking. She and Jake were close friends, and Em
mett was risking her anger.

  “No. I don’t do hookups.” Except…that wasn’t exactly true anymore. His brows pinched together. “I didn’t plan for anything to happen, but I can’t keep my hands off him.”

  She raised her brows and looked at him skeptically.

  “Okay, I admit,” he said, “I should have drawn a line and stayed on my side of it, instead of letting my actions contradict my words. But I didn’t, and now I’ve probably lost Jake’s friendship.”

  She leaned toward him. “What do you want from Jake?”

  I want to fuck him into the mattress. Although he couldn’t say that to Amber.

  He massaged his temples. “I want,” he said softly, “to see where it goes. But…” His hands flopped into his lap. “There’s a time limit on it. We graduate in May. I can’t promise him anything—so what’s the point?”

  “Seven months is a long time. Either the relationship doesn’t work out, or you find that it’s worth the sacrifices.”

  “That’s what worries me,” Emmett said. “What if it turns out he’s worth sacrificing a pro career for? I can’t go there.”

  She patted his leg. “Sounds like you’ve got a lot to think about.”

  ***

  Jake sat alone at the bar at the Parrot, sipping his second—or was it his third?—Jameson on the rocks. He let the whiskey sit on his tongue before swallowing, a hint of sweet vanilla. A dude at the other end looked in his direction, but Jake didn’t make eye contact. Not his type.

  It was eight o’clock on a Sunday, and the place was quiet. No one worth hooking up with had appeared. Yet.

  Anger sat in his gut like a hot stone, but he was determined not to think about the gorgeous quarterback who had left his heart aching. A guy sat down at the barstool one over from him—tall, slender, with neat dreadlocks. After a moment, Jake recognized him from night he and Emmett—