Up and Coming (Coastal College Football Book 1) Read online

  “Emmett?”

  “Yep. I’ll be fine.”

  “Okay,” the coach said. “If you ever think we should talk about your orientation—”

  “I’m bisexual.”

  The coach tapped his fist against his palm. “So the rumors about the guy in the bar?”

  “One hundred percent true.”

  “Man,” Waseem said, “you should’ve seen them, going at it like—”

  Emmett’s look silenced him. “It’s not like that. We’re in love.”

  The coach started to speak, then closed his mouth and just stared. “And you didn’t think it might be a good idea to prepare me—and the information office—before this got out?”

  “I didn’t think it would be an issue.”

  “Then why have you been in the closet all this time?”

  Waseem looked at the coach, wearing a serious expression. “That’s a very good question.”

  Emmett turned to his friend, anger in his belly. “Man, I don’t need this shit from you.”

  The coach said, “Emmett, you told the press you’re not gay.”

  “I’m not. I’m bisexual.”

  “So you’re only gay sometimes.”

  Emmett gritted his teeth. “My orientation isn’t determined by who I’m with. When I’m with a man, I’m bisexual. When I’m with a woman, I’m bisexual.”

  “Okay. If that’s how you’re playing it—”

  “That’s not how I’m playing it. That’s the truth.”

  “Bi erasure,” Waseem said. “It’s a thing.”

  “That is not helpful,” Emmett said.

  Waseem smirked at him. “You’re taking this entirely too seriously.”

  “And how am I supposed to take this?”

  “Do what I do,” Waseem said. “Tell the reporters how awesome it is to have sex with a man. Go into detail. They’ll stop you quick.”

  Emmett couldn’t help smiling. “That’s because you’re a horny bastard.”

  “It’s because they want to shame you, and when they find out they can’t do it, they lose interest.”

  “I can’t do that. Jake doesn’t deserve to be dragged into this, to have reporters delving into his life. Can you imagine what would happen if some camera crew approached Jake’s parents?” The thought of it shot ice water down Emmett’s spine.

  Waseem nodded, the playfulness vanishing from his expression. “Yeah. That would be bad.”

  “What’s the deal with his parents?” the coach asked.

  “They’ve got Down syndrome. They’re not equipped to be in front of cameras without anyone to guide them. I mean, look at how I reacted. It’s a stressful situation.”

  The coach turned ashen. “Then they need to be prepared for the possibility. Because it could happen, Emmett. If things keep going the way they have been for you, the press is going to be interested. Especially now that the story is out about your orientation. People will want to know about your boyfriend. Someone is bound to ask about his parents.”

  “My publicist is working on keeping all of this quiet. Hopefully another story will come along, and they’ll lose interest.”

  “I wouldn’t count on that,” the coach said. “Don’t get me wrong, I hope you manage to get through the draft without any of this coming out. But you might not. And the people in your life need to be prepared.”

  ***

  The route leading into the stadium was a circus. That was no exaggeration—there were jugglers and colorful signs and people dressed up like this was some cosplay event. Emmett kept expecting to see a parade of elephants any moment.

  He didn’t spot anyone from the hate group, though, so that was a relief. But media was everywhere. He’d never seen so many cameras and people with microphones. And all this because of him. Because some report on a tabloid site said he was gay.

  How could people have that much interest in his personal life? He hadn’t even been drafted yet. Why should anyone care?

  It seemed pretty obvious that he couldn’t keep this a secret much longer. At a minimum, he would have to tell his teammates. It wasn’t like that should be a problem, really. They were used to being around Waseem. That part was completely not an issue.

  In fact, it shouldn’t be an issue anywhere on campus. That wasn’t to say homophobes didn’t exist. But most of the students just didn’t care one way or another.

  No, the problem was with people in the outside world. The ones who couldn’t wrap their minds around the fact that someone as masculine as Emmett Cross was bisexual. Around the fact that having sex with a man didn’t make you feminine.

  That was the heart of it. Homophobia was another form of misogyny. Emmett clenched his jaw. The only way some people could build themselves up was to tear other people down. It was weak and cowardly and as human as walking on two legs. But it was never acceptable.

  When they get off the bus, Emmett was cocooned by a wall of security. Fuck, this is insane. The college’s insurance company must have warned them of how much their rates would go up if anything happened to him. The thought made him smile for a moment before it scared the living shit out of him.

  He got to the locker room without incident, though. He wouldn’t let this bother him. This kind of interest in him couldn’t continue. He was just not important enough. No, it was the hate group that had brought all this attention. Tomorrow, most of it would fizzle away.

  The team warmed up, and then he started his normal pregame routine. He meditated to silence the chatter in his head. He visualized the plays they’d prepared, visualized how the other team would react. All that mattered for the next three hours was football.

  ***

  That night, they pulled into the parking lot at Coastal to find a crowd waiting. A much larger one than usual, not just girlfriends and a smattering of fans, but a group with signs and banners all bearing his name, or the name of the team.

  He swallowed down the emotion in his throat. This show of solidarity was beyond anything he expected. He knew he had fans here at the school. But this kind of love and support was unexpected. And the worst part was, he hadn’t been honest with them. And at that moment he was afraid to. Because he was afraid of involving Jake.

  He got off the bus to the cheers of the crowd and shook the hands of the people who surround him. For a sickening moment, he wondered whether he was safe, whether someone might have a gun. The coaching staff must have been thinking the same thing, because they quickly ushered him away.

  The excitement over the win that day—a complete blowout—faded as a wall of fear encompassed him. The hate group got what they had wanted after all. They created division. They reminded the world that no matter how repellent an ideology might be, at a minimum it could incite violence.

  The coach’s hand was on his shoulder. “We’ll make sure you’re safe, Emmett. I’ll call security and get a detail assigned to you. You bring in big money to the school through alumni donations. They can spend some of it to make sure you’re okay.”

  Everything was a blur as they crossed the quad to the fraternity house. Emmett wasn’t even sure where his bags were. Then, from the corner of his eye, he spotted Waseem carrying his duffel. Yeah, Waseem would take care of him. Waseem could talk to Jake, explain why Emmett needed to stay away for a while.

  Emmett wouldn’t let this craziness stop him from living his life. But he wouldn’t let it hurt Jake, either.

  Chapter 16

  “Is Emmett okay?” The panic rising in Jake’s chest sounded in his voice.

  “He’s fine,” Waseem said. “He just doesn’t want to expose you to any of this craziness.”

  “If he’s in danger—”

  “He’s not in danger. There haven’t been any threats against him. This is just a precaution.”

  Jake looked around his dorm room for something to hold on to, his despair a weight crushing his body. “I want to be with him.”

  Waseem squeezed his shoulder. “Right now, the stress of worrying about you woul
d only make things worse for him. If you love him, you’ll stay away. It’s just for a day or two, until this all blows over. Until the next news cycle, when the press focuses in on some other poor schmuck.”

  Jake clutched his temples. “I don’t understand how this happened.”

  “Some people are assholes.”

  “That’s it? That’s the explanation?”

  Waseem shrugged. “What more do you want?”

  Jake didn’t have an answer to that. He felt like the world had gone crazy. His chest collapsed as he realized this was what the future held. If Emmett played pro ball, he would always be a target. Not a likely one, not on most days, but the threat would be real. Jake and Emmett would need bodyguards whenever they went out into a crowd situation.

  He should never have gotten involved with Emmett.

  It was a selfish thing to do. Emmett tried to tell him, to explain how complicated it would be, and Jake refused to see it. This was the situation Emmett was trying to protect himself from. Jake had just had no idea things could get this serious.

  “Emmett would be better off with a woman,” Jake said.

  “The guy loves you. I’ve never seen him as happy as he is when he’s with you. In all the time he was with Tawna… It just seemed comfortable. There was no passion between them. But it’s different with you. You can’t abandon him now—he needs you.”

  Jake leaned forward, resting his head in his hands, and stared at the floor. “I could never abandon him. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t stay away. He’s my future.”

  “He feels the same way about you. Stay strong, Jake. You’ll get through this, both of you. Don’t let the haters win.”

  ***

  Emmett rubbed his temple with one hand while holding the phone with the other, tired of listening to Miranda but knowing that everything she said was in his best interest.

  A hint of her normally well-controlled Spanish accent crept into her voice. “At this point, is there any purpose in staying in the closet? The question has become the answer. People have heard the suspicions, so they assume they’re true. You’re national news, Emmett. You’ve got a chance right now to come out on your own terms. If you don’t take it, sooner or later someone will out you. People have seen you and Jake together. They’ve seen you engage in public displays of affection. You can’t make this go away.”

  A migraine built in his head. Miranda was right. He knew that. He just didn’t know whether coming out would make the media shit-storm better or worse.

  “The only thing I care about right now is protecting Jake and his family.”

  “What makes you think you can? Staying silent won’t protect them. The speculation will just continue. It’s time to be honest, Emmett. We can give an interview to whomever you choose. You and Jake can appear together if you want. You can explain about Jake’s parents. When you control the story, you take away its power.”

  Emmett couldn’t think anymore. The pain in his head was getting worse, and he needed to study for an exam. He told Miranda he would think about it, and then ended the call.

  He downed some migraine medication and a bottle of water. With the blinds closed, he lay on the bed, put on his headphones, and re-listened to an audio textbook.

  But he couldn’t concentrate on the words. All he could think about was how this media attention could hurt Jake’s family, and he only saw one way to stop that. It hurt so bad, like a stiletto piercing his rib cage and slicing into his heart. But it would be worse if something happened to Jake’s family and it was Emmett’s fault.

  Finally he turned off the audiobook and removed the headphones. There was no point. Besides, he was hungry, and maybe some food would help.

  He went to the cafeteria and saw Jake there. His whole body started shaking. But he had to do this. There was no point in putting it off.

  He took Jake aside. “Could we go down to the lounge and talk?”

  Jake smiled at him. “Yeah, sure.” That sweet, expectant look nearly broke him.

  ***

  Jake looked over at Emmett as they walked, but the guy wouldn’t meet his eyes. Jake’s veins ran cold.

  Something was very wrong.

  Emmett had been keeping his distance, and the cafeteria was the only place they’d been meeting up for the past few days. Those meals they’d shared had become the best part of his day, even though they couldn’t show their feelings. But now, Emmett was beyond controlled. He was like stone.

  Anxiety set Jake’s heart pounding, and his breathing grew heavy. By the time they got to the lounge, his hands had started trembling.

  A couple of guys sat in front of the blaring TV. Emmett led Jake into a corner farthest from the noise. At least this way, no one would overhear them. But Jake wasn’t sure he wanted to hear Emmett’s words, either.

  “Look, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” Emmett said. “This media storm around me…it’s not safe for us to be together.”

  “I’ll be cool, Emmett, I promise. No PDAs. I’ve been good about that lately, haven’t I?”

  “It’s not just that—”

  “I know this is hard on you.” Jake’s skin tingled and his voice wavered. “If we can just be patient, wait it out, we can get past this.”

  “These wolves aren’t going to back down, not when they’ve scented blood. The story may ebb for a while, but it’ll come back at the trials, and again at the draft. Jake, I can’t put you through it. I can’t put your family through it. It isn’t fair to you.”

  “Let me be the judge of that, okay?”

  Emmett rubbed his palm over his fist. “Hate groups have already got me in their sights. I won’t put you at risk. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you because of me.”

  “I’m at risk every day because I’m an out gay man. I refuse to be intimidated.”

  “This is different. It’s not random—it’s targeted.” Emmett’s voice broke. His eyes were wide, his expression tight. “All it takes is one crazy fan who thinks you’re an impediment.”

  “You’re letting fear overwhelm your judgment.” Jake wished he could take Emmett in his arms, because the guy was clearly torn up over this. He was fidgeting, rubbing the heel of his hand, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Jake said in a soft, earnest voice, “We’ll get through this together.”

  “I can’t be responsible for someone hurting you. The timing is wrong for us.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  Emmett shook his head. “I love you, Jake. That hasn’t changed, and it won’t. But the circumstances are impossible. I can’t be with you now, and that’s all there is to it.”

  “I won’t let you push me away!”

  “It’s not your choice, Jake. I’ve made up my mind. It’s over.”

  Jake’s heart shattered, the breath punched out of his body. This cannot be happening. “You’re breaking up with me?”

  Emmett licked his lips. “I don’t want to. But yeah, this is what I have to do. For both of us.”

  Anger rushed through him. “That’s bullshit. Say you’re doing it for yourself, but don’t say you’re doing it for me. This isn’t what I want. If I’m a liability, I can accept that. But don’t pretend this is to make my life easier. Losing you is just about the worst thing that could happen to me.”

  Jake turned and hurried back up the stairs. Emmett called after him, but Jake kept moving. Words couldn’t fix this. Nothing could fix this.

  ***

  Jake was lying on his bed in the darkened dorm room when a soft knock came on the door. “I come bearing salted caramel ice cream,” Amber’s voice said. “And I don’t have a freezer.”

  Slowly, Jake got up and turned on the light. The sudden brightness hurt his eyes. He opened the door, and she pushed inside.

  “I brought two spoons,” she said. “I hope you don’t mind sharing.”

  “Not with you.”

  She gave him a little pout. “I know this sucks. The whole situation sucks. Give Emmett time
to figure it out.” Sitting next to him, she handed him a spoon and opened the pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

  He dipped his spoon into the ice cream and took a bite. The mix of sweet and salty exploded in his mouth. “It’s not like I’m going to jump into bed with another guy, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “Some guys would.”

  “Well, I’m not those guys.”

  She took his hand and squeezed it. “Honey, Emmett loves you. Moping in your room isn’t going to solve this problem. Now, I’m not saying to go over to the frat house and hash it out with him. He’s not ready for that. Just don’t give up on him.”

  “I’m not giving up. I’m just really pissed. He should trust me.”

  She picked up her spoon from the carton. “Frankly, I don’t think he trusts anybody right now, least of all himself. He’s in a scary situation, and this is how he’s decided to handle it. I don’t mean it’s a good decision. It’s a terrible decision. But if it helps him out of this limbo, maybe it’s what he needs right now. Love him enough to let him make this bad decision without holding it against him.”

  Jake scooped another dollop of ice cream into his mouth, letting the vanilla and the caramel melt together on his tongue. “I don’t want to make things harder for him. Why would he shut me out?”

  “Dude had a security detail following him around campus. He’s worried for your safety, dumbass.”

  “I don’t think that’s it. I’m inconvenient. I have been all along.” Jack collapsed onto the bed again. “I shouldn’t have gotten involved with him in the first place.”

  “You’re so full of shit. At least you and Emmett have that in common. Let yourself be happy. Take a break from the relationship until things cool down, and then go get him back.”

  Jake shot up into a sitting position. “He doesn’t want me back!”

  “The hell he doesn’t.”

  “He wants to stay in the closet. I’m in the way of that.”

  “He doesn’t want you to get hurt.”