Up and Coming (Coastal College Football Book 1) Read online

  “Of course you are, babe.” Jake laid his palms on Emmett’s chest and leaned in for a kiss. Emmett obliged him. It was soft and sweet and quickly grew urgent, but Emmett pulled away.

  “I can’t do this, babe. I’ve got work to do. If I don’t stop putting you before my studies, I could be benched. I can’t afford that. Six more weeks. Then the regular season will be over. Can you give me six weeks, Jakey?”

  “Of course I can.”

  “I gotta go. I can’t study here, at least not for a while.”

  “I’ll miss you.” Jake felt like he had been hit by a sack of rocks.

  “You, too.” Emmett picked up his backpack and kissed Jake on the cheek, then headed out.

  ***

  Jake downed a rum and Coke, having learned his lesson about drinking straight whiskey. It was a Tuesday night, and the Parrot was pretty empty. Hip-hop music emanated from the stereo.

  “Can’t believe Emmett told you he was dyslexic,” Jake said to Waseem, “and he didn’t tell me.”

  “Up until a few weeks ago, Emmett was closer to me than he was to you. He told me a lot of stuff.”

  “Like what?” Jake asked, his blood rising.

  “I don’t know. Stuff. We’ve been best friends for three years. Anyway, you should be talking to him about this, not me.”

  Garon came back to the table carrying two drinks, handing a Coke to Waseem as he sat. “Trouble wit’ your boy?”

  “Not trouble, really. He needs to buckle down on his studies, which means he has less time for me. And it sucks.”

  “Or maybe he’s looking for a little something on the side?” Garon suggested.

  “Emmett wouldn’t do that,” Jake insisted. Would he?

  The thought bounced around Jake’s brain, and sickness welled in his gut. He trusted Emmett, and Waseem confirmed the dyslexia in case there was any doubt.

  He wasn’t really worried about Emmett cheating. But he’d gotten used to spending time with him, and this was going to be difficult. He already couldn’t be with him in public. Now he couldn’t be with him in private, either.

  Emmett said it would only be for six weeks, but it felt like they were breaking up. Felt like any space between them was a threat to their relationship. And if that was the case, how would they ever survive if Jake went to grad school in one city while Emmett played football in another?

  Waseem and Garon hit the dance floor while Jake stayed at the table nursing his drink. He should have just ordered a beer. The rum and Coke was cloyingly sweet.

  A guy came over and asked him to dance, but Jake declined. Even if it was just a friendly dance, Jake wouldn’t feel right. Besides, he already felt like his relationship with Emmett was on shaky footing. No point in testing it further.

  He headed back to campus alone and spent the rest of the evening studying. Emmett came by around ten. Jake smiled and kissed him. “Wasn’t sure you’d show.”

  “Told you I would. Still want to sleep with you.”

  Jake nodded. “I feel like we’re drifting apart—like this is the first step to breaking up.”

  “Come on, Jake, don’t be like that. This isn’t something I’m choosing to do. It’s something I have to do. I wish you could see my football career as our future, instead of as just mine.”

  Jake looked up and met his eyes. “Our future?”

  “Sure. If we get married, I could build us a house with an in-law apartment so your parents could live with us. I could arrange for a caregiver, the best money can buy. I think about it all the time, what our future would look like. I think we’d be happy together.”

  Tears clouded Jake’s vision. He never imagined Emmett had all that going on in his head. The picture Emmett painted—it was exactly what Jake was hoping for. How could he have doubted Emmett?

  He wrapped his arms around his lover’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. While their tongues tangled together, they stripped each other bare. Emmett lifted Jake up, and Jake’s legs wrapped around the larger man’s waist. Emmett carried him to the bed and tossed him onto the mattress. “I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow without thinking of me.”

  “Promise?”

  “You’re mine, Jake. I want you to remember that every moment of the day, even if I’m not here.”

  “Force me to remember,” Jake breathed into Emmett’s mouth.

  With a fingerful of lube and a rip of foil, Emmett was inside him, and it felt perfect. Emmett’s huge cock stretched him to his limit, filling him, each long hard stroke thrusting against his sweet spot. Emmett was rough, but it was pure bliss. And when Jake finally came, it was as if his body shattered and then reformed in the penetrating glow of Emmett’s love.

  Chapter 13

  Saturday night, Jake and Emmett gathered in front of the movie theater with Amber, Demonté, Brent, and Brent’s friend Paige. Jake hadn’t met Paige before—she was pretty in a girl-next-door sort of way, fresh-faced with auburn curls and freckles. “Are you and Brent dating?” Jake asked her.

  “No, he’s not my type.” She grinned. “I’ve got a girlfriend back home, and so does he, so we hang out.”

  Jake nodded. “That makes sense.”

  He reached for Emmett’s hand, but Emmett pulled away. Oh yeah, right, we’re in public. It was a slap in the face, even if Emmett didn’t mean anything by it. They’d only been dating a few weeks, and already Jake wasn’t sure he could keep living like this.

  Anger bubbled in his chest, and he bit his lip to contain it. The thing was, he was blaming Emmett for something that wasn’t Emmett’s fault. Emmett had been preparing his whole life for a football career, and he was so close. Jake would feel awful if he did something to sabotage that.

  Still, the distance between them hurt. It felt like a rejection even if it wasn’t. Jake realized it wasn’t Emmett’s issue, it was his own, and he needed to figure out how to handle it. How to support Emmett’s decision to stay in the closet without taking it personally every time he was reminded of it.

  Emmett’s choices had nothing to do with how he felt about Jake, and everything to do with how the world felt about gay football players. Emmett was a victim, as much as Jake was. Jake understood that in his head, but he didn’t feel it in his heart or in his gut. His body ached with the absence of Emmett’s touch.

  It was even worse when they were surrounded by straight couples like this. All the strangers holding hands, bumping against each other, leaning in for a kiss. Their straight privilege was on display for all to see, and most of them didn’t even know it existed. Most of them had no idea what it was like for LGBT people in that situation. To be reminded that even with marriage equality, same-sex couples were still treated as second-class citizens.

  Paige touched his arm. “It sucks, I know. My girlfriend and I deal with the same thing all the time. Of course, it’s not as dangerous for us, because straight guys think lesbians are hot. Most of the time, they don’t actually want to kill us. Unless we turn them down when they suggest a three-way, and then we have to worry they’ll follow us to our car…”

  She broke off there, but Jake knew what she meant. She had a smile on her face even though there was nothing funny about it. He slid his arm around her and gave a little squeeze before pulling back. It was nice being able to talk to someone who understood.

  “All this is new to Emmett,” Jake said. “He’s still learning, and frankly so am I. I’ve never been in a relationship before with someone who isn’t out. It’s got its challenges.”

  “My girlfriend and I just avoid the public displays of affection. We live in a small, conservative town, and it’s easier that way. Once we graduate, we’ll move someplace like Durham or Charlotte where we can be a little more open. But for now it’s just not worth the hassle.”

  Jake nodded. He’d grown up in Raleigh, one of the more liberal parts of the state, so he couldn’t really relate to the experiences of people in the more rural areas. And Coastal was such a gay-friendly place that s
ometimes he forgot to be cautious off-campus.

  Inside the theater, they took their seats. Jake and Emmett were cushioned with Amber and Demonté on one side, and Paige and Brent on the other. When the lights went down, Emmett snaked his hand over and threaded his fingers with Jake’s. Jake leaned in just a little, not so much that the people behind them would notice. But he brushed his thumb across the back of Emmett’s hand, feeling the hollow of each knuckle. He loved this man. He wanted the very best for him. And he’d sacrifice whatever it took to make that happen.

  The movie was a dumb comedy with more gags than plot. But it was funny and they spend most of the time laughing. It felt good, especially with Emmett whispering wry remarks in Jake’s ear. Then as soon as the credits start rolling, Emmett pulled away as they waited for the lights to go up.

  And it hit Jake again, the sadness he knew he shouldn’t feel but still did. He needed to find a coping mechanism, or it would drive him crazy. This constant mix of anger and shame was toxic. He wished he could be Zen about it, the way Emmett was. But Emmett was so different from Jake. Even in his most rational moments, there was a wash of emotion that overlaid Jake’s thoughts, a sense of right and wrong, of justice and injustice. Dating Emmett had brought into sharper focus how much injustice there was in the world.

  Was it selfish for Jake to want this? Emmett’s life didn’t have to be this hard. He had been happy with Tawna, even if dating long-distance killed the relationship. He could be happy with a woman again. Wouldn’t he be better off? Wasn’t it hard enough to be Black in America, without being gay, too?

  Those thoughts swirled through Jake’s mind as they made their way to the parking lot, the cold nighttime air enveloping them. It was a clear night, and the stars were bright. They were more visible here on the coast than they were with the light pollution of Raleigh. Jake thought about what Paige had said, and how it was easier to be gay in the cities than in the small towns. But Jake loved the ocean. He would love to be able to live along the coast after graduation.

  Was a future with Emmett realistic for him? He thought back to his plan to go to Berkeley, get a job in the Bay Area.

  That was still what he wanted, except now he wanted Emmett to be part of it. And there was no way to know if that could happen. Not for another six months. Only then could they start making plans. In the meantime, they were living in limbo.

  Jake had applied to as many grad schools as he could think of, trying to find one near every pro football outlet. He’d even looked into Canadian schools, in case Emmett ended up in the Canadian league. Not that it was likely. The Pirates’ winning streak continued, and Emmett was getting more and more attention from the press.

  Which put the two of them under even more pressure. They couldn’t stay anonymous in this situation. Jake needed to be more careful. Reaching for Emmett’s hand like he had done earlier… That wasn’t a good move. When they were in public, even on campus, he needed to make sure that the rational part of his brain was in control. Emmett’s future depended on it.

  ***

  It was almost eleven when they got to the Parrot. Hip-hop pounded in Emmett’s ears. Amber and Demonté had gone back to campus, but Paige and Brent were still with them. Emmett looked for Waseem, who’d been planning to meet Garon there earlier in the evening.

  He spotted them standing at a table in the corner, face to face, Garon with an arm hung over Waseem’s shoulder, a drink in the other hand. They were smiling and talking, and as the group approached, Waseem gave Garon a little kiss.

  This was the first time Emmett had known Waseem to be semi-serious about someone. Waseem was a naturally happy guy, but he deserved to be with someone who actually cared something about him and didn’t just see him as a hookup.

  Emmett caught Waseem’s eye, and his friend gave him a welcoming smile. They grabbed some chairs and all sat around the table. Jake ordered a pitcher of beer.

  Emmett slid his chair close to his boyfriend and put an arm around him. “Hope you’re not mad at me about before.”

  “Mad about what?” Jake asked.

  “When you tried to hold my hand, and I pulled away.” Shame warmed his face. “You know I hate doing that.”

  “Yeah, that was my fault. I forgot. I can’t do that. Too much is at stake. I’d rather we break up than see you lose a pro career because of me.”

  “Don’t talk about breaking up.” Anger bubbled in his chest but quickly turned to fear. “I couldn’t handle that, Jake. I know I’m not good at talking about my emotions, but you mean a lot to me.”

  Jake nodded. “I think you know how I feel.”

  “You tell me all the time.” He kissed Jake’s forehead. “It’s not that I don’t feel it, babe. It’s hard for me to say it. These feelings confuse me sometimes, and I don’t know what to make of them. It seems like it’s happening too fast, yet it feels like the real thing. I don’t know whether I’m fooling myself, or if it really is this easy to fall in love. And I don’t just mean some infatuation. I mean the kind of love that lasts a lifetime, where you just know you’re meant to be with that person forever.”

  ***

  Jake swallowed the thickening in his throat. He couldn’t believe Emmett was saying those words to him. This wasn’t just a dream come true. It was a future.

  And yet Jake didn’t dare let himself get his hopes up. Because they had a long way to go before their life settled into something they actually had control over. Emmett was at the mercy of the college and whatever team decided to sign him.

  But for tonight, none of that mattered. They were in a welcoming space where they could be together openly. And Jake was going to make the most of that.

  He led Emmett to the dance floor. It was pretty crowded, being a Saturday night. But Paige and Brent had carved out a little spot, and Jake and Emmett joined them, the four dancing together in a group.

  It was nice, actually. With Jake’s lab schedule and Emmett’s athletic schedule, they didn’t spend much time hanging with other people. Getting a different perspective on things helped. Paige was pretty starry-eyed over Emmett, fangirling to the point that Jake would be jealous if she weren’t a lesbian. Emmett encouraged the attention, not so much because he was an egotistical bastard (although he was) but because he was incredibly generous with fans.

  “Have you thought much about where you’d like to play?” she asked him.

  “No point, really, because it’s not my choice. At least not at first. If I become a free agent, geography won’t be the only consideration, and anyway that’ll be years from now.” He pursed his lips. “It’s not that I don’t care. I can’t afford to care. Ideally, I’d like to be in the Bay Area, because that’s where Jake wants to be.”

  “So far away, though!” she said.

  “That’s relative, isn’t it?” Jake said. “From Charlotte, it’s five hours by plane.” He rubbed Emmett’s back. “Come on, babe. If you could play anywhere, where would you choose?”

  Emmett shook his head. “It’s not something I’ve put any thought into, because it would be pointless. The only place I want to be is with you, Jake. Wherever we end up, as long as you’re there, it will feel like home.”

  The words sounded unreal to Jake, and he was afraid to believe them. But he knew Emmett was a serious guy and wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it.

  “I feel the same way,” he responded at last. “Wherever the draft sends you, I’ll follow.”

  Emmett and Brent went to get more drinks. Paige said to Jake, “You’re going to grad school, right?”

  “Yeah, genetics.”

  “That’s pretty important.”

  He nodded. “I hope so. One day, I’m hoping to help find a cure for—”

  “No, I mean—well, yeah, curing disease is important. But what I mean is, choosing a school is important, too. And you’re just going to make a decision based on wherever Emmett ends up? That doesn’t seem fair to you. He’ll be traveling half the season anyway. And it’s not like you’ve got a
ring on your finger.”

  Jake smiled. “We’ve only been dating a few weeks. I’m not going to follow Emmett across the country unless I’m sure he’s committed.”

  “Jake, I get it. Emmett’s someone special who can give you an amazing future, if it works out. But professional ballplayers, with all the time they spend on the road… That’s a lot of cold, empty hotel room beds. And a lot of fans dying to hook up with them. Now, I’m not saying Emmett would cheat. But in those circumstances, a lot of guys do. And meanwhile, you’re going to your third or fifth or tenth choice school because of the random city where your boyfriend ended up. I mean, I don’t know you, and I don’t know Emmett. But I think you owe it to yourself to put yourself first. During the off-season, Emmett can live wherever he wants. You don’t have to put aside your own dreams to follow his.”

  Jake bit the side of his tongue, wishing he could argue with her reasoning. But she wasn’t wrong. He was talking about making a major life choice for someone he didn’t have a lasting commitment with. Not yet, anyway. And even if they were married, she was right about the traveling and the temptation to cheat.

  Jake didn’t think Emmett would do that. He’d had a long-distance relationship with Tawna for three years out of the four they were together, and he’d never cheated. But he hadn’t been a professional athlete then, either. He didn’t have hundreds of women—and men—trying to get into his bed. He didn’t have thousands of adoring fans telling him how amazing he was, building up his already ample ego. No, Emmett Cross wasn’t a cheater by nature. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be tempted.

  When the guys came back to the dance floor with a beer in each hand, Jake took one from Emmett and swallowed a sip. But he didn’t have the stomach for it anymore.

  He hadn’t thought this through. He was in love with Emmett, and that was all that mattered. But if he and Emmett stayed together, the entire trajectory of his life would change. Did he want that? Did he want the life of a pro athlete’s spouse?