Dirty Russian_Everyday Slang from 'What's Up' Read online

  To Myroslava. Someday this book is gonna embarrass the hell out of you.

  Acknowledgments

  The authors would like to thank coffee. Without you, none of our efforts would ever reach fruition. We are eternal y grateful. And eternal y wired.

  USING THIS BOOK

  Russian is just about the coolest language in the world. But you already know that because you’ve been studying the language for a while now, right? At least I hope you have, because I didn’t write this book with the novice in mind. I designed the book to bring your Russian to the next level, a level usual y reserved for natives and longtime expats. With that in mind, I’ve tried to give you al the dirty words and insider terms that your col ege Russian professor would never teach you. So you’re not gonna find any basic vocabulary or grammar lessons, or ways to ask somebody where the library is. It’s assumed that you know al that crap already. But if you’re looking to tel somebody to fuck off or that they’ve got a nice ass, then you’re in the right place, my friend.

  Al of this is to say that I hope you already more or less know your way around the language before jumping into this book. It is a complex language to master even at a fairly basic level. Learning the slang is even harder as it can be extremely difficult for the uninitiated to gauge when, where, and with whom slang is appropriate. As the old saying goes: when in doubt, leave it out. Using the wrong slang with the wrong person at the wrong time

  —especial y with a strong foreign accent—wil make you sound ridiculous. It real y wil . So err on the side of caution. Also be aware that it is far less social y acceptable for women to use foul language, so know your audience before letting it rip.

  That being said, I did try to make the book as reader friendly as possible. Each phrase in the book is accompanied by its English equivalent and its Russian pronunciation. Often you’l find example sentences with key slang words bolded so you can break those words out and employ them on your own, whether you’re just joking around with your friends at school or spending quality time on the streets of Moscow, St. Petersburg, Kiev, or some remote backwater vil age. Once you start to know your way around and find yourself with a group of sailor-mouthed friends with three days’

  worth of drinkin’ on their breath, you should jump right in and start throwing the slang around. Even clumsy attempts wil likely earn their amused affection.

  Now take your Dirty Russian and get dirty with it.

  Some Basics

  Russian, much like Russia itself, is not for the faint of heart. So here are a few notes to keep in mind as you’re reading:

  Ty and Vy : Like many languages, Russian has two pronouns for “you”: ty and vy. Ty is the informal and singular way of saying “you”; vy is formal and plural. We have used ty as the default in this book as slang is something inherently linked to informal social situations. General y, you wouldn’t say anything in this book to someone that you are on vy with. Vy, however, is also used for plurals, so this is the one you need when talking to more than one person.

  Cases: Russian has six grammatical cases, which means that the endings of words change depending on their function in the sentence (direct object, indirect object, object of a preposition, etc.). When words are given in isolation, assume that they are in the nominative case. However, when they are given in phrases, they have whatever case ending is necessary for the grammatical context. As this is not a first-year Russian textbook, familiarity of basic Russian grammar is presumed. If none of this paragraph made sense to you, go look it up.

  Gender: Al Russian nouns have a gender (masculine, feminine, or neuter). This is important because it wil affect the declensional patterns as wel as the endings you use on the adjectives to describe nouns. In terms of people, gender means that both adjectives and the past tense of verbs take different endings depending on whether you are talking about a man or a woman. In most cases, we have used masculine endings as a sort of

  “default” gender. Feminine endings are used only when specified as such. If that seems sexist to anyone, wel , what can I say? That’s Russia—you might as wel get used to it now.

  Pronunciation: The most important thing when it comes to pronunciation in Russian is stress. Once you find the correct stressed syl able in a word, the rest of the pronunciation should fal into place. In this book, stress is indicated in the transliteration line by capital letters. There are some finer points of pronunciation that aren’t as essential, such as voicing and devoicing. If you screw those up, you’l sound total y foreign, but you’l stil be understood.

  Slang

  slyeng

  Here are some relevant terms before we begin:

  Jargon

  zhar-GON

  Another term that basical y means “slang,” but most often used when talking about criminal slang.

  Cussing

  ru-GA-tyel-stvo

  Obscene language

  mat

  To curse using obscene language

  ma-tye-RIT-sya

  To cuss

  ru-GAT-sya MA-tom

  Curse words

  MA-tyer-ni-ye slo-VA

  Indecent language

  nye-nor-ma-TIV-na-ya LYEK-si-ka

  This is a phrase you’l see, for example, on the warning label on CDs, etc.

  Pronouncing Russian

  Here’s the Russian alphabet. Most of it isn’t too tricky, but there are few sounds that differ from English.

  sounds like “ah,” as in “open your mouth and say ‘ah.’”

  sounds like “b.” At the end of a word, it sounds like “p.”

  sounds like “v.” At the end of a word, it sounds like “f.”

  sounds like g. At the end of a word, it is pronounced “k.”

  sounds like “yeh.” If unstressed, it usual y sounds more like “ee.”

  sounds like “yo,” as in “Yo!” This letter can only appear in stressed positions, so if a word changes stress when put into a different case, this letter fal s out and becomes a regular ol’ е.

  sounds like “zh,” like the g in “massage.” This consonant is always hard; at the end of a word, it sounds like “sh.”

  sounds like “z.” At the end of a word, it is pronounced “s.”

  sounds like “ee,” as in “Eeek!”

  sounds like “y,” sort of like the y in “day.”

  sounds like “k.”

  sounds like “l.”

  sounds like “m.”

  sounds like “n.”

  sounds like “o,” as in “folk.” If unstressed, it is pronounced like an “a.”

  sounds like “p.”

  sounds like “r.” This is tril ed.

  sounds like “s.”

  sounds like “t.”

  sounds like “oo,” as in “boot.”

  sounds like “f.”

  sounds like “kh,” sort of like the ch in “achtung.”

  sounds like “ts.” This consonant is always hard.

  sounds like “ch.” This consonant is always soft.

  sounds like “sh.” This consonant is always hard.

  sounds like “sch,” like “fresh chicken.” This consonant is always soft.

  is a hard sign. This causes the preceding consonant to harden.

  sounds like saying “it” and “eat” at the same time. If you can do that, then you’l be pretty close. If you can’t do that, err on the side of i in “it.”

  is a soft sign. This softens the preceding consonant.

  sounds like “eh.”

  sounds like “yu.”

  sounds like “ya.” If unstressed, it usual y sounds closer to “ee.”

&nbs
p; Some combined sounds:

  sounds like “ay,” as in “ay, carumba!”

  sounds like “oy,” as in “boy.” If unstressed, it’s “ay.”

  sounds like “ei,” as in “weight.”

  sounds like “j,” as in “Joe.”

  CHAPTER 1

  HOWDY RUSSIAN

  Greetings in Russia are pretty much like everywhere else; there’s some version of “Hel o,” “How are you?”, etc. No real trick, except that you need to remember who you’re talking to. If you’re talking to someone you don’t know very wel who’s over the age of, say, 30, stick with the formal Vy. With younger people, you can pretty safely use the informal ty, especial y if you are in a chil social situation among friends. Keep in mind that using ty with the wrong person in Russia is a pretty serious insult that wil piss some people off.

  Howdy!

  ZDRA-sstye!

  Saying hel o seems simple enough, right? Wel , it is. But if you’re guy and don’t shake on it, you’l be considered a total asshole. If you’re a chick and do the same, they’l think you’re, wel , foreign and a little weird. And if you’re greeting someone you know fairly wel , there’l be kissing involved, whether you like it or not. Russians in general have a much different concept of personal space than Americans, so just suck it up, say your hel os, and move on.

  Hi!

  pri-VYET!

  Hiya!

  pri-VYET-iki!

  Kinda cutesy.

  Sup guys!

  zdo-RO-vo, re-BYA-ta!

  Remember to watch your stress with this word. The greeting is zdo-RO-vo. With the stress ZDO-ro-vo, it means something more like “awesome.”

  Hey, buddy!

  pri-VYET, dru-ZHI-sche!

  Shout out to all the cool peeps in the house!

  khai vsyem nor-MAL-nim PI-plam!

  What’s up?

  kak de-LA?

  How ya doin’?

  kak ti?

  What’s new?

  chto NO-vo-vo?

  How’s life?

  kak zhi-VYOSH?

  What’s the word?

  chto SLISH-no?

  What’s cookin’?

  kak zhizn mo-lo-DA-ya?

  Hey, honey, wassuuup?

  pri-VYET, kra-SOT-ka, kak del-ISH-ki?

  Kinda cutesy.

  Everything’s just hunky-dory

  vsyo i-DYOT kak po MA-slu

  When I talk to Russians who have been to the U.S., the one thing that they al say annoys the crap out of them is the insincerity of the American “How are you?” greeting. It’s because that question is always answered with a big, stupid grin and an “I’m fine” no matter how obvious it is that the person is in a shitty, pissed-off mood. It doesn’t matter if the person just got herpes from their sister, they’l stil answer “I’m fine.” So when Russians ask you how you are, go ahead and tel them the truth. They asked for it.

  It’s all good!

  vsyo kho-ro-SHO!

  Everything’s A-OK.

  vsyo o-KEI.

  Fine.

  nor-MAL-no.

  Stylin’!

  ni-SHTYAK!

  Fine ’n’ dandy.

  CHI-ki PI-ki.

  Peachy.

  CHU-denko.

  Super duper!

  SU-per PU-per!

  Couldn’t be better!

  LU-chshe vsyekh!

  Pretty fuckin’ good!

  pi-ZDA-to!

  Fucking awesome!

  za-ye-BIS!

  The word can either mean “real y good” or “real y fucking awful,” depending on how you use it.

  Everything’s all right.

  u me-NYA vsyo v po-RYAD-kye.

  I’m fresh as a daisy.

  ya SVYE-zhii kak o-GUR-chik.

  Literal y, “fresh as a cucumber.” This is usual y said by someone in denial about how shitfaced they are.

  No worries.

  vsyo po ti-KHON-ku.

  Same old, same old.

  vsyo po STA-romu.

  What’s it to ya?

  kak-O-ye te-BYE DYE-lo?

  What do you care?

  kak-A-ya te-BYE RA-zni-tsa?

  Don’t even ask!

  nye SPRA-shi-vai!

  Lousy as hell!

  POL-nii ab-ZATS!

  Pretty crappy.

  khren-O-vo.

  Really shitty.

  khu-yO-vo.

  I’m in a crappy mood.

  ya v kher-O-vom na-stro-yE-ni-ye.

  I must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed

  today.

  ya na-VYER-no se-VOD-nya vstal s LYE-voi no-GI.

  My life has turned into a total nightmare.

  mo-YA zhizn pre-vra-TI-las v splosh-NOI kosh-MAR.

  .

  Really sucky.

  POL-na-ya ZHO-pa.

  Literal y, “total ass.”

  Fucking awful!

  ya v piz-DYE!

  Literal y, “I’m in the pussy.”

  Totally fucked up!

  POL-nii piz-DYETS!

  If you want to soften this phrase up a bit, you can use the word

  (pi-PYETZ), which is a sort of euphemistic form of the word

  That’s the dealio.

  vot ta-KI-ye pi-rozh-KI.

  Usual y said after a detailed explanation of what has happened to you recently.

  Hell if I know

  chort ye-VO ZNA-yet

  There are only 24 hours in a day, so there’s just no way that you can be expected to know everything about everything that’s going on around you.

  I don’t know.

  ya nye ZNA-yu.

  I’m out of the loop.

  ya nye v KUR-sye.

  This is the first I’ve heard of it.

  PYER-vii raz SLI-shu.

  I have no idea.

  po-NYA-ti-ya ne I-me-yu.

  Time will tell.

  po-zhi-VYOM, u-VI-dim.

  What’s that thingamajig?

  chto E-to za khren-o-TYEN?

  God only knows.

  bog ye-VO ZNA-yet.

  Damned if I know.

  khryen ye-VO ZNA-yet.

  Fuck if I know.

  khui ye-VO ZNA-yet.

  How would I know?

  ot-KU-da ya ZNA-yu?

  How should I know?

  ot-KU-da mnye znat?

  There’s just no understanding Russia.

  u-mOm ro-SSI-yu nye po-NYAT.

  You can usual y score some cultural points with this famous line from a poem by Fyodor Tyutchev.

  Let’s be friends!

  BU-dyem dru-ZYA-mi!

  In America, we tend to be polite to strangers but then turn around and treat our friends like shit because, hey, they’l forgive us. Russians are sort of the opposite: They tend to be total assholes to strangers but fiercely loyal and embarrassingly generous to those they consider part of their inner circle. So here are a few phrases to help you break the ice with your new Russian acquaintances and maybe make yourself an al y in the process.

  Let’s use ty.

  da-VAI na ti.

  Once you start getting to know someone better, this is the way that you suggest taking the next step and moving to the informal “you.”

  Could you show me around the city?

  ti bi nye mog mnye GO-rod po-ka-ZAT?

  You wanna come over to my place?

  KHO-chesh ko mnye v GO-sti?

  Let’s shoot the breeze!

  da-VAI po-bol-TA-yem!

  Let’s hang out a bit.

  da-VAI po-ob-SCHA-yem-sya.

  I feel like shooting the shit with someone.

  KHO-chet-sya s kyem-to po-piz-DYET.

  .

  I don’t know anyone here, but I’d like to meet some

  cool guys.

  ya ni-ko-VO ne ZNA-yu tut, no kho-TYEL-os bi po-zna-

  KO-mit-sya s KLA-ssni-mi re-BYA-ta-mi.

  .

  I hope I’ll find some common ground with them.

  na-D
YE-yus, nai-DU s NI-mi O-bschii ya-ZIK.

  .

  Long time no see!

  SKOl-ko lyet SKOl-ko zim!

  I don’t get around as much as I used to, so when I do hit the town, it is always nice to run into an old pal. When a familiar face appears, go ahead and tel them how nice it is to see them.

  Who do I see there!

  ko-VO ya VI-zhu!

  Where ya been keepin’ yourself?

  ku-DA ti pro-PAL?

  What are you guys doing here!

  kak-I-ye LYU-di!

  Speak of the devil!

  LYO-gok na po-MI-nye!

  Hey, old man, good to see you!

  eh, sta-rRIK, rad te-BYA VI-dyet!

  I’ve missed you!

  ya po te-BYE so-SKU-chil-sya!

  Please and thank you

  po-ZHA-lui-sta i spa-SI-bo