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  Valentine’s Oops

  “Oh, by the way, my sister’s planning to use a love potion on you.”

  I looked up from filling our last water balloon in the bathroom sink. “What?”

  Junior made a smoochy face. “Elsie and Donovan, sittin’ in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G —”

  I threw my water balloon at his smug face. This resulted in an all-out battle to the drenched, finishing with both of us left dripping and my sister’s teddy bear still on the chair we’d set it up on, bone-dry.

  This seemed unfair, so I tipped it off the chair and into the soaked rug. Hmm, I wonder if Mom’s gonna object that we had a water balloon fight in the hallway.

  “Anyway, like I was saying.” Junior cleared his throat. “Elsie and Donovan, sittin’ in a tree! K-I—”

  I grabbed the teddy bear and threw it at his head.

  Junior caught it. “Does that mean you don’t want her attention?” he asked, grinning. His eyes were glowing yellow with mischief. All the Wilkinsons’ eyes changed color sometimes. Just like weird things happened around them all the time.

  “Of course I don’t!” I cried. “Elsie’s just like Genevieve! How’d you like it if my sister tried to chase you?”

  Junior shuddered. His eyes turned back to the same brown as his skin.

  “Well, maybe love potions don’t exist,” I said hopefully. “I’ve never seen one, have you?”

  “I’d never seen Alyssa turn into a walrus before last week, either,” Junior said.

  I grinned. That had been awesome. Huge tusks on Junior’s baby sister for a whole hour. I don’t know why their mom been so upset. She was the one who left that Beatles song playing.

  “Okay, well, maybe it wasn’t a love potion,” I said. “What was she doing?”

  “She was sorting the candy hearts that said ‘BE MINE’ into a bowl. And she was chanting the titles of romance movies. And she drew Xs and Os all over a Valentine’s card with your name on it.”

  I put my head in my hands. I was doomed.

  * * *

  My doom was delivered to me in a card that had Disney princesses on it. I didn’t know which was worse, the doom or the princesses.

  I am so not gonna eat those, I thought, stripping a box of candy hearts off the back.

  “Hey, Joe,” I asked the kid behind me, rattling the box. “Wanna trade?”

  His eyes lit up, and the sucker swapped me a heart-shaped lollipop. Sweet.

  I chomped on it while he crunched the hearts, and I watched him surreptitiously. He didn’t break into song or run to Elsie’s classroom to declare his undying love for her, so perhaps I’d have to wait till recess to see the effects.

  I waited impatiently through math and spelling, dying to meet Junior on the playground and ask if he knew anything else about his sister’s plans for the day. She was sure to try something else. The Wilkinsons didn’t give up easily.

  * * *

  By the time the recess bell rang, I was going crazy.

  Maybe I should crack an egg on her head, I thought, drumming my fingers on the desk. Maybe I should put chewing gum in her desk. Maybe I should behead her Barbies — oh, wait, Junior and I did that already.

  How was I supposed to drive her away when I’d already done everything?

  I shoved my way through the crowded hallway and pushed past other kids to get to the door. Junior’s class must have let out a minute earlier, because he was already waiting outside for me. His eyes were orange with intensity.

  “I don’t think she’s got me yet,” I hissed, scanning the playground for his sister.

  “She still might,” Junior whispered. “I saw her smuggle a doll in her backpack today.”

  A doll? I spied Elsie standing in a group of six girls, one of them my sister. Her shirt looked suspiciously bulgy, like she’d hidden something under there. What’s the big deal about . . .

  One of the supervising teachers turned her back on our side of the playground to break up a fight over a kicked soccer ball. Another turned her back to check up on a wuss who was crying about the soccer ball hitting him.

  The instant they were looking away, Elsie whipped the doll out of her shirt and tossed it up in the air. It hovered and then flapped a pair of construction-paper wings. From a distance, I could see she’d put one of her baby sister’s diapers on it.

  Oh, NO WAY, I thought.

  The thing zoomed up in the air, reached into a purse she’d strapped on its back, and pulled out a handful of candy hearts.

  “RUN!” Junior and I screamed, and we scattered.

  The doll dove straight down for us, and hail of colored candy pelted at us. I barely dodged as a white WHY NOT whammed the dirt by my feet. A yellow HUG ME thwacked into the swingset, and three pink hearts I couldn’t read dinged across the jungle gym as I ran past.

  Save me! I thought, panicking. Save me, save me, save me!

  Several other kids had noticed the doll and were shouting and running. One fatso boy from Elsie’s class was outpacing me.

  “What’s this?” one of the teachers demanded, marching over. The doll dropped like a stone. “Who threw this?” she demanded, seizing it and holding it up.

  Silence. Dead silence. Everyone knew you didn’t tell the teachers such things: there was a code.

  “Elsie did it!” I said immediately, shooting my hand in the air.

  As the teacher turned to start berating Elsie, I relaxed. If there was any certain way to make her hate me, that would be it.

  * * *

  “Thanks a lot, you jerk,” Elsie growled, glaring at me as we waited for the school bus to go back home. “Thanks to you, I have to go to detention tomorrow. The only reason I didn’t have to today is because I have Brownies!”

  I shrugged. Junior almost always had detention, and I did half the time. Big whoop.

  “You shouldn’t have sent that cupid after me,” I shot back.

  “You? You think I like you?” Elsie shrieked. “You stupid moron! You’re just like my brother! And you ruined my cupcakes last week!”

  We’d made the bowl dump cupcake goo all over her head when the baseball game on TV had said “Batter up!” I’d forgotten all about that. It had been funny.

  “Junior saw you chanting love spells over a Valentine’s card with my name on it,” I accused. “Explain that.”

  “Stupid!” Elsie hissed, clenching her fists. Her eyes had gone light pink with embarrassment. “That wasn’t you. That was Donovan in my class!”

  “There’s a Donovan in your class?” I asked, dumbfounded. “Who’s he?”

  Elsie folded her arms and glowered. But her eyes flickered off to the side to a line of kids waiting for another bus. There was only one from her class whose name I didn’t know.

  “Wait, the fat kid? You like him?”

  “Shush up!” Elsie hissed, waving her hands wildly. “It’s none of your business!”

  Uh huh. Wow. I grinned broadly. Boy, have we got ammunition on her now.

  Still, I dropped a purple Valentine’s heart that said DREAM ON down the back of her T-shirt as soon as she spun away. Just in case.

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  To Prevent World Peace

  by Emily Martha Sorensen

  A magical girl series . . . from the point of view of the villains.

  Kendra wants to save the world from overpowered magical girls.

  Chronos wants people to leave her alone.

  Rhea wants to make the world a much more dangerous place.

  You can visit the website here!

 

 

  Emily Martha Sorensen, Worlds of Wonder

 
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