A Myrtle Clover Christmas (A Myrtle Clover Cozy Mystery #21) Read online

  “That sounds like an excellent plan for someone who doesn’t know all the convoluted backstories of the show,” said Miles.

  So that is what happened. Myrtle and Miles watched as Felicity and Adrian, brother-in-law and sister-in-law, hooked up rather implausibly at a family Christmas party. The family Christmas party, naturally, was at a mansion done up with a tremendous tree that took up most of the set. They were all wearing fabulous red clothing.

  “I could see that coming,” murmured Myrtle.

  “Felicity and Adrian? How? It’s very scandalous,” said Miles.

  “Because this is a very scandalous show. Plus, the set had mistletoe hanging all over it as foreshadowing. No one at that Christmas party could stand anywhere without being under mistletoe. It was a forest of it.”

  Wanda had apparently gotten quite sleepy during her solitaire game and had fallen asleep, her head resting on her folded arms. She was gently snoring.

  “Poor thing. She deserves a bit of rest,” said Myrtle.

  After the show wrapped up, Wanda was still sleeping. Miles slipped out and Myrtle put a soft blanket around her before going into the back to put her feet up, herself. She’d thought she was going to just stretch out and work on her crossword puzzle, but before she knew it, she was fast asleep too.

  Myrtle’s eyes grew wide as she looked at the clock. It was time to get ready for the wedding and she still had very little concept of what she was planning to wear. She walked into the living room where Wanda was rubbing her eyes and looking as if she’d just woken up. Her eyes also widened when she looked at the clock.

  “I guess our shopping expedition wore us out,” said Myrtle, making a face. “Either that, or Miles drugged the decaf we had when we came back.”

  Wanda grinned at the idea of an errant Miles. “Can’t picture that.”

  “No. So I suppose we were tired. Which is fine, but now I’m in a tizzy because I have to get ready for this wedding and I don’t have the foggiest idea what to wear. Can you point me in the right direction?”

  Wanda looked doubtful. “Ain’t much with fashion stuff.”

  This was clearly true, but Myrtle was in desperate straits. “Just give me your opinion. Everyone will be looking at the bride, anyway.”

  So Wanda followed Myrtle down the short, narrow hallway to Myrtle’s closet.

  “I think the black slacks are a given. But what top should I go with?”

  “How dressy is this weddin’?”

  “Very dressy, I think. But my days of wearing ballgowns are over. Besides, I should just meld into the background.”

  Wanda picked out a white blouse that had sparkles on it.

  Myrtle considered it thoughtfully. “The only problem with white is my propensity to spill things on whatever garment I’m wearing. That’s why the black slacks were a given.”

  Wanda pointed to a red top with sparkles.

  Myrtle tilted her head sideways. “It’s kind of loud, isn’t it?”

  Wanda shrugged her thin shoulders. “It’s Christmas, ain’t it?”

  “Right you are. The red blouse it will be! I’ll bring a small plastic container in my purse and will bring some wedding goodies back for you. You won’t want to wait for them, though—make yourself whatever you want for supper. I want to say there’s a frozen pizza in the freezer.”

  “Don’t worry about me,” said Wanda. “I’ll be jest fine.” She paused, frowning. “But I ain’t getting’ good vibes about this wedding.”

  “Aren’t you? Well, you know how weddings are. I’d rather go to a good funeral any day than a wedding. They’re shorter and, often, less emotional than weddings. Besides, weddings can be rather stressful. And Faith—that’s my hairdresser who’s the bride—was telling me when she was doing my hair that her aunt has been a real bear during the whole process.”

  “Her aunt?”

  Myrtle nodded. “Faith lost her mother in a car accident when she was just a wee thing. Her father ran off and so her aunt, Glynis, raised her. She’s rather formidable. Apparently, even though she’s a very wealthy woman and wanted to make the wedding a showcase, she complained about every nickel and dime.”

  Wanda drawled, “Sounds like she jest likes complainin’.”

  “Precisely. Faith said that she kept telling Glynis that she and Holden could have a simple wedding with only a few guests in attendance. But Glynis wanted the big do. She wanted it both ways—big and expensive and something she could complain about. Maybe that’s why you’ve got a bad feeling about the wedding.”

  “Mebbe.” But Wanda looked uncertain. “You’ll be careful?”

  “Me? Certainly. I’ll have Miles with me. I’ll watch my step, too, and make sure there’s no silly falling. It will be dark and we’ll be in a tent, so I’ll be extra careful. I’m sure it will all be fine.”

  An hour later, Miles tooted the horn outside and Myrtle hurried out, cane thumping as she went. She’d impulsively wrapped wide red ribbon on the cane to make it more decorative.

  “You look very appropriate for the season,” said Miles.

  “I’m all ensconced in red, aren’t I? I thought my cane could be taken as a giant candy cane, at a distance.”

  Miles quirked a brow. Seeing as how the cane was dark brown, that seemed unlikely. “The sparkly blouse is a nice touch.”

  “Isn’t it? Wanda helped me pick out my wardrobe. I’m not sure I could have done it without her help.”

  “And you’ve even got a Christmas handbag,” said Miles as he backed the car out of the driveway.

  “Yes. The best thing about the purse is its capacity to hold things,” said Myrtle in a self-satisfied manner.

  “You don’t have a Tupperware container, do you?” asked Miles in alarm. “That doesn’t seem to fit wedding protocol.”

  “Oh, it will be fine. No one cares what I do. Besides, I’m hardly going to camp out at the buffet line and put food in a plastic container. I’ll simply fill my plate with far more things than I could ever eat and then surreptitiously squirrel the extras away.”

  Miles frowned at this.

  “It’s much better than being wasteful, Miles. It would be horrid to throw food away.”

  “No chance of that,” muttered Miles.

  “Besides, the food is for Wanda. And Glynis, who’s paying for the wedding, is rich and rather unpleasant. I’ll have no guilty conscience, I assure you.”

  Miles seemed slightly mollified, most likely because Wanda would be the beneficiary of any food that left the wedding.

  “And where are you driving? We seem to be heading in the wrong direction,” said Myrtle.

  Miles slowed down, frowning at the road ahead of him as if it were somehow betraying him. “Aren’t we going to the Methodist church?”

  “It’s the Presbyterian one. Then to Glynis’s house for the reception.”

  “Not to the church hall?” asked Miles. “It seems like we usually end up at the church hall for receptions.”

  “For funeral receptions. Not weddings.”

  “It seems it would work just as well. Now we’ll be stumbling around in the dark under tents,” muttered Miles.

  “There will likely be some stumbling going on, for sure. That’s why most weddings aren’t held in the church hall . . . because the bride and groom want to serve alcohol.”

  “I see,” said Miles.

  The Presbyterian church was beautifully decorated for Christmas. There were large wreaths on the door, poinsettias on the sills under the stained-glass windows, and a glowing Christmas tree with Chrismon on it.

  “Perhaps this is why Glynis was happy hosting a Christmas wedding for her niece,” said Myrtle thoughtfully.

  “Because she doesn’t have to decorate the church?”

  “Precisely.”

  The wedding itself was lovely. A bouquet of amaryllis flowers was carried by the bride. The vows were thoughtful. The couple was beautiful and looked very much in love.

  Miles, however, was looking a little dro
wsy.

  “I thought you’d taken a nap,” said Myrtle reprovingly as he drove them to the reception.

  “Not enough of one, apparently.” Miles frowned. “Where are we supposed to park?”

  That was an excellent question. Because the reception was at the bride’s aunt’s house, it was a residential street. There were also many guests who had arrived at the reception before they did.

  “Just parallel park somewhere,” said Myrtle with a sniff.

  Miles looked uneasy at this. “I’m not the best at parallel parking anymore. I’ve fallen out of practice after moving here. I used to do it in Atlanta all the time.”

  “I’m excellent at parallel parking,” said Myrtle. “How about if we switch places?”

  “No,” said Miles firmly. Then he peered up the street and said with relief, “It looks like there’s a parking attendant.”

  And, indeed, there was a vacant lot that the attendant was using to help park guests.

  “I hope I remember where the car is,” said Miles. “I feel like I’m a little turned around.”

  Myrtle said, “Just hit the car alarm button when we leave. That will make it plain.”

  “The neighbors will hate me if I do that.”

  Myrtle said, “Glynis is smart enough to have invited the neighbors to the reception in order to avoid any problems.”

  They walked to a series of tents in Glynis’s large yard, which backed up to the woods. Although it was night, Glynis had brought in a bunch of lighting for the event. Just the same, Myrtle leaned heavily on her cane on the soft ground as they walked.

  “Swanky,” said Miles under his breath as they got to one of the tents.

  A tree made from carefully arranged poinsettias served as a main focal point. The tables were decorated with wreaths and red berries. Although the Christmas theme could have been overwhelming, it seemed, instead, to be a tasteful accent.

  “Let’s find the buffet,” said Myrtle. “We’ll want to eat before all the cake cutting and whatnot that goes on. And, if there’s to be dancing, I don’t want to be traipsing around looking for food.”

  The buffet had all sorts of foods in it: grilled chicken, brisket, and shrimp and grits. Myrtle heaped a plate with a good amount of much of it. Miles got a more conservative amount and focused more on the vegetables offered.

  They sat down. Myrtle put half the food into the container in her purse and then commenced eating. While she ate, she looked around at all the other guests. Some of them were older ladies Myrtle knew from garden club and church. They were all behaving themselves, sitting primly at tables and watching the proceedings, much as Myrtle was. Some of the younger folks seemed to be rather raucous already.

  Then Myrtle raised her eyebrows. “Well, would you look at that?”

  Miles glanced around the reception and saw nothing of note. “What?”

  “Nash Moore is here. You know Nash, don’t you?”

  Miles shook his head. “The surgeon? Fortunately not. I haven’t had to have anything removed or improved. Why is it remarkable that he’s here?”

  “Because he was dating Glynis, our hostess, until she unceremoniously dumped him not long ago. I’m certain his invitation was rescinded and yet he’s here.”

  Miles studied the scene more closely. “He’s barely here. He’s sort of skulking in the corner.”

  “Skulking in the corner but giving Glynis longing looks,” noted Myrtle. “And now she’s spotted him, and she doesn’t look pleased.”

  Glynis looked displeased indeed. She glowered at Nash and he receded farther into the shadows.

  “You just never know what’s going to happen at a wedding. All sorts of drama can ensue. It’s been a while since we’ve been to one,” she said thoughtfully. “Although, I don’t really mind. Weddings can be tedious.” She narrowed her eyes at a young man who already seemed to be quite intoxicated.

  “Agreed. Now which one is Glynis? Could you point her out to me? I want to be sure to speak with her before we leave tonight.”

  Myrtle gestured to a middle-aged woman with intelligent eyes and strong, handsome features who was still glowering. “That’s Glynis. You might spare yourself, however. I plan to. Let’s just thank Faith and Holden for the invitation.”

  “Glynis couldn’t be that bad, surely.”

  Myrtle raised her eyebrows. “If you think I’m exaggerating, by all means, speak with her. She’s something else. Very smart and cutting.”

  “You can be rather smart and sometimes cutting,” pointed out Miles.

  “Yes, but I’m forgiven because of my advanced age. Glynis is merely middle-aged. Practically a child.”

  Miles supposed everything was relative. “Just the same, let’s try to speak with her. It will be our good deed for the day.”

  “I’d supposed I’d already gotten my good deed out of the way by taking Wanda shopping.”

  Miles nodded. “About that. I’d like to pay you back for half of that. I know you said it was a Christmas gift, but let’s go in halves. You have a lot of people to buy for at Christmas and I don’t.”

  Myrtle considered this. “That’s actually very true. What do you have to purchase for Christmas?”

  Miles said wryly, “A bottle of wine usually fits the bill for the few folks I buy for.”

  “How nice not to have to stretch yourself thin! Then yes, I’ll take you up on your kind offer. And I’ll be sure to tell Wanda the clothes are from both of us.”

  “Don’t,” urged Miles. “It’ll be just a transaction between the two of us. I think I’ll give Wanda something else for Christmas, since she’ll be around. She might get uncomfortable if she thinks I’m doing too much.” He reached in his pocket and handed Myrtle some money, which she stuck in her large Christmas purse alongside the container of food.

  There was suddenly a cheer from the guests and the bride and groom appeared, looking flushed and excited. The guests swarmed around them to greet them.

  “This is where I always stay back,” said Myrtle. “I can’t deal with a mob scene around the couple.”

  “Is there never not a mob scene around the couple?”

  “Rarely. But at least it gets better.”

  There was a bellowing sound, and Myrtle and Miles turned.

  “What on earth is that?” asked Miles.

  Myrtle blinked. “I do believe that might be Edgar Ross—the long-lost father of the bride.”

  Chapter Three

  “Long-lost?”

  Myrtle said, “The sort of long-lost that everyone is grateful for. Wishes devoutly for. I remember teaching Edgar Ross. He was an absolute nightmare in every way.”

  “The sort you had to send to the principal’s office all the time?”

  “The principal’s office? Absolutely not. I dealt with him myself. And assigned quite a few especially tiresome classics for him to read and write essays on.” Myrtle’s eyes narrowed. “I can’t imagine anyone would have invited him here.”

  “You don’t think he’s gatecrashing?”

  Myrtle watched as Glynis rose from her chair, eyes steely, and strode off to her brother. “Oh, I somehow think he is.”

  The bride watched with concern as her aunt approached her father.

  “You don’t think there’ll be a scene?” Miles looked a bit anxious about the idea of a scene at a wedding.

  Glynis’s voice rose to the point it could be heard over the sound of the band. She shoved her brother, and he put his hands up, shrugging and laughing. And, noticed Myrtle, staggering a bit, too. Alcohol was definitely in play.

  “There’s a scene,” said Miles with a sigh.

  “Think of it as an extended version of Tomorrow’s Promise.” Myrtle took a sip of her tiny glass of wine.

  “Poor Faith and Holden.”

  And indeed, Glynis’s ire seemed to suddenly spread over the entire family. Uncaring about the very expensive party she was throwing and the prospect of potentially ruining it, she bellowed, “This is really the final straw. D
id you invite this man, Faith? Your useless, despicable father?”

  Faith, looking as if she wanted the ground to open and swallow her up, shook her head miserably.

  “Then how on earth did he find out? I certainly didn’t tell him. All you’ve done is cause trouble for me, Faith. I think about how much easier my life would be if I’d never even had a brother. Or a niece. And the man you’ve picked as your life partner?” Glynis sneered. “He’s just as useless as your father is.”

  Holden, who’d been protectively holding Faith’s hand during this tirade, stood up, shoulders squared, and fist clenched.

  Glynis snorted. “What are you going to do, Holden? You’re not man enough to stand up to me. Carry on with your wedding party. I’m going off for a smoke.”

  The guests, who’d all been in stunned silence, looked at each other as if not knowing how to proceed. Should they all leave? Should they commiserate with the bride and groom for having such a harridan for a family member?

  The band decided to help make everything clearer. They’d been paid to play and play they would. They immediately started in, quite loudly, with an energetic dance song. And the guests, obediently, rose to dance. Quite a few people headed off to get more drinks.

  Miles said glumly, “I’m suddenly wanting to head back to your place and play cards with Wanda.”

  “Let’s finish our food first. Aside from sugary treats, I don’t have a lot to eat in the house right now. I don’t want to waste this plate of goodies.”

  Miles looked down at his plate. “I seem to have lost my appetite.”

  “That chicken will help you regain it. It’s good stuff. Now come on, Miles, dig in.”

  As they ate, they noticed the guests getting more revved up. It might have been the alcohol or it might have been in reaction to Glynis’s emotional outburst. But everyone swarmed the dance floor and the bar.

  Miles commented. “It looks like Faith’s father wasn’t scared away.”

  Myrtle snorted. “Fat chance of that happening. Not when there’s free food and booze. He’ll be here until they turn out the lights and pack away the tents.” She frowned. “In fact, it looks as if he’s about to pass out right at his table.”