Murder Most Merry Read online

  32 CHRISTMAS CRIME STORIES FROM THE WORLD’S BEST MYSTERY WRITERS

  Edited by Abigail Browning

  GRAMERCY BOOKS

  New York

  The Acknowledgments on page vi constitute an extension of the copyright page.

  Copyright © 2002 by Dell Magazines.

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  This 2002 edition published by Gramercy Books, an imprint of Random House Value Publishing, Inc., 280 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017, by arrangement with Dell Magazines, 475 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016.

  Gramercy is a registered trademark and the colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.

  Printed in the United States of America.

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  A catalog record for this title is available from the Library of Congress.

  ISBN: 0-517-22119-5

  987654321

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  INTRODUCTION

  A WINTER’S TALE – Ann Cleeves

  GRIST FOR THE MILLS OF CHRISTMAS – James Powell

  AS DARK AS CHRISTMAS GETS – Lawrence Block

  RUMPOLE AND THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS – John Mortimer

  DEAD ON CHRISTMAS STREET – John D. MacDonald

  MISS CRINDLE AND FATHER CHRISTMAS – Malcolm Gray

  MYSTERY FOR CHRISTMAS – Anthony Boucher

  THE CASE IS ALTERED – Margery Allingham

  CHRISTMAS COP – Thomas Larry Adcock

  THE THEFT OF THE CHRISTMAS STOCKING – Edward D. Hoch

  THE CHRISTMAS BEAR – Herbert Resnicow

  THE SHAPE OF THE NIGHTMARE – Francis M. Nevins, Jr.

  CHRISTMAS GIFT – Robert Turner

  SANTA’S WAY – James Powell

  I SAW MOMMY KILLING SANTA CLAUS – George Baxt

  SUPPER WITH MISS SHIVERS – Peter Lovesey

  APPALACHIAN BLACKMAIL – Jacqueline Vivelo

  ON CHRISTMAS DAY IN THE MORNING – Margery Allingham

  SANTA CLAUS BEAT – Rex Stout

  WHITE LIKE THE SNOW – Dan Stumpf

  RUMPOLE AND THE CHAMBERS PARTY – John Mortimer

  THE SPY AND THE CHRISTMAS CIPHER – Edward D. Hoch

  INSPECTOR TIERCE AND THE CHRISTMAS VISITS – Jeffry Scott

  CHRISTMAS PARTY – Martin Werner

  THE ADVENTURE OF THE BLUE CARBUNCLE – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

  THE EMBEZZLER’S CHRISTMAS PRESENT – Ennis Duling

  BELIEVING IN SANTA – Ron Goulart

  PASS THE PARCEL – Peter Lovesey

  THE THEFT OF SANTA’S BEARD – Edward D. Hoch

  A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH – Georges Simenon

  MURDER UNDER THE MISTLETOE – Margery Allingham

  WHO KILLED FATHER CHRISTMAS? – Patricia Moyes

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  “A Matter of Life and Death” by Georges Simenon, copyright © 1952 by Georges Simenon, reprinted by permission of the Author’s Estate; “A Winter’s Tale” by Ann Cleeves, copyright © 1994 by Ann Cleeves, reprinted by permission of Murray Pollinger Literary Agency; “As Dark as Christmas Gets” by Lawrence Block, copyright © 1997 by Lawrence Block, used by permission of the author; “Believing in Santa” by Ron Goulart, copyright © 1994 by Ron Goulart, reprinted by permission of the author; “Christmas Cop” by Thomas Adcock, copyright © 1986 by Davis Publications, Inc., reprinted by permission of the author; “Christmas Party” by Martin Werner, copyright © 1991 by Davis Publications, Inc., reprinted by permission of the author: “Dead on Christmas Street” by John D. MacDonald, copyright © Dorothy P. MacDonald Trust, reprinted by permission of Diskant Associates; “Grist for the Mills of Christmas” by James Powell, copyright © 1994 by James Powell, reprinted by permission of the author, “I Saw Mommy Killing Santa Claus” by George Baxt, copyright © 1990 by Davis Publications, Inc., reprinted by permission of the author; “Miss Crindle and Father Christmas” by Malcom Gray, copyright © 1990 by Davis Publications, Inc., reprinted by permission of Curtis Brown, Ltd.; “Murder Under the Mistletoe” by Margery Allingham, copyright © 1962 by Margery Allingham, © renewed, reprinted by permission of P. & M. Youngman Carter, Ltd.; “Mystery for Christmas” by Anthony Boucher, copyright © 1942 by Anthony Boucher, reprinted by permission of Curtis Brown, Ltd.; “On Christmas Day in the Morning” by Margery Allingham. copyright © 1952 by P. & M. Youngman Carter, Ltd., reprinted by permission of the Estate; “Pass the Parcel” by Peter Lovesey. copyright © 1994 by Peter Lovesey, reprinted by permission of Gelfman Schneider Literary Agents; “Rumpole and the Chambers Party” by John Mortimer, copyright © 1988 by Advanpress, Ltd., reprinted by permission of Sterling Lord Literistic, Inc.; “Rumpole and the Spirit of Christmas” by John Mortimer, copyright © 1988 by Advanpress Limited, reprinted by permission of Sterling Lord Literistic, Inc.; “Santa Claus Beat” by Rex Stout, copyright © 1953 by Rex Stout, reprinted by permission of the Estate; “Santa’s Way” by James Powell, copyright © 1991 Davis Publications, Inc., reprinted by permission of the author: “Supper with Miss Shivers” by Peter Lovesey, copyright © 1991 by Peter Lovesey. reprinted with permission of John Farquharson. Ltd.; “The Case is Altered” by Margery Allingham, copyright © 1949 by American Mercury Publications, reprinted by permission of John Stevens Robling Ltd: “The Shape of the Nightmare” by Francis M. Nevins. Jr.. copyright © 1981 by Davis Publications, Inc., reprinted by permission of the author: “The Spy and the Christmas Cipher” by Edward D. Hoch. copyright © 1990 by Davis Publications, Inc., reprinted by permission of the author; “The Theft of Santa’s Beard” by Edward D. Hoch, copyright © 1992 by Bantam Doubleday Dell Magazines, reprinted by permission of the author “The Theft of the Christmas Stocking” by Edward D. Hoch, copyright © 1989 by Davis Publications, Inc.. reprinted by permission of the author; “White Like the Snow” by Dan Stumpf, copyright © 1998 by Dan Stumpf, used by permission of the author; “Who Killed Father Christmas?” by Patricia Moyes, copyright © 1980 by Laura W. Haywood & Isaac Asimov, first appeared in WHO DONE IT?. reprinted by permission of Curtis Brown, Ltd. All stories have previously appeared in Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine, published by Dell Magazines.

  “Appalachian Blackmail” by Jacqueline Vivelo, copyright © 1993 Bantam Doubleday Dell Magazines, reprinted by permission of the author, “Christmas Gift” by Robert Turner, copyright © 1957 by H. S. D. Publications, Inc.. copyright renewed 1985 by Davis Publications, Inc., reprinted by permission of the Scott Meredith Literary Agency: “Inspector Tierce and the Christmas Visits” by Jeffry Scott, copyright © 1994 by Jeffry Scott, reprinted by permission of the author, “The Christmas Bear” by Herbert Resnicow. copyright © 1989 by Davis Publications, Inc., reprinted by permission of the author, “The Embezzler’s Christmas Present” by Ennis Dulling, copyright © 1982 by Davis Publications, Inc.. reprinted by permission of the author. All stories have previously appeared in Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine, published by Dell Magazines.

  INTRODUCTION

  The Yuletide season has proven irresistible ground for mystery writers, and Murder Most Merry is a collection of the best in Christmas crimes. These 32 stories from Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine and Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine span from hard-boiled police procedurals to cozy mysteries to fantasy adventures. With mysteries embr
acing sentiments ranging from world-weary cynicism to uplifting joy, this collection provides a holiday feast for mystery fans.

  On his “Santa Claus Beat,” Rex Stout’s Art Hippie pines for a Christmas Eve murder truly befitting the season. In John D. MacDonald’s story, a young woman ends up “Dead on Christmas Street,” and the cops corner the desperate murderer using unconventional resources. Robert Turner offers a “Christmas Gift” anyone would be pleased to receive, and solving mysteries means more than just finding criminals when we go along with “Inspector Tierce and the Christmas Visits,” by Jeffry Scott.

  Professional thief Nick Velvet welcomes the holiday spirit when he attempts “The Theft of the Christmas Stocking,” by Edward D. Hoch, while Thomas Larry Adcock’s “Christmas Cop” stumbles across a gang of criminals who understand that it is better to give than to receive.

  In a trio of tales featuring the bespectacled Mr. Albert Campion, Margery Allingham explores the darker side of the human spirit and lifts it into the light. “On Christmas Day in the Morning,” an elderly woman embraces the enduring love and promise of Christmas in the face of life’s tragedies. When there’s “Murder Under the Mistletoe,” an old acquaintance of Campion’s draws on his expertise to solve an impossible crime. And, “The Case is Altered” on holiday in the country, when Campion explores a series of peculiar events.

  From the first perplexing and then intriguing “Supper With Miss Shivers,” by Peter Lovesey, to the “Christmas Party” with a twist by Martin Werner, to “The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle” classic by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, here are Christmas crimes every mystery reader will love to unwrap, one clue at a time.

  Abigail Browning April 2002

  A WINTER’S TALE – Ann Cleeves

  In the hills there had been snow for five days, the first real snow of the winter. In town it had turned to rain, bitter and unrelenting, and in Otterbridge it had seemed to be dark all day. As Ramsay drove out of the coastal plain and began the climb up Cheviot the clouds broke and there was a shaft of sunshine which reflected blindingly on the snow. For days he had been depressed by the weather and the gaudy festivities of the season, but as the cloud lifted he felt suddenly more optimistic.

  Hunter, sitting hunched beside him. remained gloomy. It was the Saturday before Christmas and he had better things to do. He always left his shopping until the last minute—he enjoyed being part of the crowd in Newcastle. Christmas meant getting pissed in the heaving pubs on the Big Market, sharing drinks with tipsy secretaries who seemed to spend the last week of work in a continuous office party. It meant wandering up Northumberland Street where children queued to peer in at the magic of Fenwick’s window and listening to the Sally Army band playing carols at the entrance to Eldon Square. It had nothing to do with all this space and the bloody cold. Like a Roman stationed on Hadrian’s Wall. Hunter thought the wilderness was barbaric.

  Ramsay said nothing. The road had been cleared of snow but was slippery, and driving took concentration. Hunter was itching to get at the wheel—he had been invited to a party in a club in Blyth and it took him as long as a teenage girl to get ready for a special evening out.

  Ramsay turned carefully off the road, across a cattle grid, and onto a track.

  “Bloody hell!” Hunter said. “Are we going to get up there?”

  “The farmer said it was passable. He’s been down with a tractor.”

  “I’d better get the map,” Hunter said miserably. “I suppose we’ve got a grid reference. I don’t fancy getting lost out here.”

  “I don’t think that’ll be necessary.” Ramsay said. “I’ve been to the house before.”

  Hunter did not ask about Ramsay’s previous visit to Blackstoneburn. The inspector rarely volunteered information about his social life or friends. And apart from an occasional salacious curiosity about Ramsay’s troubled marriage and divorce, Hunter did not care. Nothing about the inspector would have surprised him.

  The track no longer climbed but crossed a high and empty moor. The horizon was broken by a dry stone wall and a derelict barn, but otherwise there was no sign of habitation. Hunter felt increasingly uneasy. Six geese flew from a small reservoir to circle overhead and settle back once the car had passed.

  “Greylags,” Ramsay said. “Wouldn’t you say?”

  “I don’t bloody know.” Hunter had not been able to identify them even as geese. And I don’t bloody care, he thought.

  The sun was low in the sky ahead of them. Soon it would be dark. They must have driven over an imperceptible ridge because suddenly, caught in the orange sunlight, there was a house, grey, small-windowed, a fortress of a place surrounded by byres and outbuildings.

  “That’s it, is it?” Hunter said, relieved. It hadn’t, after all, taken so long. The party wouldn’t warm up until the pubs shut. He would make it in time.

  “No,” Ramsay said. “That’s the farm. It’s another couple of miles yet.”

  He was surprised by the pleasure he took in Hunter’s discomfort, and a little ashamed. He thought his relationship with his sergeant was improving. Yet it wouldn’t do Hunter any harm, he thought, to feel anxious and out of place. On his home ground he was intolerably confident.

  The track dipped to a ford. The path through the water was rocky and the burn was frozen at the edges. Ramsay accelerated carefully up the bank and as the back wheels spun he remembered his previous visit to Blackstoneburn. It had been high summer, the moor scorched with drought, the burn dried up almost to a trickle. He had thought he would never come to the house again.

  As they climbed away from the ford they saw the Black Stone, surrounded by open moor. It was eight feet high, truly black with the setting sun behind it. throwing a shadow onto the snow.

  Hunter stared and whistled under his breath but said nothing. He would not give his boss the satisfaction of asking for information. The information came anyway. Hunter thought Ramsay could have been one of those guides in bobble hats and walking boots who worked at weekends for the National Park.

  “It’s a part of a circle of prehistoric stones,” the inspector said. “Even if there weren’t any snow you wouldn’t see the others at this distance. The bracken’s grown over them.” He seemed lost for a moment in memory. “The house was named after the stone, of course. There’s been a dwelling on this site since the fourteenth century.”

  “A bloody daft place to put a house,” Hunter muttered. “If you ask me....”

  They looked down into a valley onto an L-shaped house built around a flagged yard, surrounded by windblown trees and shrubs.

  “According to the farmer,” Ramsay said, “the dead woman wasn’t one of the owner’s family....”

  “So what the hell was she doing here?” Hunter demanded. The emptiness made him belligerent. “It’s not the sort of place you’d stumble on by chance.”

  “It’s a holiday cottage,” Ramsay said. “Of sorts. Owned by a family from Otterbridge called Shaftoe. They don’t let it out commercially but friends know that they can stay here.... The strange thing is that the farmer said there was no car....”

  The track continued up the hill and had, Hunter supposed, some obscure agricultural use. Ramsay turned off it down a potholed drive and stopped in the yard, which because of the way the wind had been blowing was almost clear of snow. A dirty green Land Rover was already parked there, and as they approached a tall, bearded man got out and stood impassively, waiting for them to emerge from the warmth of their car. The sun had disappeared and the air was icy.

  “Mr. Helms.” The inspector held out his hand. “I’m Ramsay. Northumbria Police.”

  “Aye,” the man said. “Well, I’d not have expected it to be anyone else.”

  “Can we go in?” Hunter demanded. “It’s freezing out here.”

  Without a word the farmer led them to the front of the house. The wall was half covered with ivy and already the leaves were beginning to be tinged with frost. The front door led directly into a living room. In a grate the remai
ns of a fire smouldered, but there was little warmth. The three men stood awkwardly just inside the room.

  “Where is she?” Hunter asked.

  “In the kitchen,” the farmer said. “Out the back.”

  Hunter stamped his feet impatiently, expecting Ramsay to lead the way. He knew the house. But Ramsay stood, looking around him.

  “Had Mr. Shaftoe asked you to keep an eye on the place?” he asked. “Or did something attract your attention?”

  “There was someone here last night.” Helms said. “I saw a light from the

  back.”

  “Was there a car?”

  “Don’t know. Didn’t notice.”

  “By man, you’re a lot of help.” Hunter muttered. Helms pretended not to

  hear.

  “But you might have noticed,” Ramsay persisted, “fresh tyre tracks on the

  drive.”

  “Look,” Helms said. “Shaftoe lets me use one of his barns. I’m up and down the track every day. If someone had driven down using my tracks how would I know?”

  “Were you surprised to see a light?” Ramsay asked.

  “Not really,” Helms said. “They don’t have to tell me when they’re coming

  up.”

  “Could they have made it up the track from the road?”

  “Shaftoe could. He’s got one of those posh Japanese four-wheel-drive jobs.”

  “Is it usual for him to come up in the winter?”

  “Aye.” Helms was faintly contemptuous. “They have a big do on Christmas Eve. I’d thought maybe they’d come up to air the house for that. No one’s been in the place for months.”

  “You didn’t hear a vehicle go back down the track last night?”

  “No. But I wouldn’t have done. The father-in-law’s stopping with us and he’s deaf as a post. He had the telly so loud you can’t hear a thing.”

  “What time did you see the light?”