Trans Witch: College of Secrets Read online

  Jesse interrupted again. "The geas keeps you from talking about magical stuff, being a wizard, the SOAM, that kind of thing.

  "It's also a kind of like an ID chip," said Aiden. "I got the idea it was part of the warding. But somehow you and I got past that without a geas spell."

  "Is—is there a chance that I might already have one of those spells on me?" asked Lily.

  Hannah shook her head. "No way. You'd remember that. It's pretty painful if I'm being honest here."

  Cameron rubbed their left wrist and nodded. "Yeah, like getting a difficult piercing. Takes a while for the burning to go away, too."

  Lily stared at Cameron's wrist. "Is it visible?"

  "Can't you see it?" said Cameron, holding their wrist out for her to see.

  Lily saw nothing remarkable on the student's wrist. She shook her head.

  "Don't worry about it!" said Aiden. "That kind of thing takes training! Why else would we need a Wizard School?"

  Lily nodded. "What kind of things do they teach here? Magical math? Sorcerous sciences? Enchanting English?"

  Jesse laughed. "You're not too far off! There actually is Wizard History, since we have our records and accomplishments to remember and study, separate from mundane history."

  Aiden said, "We also have Alchemy, which is a bit like Chemistry, but magical."

  Cameron snorted. "Of course it's magical, otherwise why would they teach it in SOAM? I'm majoring in Phantasms. I just like the aesthetics of crafting illusions and magical experiences."

  "Sounds like virtual reality," said Lily, smiling.

  Cameron returned her smile. "Kind of, yeah!"

  "There are Enchantments," said Hannah, "but rather than manipulating English, you're manipulating thoughts and emotions."

  "I still say that whole field violates consent!" said Jesse, scowling.

  Hannah held her hands out, palms-up. "Hey! It's a thing that exists. To recognize and resist Enchantments, you have to study Enchantments. You can't just get everyone to agree not to use them once and forever."

  "I don't see why not," said Jesse.

  "Because that would be censorship, declaring one school of magic entirely off limits!"

  "You mean like the ban on talking about magic with mundanes?"

  Lily held up her hands. "I get the idea. SOAM is as contentious as any other academic institution. Just with pointy hats."

  Hannah laughed. "No, you won't find pointy hats here. Well, except for the Administration. And the Council. Well, not pointy hats so much as pointy heads!"

  "Shouldn't we take her to Admissions or something," said Cameron, looking uneasy at the mention of the Administration.

  Lily watched as the Queer Quartet exchanged glances, and then looked at her, uncertainty on their faces.

  "What do you think, Professor?" said Jesse.

  Lily thought a long moment. "Admissions? What, me become a student, at my age? I don't want to go through that all over again. I just want to go back and teach my mundane English class. And find my Penny."

  The Queer Quartet exchanged significant looks with each other again. This time, Lily spoke up. "What is it? You know something about my Penny?"

  Jesse began, "We, um, that is, we—"

  "Wait. Are you sure it's a good idea to tell her?" interrupted Cameron.

  "Tell me what? If you know something about Penny—"

  Hannah blurted out, "She's a teacher here!"

  "Or she was," said Aiden, "Right up until she disappeared."

  "What? No. She teaches Algebra to Freshmen! I would know if she was, we were married. We don't keep secrets like that from each other!"

  Jesse shook her head. "That's just the thing, she couldn't tell you! Not with the geas spell in effect. It's impossible. I mean, like, you want to tell people, you even might try to tell them, but different words come out of your mouth! Like I said, censorship!"

  Lily stared at Jesse for a long moment. "So, you're telling me, my wife Penny had a secret job at a secret wizard college that's a part of the University we both worked at? And I never knew about it? What else don't I know about my wife?"

  "Well, you don't know where she is," volunteered Cameron. "Maybe you'd better see the Administration after all, just to ask whether they have any idea where she might be."

  A lightbulb went off in Lily's head. "So, do you suppose this geas is why no one seems to be asking after Penny, even though she just vanished?"

  The Queer Quartet nodded in unison.

  Lily stood up. "Right. Let's go see the Administration, now."

  Jesse led the group toward a doorway outlined in purple. "This portal should get us there quickest."

  Just then, something came out of the portal. Two somethings. Two rather large and menacing somethings.

  "Gur, intruder alert!" bellowed an ogre smacking a gnarled club against his other hand.

  "Yuh! Here she is!" cried the other ogre, brandishing a short, blunt-looking sword. He clanged this against the metal helmet he wore and favored Lily with a several-toothed grin. "We're takin' yer to the Boss Lady."

  "The Boss Lady?" squeaked Lily, as the students scattered to get away from the ogres.

  "She don't want no trouble," said the first ogre.

  "But we don't mind it," said the second, narrowing his eyes to squint at Lily.

  Chapter Three

  Lily hurried ahead of the ogres, who made threatening mutters behind her. The three of them marched along an ornate corridor on the other side of the purple portal. "I mean, I was just about to go to see—"

  "Silence!" yelled the first ogre.

  "Herself didn't say nothin' about silence," said the second ogre.

  "I know that, but I gots to keep my authority, ya know? So, I yells things like 'Silence!' to keep that up."

  "Is that necessary?" said Lily. "I'm cooperating fully!"

  "Oh yeah, definitely necessary. SILENCE!"

  The corridor stretched on and on, past huge metal-bound oaken doors, branching corridors, and through open areas. The many students they passed along the way watched with wide eyes, especially when the ogres bellowed for effect.

  A lump of dread grew within Lily. What would the Administration do with her? Who was the Boss Lady? If they could bind students and faculty to not talk about SOAM outside of its borders, what else could she be compelled to do?

  After several minutes of marching, the ogres each took ahold of one of Lily's upper arms.

  "Hey, let go of me! I told you, I'm cooperating!"

  "Silence! And it's like tradition, y'see? We have to present you to the Boss Lady all proper, ya know?"

  "Right!" agreed the other ogre. "Won't do at all to just let you walk in under your own power. We have to deliver you, you know?"

  "No, I don't know! I've only just found this place," snapped Lily.

  They stood before enormous wooden double doors, each marked with a brass plate that said, "Administration". The first ogre knocked with his fist three times. Boom. Boom. BOOM.

  Seconds passed. Maybe a minute. Lily began to wonder whether the Boss Lady was out for dinner or something.

  Dinner! I hope I make it out of here in time to meet up with Ellen!

  Lily worked up her courage to say something to the ogres about coming back later, but before she could say it out loud, the doors swung open towards them, without a sound. Cool air, carrying the scent of chamomile and soot, wafted out of the dimly lit chamber ahead. Inside, Lily could see that rugs of all sorts covered the floor of the large room, and a massive round conference table dominated the center. At least a dozen venerable red leather chairs ringed the table. Torches hung in sconces every few feet around the edges of the room, and above the table hung what seemed to be a tremendous wok-like brazier, whose light was reflected downward by an even larger polished brass dome. None of the flames in the room gave off any smoke.

  At the far end of the round table sat two people.

  The
first was a man of unguessable age, though probably older than Lily's middle-age years. He wore a charcoal suit and a tie striped in various shades of gray. His hair resembled straightened steel wool. The expression on his face seemed to have been chiseled from granite by someone who didn't know how to sculpt. Was that a sneer? Or was it just "resting bitch face"? In any case, it seemed to Lily that he looked down his long nose at her with disdain.

  The other person, though—she defined petite elegance. Her cream-colored pantsuit appeared tailored to her trim petite form. She had her golden hair pulled back into a tight ponytail which swung back and forth as she moved her pointed chin to look at Lily.

  This must be the Boss Lady.

  The Boss Lady smiled; The room lit up brighter and the temperature seemed to rise a few degrees. Lily's heart beat a little faster, suddenly in awe of this sophisticated lady.

  "Kertoh, Maldink, what have you brought us?" growled the man.

  "Yer Administratorships said we should get the intruder, and here she is!"

  The smiling Boss Lady rose from her seat and hurried over to Lily. "Oh! There seems to have been a mistake! Why, this is just one of the mundane professors from Moraine! Let go of her, you oafs!"

  "But yer said—"

  "Silence," said the Boss Lady, pointing a finger at Kertoh. "You are no longer needed here. Begone."

  The ogres slumped out of the room without a further intelligible word, but their grumbling spoke volumes.

  Lily rubbed her upper arms where the ogres had manhandled her. "Hello! You must be the Boss Lady!"

  Her hostess extended a hand to Lily. "I suppose that's what the brutes call me, yes. Allow me to introduce us. This is Admissions Secretary Wizard James Sample."

  "Charmed," sneered Sample, still seated across the table from the women.

  "And I am Dean Jaqueline Wheeler, at your service," said the Boss Lady, whose hand sat cold and limp in Lily's as they shook. "Call me Jackie."

  "I'm Lily Shelley. School of English."

  The Dean pulled out a chair, and Lily sat. She then pulled one out for herself, close to Lily's, still smiling. "English! Well, we do have a portal in that building. How interesting that you found it, Professor Shelley."

  Lily wondered how much these people already knew about her, as she hadn't introduced herself with her title.

  "I didn't mean to cause any trouble. I seem to have found this place, the SOAM, by a complete accident."

  "No one finds this place by accident, Professor." Secretary Sample's words came out as though dragged over a gravel driveway.

  "Well, it wasn't on purpose. I had no idea this place existed until twenty minutes ago! Wouldn't have believed it if you'd told me."

  The Dean laughed, reminding Lily of a chicken clucking. "I can only imagine! But this place is warded against mundanes. How did you find your way in?"

  Lily related the story of following her students, only to find them missing. When she came to the part where she closed her eyes and reached out with her senses, Secretary Sample interrupted again.

  "Hum. So, what you have described is a somewhat advanced technique we teach in sophomore and junior classes; do you expect us to believe it just occurred to you to try it on your own?"

  Before Lily could answer, Dean Wheeler answered for her. "Clearly, she's a late bloomer, James! Though they're rare, late bloomers often come with their mundane life experience to guide them. Tell us, Professor, have you ever considered yourself psychic? Have you practiced meditation? Maybe yoga classes?"

  Lily nodded. "Not psychic, though I've been told my intuition is spot on a lot of the time. I trust it. And I used to be a solitary practitioner of Wicca, though I've lapsed in more recent years. My wife developed a strange aversion to the subject. She said she had nothing against the religion, but when I pressed her on it, she couldn't explain why."

  The Dean and the Secretary exchanged a glance.

  "Would you say she was a religious sort, your wife?" asked Dean Wheeler.

  Lily sat up straighter. "Why did you use past tense for her there?"

  Dean Wheeler's smile disappeared. "Just a slip of the tongue, I assure you. Leave it to an English professor to latch onto something like that!"

  Lily leaned in toward the Dean. "Let's put our cards on the table, shall we?"

  Sample harrumphed. "I hope you aren't insinuating—"

  Lily interrupted him. "I'm not insinuating, Mister Secretary—"

  "Wizard Secretary," he corrected.

  "—Wizard Secretary, then. I'm trying to find Penny Shelley, my missing wife. She disappeared a few weeks ago, and I've hardly slept since. She was—is—the love of my life and feel lost without her."

  A look of sympathy crossed the Dean's face. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Professor Shelley! But I fail to see the connection—"

  Lily interrupted, slamming her hands on the table. "Look, I know she worked here! I didn't know until I found my way in by accident, but I know now. Maybe my intuition guided me? Maybe it's my connection to Penny, helping me get to the bottom of her disappearance. I don't know. I don't care. If you know anything about where my wife is, I need you to tell me immediately, Dean Wheeler!"

  The Dean steepled her fingers on the table and studied Lily, letting the silence draw out for a bit. Then, she stood and walked back around the table to sit near Secretary Sample. "I see. While I appreciate the urgency and importance of your request, Professor, all I can tell you is that Penelope failed to show up for her duties two Fridays ago, and no one in SOAM has seen her since."

  Lily stood up; her hands pressed to the dark lacquered wood of the table. "Perhaps the police would be interested in your statement, then?"

  Sample reacted like a cat coughing up a hairball. It took Lily a full thirty seconds to realize he was laughing.

  "Professor Shelley, do you understand that this place is warded, and all the people associated with it are under a geas, unable to discuss it outside of the wards?"

  Lily nodded. "Yes. Everyone but me, that is."

  The Administrators exchanged another look, then the Dean spoke. "Even if you did leave without a geas laid upon you, Professor, not only would the police laugh you out of their station, but you will find it impossible to lead them back into SOAM."

  Lily's voice raised a bit higher than she intended. "Are you threatening me, Dean Wheeler?"

  Jackie Wheeler shook her head, her blonde ponytail swishing in the air behind her head. "Not at all. Just advising you of your situation. We would love nothing more than to cooperate with you, but we simply haven't any way to do so. As far as we know, she went home to you that night."

  "She didn't," said Lily, the words leaving a bitter taste in her mouth.

  "Then we are at an impasse. We can't help you any further on that matter," said the Dean.

  Secretary Sample growled, "However, there is the matter of your intrusion upon SOAM grounds. The School's charter is clear on our options. One, we may wipe your memory of this place and set you outside."

  "I don't want you messing with my mind!"

  Sample harrumphed again. "Quite. Option two, we may enroll you as a student, and guide whatever magical talent you may have developed in a positive direction."

  Lily shook her head. "I have a job; I have a life outside. I'm an English professor, I've got kids to teach. I don't want to go back to school at this point in my life."

  Dean Wheeler's eyebrows shot up at this. "Really! In all my years as Dean, and as a Professor before that, I have never met a person who'd turn down the chance to learn magic! Not a single one!"

  Lily shrugged. "I admit, I'm curious, but all I want is to have my life back. Including my wife."

  Sample grunted. "And finally, we may employ you as a part of this school; the Moraine University charter includes provisions for its faculty to pursue other career options while fulfilling their teaching requirements."

  Lily chewed her lower lip before answering. "What
would I even do at the School of Applied Metaphysics? I'm an English professor, not a sorcerer."

  "Clearly," said the Secretary, his tone as dry as dust. "But you are bookish, and we do have a librarian position open. If you accept this option, you could work part-time with Professor Bucher in the Library."

  "So, it's between having my brain erased and taking a job as a part-time wizardly librarian?"

  "Essentially, yes."

  The Dean spoke up. "You'll like Professor Bucher. Many people find her abrasive, but I think you'll get along famously with her. Plus, there are books in that library that will make your mouth water."

  "Also, books that will make your hair turn into snakes," added Sample. Lily wasn't sure if the man was even capable of joking, but this might just be one.

  "Take a moment to think it over," said Dean Wheeler. "You come highly recommended, by your wife. She spoke of you often and glowingly."

  Lily considered. On the one hand, she didn't like being railroaded like this. On the other, well, with her memory wiped, she'd never get to learn any more about Penny's life here in SOAM. If she worked in the SOAM Library, she'd have a chance to do some investigating, maybe learn more about what had happened to her wife. Maybe even find her. She still held out hope for that, where the police and even Penny's family seemed to have given up.

  Probably because of the damned geas spell!

  And it was that hope that kept her going. If she'd found her way in here because of her intuition, or her connection to Penny, then she'd be a fool to turn down a chance to look around.

  "Professor Shelley? Your answer?" rumbled Sample.

  "Okay. I'll take the job. Maybe I'll even enjoy it."

  Dean Wheeler's smile burst back into full glory upon her face. "Excellent! You will, of course, be required to undergo the same geas the rest of the faculty, staff, and the student body has agreed to here."

  Chapter Four

  The geas spell turned out to be an involved production. Dean "call me Jackie!" Wheeler escorted Lily through a maze of portals and corridors to a basement with mint green tiling on the walls. The frosted glass doors lining the hallway had various names on them, like "Prof. Wz. Jerome Murdock - Phantasms" and "Prof. Wz. Amanda Wagner - Morphology (restricted area)". The Dean led Lily to a door marked, "Prof. Wz. Miles Hartman - Enchantment" and motioned for her to go inside.