Finding Forgiveness: A Bluebird Bay Novel Read online

  “He would’ve loved it,” Stephanie said, taking another sizable bite out of her cupcake.

  Just then, the door to the main floor of the shop swung open. Pete, her part-time clerk, came down the stairs a moment later. “Some guy is here to see you, Cee-cee.”

  She cocked her head, a surge of annoyance running through her, “What guy? It’s not for that big order, is it?” They were supposed to have at least another hour before they came to pick up their cupcakes and she and Steph still hadn’t finished decorating or boxing them up.

  Pete shook his head. “Not for the order. This guy didn’t even buy anything. Said he just wants to talk to you.”

  “Okay, I’ll be right up, thanks, Pete.” The young clerk headed back up as Cee-cee turned toward her sister. “Are you staying?” she asked, pausing to take another bite of her cupcake then setting it down to remove her hairnet. “That tray you just took out is the last we need to decorate, but then Max is going to stop by for a glass of wine after I close up, if you want to stick around.”

  Stephanie shook her head, popping the last bite of her cake into her mouth before pulling off her own hairnet. “Ethan is coming by so I’m going to head out soon, though I’m interested to see who that guy is.”

  “You and me both.”

  Cee-cee led the way out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

  She looked around and caught sight of a man facing the massive window that overlooked the bay.

  She would recognize that frame anywhere. Her ex-husband turned at that moment, a warm smile on his still-handsome face. She hadn’t seen Nate since her father’s funeral, but given that they all lived in the same little town, it wasn’t all that surprising to see him. He’d come to the shop once when she’d first opened, after all.

  He looked good, she mused dispassionately. His thick black hair streaked with silver was combed, and he wore a thin crimson sweater with sleeves rolled up just enough to reveal his shining gold watch. She was pleased to find she felt nothing but curiosity at his presence.

  “Hello, Nate,” Steph said, breaking the silence.

  “Stephanie,” he said, dipping his head low in greeting before turning to Cee-cee. “How’ve you been holding up, Celia?”

  “As well as can be expected,” she replied politely. Sure, he’d done her dirty in the past, cheating on her then breaking up with her by leaving a note on their bed after thirty years of marriage, but he was also Gabe and Max’s father. And she was in a truly happy, stable relationship now, maybe for the first time ever. Why poison any of that with anger?

  “Can I get you something?”

  “Oh, no thank you. I actually came to talk about our grandbaby. Exciting, isn’t it?”

  “Very,” Cee-cee replied, growing more perplexed by the second. He didn’t come for cupcakes. He’d come to talk about the baby. It might not have seemed so strange if he’d done it when they’d first gotten the news, but why now?

  “Seems like it’ll be even more fun than being a parent,” he continued. “No waking up in the middle of the night or having to make sure they do their chores. We just get to do the fun stuff and send them home.”

  Cee-cee nodded. “It’s going to be great.”

  Stephanie stepped forward, a look of annoyance on her face. “Cee-cee and Mick have been really excited about it, buying baby clothes and stuff.”

  Cee-cee’s lips twitched as she tried not to laugh. Her sister’s mention of Cee-cee’s fiancé had clearly been meant as a shot at Nate. And, judging by the I-just-smelled-curdled-milk expression on her ex’s face, her aim had been true.

  “Yes, well, that’s nice…” He turned his attention back to Cee-cee, his expression wistful, “It’s kind of crazy to think about, in a way, that our little boy has grown up so much. It’s still hard not to think of him as a little boy and now he’s about to have a kid of his own. Remember when he used to come home and as the night wore on, there would be this weird smell?”

  Cee-cee chuckled at the memory and Nate continued.

  “And then we’d find his pockets filled with snails at bath time?”

  Cee-cee agreed, a memory of young Gabe excitedly reeling in his first fish with a little help from her father popping into her head.

  Nate had been a decent father, even if he’d turned out to be a bad husband. She didn’t hate the man. But it also took everything she had not to call him out on his selective memory.

  He only knew about the snails because she’d told him. He had never given either of the kids a bath.

  Not once.

  He looked forward to grandparenting because that was how he’d parented, as well. He did the fun stuff. The stuff he liked to do. But when things got hard, mundane, or stressful? That, along with everything else in the house, had been Cee-cee’s problem.

  Still, no point in mentioning any of that. She’d made a vow that she would get along with him as best she could for the sake of her kids. And now, with a grandbaby on the way, it was even more imperative that she take the high road…even if the high road was annoying and bumpy sometimes.

  Still, polite didn’t mean she had the time or inclination for a winding trip down memory lane, so she glanced at her watch.

  “He was a funny, sweet little boy,” she agreed. “But I need to finish up an order so was there anything in particular that you needed to talk to me about?” she asked.

  “Not really. I just wanted to see you.”

  Steph cleared her throat as Cee-cee stared at him, unsure of what to say.

  Nate must’ve realized he’d made it awkward and rushed to continue, “With the baby on the way, I just thought I’d reach out. Maybe clear the air some more, make sure we’re good. There are things I would love to talk to you about…” He trailed off and shot a pointed glance toward a motionless Steph, who gave him the stink-eye. “Anyway, if you ever want to chat, I’m open to it. We could even talk about a baby shower and all. Since Sasha doesn’t really have any family, I’m thinking it will be up to us to make sure she has a special day.”

  Cee-cee just couldn’t stop staring at him. Nate wouldn’t know how to throw a baby shower if it came with a manual, but whatever.

  Nate pulled out a business card and held it out to her. “That’s my new cell number. Give me a call when you want to talk.”

  “Thanks,” Cee-cee said, nodding. She had no intention of actually doing it, of course, but she was ready to say basically anything to get him to leave.

  Nate opened his mouth to speak again, but Stephanie cut in, “Bye, Nate.”

  He nodded, frowning slightly. “It was good to see you, Cee-cee.” With that, he turned heel and left the shop.

  “What a jerk!” Stephanie said, waiting just long enough for him to leave earshot.

  “That hasn’t changed.” Cee-cee stifled a laugh at Stephanie’s uncharacteristic outburst, “but I don’t want to cause any friction, especially not if it’s going to affect our kids. He was right when he said I’d be seeing a lot more of him once the baby was born, and I’d rather that time be comfortable than awkward,” she said as she stuffed the business card into her pocket.

  “Yeah, I get that. Sorry for being a little short with him but he is just blatantly trying to get back in your good graces, and that ship has sailed far, far away,” Stephanie said, rolling her eyes. “Did you see that stupid watch he was trying to show off to you?”

  “Like I ever cared about the money,” Cee-cee said, wiggling her fingers at a middle-aged woman who was just stepping into the shop.

  “What can we do for you today?” Pete asked, stepping up behind the counter.

  “I’m going to go finish up that order,” Cee-cee murmured to him before turning her attention back to her sister. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay and hang out with me and Max?”

  Stephanie shook her head. “I’m feeling a little out of it today. I’m ready to head home.”

  “Do you want any of the meatloaf I made last night? You could run up and grab some from the fridge, I’
m sure Ethan would love it,” Cee-cee suggested.

  “No thanks, we’ll probably get takeout or something.”

  Cee-cee nodded, pulling her sister into a tight hug. “I love you, sister.”

  “You too,” Stephanie said with a nod. “And thanks for everything you’ve been doing for me, and the rest of the family, lately. I know all this isn’t easy on you, either.”

  Cee-cee grinned. “No problem. I’m the big sister, after all.”

  Stephanie waved a quick goodbye to Pete, who was currently boxing up a few cupcakes for the customer, then walked out the door.

  Cee-cee cracked her knuckles as she moved back down the stairs, preparing for the home stretch of her work day.

  The best part?

  She still had half of a chocolate cupcake downstairs with her name on it.

  But as she popped the last bite into her mouth a few minutes later, she couldn’t stop wondering what the heck her ex was up to. Had he just come to talk about the baby and reminisce, like he’d said?

  Or did Nate Burrows want something entirely different from her?

  He was tricky. Tricky, selfish, and stubborn.

  She’d been polite for the sake of her children and her soon-to-be grandchild, but that didn’t mean she had to trust him.

  She made a mental note to keep her guard up and keep an eye on him. She loved her shop, her soon-to-be husband and her nice, little life. Nate Burrows had obliterated her world once. She was dang sure not about to let him anywhere close enough to do it again.

  3

  Sasha

  "Lemon Chiffon or Butter Bliss?"

  Sasha stared at the two paint swatches for a long moment.

  "Lemon Chiffon," she replied finally, trying to tamp down the urge to weep. It had been lingering since she'd brought Gabe lunch at the marina a few hours before and she couldn't seem to shake it.

  She should've known better than to even try.

  It had been two months since Pop had passed and Gabe had found out about the baby.

  Two months since he'd found out about her betrayal.

  Two months since he'd really touched her.

  Sasha blinked back a hot rush of tears and swallowed hard as her boss continued to study the paint swatches laid out in front of her on the conference room table.

  "I don't know. I kinda like the Butter Bliss if we are doing the white, leather couch." Alita turned to face Sasha and her eyes went wide. "Hey, whoa, Sash...we'll just do the lemon one. No big. Great job on the design, seriously. You know me, I always like to double-check and all. I swear, though, no more micromanaging. I'm going to step back and let you finish." She held up both hands and took a giant step away from the table toward the door.

  "It's not that. It's not you at all," Sasha said miserably, swiping at her eyes. "It's only my second solo design, and I want your feedback. You're brilliant. It's just..."

  Alita was a great boss, and, over the past couple of months, had come to be an even better friend. The only one in this whole town Sasha felt like she could open up to. It started out with just a few lunches together, and had grown as surely as Sasha's expanding baby bump.

  At first, she hadn't wanted to impose or make things awkward by talking about personal stuff, but Alita had been so warm, and so helpful, eventually, Sasha had caved. After a while, it had been natural to confide in her friend and trust her with the whole truth; That she'd purposely hidden her pregnancy from her husband until after they were married.

  The shame of it washed over her again, just as hot, just as strong as ever.

  "Honey, you gotta let that go," Alita murmured, taking Sasha's icy hand in her warm one. "It's not good for the little guy if you're feeling stressed. And it's not good for you, either." Alita tugged her to the other side of the conference table and pressed her into one of the leather chairs. "How are you going to convince Gabe to forgive you when you can't even forgive yourself?"

  Sasha covered her mouth with one hand to keep from sobbing as Alita took the seat beside her. "I know you're right, but if you saw the look on his face the night I told him--" She blanched, trying to shove the memory aside, but it was etched in her mind, like a prison tattoo.

  "It's been nearly two months, Sash. What does he say when you talk about it?"

  Sasha cleared her throat and looked away. "We...don't."

  Alita drew back, brows raised. "So, what? You just pretend it never happened?"

  "Not exactly," Sasha said, plucking at a piece of lint on the hem of her sweater. Pretending it never happened would mean things would be like they were, before she'd lied to him. And they definitely weren't.

  It wasn't their first rough patch, of course. The year before, she'd broken off their engagement when he was so wrapped up in his work that their relationship became an afterthought, if it was a thought at all. Being apart had been the wakeup call he needed to fix his priorities and for her to realize that, despite their issues, she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Gabriel Burrows.

  Which was why she'd convinced herself that not telling him she was pregnant before their wedding wasn't as bad as it seemed on paper.

  God, Gabe had looked so stunned when she told him she was afraid he might call off the wedding if he knew.

  The conversation played in her mind for the millionth time.

  "I was afraid that if I told you, I might lose you."

  "What could make you think that, Sasha?” he'd demanded. “When have I ever walked away from you? Hell, when things got hard, you’re the one who walked away!”

  She pinched her eyes shut and groaned. "I just wish I could go back in time and undo it, you know? The worst part of it, when I first told him? Before he knew I had lied?" she let out a low, bitter laugh. "He was happy. Shocked, but happy."

  "And he will be again, my friend," Alita said, squeezing her hand reassuringly. "You’ve just got to keep working at it."

  The rational part of her knew that, but her heart felt so bruised and battered from the daily rejection, the thought of pushing him to talk about it and getting shut down was almost too much to bear.

  "I'm going to press the issue. Soon..." she hedged. "I'm just getting into the groove with my new classes this semester, and between that and working here, and trying to keep the house together, I've been super busy."

  Alita shot her a sympathetic look under her lashes. "I understand, and I'll get off your back. Just promise me you'll think about it. Gabe loves you. I can guarantee he's just as miserable as you are about all this.” Alita rolled her chair back and released Sasha’s hands to stand. “Now, what do you say we finish this up and then bounce out of here a couple minutes early? I drove by your mother-in-law’s cupcake shop and the sign outside said today’s flavor was Toffee Explosion. I want to get there before they close. My treat, and you can bring one home to Gabe for after dinner, too.”

  She wasn’t about to tell Alita that Gabe hadn’t made it home for dinner in weeks, so she nodded. “Sounds great, thanks.”

  For the next half hour, she and Alita sorted through fabrics for curtains and throw pillows, selected end tables, and even found a couple of amazing accent pieces online for their client.

  When all was said and done, she was proud of the work she’d put in, and got a little giddy thinking about what the finished product would look like. Gabe would be so proud when she showed him the pic—

  She cut that thought short. No he wouldn’t, because he would never see them. They didn’t talk like that, or share accomplishments, or laugh and tease. Not anymore. She missed the intimacy, but the loss of her best friend was even worse.

  She took a step back and blew out a breath. Enough was enough. She wasn’t going to be a sad sack all day. There were a lot of great things going on in her life, and she needed to remember that.

  School was stellar, she got to work under one of the best designers in the tri-state area, and soon enough, she’d have her degree. She was pregnant and feeling well…it was just this one thing.

  Pre
tty big thing, a little voice in her head piped up.

  But still, just one thing. So, today, right now, she was going to focus on the positive.

  Her stomach grumbled and she shot her boss a grin.

  “Baby Burrows is really psyched for that cupcake. You ready?”

  And who knew? Maybe tonight, in bed, she’d finally work up the courage to bridge that mile of space between her and her husband and tell him, once again, how sorry she was. How much she loved him, how much she missed him, and wished he would come back to her.

  Maybe.

  4

  Max

  “Hey, kiddo,” Cee-cee called, shooting Max a wave from behind the counter. “I’m almost done here. Just have to close out this register and I’m done. You just missed your sister-in-law, actually. She came in with her boss because, apparently, my grandbaby was craving cupcakes,” she added with a delighted chuckle.

  Max tried to keep her face neutral but it wasn’t easy. Everyone was so happy and excited for Gabe and Sasha, including Max. What her brother had shared with her earlier that afternoon had definitely taken some of the wind out of her sails. She was still looking forward to meeting her niece or nephew, of course, but seeing Gabe so torn up was tough to swallow.

  “Nice,” she said, hoping that was a vague enough response. “Busy today?” she asked, making herself useful by pushing in the chairs around the little, candy-colored tables.

  “Mobbed,” Cee-cee confirmed, tucking a lock of dark hair behind one ear as she stuffed a wad of receipts into a zippered bag. “I’m interviewing another part-timer tomorrow. Luckily, Aunt Stephanie came over to help for a couple hours.”

  “How is she doing?” Max asked, making her way to the glass case and reaching inside for one of the few remaining cupcakes.

  “Some days good, some days not so good,” she replied, stepping out from behind the counter and making her way toward the door.