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Murder, Motherhood, and Miraculous Grace
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Once you start reading this book, you will be gripped by its powerful and, at times, unbelievable story; you will not be able to put it down. I couldn’t. By the time you finish, you will be gripped by the powerful grace of God. It’s a story only God could write.
RUTH GRAHAM
Author of Forgiving My Father, Forgiving Myself: An Invitation to the Miracle of Forgiveness
Deb and Al Moerke wisely built their house and life on the rock of Jesus Christ. If I had known them at the time, I might have expected God to spare them the steady rain, threatening floods, and repeated battering by the winds of tragedy. They were not spared. Their story rocked and inspired me. Murder, Motherhood, and Miraculous Grace is, at its foundation, a story of the undeniable, unexplainable, palpable presence of God who empowers radical obedience and provides miraculous heart-change even when the tragedy remains.
SHAUNA LETELLIER
Author of Remarkable Hope: When Jesus Revived Hope in Disappointed People
Murder, Motherhood, and Miraculous Grace is a shocking story of surrender and redemption that will impact the lives of everyone who reads it. Moerke proves herself to be a master storyteller as she causes the reader to fall in love with little Hannah, which creates an intense roller-coaster ride of emotion throughout the rest of the narrative. Prepare for life disruption because this book is impossible to put down once the front cover is cracked. A must-read for fans of redemptive true-crime memoirs.
DARCIE J. GUDGER
Author of the Guarded Trilogy: Spin, Toss, and Catch
Like a single flickering light in the vast darkness, grace is best seen in the most unexpected places. Debra’s story is not one of preservation, but of perseverance in the midst of unspeakable heartache—a grace that only God can give and a story only God can write.
KYLE IDLEMAN
Senior pastor, Southeast Christian Church; author of Not a fan and Don’t Give Up
A terrific story with surprising twists. You will not be able to put it down. It will both break your heart and mend it as you marvel at the power of love to overcome.
ANN SPANGLER
Author of Women of the Bible
What a powerful story that touched my heart deeply, moved me to tears, and enlarged my understanding of what surrender and God’s amazing grace in action looks like. Murder, Motherhood, and Miraculous Grace is a must-read for foster families, adoptive families, birth families, social workers, judicial workers, or anyone who has endured loss of any kind and desires God to transform their pain into purpose. Thank you, Debra Moerke, for your authentic sharing and for opening yourself up to be a willing vessel to be the hands and feet of Jesus to reflect his love, mercy, forgiveness, and grace.
KATHE WUNNENBERG
Author/speaker; president/founder of Hopelifters Unlimited in Phoenix, Arizona
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Murder, Motherhood, and Miraculous Grace: A True Story
Copyright © 2019 by Debra Moerke. All rights reserved.
Cover photograph by Thom King. Copyright © Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.
Designed by Julie Chen
The author is represented by Ambassador Literary Agency, Nashville, TN.
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ISBN 978-1-4964-3331-2 (hc)
ISBN 978-1-4964-3332-9 (sc)
Build: 2019-08-28 12:06:48 EPUB 3.0
In memory of my sister, Judy,
who not only led me to the Lord,
but was the first to encourage me to write this story.
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12
Contents
Foreword
A Note to the Reader
Prologue
Part One: The New Arrivals Chapter 1: An Easy Yes
Chapter 2: The Home on Goose Egg Road
Chapter 3: Clues
Chapter 4: Inklings of the Past
Chapter 5: The Bridge
Chapter 6: The Parting
Part Two: The Unthinkable Chapter 7: Suspicions
Chapter 8: The Pageant
Chapter 9: The Yellow Phone
Chapter 10: The Battleground
Part Three: The Fallout Chapter 11: The Ultimate Question
Chapter 12: Unexpected Costs
Chapter 13: Sacred Conversations
Chapter 14: The Decision
Chapter 15: Unexpected Standoff
Chapter 16: The Arrival
Chapter 17: The Painted Stone
Chapter 18: The Ruling
Chapter 19: Obstacle Course
Part Four: Going the Distance Chapter 20: A Tender Hello
Chapter 21: The Garage
Chapter 22: The Witness Stand
Chapter 23: New Territories
Chapter 24: Boots and a Badge
Chapter 25: Ticking Time Bomb
Chapter 26: Roots
Chapter 27: Freedom
Chapter 28: The Revelation
Chapter 29: Only God
Interview with Debra Moerke
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
Foreword
THE COVER OF THIS BOOK made my heart stand still. Almost twenty years ago my phone rang in the middle of the night. My only child, a US Naval Academy graduate with an impeccable record, had been arrested for the murder of his wife’s first husband. I experienced the nausea, the inability to carry my own weight, and the disbelief that accompanies shocking, unexpected news. My head spun out of control with fear for my child’s safety and the welfare of his wife and two stepdaughters. Questions about why a good God could allow such a horrific thing to happen, anxiety over how we would pay for his defense and make a living when the news became public, and sorrow for the family of the deceased surrounded me. One thing was certain: Life would never be the same.
There are defining markers in our lives that change everything. A shocking phone call. A baby—by birth or adoption. An incident that requires a demonstration of character. A devastating personal choice that results in incarceration. An unexpected health problem that brings suffering to someone we love. A crisis of faith when God seems to allow evil to triumph. A soul-stirring decision to help someone who has betrayed us. A willingness to forgive the unforgiveable.
Everything comes to a screeching halt and we feel like an outsider—someone living on the edge of reality, but not really being “in” it. Our thoughts
are jumbled and conflicted:
Surely what’s just happened isn’t real.
I will wake up and find out this was just a bad dream.
If this is truly reality, what am I supposed to do about it?
Could I have done anything to stop this bad thing from happening?
Is God asking me to be personally involved?
How will this impact my family?
How will I be judged by other people?
It takes wisdom for us to fully understand what has taken place, what our role needs to be in the situation, and what God is prompting us to do that may be way outside our comfort zone or far removed from our human abilities.
Debra Moerke faced these challenges as she and her husband, Al, opened their home and their hearts to more than one hundred forty children over sixteen years. Believing she understood God’s call on her life, Debra gladly embraced the challenges and pain these wounded children brought with them. Then something unthinkable happened to a precious child they cared for and loved—one they had hoped and prayed to protect.
The mystery of God’s ways seemed too incomprehensible to grasp as gut-wrenching tragedy struck this family so dedicated to sharing God’s love with powerless children. His ways became even more confounding for Debra when God called her to an even deeper obedience—a sacrificial obedience—that on a human level was impossible for her.
Stretched beyond what seemed the limits of her endurance, Debra took one step after another on this new path that required forgiveness, risk, and a reopening of her wounded heart that seemed unimaginable. Her story is not only about facing fears and fighting giants, not only about inconceivable forgiveness, and not only about the miracles that come with surrender, it’s really about what only God can do. Too miraculous to be believed, yet true, the more one reads this story, the bigger God grows.
Throughout my own journey of my son’s life-without-parole sentence, I’m learning that God often reveals his purpose through the rearview mirror of time. Just when I think he’s busy elsewhere and doesn’t see my urgent need, I discover that he’s answering my prayers in a different way than what I wanted or expected. Instead of an eventual end-of-sentence date for my son, God opened doors for ministry to inmates and their families through our nonprofit organization, Speak Up for Hope. Personal pain made me sensitive to the needs of others and more willing to give hands-on love and compassion to the families I’m getting to know in long prison visitation lines. I’m watching my son use his education, leadership, and Christianity to teach and mentor his fellow inmates. I, like Deb Moerke, am experiencing miraculous grace in the middle of harsh circumstances.
If you long to believe in love prevailing against all odds and you’re ready to see God at work in circumstances that seem to deny his very existence, if you desire to witness the power of fierce forgiveness and you’re open to being astonished at what only God can do, keep reading this book. You’ll learn how to watch for God’s light even in the darkest of times.
This book is Deb Moerke’s true story of triumph. As you read Murder, Motherhood, and Miraculous Grace, ask yourself who you can encourage with a copy of this remarkable story. You’ll be pointing people to an eternal perspective that reveals the blessings on the other side of obedience.
Carol Kent
Speaker and author of
When I Lay My Isaac Down
(NavPress)
A Note to the Reader
THE STORY YOU ARE ABOUT to read is true. Rather than relying on my memory alone, I dug into court transcripts and newspaper reports and interviewed a number of the people involved to ensure accuracy to the best of my ability. I am grateful to each person who participated in that process.
I value accuracy, honesty, and transparency, but I also value courtesy, privacy, and safety. That’s why I was determined to find a way to tell my story without violating the privacy of some or putting others at risk of public exposure or danger. After all, this story includes foster children and the Department of Family Services, a murder and a trial, courtroom and prison scenes, and delicate circumstances.
I changed the names and disguised the identities of a number of people in the book as follows:
Every child mentioned in the book has been given a pseudonym, including one of my own children. The others have given me permission to identify them by name.
Every legal professional, every Department of Family Services employee, and every public official, if named at all, has been given a pseudonym.
“Karen,” who played a major role in this story, has been given a pseudonym.
“Karen’s” family, friends, associates, and a number of other individuals related to her have had their names changed as well.
Many people whose real names have been used have granted me permission to do so, for which I am grateful.
For private conversations and events that are not part of the public record, I have recreated them to the best of my ability, and I appreciate those who granted me permission to use their words. In some cases, I have made minor adjustments for the sake of the narrative flow, while preserving the integrity of the original text.
Debra Moerke
Prologue
“MOM, CAN I GO TO THE MALL with Katherine?”
It was a warm June morning, and Courtney’s 2012 summer vacation had just begun. The temperatures were climbing in Casper, Wyoming, but Alcova Lake would still be too frigid for water activities, so the most exciting social place for young teens to gather was at the local mall.
“Katherine’s mom will drop us off . . .”
“And I can pick you up,” I said. Now that Courtney was thirteen I allowed her to window-shop and eat lunch with her friends at the food court, unsupervised.
Later that day as I drove to pick up Courtney and Katherine from the mall, I thought a girls’ night out, with fast food and a movie, would interest my young teenage daughter. We’d had company to entertain the week before, and I thought we deserved a night for just the two of us.
The mall’s parking lot was jam-packed. I maneuvered the car to the main entrance where Courtney and I had agreed to meet. A small crowd of teens clustered near the door. Waving to get Courtney’s attention, I noticed a few new faces looking over and pointing toward me. The kids looked familiar.
And then it hit me. Weren’t they two of the Bower children? My heart skipped a beat. I couldn’t be certain. The last time I’d seen them was almost six years ago in front of our old house. Despite my momentary unease, I kept smiling and signaling to Courtney. She finally found me in the line of cars and climbed into the front passenger seat of our SUV.
“Hi, honey! Did you have fun? Where’s Katherine?” I asked.
“Oh, her mom picked her up a few minutes ago. They were going out to dinner, so she left early.” Courtney’s voice was soft and her demeanor a little too subdued for someone who had just spent a few hours with friends.
“Who were the kids you were talking to?”
“Oh . . . just some kids. Some from school and others who live in Casper somewhere.” She buckled her seat belt and looked straight ahead. Something had happened. Something was said. I sensed it. My mind raced with fear.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m good. A little tired.”
Why isn’t Courtney looking at me?
“I thought we could get a bite to eat and then go to a movie since Dad is working late. Would you like that?” I thought my suggestion might perk her up.
“Yes! That sounds fun. Let’s do it,” she said, sounding more like herself.
After grabbing a burger, we picked a movie we both wanted to see. With popcorn and drinks in hand, we settled into our seats in the back row and waited for the movie to start. Then, out of nowhere, she said, “Mom, what are the names of my biological sisters and brothers?”
This time, my heart skipped two beats.
I knew for certain then. The two teens I had seen with her at the mall were Courtney’s biological siblings, Steven an
d Ally. They had grown up since I’d last seen them, but they looked much the same. Though caught off guard with the question, I answered her with another question. “Are you sure you want to stay at the movie now? We can leave and talk if you want.” Resting my popcorn bag on my lap, I looked directly at her.
She paused for a moment before answering. “No. Let’s talk after the movie.” At that, the lights dimmed, and a preview for an upcoming feature filled the screen.
All through the movie I thought about Courtney’s question and wondered if this would be the night she asked me to tell her the whole story behind her adoption.
She may think she is ready, but am I? I’m not sure I know how to tell her. I spent more time praying than paying attention to the movie.
The crescendo of orchestral music indicated the film had come to an end. The lights brightened, and I followed Courtney into the lobby and out the door of the theater. We said nothing to each other as we walked to the parking lot. Still not saying a word, we got into the car and buckled our seat belts.
“Well, did you like the movie?” I asked as I started the car.
Without warning, Courtney burst into tears. I threw my arms around her. “What’s going on?” I asked as I held her tightly.
“I’m . . . I’m just really . . .” She sobbed, trying to speak.
“Confused?” I finished her sentence.
“Yes.” She wept as if her heart were breaking.
Holding her tight, I whispered, “I think we should go home, get into our jammies, and sit on my bed and talk. What do you think?” I continued to hold her, waiting for her response.
Unable to speak, she nodded as she wiped tears from her eyes. As we headed home, I knew this would be a life-changing night. Was Courtney ready to hear the entire truth? Ready for the answers to all the questions she’d carried in her heart for so many years?