Always Means Forever Read online

  “And you can imagine your life without a son or a daughter of your own?”

  The silence in the room was palpable, heavy and pervasive as the two men sat staring at each other. Darwin didn’t have an answer to his brother’s question and Mecan didn’t know what else there was for him to say.

  There was no denying the albatross hanging like dead weight between them. The cold, intermittent rain that fell from the sky compounded the dark silence on their return trip. The rest of their evening had been uncomfortable at best, everyone trying to pretend that all was well when nothing at all felt right for Darwin and Bridget.

  Their family had turned the tide of all the discussions. They’d talked about the progress Jeneva and Mecan’s son was making, Mecan’s job, Darwin’s new show and his issues with Ava, Ella and the pending lawsuit. They’d talked about the weather, vacation plans, summer trends and other assorted trivia that had nothing to do with anything. Darwin had been grateful for his brother’s quick humor, the teasing and jocularity that had kept them all laughing until it had been time to catch the last ferry. And now it seemed to him that all his issues with Ava were suddenly insignificant.

  As they sat staring out toward the dark night, Darwin reached for Bridget’s hand and held it, entwining his fingers with hers. Once or twice he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her palm, his full lips just barely grazing the soft flesh. Both purposely avoided continuing the discussion that had moved them to this mood and there was no mention of any future dreams that might have involved them both.

  Bridget wanted to ask Darwin what he was thinking and how he was feeling but she was afraid to hear his answers and so she waited, hoping he might volunteer the information. So, when he had nothing at all to say, she found his silence as cutting as if a knife had been plunged deep into her heart.

  Darwin’s emotions were a whirlwind of highs and lows. He’d finally stopped reeling from the fact that his body was failing him in the bedroom and now here he was reeling from the fact that he could see his heart about to be bruised and he didn’t know if he could stop it. He found it difficult to believe that just hours earlier he was imagining the night ending much differently. He’d also imagined a much different future but that suddenly seemed out of sync, as well.

  He watched Bridget from the corner of his eye. He loved to watch her, awed by every delicate feature. Her beauty was timeless. The arch of her eyebrows, the glow in her large eyes, the fullness of her mouth and her round, dimpled cheeks were classically gorgeous.

  He so wanted to tell her that everything would be fine, that nothing would ever come between them, but he was scared, actually frightened that this one issue would be bigger than they would ever be able to handle. He knew that when he did say something he would have to be as honest as he could ever be. She deserved no less from him. This could never be about hoping they could make it, but knowing beyond a single doubt that it would work.

  He kissed her palm again then leaned into her side as she rested her head on his shoulder. They both heaved a sigh at the same time, anxiety blowing out into the damp night air. Darwin tightened his grip on her hand. When the time came for deep conversation he wanted his heart to promise Bridget forever.

  Bridget closed her front door, tossing Darwin one last wave before he got back into his car and pulled out of the parking lot. As she stood staring out into the dark she fought back the rush of tears that threatened to fall like rain from her eyes. After locking the entrance and securing her house for the night, she headed straight up the stairs and into her bedroom, throwing her fully clothed body across the padded mattress.

  Her timing could have been better, she mused, reflecting back on all that had happened that day. But telling Darwin how she felt about children would have been no easier if she’d waited a day, a month or a year. His response would have been the same, maybe even worse if time had found them even more committed to each other.

  Darwin’s reaction had been typical of the many responses she’d experienced over the years. The looks of astonishment and disbelief as if there was something not quite right about any female who didn’t want the responsibilities of motherhood and all that entailed. Bridget had felt the brunt of many an opinion on what was right and wrong for her womb. Although most had been voiced in genuine concern, there had been a few that had just been out-and-out nasty for no apparent reason other than to soothe an evil spirit.

  Even those closest to her had questioned her sanity, pondering whether or not her decisions were founded in selfishness or something else they just couldn’t comprehend. But Bridget had always known that were she to ever walk that path it would be the worst thing she could ever do to herself and any child made to suffer that burden because of her.

  Bridget had much love for her own mother, but had known for most of her existence that the woman who’d given birth to her had no more wanted to be a mother than the man on the moon. Although Bridget knew her mother had loved her, had sacrificed to raise her well, she also knew the woman had done so reluctantly, dismayed by her own resentments.

  Bridget had felt it in the hugs that were few and far between and the looks that were never quite as warm and caring as she would have liked. She’d also seen the difference when Jeneva’s and Roshawn’s mothers had both interacted with their daughters as the girls had grown up, their relationships profoundly different from the one she’d shared with her own mother.

  Although she and her mother had never discussed it outright, Bridget had known instinctively that Bernadette Hinton hadn’t wanted to be anyone’s mother. And the only time the elusive Mrs. Hinton had even ventured an opinion about Bridget’s decision, she’d said to Bridget what she’d wished someone had been able to say to her so many years earlier.

  “Don’t do it if you can’t give it all your heart and soul, girl. It’s not fair to you and it won’t be fair to your baby. And it doesn’t make you a bad person, either. If it’s right, you’ll know it. If it’s not, you’ll know that, too. But trust your heart. Don’t let anyone steer you from what you know deep down to be true.”

  Her mother had kissed her then, pressing her lips to Bridget’s forehead, and Bridget sensed it was the one and only time her mother had honestly believed she was doing right by her daughter.

  Over the years Bridget had come to understand that the life her mother had dreamed for herself was a far cry from the one a night of unprotected sex with Dwight Hinton, the high-school Lothario, had handed her. The time being what it was, Bernadette had lost sight of her options and she’d become the dutiful wife and mother everyone else had expected her to be. Bridget had been adamant that she would never feel betrayed by what others expected of her, oblivious to what she wanted and needed for herself. She would never be as unhappy as her mother because of a decision she could control.

  Bridget sighed, no more tears left for her to cry. She rolled onto her stomach and pressed her face into a pillow. It smelled of morning-fresh scented fabric softener. She wished it smelled of Darwin and the rich scent of the cologne he wore. She peeked at the digital clock on the nightstand. It was almost four o’clock in the early morning. She and Darwin had talked for hours before he brought her home, both wanting the other to understand why they felt the way they did. When he’d finally accepted there would be no changing her mind, Darwin had asked for space, desperate for time and distance to help him resolve the wealth of emotions he was suddenly feeling.

  Bridget had understood, needing her own time to work through the hurt and the inevitable loss she was anticipating. Needing her own space to make sense of it all.

  Chapter 15

  Ava saw the man coming and instinctively knew it wasn’t a coincidence that he was there. Although people from all walks of life showed up at her book signings, police officers in their distinctive blue-and-black uniforms rarely made a point of pushing ahead of the line, cutting boldly in front of those waiting eagerly for her attention. But this officer did, and as Ava met his deep blue gaze, his eyes the color of oc
ean water, she knew that her luck had finally run its course.

  “Ava St. John?”

  “Officer, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

  Ava gave him a demure look, her eyes widening just slightly as she smiled, her mouth parting just enough for her to push her tongue over her lip just a hint. The man was not moved.

  He lifted the folded paper in his hand out toward her. “You’ve been served, Ms. St. John,” he said as she took the document from him.

  She watched as he spun back around on the heels of his highly polished government-issue shoes and exited the building. The crowd gathered watched her intently as she opened the legal record and scanned its contents.

  There was no masking the rush of annoyance that suddenly consumed her, irritation shifting her mood from hot to cold in a heartbeat. She couldn’t believe it and everyone holding a copy of her book in the bookstore that afternoon witnessed her astonishment.

  Ava turned to the store manager standing by her side. The petite Asian woman seemed flustered by Ava’s sudden mood shift.

  “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Go. I have to go, so I’m done here. It’s an emergency.”

  “But you’re supposed to sign for another hour. We have a line,” the other woman uttered, her expression shocked.

  Ava’s gaze shifted from the woman’s face to the line of patrons waiting for her attention. She shook her head. “This can’t be helped. I’m very sorry.”

  “Ms. St. John, this is highly unusual. We can’t just leave these people hanging.”

  Ava was headed in the direction of the door, the store manager right behind her.

  “Ms. St. John!”

  Ava stopped short and spun around quickly, the other woman just inches from running into her.

  “Look,” Ava said between clenched teeth. “I said it was an emergency. Now, I have to go. If you have a problem with it, then sue me. It would seem everyone else is!” Then Ava stormed out of the store and into the Bellevue Square mall, the bookstore’s crowd staring curiously after her.

  Ava could barely see straight as she headed toward the parking deck. When she reached the upper level she handed the valet the requisite ticket to collect her vehicle. As she waited for the young man to return she pulled her cell phone into her hand and dialed. The instrument rang in her ear as she waited for it to be answered on the other end.

  “Bayer, Younger, Gleason and Associates. How may I direct your call?”

  “Joshua Bayer, please.”

  “Please hold the line while I transfer you.”

  Ava rolled her eyes, taking a quick glance over her shoulder to see if anyone was watching her.

  “Mr. Bayer’s office. May I help you?”

  “This is Ava St. John. I need to speak with him now.”

  “Mr. Bayer is—”

  “I said now,” Ava snapped. She could feel the woman on the other end bristle.

  “I’m sorry, Ms. St. John, but Mr. Bayer is in a meeting and—”

  Ava interrupted the woman for a second time. “I’m sorry,” she said, taking a deep inhale of breath. Ava suddenly realized she was being overly rude and rude wasn’t going to get her what she needed. “Please, forgive me. I’m just very upset and I have no reason to take it out on you, but I really do need to speak with Joshua. Please, it’s extremely important.”

  His assistant nodded into the receiver. “I understand. If you’ll hold the line, Ms. St. John, I’ll see if he can take your call.”

  “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

  “Just hold one minute, ma’am.”

  One minute quickly turned into two and then three as Ava stood tapping her foot anxiously. The valet finally returned with her car and Ava didn’t bother to acknowledge him with a small tip as she jumped into the driver’s seat and spun the tires out of the garage. The telephone was still pressed to her ear as she continued to hold on for Joshua Bayer. By the time he answered she’d already run two yellow lights and a red one as she sped in the direction of the man’s office.

  “Ava, what’s wrong?” Joshua queried as he answered the call. “My assistant said you sounded upset.”

  “I’m being sued, Joshua,” Ava shouted just a little too loudly. “A man named Darwin Tolliver is suing me. Can you believe it?”

  “Doesn’t he have that new television cooking show?”

  “That’s him.”

  “And did you do whatever it is he’s alleging you did?”

  “What does it matter, Joshua? I just need you to get me out of this mess.”

  Her attorney chuckled. “Okay, I’m going to put Melanie back on the phone so she can schedule an appointment for you.”

  Ava pulled her car into an empty parking spot and shut down the engine. “Tell her now is as good a time as any, Joshua. I’m downstairs.”

  Ava could almost see his head waving from side to side as he spoke. “I declare, woman!”

  “Joshua, please,” Ava said, her voice dropping to a seductive whisper. “I need you and you promised you’d always be here for me.”

  “Yes, I did, didn’t I?”

  “You did and you have never broken a promise to me.”

  “Ava, you drive me absolutely mad sometimes.”

  “But you still love me, right?”

  Joshua paused, then sighed. “Either that, or I’m as crazy as you are. Come on up. I don’t have much time.”

  The man stood waiting to greet her as she stepped off the elevator onto the twelfth floor. Heads turned as Ava swept ahead of him toward his office, a plush executive suite that only select clientele ever saw the interior of.

  As Ava dropped onto the sofa, she pulled the official complaint from her handbag and dropped it onto the low coffee table.

  “I can’t believe this is happening, Joshua,” she said, angst tinting her words. “This is all Ella’s fault,” she concluded with an obvious pout.

  Closing the office door, Joshua dropped down beside her, leaning to kiss her cheek. He reached for the papers and began to read. The first time he looked up at her, Ava only rolled her eyes. The second time she sucked her teeth and glared. But the third time she fumed.

  “It was not my fault! Why are you looking at me like that?”

  Joshua chuckled. “This isn’t going to be pretty, Ava. Did you really…”

  “Just make it go away!” Ava whined. “It really doesn’t matter if I did it or not!”

  “Actually, it does matter. In this situation, the truth is the only absolute defense you’re going to have. So, I need to know the truth.”

  “The truth is none of this would have happened if Ella wasn’t such a—”

  Joshua interrupted her, his index finger waving in front of her face. “From this moment on, you have no comment and you definitely are not to do any more press for a while. Luckily, I think they want the tabloids more than they want you. We might be able to negotiate our way out but it’ll probably cost you something.”

  “How much something?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll have to meet with his attorney to see if they’re interested in dealing. Of course, you won’t assume any liability for what happened. We don’t want any fault assessed against you, even if you are guilty as sin.”

  “And you think they’ll settle?” Ava rolled her eyes.

  “What I think is that they’re banking on us settling just to make it go away. As far-fetched as their claims may seem, Ava, they might be able to get a judge and a jury on their side. If I remember correctly, you’re not the most popular person with a few of our more illustrious statesmen. Many a government official has a judge or two that he plays golf with on a regular basis and for more reasons than they just like the game. A favor here or a favor there in retaliation for some of the secrets you spilled in your book might make this a very expensive case for you to fight and win.”

  The man paused, rereading the page he’d just reviewed. He read it out loud, disbelief punctuating
each word. “Slander. Interference of contractual relations related to loss of business and clients. Damage to his professional reputation.” The man looked back at Ava. “Was it really necessary for you to go on television and boast about your little tryst with the man? You certainly can’t deny what they have on tape or that you said what you said.”

  Ava rolled her eyes, her growing ire steeped in much attitude.

  Joshua was not amused as he continued. “We could certainly fight it, but in the end you have to decide which is the cheaper route to go.”

  He looked back down to the papers in his lap, flipping them quickly. Then he smiled, a wide grin crossing his face.

  “What?” Ava asked, looking at him curiously.

  “Mr. Tolliver is being represented by the law office of Bridget Hinton.”

  “Do you know her?”

  He nodded. “I do. Very well.” He draped his arm around Ava’s shoulder and gave her a tight squeeze. “Don’t you worry about a thing, Ava, my darling. You don’t have anything at all to be concerned with. I promise to make this go away faster than you can blink. You have my word.”

  Ava smiled. “I do love it when you talk dirty to me!”

  The black man staring back at Darwin was small in stature, barely standing an even five feet tall. His outward appearance with his bow tie, black suspenders and wire-rimmed reading glasses belied his intimidating stare, deep baritone voice and his straight-to-the-point demeanor.

  Dr. Franco Sinclair was asking him hard questions and Darwin suddenly realized he didn’t have any answers. It was becoming more apparent with each passing moment that he really didn’t know what he wanted for his life as well as he’d initially thought. Issues the good doctor was raising had never crossed Darwin’s mind before and things didn’t seem so cut-and-dried anymore.

  Unlike his twin brother, Darwin had been a rebellious child, always doing what he wanted no matter the consequences. There had never been any concrete plans where he was concerned, each new day seen as an adventure he only needed to conquer. Occasionally he was simply oppositional for the sheer pleasure of being contrary. And, with each accomplishment, every goal met, Darwin had become complacent, expecting that no matter what the obstacle, the outcome would always weigh in his favor.