Rabbit Hole Read online

  That was stupid.

  NAT

  “Hey, look at me! I’m a Kennedy! I can catch a ball while flying down a mountain on sticks!” Of course he died. Idiot. And I know that’s a terrible thing to say, but this was a grown man acting like a moron. The arrogance of these people.

  HOWIE

  The Greeks would call that hubris. “Arrogance in the face of ...” It might not technically be hubris actually.

  NAT

  If hubris means reckless, then that’s right.

  HOWIE

  No, it doesn’t mean reckless. It’s more about the gods.

  NAT

  That’s probably the right word then. They’re very Catholic, those Kennedys.

  HOWIE

  Now I’m curious, I’m gonna look it up. (Goes to find dictionary)

  NAT

  (Regarding wine bottle) Fill me up, wouldja Becca?

  (Becca reluctantly refills her glass.)

  Isn’t this nice? Sitting around talking politics? I never do this. It’s a nice change.

  (Becca turns to pour Izzy some wine. Izzy puts her hand over the glass.)

  IZZY

  It’s juice. I’m drinking juice.

  BECCA

  Right, sorry.

  IZZY

  That’s the third time you’ve done that.

  BECCA

  I know, I’m sorry.

  IZZY

  Are you testing me, Becca?

  BECCA

  No, I’m not testing you. It’s just habit. I’m sorry.

  HOWIE

  (With dictionary) Here it is: “hubris, an insolent pride or presumption.”

  NAT

  That’s them all right. Insolent pride.

  HOWIE

  And number two is: “in Greek tragedy, arrogance toward the gods leading to nemesis.”

  IZZY

  It’s like coming to school when we visit you two.

  HOWIE

  Is that right?

  BECCA

  Izzy hated school.

  IZZY

  No, I didn’t. Don’t listen to her, Howie. I liked school. Just because I was lousy at it didn’t mean I hated it.

  BECCA

  Sounds like you and squash, Howie.

  HOWIE

  (To Izzy) She means the game, not the vegetable.

  IZZY

  I knew what she meant.

  NAT

  You know who was cursed? Rose Kennedy. A hundred and four years old. Living through all that death, one after another. She’s the one I feel sorry for.

  (Beat.)

  BECCA

  Anyone want more cake?

  HOWIE

  None for me.

  BECCA

  We should do gifts then.

  IZZY

  Yay! Gifts!

  NAT

  I don’t know how I got on all that Kennedy stuff. What was I talking about before?

  HOWIE

  Aristotle Onassis.

  NAT

  Oh right, that makes sense. What was I saying about him?

  IZZY

  You were saying how he’d get really tipsy and never stop talking.

  NAT

  (Laughs) You bitch. I’m not tipsy. I’m sure I had a very interesting point to make.

  (Becca hands a big present to Izzy.)

  BECCA

  This is from us.

  IZZY

  Wow. Thank you.

  HOWIE

  Happy birthday.

  IZZY

  It’s wrapped so nice. It’s a shame to rip it open.

  NAT

  Becca always makes such nice bows. I don’t have the patience. My fingers are too fat.

  (Izzy unwraps a very tasteful bathroom set.)

  Ohh, look at that.

  BECCA

  It’s more of a practical gift, but I thought you could use it.

  HOWIE

  It’s a bathroom set.

  IZZY

  I see. It’s nice.

  NAT

  Look at the colors. So pretty.

  BECCA

  The gift receipt’s inside if you want a different style.

  NAT

  Why would she want a different style? It’s beautiful. Isn’t it beautiful?

  IZZY

  Is this your way of telling me you don’t like my Three Stooges shower curtain?

  BECCA

  Of course not.

  IZZY

  Okay.

  BECCA

  This is for when you want a change, you’ll have it.

  NAT

  That Three Stooges thing is kinda goofy, honey.

  IZZY

  The word is kitschy, Mother.

  NAT

  Look up kitschy, wouldja Howie? See if it says crap?

  BECCA

  I didn’t know what to get you.

  IZZY

  This is great. Seriously, thank you.

  BECCA

  I like your shower curtain.

  IZZY

  I know, I was kidding.

  NAT

  And since you’re moving in with Auggie—

  IZZY

  That’s right. His bathroom needs a little froofing up. Thank you.

  BECCA

  You’re welcome.

  IZZY

  Thanks, Howie.

  HOWIE

  (Chuckles a little) Don’t thank me. Becca picked it out. (Off Becca’s look) What?

  NAT

  Okay, now me. (Hands Izzy an envelope)

  IZZY

  Oooh, an envelope. Smells like cash.

  NAT

  You wish. You think I’m gonna trust you with cash? It’s a gift certificate.

  IZZY

  (Opens it) To A Pea in the Pod!

  NAT

  They have very nice maternity clothes. Nothing schlubby.

  IZZY

  Thank you, Mommy. (Hugs her)

  (Beat.)

  BECCA

  I thought we weren’t doing baby stuff.

  NAT

  Who said that?

  BECCA

  For the birthday. I thought we’d wait until the shower.

  NAT

  I’ll get her something else for the shower. What’s the difference?

  BECCA

  Nothing, I just would’ve gotten her something different had I known we were doing baby stuff.

  HOWIE

  That’s my fault. I told her to—

  NAT

  It’s not baby stuff, it’s mommy stuff. She’s gonna need clothes.

  BECCA

  I know, that’s why—

  IZZY

  This is perfect, Bec. I needed a bathroom set.

  BECCA

  I know you did, but you need baby stuff more.

  HOWIE

  So take it back. We can take it back.

  IZZY

  Don’t tell her that.

  BECCA

  No, he’s right. I should.

  IZZY

  Becca, please.

  BECCA

  I’ll get you a basket of Mustela lotions instead. They prevent stretch marks.

  (Becca tries to take the bathroom set back. She and Izzy struggle over it for a beat.)

  IZZY

  Becca, let go. I like the bathroom set. You can get the lotions another time.

  (Becca lets go, a little embarrassed.)

  BECCA

  Okay.

  IZZY

  Thank you.

  NAT

  It’s a nice set. I like the colors.

  HOWIE

  More juice, Izzy?

  IZZY

  No, I’m good.

  (They sit in silence for a couple beats.)

  NAT

  So can anyone use those stretch-mark lotions, or just pregnant ladies?

  HOWIE

  Hey, how’s Taz.

  NAT

  He’s good. The vet says he needs to lose some weight though.

  HOWIE

  Really?
/>   NAT

  Yeah, he eats like a trooper.

  HOWIE

  What are you feeding him?

  NAT

  Just regular dog food. Whatever’s on sale.

  HOWIE

  Oh. Because I wrote down the name of what he usually eats on that printout I gave you. Do you still have that printout?

  NAT

  Yeah.

  HOWIE

  We were feeding him Science Diet. They have this special low-fat mix.

  NAT

  Oh that stuff’s so expensive though. He likes what I’ve been giving him.

  HOWIE

  Except it makes him fat.

  BECCA

  Howie—

  NAT

  He’s not fat. He’s just a little chubbier.

  IZZY

  I think the weight suits him.

  NAT

  Maybe he eats too much because he feels punished. That’s what I do.

  (Beat.)

  I think he misses you.

  IZZY

  Remember Pickles? Now she was fat. (To Howie) That was our dog growing up. She was this enormous ... I don’t even know what. (To Becca) What breed was Pickles?

  BECCA

  She was a mutt.

  IZZY

  No, I know, but she was mostly collie I think, with some German shepherd mixed in. Remember how fat she was?

  HOWIE

  Probably because of what you fed her.

  IZZY

  Well, yeah, probably.

  NAT

  Now I remember what it was. What I was gonna say about Aristotle Onassis.

  IZZY

  Mom, do you have to—?

  NAT

  It was about his son, the one who died in the plane crash.

  BECCA

  I’m gonna wrap up the cake for you. (She does)

  NAT

  I know—another rich kid in a plane crash—but this was my whole point. You should’ve stopped me from going off on that Kennedy tangent, because my point was about Onassis, and how when his son died, he was so distraught by the senselessness of it all, that he put up this big reward to anyone who could prove that someone had sabotaged the plane. Have you read this, Howie?

  HOWIE

  I’m not sure.

  NAT

  He just couldn’t accept that what had happened was an accident, so he offered all this money to anyone who could give him a reasonable explanation. He needed someone to blame.

  BECCA

  (To herself, while wrapping the cake) Aw, Jesus. Here we go.

  NAT

  He needed a reason for losing his son. But it didn’t come of course. And it killed him. The grief did. He only lasted a couple years after that. Because he never came to terms with it. There was nothing to give him comfort, and so he died. You see?

  (Becca turns to face her.)

  He would rather his son have been killed by some kind of secret assassination than by bad luck. It’s like the Kennedy curse, isn’t it? People want things to make sense.

  BECCA

  We don’t think Danny died because of a curse, Mom.

  NAT

  Of course not.

  BECCA

  Or because someone sabotaged us, or was out to get us. We know there’s no sensible explanation.

  NAT

  I know you do.

  BECCA

  Then why are you telling this story?

  NAT

  I’m just talking. I can’t talk?

  BECCA

  You never just talk. It sounds like you’re just talking but it’s always so much more, isn’t it.

  NAT

  I don’t even know what that means.

  IZZY

  Hey, here’s an idea, let’s change the subject.

  BECCA

  (To Howie) Didn’t I say no wine?

  HOWIE

  She brought it herself, what was I supposed to do?

  NAT

  What’d I say?

  IZZY

  Mom, you promised.

  NAT

  Promised what? It’s not my fault she missed my point.

  BECCA

  What point? That Aristotle Onassis died of grief because he couldn’t find someone to blame?

  NAT

  I’m not talking about blame, I’m talking about comfort.

  BECCA

  Ohhh, comfort. Well then.

  IZZY

  You guys, this is supposed to be my party.

  NAT

  Where are you getting it?

  BECCA

  Comfort?

  NAT

  Yes, if I may ask.

  BECCA

  I’m not.

  NAT

  Well.

  BECCA

  Well what?

  NAT

  Well I think you should.

  BECCA

  Okay. I’ll get right on that then. See what I can dig up on eBay.

  NAT

  Don’t get flip, Becca. I’m just trying to talk to you.

  IZZY

  I’m gonna clean up, because I think we’re just about done here.

  NAT

  Howie says you won’t go to the support group.

  (Beat.)

  BECCA

  Oh. Howie said.

  HOWIE

  She was asking how you were doing.

  BECCA

  Why didn’t you just say fine? You know she’s gonna run with whatever you give her.

  NAT

  I always thought talk was healthy. Isn’t that what all the books say, Howie?

  BECCA

  So this is what exactly, an intervention?

  IZZY

  If it is, then I’m really pissed.

  HOWIE

  It’s not an intervention.

  NAT

  We’re just having a discussion.

  IZZY

  You couldn’t wait until tomorrow? It had to happen on my birthday?

  HOWIE

  Izzy, please.

  NAT

  I remember when Arthur died, I found the support group very helpful.

  BECCA

  Well that’s you. It isn’t me. And Arthur isn’t Danny.

  NAT

  I’m not saying he is. I’m just saying it was helpful.

  HOWIE

  She doesn’t like the people.

  BECCA

  Howie—

  HOWIE

  What? You don’t. I was just explaining.

  NAT

  What’s wrong with the people? They’ve lost children, too. They understand what you’re going through.

  BECCA

  No they don’t. They understand what they’re going through.

  NAT

  Still, you must have things in common.

  BECCA

  You would think so, Mother, but actually we don’t. Other than that dead kid thing, of course.

  NAT

  It can’t hurt to give it another try, Becca.

  BECCA

  Actually, it can. You haven’t met that room full of God-freaks.

  HOWIE

  They’re not God-freaks.

  BECCA

  Most of them are, Howie. That’s all they talk about. God’s plan. “At least he’s in a better place.”

  HOWIE

  They’re not all like that.

  BECCA

  My favorite is: “God needed another angel.” What is that? He’s God! Why can’t he just make another angel? These people ...

  NAT

  Maybe God gives them comfort.

  BECCA

  Well it pisses me off. Trying to find some ridiculous meaning in—“Hey look, I stepped in shit, it must be part of God’s plan.”

  NAT

  Now you’re just being silly.

  BECCA

  I’m being silly.

  NAT

  Faith helps people cope. What’s wrong with that? I know when your brother died—

  BECCA

  Again with Arthu
r.

  NAT

  If I didn’t have God—

  BECCA

  See? That’s exactly why I don’t go: “If I didn’t have God.”

  HOWIE

  They’re not all like that. Kevin’s not. Gabby’s not like that.

  NAT

  It sounds like you’re jealous of their comfort.

  BECCA

  Yes, I am. Of course I am. How nice they all have something that makes them feel a little better. Like I don’t feel bad enough, I’ve gotta go and have that rubbed in my face?

  HOWIE

  Nobody’s rub—You’re not being fair.

  NAT

  I don’t know why you don’t believe in God anyway.

  BECCA

  (To Howie) You see? Now look where we’re going!

  NAT

  I brought you to church every Sunday. You used to believe in God.

  BECCA

  Well I don’t anymore.

  NAT

  Well you should. What if you’re wrong? What if there is a God?

  BECCA

  Then I would say he’s a sadistic prick.

  IZZY NAT HOWIE

  Whoa, hey now ... Becca, please. Aw, jeez ...