Rabbit Hole Read online

  (Beat.)

  And Auggie told her I was pregnant.

  BECCA

  Why would he—?

  (Stops mid-sentence, then realizes ...)

  Oh my god, Izzy.

  IZZY

  I know, right?

  BECCA

  You are not.

  (Izzy just shrugs “Whadaya gonna do?” Becca is not pleased.)

  Oh my god.

  IZZY

  He’s a really good guy, Bec. You’re gonna like him. He’s a musician.

  BECCA

  (Oozing irony) That’s terrific.

  IZZY

  No, not like you think. He gets work. He’s a working musician.

  BECCA

  Is that why you’re here? To tell me you’re pregnant?

  IZZY

  Pretty much.

  BECCA

  I knew something was up. You’re not one to pop by on a Saturday afternoon.

  IZZY

  I pop by.

  BECCA

  How long have you known?

  IZZY

  A few weeks.

  BECCA

  And you’re just telling me now?

  IZZY

  Well Jesus, Bec . . .

  BECCA

  What? You didn’t wanna tell me?

  IZZY

  No.

  BECCA

  Why not?

  IZZY

  Why do you think?

  (Beat.)

  God, everything’s so fucked-up.

  BECCA

  Does Mom know?

  IZZY

  Yeah.

  BECCA

  You told Mom before me?

  IZZY

  I had to.

  BECCA

  Oh my god, Izzy.

  IZZY

  Stop saying that.

  BECCA

  What are you gonna do?

  IZZY

  Well I’m gonna keep it, if that’s what you’re asking.

  (Beat.)

  Auggie wants to, too. We’re excited about it. This is exactly the kind of thing that gives a person clarity.

  (Beat.)

  BECCA

  Izzy ...

  IZZY

  Look, I’m sure this is really hard for you, for a bunch of reasons, but can I just say ...? I don’t need any advice right now. Or any lectures or whatever it is you’re composing inside your head at the moment. I just need you to pretend to be happy for me. Okay? Even if you don’t feel that right now. I’d like you to pretend that you do. All right?

  (Pause.)

  BECCA

  Well ... of course I’m happy for you. I was just taken aback. If you think a baby is gonna ... fulfill you, or give you clarity or whatever, then, obviously it’s a wonderful thing. I am happy for you. I don’t need to pretend. Jesus, Izzy, gimme some credit.

  (Izzy hugs her sister.)

  IZZY

  Thank you.

  (Silence. Becca looks at the stacks of folded kids clothes.)

  BECCA

  Well I should probably hold off on this then.

  IZZY

  What do you mean?

  BECCA

  I’m washing all these clothes to give to Goodwill. I might as well save them for you. In case you have a boy. No sense in my giving these away.

  (Izzy looks from Becca to the clothes. Piles of little pants and shirts and balled-up socks. They’re all clothes a four year old might wear. Izzy looks uneasy.)

  IZZY

  I don’t know, Bec. They’re in baby clothes for so long, it’d be a few years before he could even fit into this stuff.

  BECCA

  It comes up very quickly. You wouldn’t even believe it.

  IZZY

  Plus we don’t have a lot of room to ...

  BECCA

  That’s okay. I’ll keep them here. In the basement. You’ll be happy I saved them.

  IZZY

  But what if it’s a girl?

  BECCA

  Then I’ll bring them down to Goodwill. What’s the big deal? You’re gonna thank me. A couple years worth of free clothes here. Think of the money you’re gonna save.

  IZZY

  It’s not about the money.

  BECCA

  Well it should be. You need to start thinking about stuff like that, Iz. Especially if the dad’s a musician. It costs a lot to raise a child.

  IZZY

  It’d be weird, that’s all. If it’s a boy. To see him running around in Danny’s clothes.

  (Beat.)

  I would feel weird. You would, too, I think.

  (Beat.)

  I’m sorry.

  BECCA

  No, I’m sorry. Of course it’d be weird. I don’t know what I was—

  IZZY

  It was a nice offer. I just—

  BECCA

  You’ll get a lot of clothes anyway. Christmas and birthdays. You won’t have to worry about that.

  IZZY

  No I know but—

  BECCA

  It would be one thing if they were hand-me-downs but—

  IZZY

  Exactly.

  (Pause. Becca goes back to folding.)

  BECCA

  It’s probably a girl anyway.

  IZZY

  You think?

  BECCA

  I’m definitely getting a girl vibe. I’m a little psychic about this stuff.

  IZZY

  Oh yeah?

  BECCA

  Remember I said Debbie was having a girl.

  IZZY

  You did.

  BECCA

  And Karen?

  IZZY

  Karen too, I remember.

  BECCA

  I think there’s a girl in there.

  IZZY

  I hope there is. That’s what I want. I mean, either way, so long as it’s healthy obviously, but if I had to pick, I hope it’s a girl.

  BECCA

  Me, too.

  (Beat.)

  What’d Mom say?

  IZZY

  She was happy.

  (Beat.)

  BECCA

  Really?

  IZZY

  I know. I thought she’d lay into me but ...

  BECCA

  Huh.

  (Becca clears Izzy’s crème caramel plate, and brings it to the sink.)

  IZZY

  Thanks for the crème caramel.

  BECCA

  Sure.

  (Beat.)

  IZZY

  I’m sorry, Bec. If this is hard. I know the timing really sucks.

  BECCA

  Hey. What can ya do?

  (Beat.)

  I’m glad you told me.

  (Beat.)

  And I’m really happy for you.

  (The lights fade.)

  SCENE TWO

  Becca and Howie’s living room, later that night. Dessert has moved in here. They’re finishing up their crème caramels, chatting.

  BECCA

  Ridiculous, right? Nine weeks pregnant. In a bar. Drinking.

  HOWIE

  You said she wasn’t drinking.

  BECCA

  No, she said. But you know Izzy. Plus the place was probably clogged with cigarette smoke.

  HOWIE

  Not anymore. Clean Indoor Air Act.

  BECCA

  She was in Yonkers. You think they enforce that in Yonkers?

  HOWIE

  I wouldn’t worry about it. If the babies in France turn out okay, I’m sure this one’ll be fine, too.

  BECCA

  You think this is funny, Howie?

  HOWIE

  Of course not. But you need to relax about it. Izzy could be right.

  BECCA

  About what?

  HOWIE

  The baby getting her on track. It can wake a person up. It did us.

  BECCA

  She was bragging about a bar fight.

  HOWIE

  It wasn’t a bar fight.

  BECCA

/>   They were in a bar. Fighting.

  HOWIE

  Izzy hit someone, she didn’t get into a fight. Blows were never exchanged.

  BECCA

  What is your point? It’s okay for a pregnant woman to be punching people?

  HOWIE

  Well so long as they don’t punch her back, it’s probably all right.

  BECCA

  What are you—? Why are you defending her?

  HOWIE

  I’m not. I just think it’s silly to get worked up about it.

  BECCA

  I’m not worked up. I’m just saying.

  HOWIE

  You’re right, it’s a mess, but what can we do? Maybe it’ll be fine. Izzy’s not a moron. (Off her look) Okay, she acts like one sometimes but ... A baby can be good for a person.

  BECCA

  I know that, Howie.

  HOWIE

  All right then.

  (Beat.)

  This was good. The crème caramel.

  BECCA

  Thank you. Izzy tried to eat one upside down.

  (Becca clears the crème caramel dishes. She brings them into the kitchen.)

  HOWIE

  You want more wine?

  BECCA

  (From the kitchen) No, I’ve had two already.

  HOWIE

  Half a glass, I wanna empty this bottle.

  (He empties the rest into her glass.)

  BECCA

  Mom’s thrilled by the way.

  HOWIE

  She called?

  BECCA

  Izzy must’ve told her I knew.

  HOWIE

  And how was that?

  BECCA

  What, two hours on the phone with Mom?

  (Howie lowers the lights in the room as Becca reenters.)

  What are you doing?

  HOWIE

  My eyes are sore, staring at that computer all day.

  (Becca settles onto the couch with her wine.)

  BECCA

  You think this means she wants baby stuff? For her birthday? Maternity clothes or something?

  HOWIE

  (Joins her on the couch) No, wait for the baby shower. Just get whatever you were gonna get her.

  BECCA

  Good, because I was gonna buy her a bathroom set.

  HOWIE

  A what?

  BECCA

  A bathroom set. Shower curtain, bath mat ... a little skirt for the sink. They sell them as sets.

  HOWIE

  This is for Izzy’s birthday?

  BECCA

  The last time I was over there, you should’ve seen her bathroom. It looked like a frat boy decorated.

  HOWIE

  Huh.

  BECCA

  What?

  HOWIE

  It just seems like a funny gift. A bath mat.

  BECCA

  It’s the whole set, Howie.

  HOWIE

  No, I know. Still.

  BECCA

  I thought it’d be nice.

  HOWIE

  It is nice. But maybe she’d rather have perfume or something.

  BECCA

  Izzy doesn’t wear perfume.

  HOWIE

  No, I know, but—

  BECCA

  I was trying to be practical.

  HOWIE

  Okay.

  BECCA

  It’s a good gift. I’d like it if someone gave it to me.

  HOWIE

  I’ll make note of that for Christmas.

  BECCA

  You think it’s dumb.

  HOWIE

  No, get her the sink skirt, the set-thingy whatever.

  BECCA

  Bathroom set.

  HOWIE

  Get her that if you think she’ll like it.

  BECCA

  I’m gonna.

  HOWIE

  Great. She’ll love it.

  BECCA

  You should’ve just said that to begin with.

  HOWIE

  Yeah, I know. Now.

  (Howie looks at her and smiles. She smiles back. A moment passes between them.)

  BECCA

  How was squash?

  HOWIE

  Good. I lost but it was good.

  BECCA

  How’s Rick?

  HOWIE

  Rick’s fine.

  BECCA

  And Debbie?

  HOWIE

  Debbie wasn’t there.

  BECCA

  I know, but did Rick mention her?

  HOWIE

  Not really. I guess she took the kids to her mother’s this weekend.

  BECCA

  Rick didn’t wanna go?

  HOWIE

  He has work.

  BECCA

  How are the kids?

  HOWIE

  Fine, I guess. He said that Robbie’s doing T-ball now, and Emily has mastered the plié.

  (Beat.)

  Anything else?

  BECCA

  No, that’s it.

  HOWIE

  You can call her, you know. You can call Debbie and ask her these questions yourself.

  BECCA

  I don’t wanna call her. She should call me.

  HOWIE

  Okay.

  BECCA

  Why can’t she call me?

  HOWIE

  I don’t know.

  BECCA

  No?

  HOWIE

  She’s uncomfortable, Bec.

  BECCA

  Is that what Rick said?

  HOWIE

  Rick didn’t say anything. But obviously if she hasn’t called you it’s because she doesn’t know what to say.

  BECCA

  How about, “Hey, Becca, how you doing? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

  HOWIE

  If you’re pissed, you should call her and tell her.

  BECCA

  No, Howie, it’s her job to call me.

  HOWIE

  Okay.

  BECCA

  I would’ve been there for her if god forbid something had ever happened to Robbie or Em. I wouldn’t have vanished the way she did.

  HOWIE

  People get weird, you know that. It’s probably hard for her.

  BECCA

  Hard for her?

  HOWIE

  I’m just saying. Look at my brother. Spent the whole funeral talking about the Mets. Obviously he couldn’t deal. He’d talk about anything but Danny. And that’s my brother.

  BECCA

  Yeah, well, your brother’s an asshole.

  (Beat.)

  I should drop her a note.

  HOWIE

  Maybe you should.

  BECCA

  “Dear Debbie—just so’s ya know, accidents aren’t contagious.”

  HOWIE

  Okay, let it go.

  BECCA

  Let what go?

  HOWIE

  Whatever’s making you tense. You should try to relax a little.

  BECCA

  I am relaxed.

  HOWIE

  We’ll see.

  (Howie grabs a remote and clicks on the stereo. Al Green’s “Livin’ for You” plays quietly.)

  BECCA

  Oh jeez, Howie.

  HOWIE

  What? It’s chill music. You need it. Now turn around.

  BECCA

  For what?

  HOWIE

  Just face that way.

  (She does. He moves in to massage her shoulders.)

  Thank you.

  (Massages her) See? Your shoulders are all knotted-up.

  BECCA

  Yeah, well ...

  HOWIE

  Forget about Debbie and Izzy and whoever else is bugging you.

  BECCA

  She has no idea, by the way. Izzy. No idea what she’s getting into.

  HOWIE

  (Massaging her) I know.

  BECCA

  Do you remember how exhausted we were? Th
e feedings at all hours. The sleep deprivation. Do you think Izzy’s ready for that? The utter torture of it all?

  HOWIE

  Enough about Izzy.

  BECCA

  I’m sorry. But she’s a sleeper. Izzy needs sleep more than other people. You talk about wake-up call or whatever you were saying, well she’s gonna get one, big time.

  (Howie continues to massage her. Becca seems to warm up to it.)

  HOWIE

  Maybe we should go somewhere. A cruise or something. You need to be pampered.

  BECCA

  You’ve taken off enough time as it is.

  HOWIE

  I’ll talk to Alan. What’s another week? I can handle most of my accounts from out of town anyway.