Dark Screams, Volume 3 Read online

  But no. I refrain because I am better than he is. I refrain because I can’t show her violence in order to save her from violence. I will win her in other ways. Softer ways. Safer ways.

  I followed her yesterday. All day. I left Sybil with her cartoons and followed Stacey and her friends into town. They went to the mall, which was good because I can blend in easily in the mall. She won’t notice me. I’m not ready for her to notice me yet. Everything has to be perfect before that happens.

  But that doesn’t mean I can’t see her. That I can’t fill my days with her. That I can’t prepare myself for her. I have to know everything about her, everything she likes, everything she needs. For instance, I know what deodorant she wears. Secret. But not just any Secret. The baby-powder-fresh Secret. It’s her favorite. And her tampons are Tampax Pearls. And her shampoo is Herbal Essences. Tropical blossom scented. She also uses Paul Mitchell products for straightening and making her hair glossier. Not that she needs it. Her hair would be perfect just the way it is. Natural. Free. Beautiful.

  I like to think that she does it all for me. That she’s preparing herself for me just as I am preparing myself for her. When I watch her bending her head and sharing giggling secrets with her girlfriends, I imagine her sharing secrets about me. That she would see how wonderful I can be when it comes to her. That I would perform perfectly for her. That I have worked relentlessly for that perfection and that moment when at last we will be there for each other.

  I went to every store she went to, went to the same movie she went to. Ate in the same food court. I even had the same thing to eat that she did. I have to. It’s the only way I can truly know her. Know what it’s like to be her. And I pulled it off successfully. She never once knew I was there. Again, it was perfect. I couldn’t hope for anything better.

  I came home and Sybil was asleep in front of the TV. I woke her up, fed her some mac and cheese, then gave her a bath.

  Sybil was the only wrinkle in my plans so far. When Stacey finally came over, I needed Sybil to be somewhere else. She was a good kid and I didn’t mind her company on most occasions, but when Stacey and I finally came together I wanted complete privacy. I wanted nothing to get in our way. So I would have to come up with something for Sybil to do.

  I had gotten a job for after school, but it didn’t work out. It was cutting into my time with Stacey and my boss was a total douche. With his greasy comb-over and rampant acne, he’d had a lot to compensate for and apparently he figured treating those underneath him badly was the way to making himself feel less like the loser he was. But I had worked just long enough to earn some money. I figured it was enough to pay for a babysitter for one afternoon. I was working on finding one. As soon as I had one lined up…then I would be ready.

  Then I could show Stacey just how much I love her.

  Chapter Two

  When the day finally came it was beautifully dark and dreary. It had to be. People did not go out in the rain if they can at all avoid it. And when they did they kept their heads down. They focused only on getting to the next dry place they were going to and not on anything else. As much as I would have liked to take Stacey in the sunlight, to see it on her shining hair and her blushed cheeks, she would be more likely to come to me on a day where the rain kept her from doing other things.

  The trick of it, though, was getting her alone so we could talk, so I could invite her to come with me to my house. Because I knew all too well what her knee-jerk response would be if I approached her in front of Terrence or her girlfriends. I did not want their influence on the situation in the slightest.

  In the end she made it easy for me, which convinced me that she had simply been waiting for me to make the first move all along. Her ruse was sweet but easily seen through. She was at her locker, which was close to mine, and she was angrily shoving things into it, her big blue eyes filling with tears. Everyone else had gone to class already, the halls nearly empty, and I had lingered because Stacey had lingered. I approached her carefully, not wanting to spook her or associate myself with her anger and frustration.

  “Hey, Stacey. Is…are you all right?” I asked, making sure I had just the right level of compassion in my voice. Not too much. Not too little. Just right. Like she was Goldilocks and I was one of the three bears.

  “It’s nothing. Go away, Chuckie.”

  I always hated that nickname, but I didn’t mind it so much when she said it. Besides, it would be rude to correct her. I didn’t want her to think I was passing judgment on her.

  “Maybe I can help?” I said gently.

  “Not unless you can magically change an F to an A,” she snapped. “Stupid Mr. Carson and his stupid fucking tests. And tomorrow is midterms and I know I’m going to fail it. He’s not fair. He always puts in trick questions or things he didn’t even go over in class.”

  “I know what you mean,” I sympathized. “I have him for third period.”

  She stopped abusing the things in her locker and looked at me. I could see the first spark of interest in her eyes, the first sign that she was beginning to see me…truly see me. And I had always known that the minute she saw me, she would begin to love me. It couldn’t be any other way.

  “What did you get on his last test?”

  “An A,” I said, humbling my tone. But then I brightened. “I can help you, you know. Help you study. There’s a trick to it. I can predict what is going to be on his tests. It’s real easy once you figure it out.”

  Her interest was growing by leaps and bounds right before my eyes. She was beginning to adore me, and the knowledge of it, of her reciprocating my feelings at last, had me flying high. This, I imagined, must be what it was like to smoke that poison my mother was so enamored with. It had to be. Otherwise, why else would she want it so badly? But who needs drugs when they have Stacey?

  “You can? It is? You would do that, Charlie?”

  Charlie. She called me Charlie! Not Chuckie. Not Chuck the fuck. Not any of the stuff Terrence had called me in front of her. She had used my real name!

  “Why don’t you come over to my house after school today and we can study? I promise you, if you do you won’t fail the test.”

  She smiled for me. It was a soft, gentle thing. Her pretty bow lips turning up at the corners. It reached her eyes, making the blue sparkle. I would never forget that smile because it was mine. All mine and no one else’s.

  “All right. Can I bring Lisa? She’s having trouble, too.”

  “No!” At her startled expression I calmed myself and forced myself to speak more softly. “You’ll get the most out of it if we do this one-on-one. Also, my mother won’t allow me to have too many people over.”

  I hated to lie to her, but it was necessary. My mother couldn’t care less about who I had over. She couldn’t care less, period.

  “All right. What time?”

  “Right after. You can meet me there.”

  I didn’t want to be seen walking with her, as much as I wanted to enjoy every possible moment with her. It made for too many variables. Too many opportunities for someone to see us and for something to go wrong. Like Terrence. What if Terrence saw us together before I had the chance to make her see just how special our love could be? It would ruin everything. I had waited much too long for this to ruin it now with a simple mistake.

  “Where do you live?”

  I gave her the address, struggling with myself the entire time to keep my elation under wraps. Every word she uttered, every syllable, brought her closer to me. The feeling was glorious and almost impossible to contain. To my utter surprise, I got an erection, my body turning hard with excitement and anticipation. I had a textbook in one hand and discreetly lowered it, trying to be casual as I hid the reaction from her. Oh, she would know my passion for her, but not right then. Not in the middle of the dreary beige halls of this miserable school. No, she and I would meet in a far more idyllic place and then she would be shown my deepest desires for her. Then I would expose my reactions to her freely, baring
myself to her, letting her see everything.

  “Well, I’ll see you later, then,” she said, tucking a strand of that glorious golden hair behind the delicate shell of her ear. “Oh, and Chuckie, don’t go telling everyone about this. I…I just don’t want people to know.”

  Of course. She was afraid they would see her failure as a weakness. She was afraid to feel their judgment of her. I could understand why. I knew what it felt like to be judged like that and found wanting in the eyes of those who didn’t deserve the right to criticize others. They had elevated themselves to the position based on looks and popularity. Hardly good cause or entitlement to pass judgment on others.

  “I understand,” I said, forgiving her for calling me Chuckie again. It was a habit I would need to break her of. But I would do so lovingly. She would respond to my tenderness more than she would any irritation I might feel, and that made it easy to let go of. “See you later.”

  It was hard, but I turned and walked away from her, leaving her behind me. I felt true venom toward the school day, what remained of it, and the fact that it stood in the way of my much-longed-for and anticipated moment of having Stacey alone at last.

  In fact, I skipped my last class altogether, sneaking out of the school and hurrying home so I could prepare for her arrival. I made a pitcher of sweet tea with ice in case she got parched. I made certain everything was in place. I lit candles in my bedroom. The candles were key. They would relax her, make her feel comforted. She might not recognize it at first, but eventually she would come to realize it.

  The afternoon would be perfect. My mother worked from two in the afternoon to ten at night, so that would give me plenty of time with her. I had arranged it so that Sybil would be picked up from school by the babysitter, and that would leave me with completely uninterrupted time with Stacey. I was straightening the covers of my bed for one last time when the doorbell finally rang.

  She was standing on my porch, shivering slightly from the rain. I was so stunned to see her there. Yes, I was expecting her, but the actual sight of her on my porch, about to walk into my house…it was breathtaking. My heart was pounding in my chest and it was all I could do to keep breathing normally. I wasn’t going to do anything to spook her.

  “Are you going to let me in?” she asked, sounding irritated.

  “Yeah. Of course,” I said, opening the creaky screen door for her. She came in, her warm body brushing against mine as she passed by me. It didn’t matter that she was wet from the rain. That made it even better, in my opinion. She looked wet and vulnerable, open to all I had to offer her in the way of comfort. “Take your coat off. I’ll hang it up for you.”

  Manners. I would remember all of my best manners. She deserved the best of them. It would all work toward my ultimate goal.

  “Would you like some sweet tea?” I asked her.

  “Sure. That’d be nice.” She smiled at me. At me! A smile meant just for me. It had to be, since I was the only one there. I could claim it for my own. And it was a stunning smile. White and brilliant, reaching into her eyes until the blue sparkled like starlight.

  I knew it. All along. I knew she felt for me the same way I felt for her. There was no denying it now. No one could tell us any differently.

  “I like sweet tea,” she said, smiling again.

  Oh, we had so much in common. I love sweet tea as well. And I was certain there would be more. More things we both enjoyed. After all, my favorite thing in the world was her, and no doubt she meant a lot to herself so…in a way we both made her a number-one priority.

  I ushered her into the house, bypassing the living room and heading straight for my bedroom. True, we had the entire house to ourselves, but I was not going to settle us in the living room, making it harder for me to coax her into the bedroom later on.

  She hesitated on the threshold, and I didn’t blame her for it. It was a big moment for us. A true turning point. I had to catch my breath as well. But eventually she went in and dropped her backpack to the floor with a loud thud. It was insane, the weight of the books we had to carry from class to class. Perhaps I should have walked home with her after all. Offered to carry her books for her. Yes. That would have been the right thing to do. I regretted my thoughtlessness as I headed to the kitchen and poured us our beverages. I returned to her, handed her her glass, and sat down on the bed next to her. My excitement had me completely on edge, my heart racing, pounding so hard in my chest I don’t know why she couldn’t hear it. Like the Telltale Heart, she should hear the beating of it, giving me away.

  “So what’s the trick?” she asked, reaching into her backpack and pulling out our textbook for the class in question. “How do I pass the test?”

  “I love you, Stacey Wheeler,” I blurted out before I could stop myself. Oh, but it was time. It was time she knew how I felt. Time we admitted to each other what our true feelings were. One of us had to make the first move. One of us had to put themselves out there first. I had done it and was standing there raw and naked in front of her, holding my breath and waiting for her response.

  She leapt to her feet, her book dumping off her lap and her eyes going wide. So wide. Like blue china plates. It made her look ingenuous. Sweet.

  Now, I thought. Now was the moment I had been waiting for.

  “Wh-what did you say?” she asked, her hand going out as if to fend me off. “Is this a joke or something?”

  “It’s not a joke,” I insisted. “I’m dead serious. Look at my face and see how serious I am,” I said, putting down my glass and stepping closer to her. Inexplicably, she backed up, the tea in her glass sloshing over onto her fingers and dripping down onto the carpet. She hastened to put her glass down as well, but backed away to do it.

  “I-I just came here to study,” she demurred. I could see the blush upon her cheek. She was fighting her feelings for me. Trying not to seem too eager. After all, she didn’t want to seem too eager. It would not be very ladylike.

  “I know. And we will get to work soon. But you have to admit to your feelings for me first. I know you feel the same.”

  “I’m with Terrence!” she exclaimed. “I don’t even know you except when I see you at your locker!”

  “But that can change. You can get to know me now. That’s really why you’re here, isn’t it?” I said, calling her out on the truth of things.

  “No! I came here to study. Chuckie, I just don’t feel—”

  “Charles!” I bit out, tension coiling through my body. Why didn’t she just admit to her true feelings? Why did she have to play these games? “Call me Charles or Charlie. Not Chuckie.”

  “I-I’m sorry, Charles, but…but I just don’t feel that way about you.”

  I laughed, a short, sallow sort of laugh. I didn’t understand why she persisted in this denial. It would be so much easier if she just admitted that she had feelings for me.

  “That isn’t true. You…you just aren’t seeing things clearly. You don’t know how dedicated to you I am. I mean, I know everything about you! I know you like to shop at Hot Topic, I-I know you like strawberry ice cream. I know you saw Thunder Road at the movies last week, and afterward you bought a mocha latte at Starbucks.”

  “Oh my God, have you been following me?” Her voice pitched high, and it grated on my already taut nerves. She had no right to act appalled. No right to sit there and pretend she hadn’t wanted my total devotion to her all along. She had smiled at me on more than one occasion. When Terrence and his friends had picked on me, she had come to my defense. She cared. I know she cared!

  “That isn’t the point,” I said to her. “The point is that I love you. I am completely devoted to you. I will give you anything and everything you could possibly want. What’s so wrong about that?”

  “What’s wrong is that I don’t feel that way about you. What’s wrong is that you’ve completely creeped me out! I’m leaving,” she said, grabbing her book and shoving it into her bookbag. The whole time she kept a wary eye on me, as if I were something to be af
raid of. She stood up, hefting her backpack onto one of her shoulders.

  “Here, let me hold that for you,” I said, reaching for the bag.

  She smacked my hand away.

  She actually hit my hand. I couldn’t believe it. After all I had done for her, she repays me like this? Her lack of appreciation floored me. Angered me. In fact, I had never known such a consuming, beautiful anger before. It felt good, just as good as my love for her felt. I didn’t have time to be scared by that fact. She was trying to move past me and to the door that was behind me. I grabbed her arm and shoved her back in front of me.

  “No! You’re not leaving here until you admit you feel the same way about me as I do for you!”

  “I’m not going to do that! I’m not going to lie just to make you feel better! Now let me out of here, Chuckie,” she sneered at me.

  I don’t really know what happened next. The next thing I was aware of was that she was down on the floor in front of me, touching a shaking hand to her bloodied lip. I had hit her. Somehow, in some way, I had hit her.

  And it felt good. Like that anger that was beautiful and blinding in its power, it felt good.

  Chapter Three

  She was crying, but I was not moved by it. I reached out and sank my fingers into that glossy blond hair and then made a tight fist, twisting until she cried out and tried to claw at my hands and free herself. But I wasn’t letting go. No matter what. Her hair felt so good and I had dreamed of touching it so many times…and it totally lived up to all expectations. It was sleek and soft and glorious.

  I took several steps to the side and dragged her across the floor to my bed. It was a full-size bed, a twin being too small for me since I’d shot up in height. It was perfect for two.

  She began to kick out violently, which really gave me permission to be just as violent. She was significantly smaller than I was, so I restrained myself for the moment. But it was easy to haul her up and throw her down onto the bed.