The Man I'll Marry Read online

  “Good,” Alexis said, sounding happy, and hopefully she was, because Todd kind of put her in a situation.

  “Are you sure it’s okay?” I asked, hoping that Alexis still sounded like her bubbly self.

  “God, yes. Like I said, Mom’s driving me nuts, and…”

  “I doubt my mom will let you two stay in the same room together,” I finished, and paused to see If Alexis would lose it.

  “Well, I didn’t think she would. Besides, at least we could be roomies again, right?”

  I smiled. That would be such a great thing. “Yes, that would be perfect.”

  Todd cleared his throat. “I’m still here.”

  Alexis laughed, and I could just picture her looking into Todd’s eyes. “And I love you, baby.”

  “I love you, too, sweetums.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’ll talk to my mom; then call you guys later.”

  “Later!” Alexis called out, and then disconnected the phone.

  Payton

  “So, you saw her?” I asked, feeling stupid, because duh, I already knew the answer to that.

  “Yeah,” Mitch replied, and leaned back in his chair, ignoring my previous question. “So, Patti, she seems nice.”

  I snorted. “Yeah.”

  “You going to go after her?”

  I looked at Mitch and shook my head. “What’s the point?”

  Mitch nodded. “She really did seem like she was telling the truth.”

  I smiled. “Who Patti or Keri?”

  Mitch laughed. “Keri. And, Patti, really. Are you a fucker, or?”

  I leaned forward and swatted Mitch’s shoulder. “I’ve missed you, bro.”

  “Yeah, you, too,” Mitch said, and then sighed. “Dad does, too.”

  I nodded. “I suppose I should come over and help.”

  “That would be good. Dad could really use the help, and Mom… well, she really could use a stress relief.”

  “I feel like such an asshole for leaving and for her and dad getting into it. I’ve never seen them fight.”

  Mitch sighed. “Yeah, it’s been bad over there.”

  “How’d she look?” I asked, knowing that no matter what he told me about her, I’d hate the answer.

  “Looks or?”

  “I know she looks good, but…”

  “She threw up on her shoes when I told her about Patti.”

  My eyes widened, and I felt as if I’d hit Mitch right between the eyes. “Why the hell did you tell her about Patti?”

  “She wanted to know why you haven’t talked to her, or why there’s still half a tree fort in our yard… What the hell did you want me to say to her? Did you want me to tell her it was an accident? That you didn’t get drunk and try to off yourself?”

  I flinched. I knew my family was still pissed about the fire, but I had no idea that they’d still be like this. “I didn’t try to kill myself. I told you that.”

  “You almost died,” Mitch said, swallowing. “You’re lucky I was still up or…”

  I nodded, feeling like shit. “I know.”

  “Listen, I don’t want to think about that shit anymore, I just know you can’t go through that again. If you like this girl, then talk to her, but don’t do it if you don’t think you can handle it. We don’t need this, Payton.”

  I knew what he was saying, and I didn’t know what promises I could make. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “If you don’t, then maybe you should just let her go.”

  I swallowed. The thought of never seeing Keri again made me physically ill. “I don’t…”

  “It’ll kill Mom if you do something stupid again,” Mitch said, and that sobered me.

  I nodded. “Then I guess I won’t.”

  Mitch took a deep breath and stood, and I joined him. “Mom’s making your favorite meal tonight. I told her I was going to bring you home. You want me to pick you up after work, or do you think you can make it on your own?”

  I laughed gruffly. “Do you think they’ll be okay with me coming?”

  Mitch took a deep breath and tried not to let the emotions get to him. “They’ll be more than okay. See you at six.”

  Keri

  I ran down the steps and into the kitchen, nearly knocking Mom over.

  “Whoa! Where’s the fire?” Mom asked, and turned toward me. “You nearly got me with hot coffee.” The Keurig finished, and Mom pulled her cup from underneath and made her way to the table. “What’s up?”

  “Mom,” I said, breathing heavy. Mom was looking at me as if I’d lost my marbles. “Can…” I put my hands on my knees and took a deep breath.

  “Apparently cardio isn’t your strong suit.”

  I laughed, and took a deep breath and then blew out. “Apparently not. Anyway, Mom, would you care if Alexis, my roommate, and Todd came to stay with us for a little bit?”

  Mom looked at me for a moment and then smiled. “No, I think that would be nice.”

  I grinned, and waited for Mom to put down her coffee cup. I did a little wiggle dance, and then gave her a hug. “Thanks, Mom!”

  Mom laughed. “What’s this about?”

  I smiled, and sat down at the table. “Well, it’s just… I… Todd had a great idea.”

  Mom took a drink of her coffee and then waited for me to continue.

  “He said that if he and I were dating, and I burnt down our tree fort that he’d do whatever he could to rebuild the thing.”

  Mom frowned. “What?”

  “Todd. Alexis’s boyfriend,” I said, gesturing wildly. “He said that if I wanted to make it up to Payton, I should rebuild the tree fort.”

  Mom took a deep breath and she didn’t look happy. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “But, Mom, it’s… it’s a great idea. You see, if Payton sees that I’m building the fort, and he sees that I cared enough to do that, then maybe he’ll…”

  “Do what, Alexis? Do you think he’ll come back to you?”

  I frowned. Why was Mom acting like this? “Well, yeah,” I said, deflated.

  “You do know that he doesn’t live over there anymore, right?”

  I nodded.

  “And you do know that he’s seeing Patti?”

  I nodded again, suddenly feeling stupid for my outburst.

  “And you do know that he was in the hospital for nearly the entire month of January, right?”

  My heart stopped…nearly, and I looked at my mom. I shook my head. “No, what are you talking about?”

  Mom looked down at the table and then took a deep breath and her eyes met mine. “He didn’t just burn down that tree fort, Keri, he burnt it down with himself in it.”

  Chapter Three

  * Never Forget…*

  I played my mom’s words over and over again in my head “He didn’t just burn down that tree fort, Keri, he burnt it down with himself in it…” I waited until the sky was completely dark, and headed toward the charred earth, carrying my notebook and flashlight in my book bag, and a cup of coffee in my hand. I could always think better in the fort, and thinking is something that I needed to do right now.

  When I got there, however, I wasn’t alone, and I could barely bring myself to speak.

  Payton was there, and he didn’t see me.

  I cleared my throat softly, startling him from his slumber. He was lying outside on his sleeping bag.

  “Hey,” I said softly.

  Payton looked up and his eyes were different. They didn’t have that same shine in them as they did before.

  “Hi.”

  My pulse hammered in my neck, and I could feel my lip start to tremble. I didn’t want to cry here. I didn’t want to make him feel worse than he’d already felt. “How are you?” I asked.

  Payton laughed gruffly and shrugged. “Okay.”

  I tried to smile. “That’s…”

  “This is weird,” Payton said, and then stood, taking his sleeping bag with him. “I’ll just…”

  “No! Wait,” I said, putt
ing my hand out in front of me, halting him to his spot. “I wanted to… I want to tell you that…”

  “I’ve got a girlfriend,” Payton blurted out, and his face turned red.

  I hated hearing those words coming out of his mouth. “I… I know, Mitch told me. Patti, she’s…”

  Payton nodded. “Well, then, it was nice seeing you.” Payton started to walk away, and I didn’t know what to do.

  “Can we talk?” I asked.

  Payton turned toward me and shook his head. “No, I … I don’t think that’s a …”

  I looked down to my feet. “I’m so sorry, Payton.” I was crying now, and the tears fell down my cheeks rapidly. “I really am. I’m sorry about everything… about…”

  Payton put his hand out, and cleared his throat. “I guess I just don’t care anymore, Ker.”

  I gasped. “You don’t mean that, Pay. You don’t…”

  “Yeah, I do,” he said, and then he took a deep breath. “See ya around.”

  Then he left.

  He left me alone.

  I couldn’t help it, I cried.

  I walked back to the house about fifteen minutes later. There was no sense in staying out in the field when it wasn’t a place of solace anymore. It was a place that reminded me of better days, but also of one horrible night: the night Payton let me know that he didn’t care anymore.

  I went up to my bedroom and pulled out my cellphone and logged on to Facebook. I sent Alexis a message, explaining to her that there was no point in coming over for the summer. The whole tree fort idea wasn’t going to work. I told her that it was over, and that my reason for existing was pretty much over, too.

  Five minutes later, she called.

  “Don’t give up, Keri!”

  I sniffled. “You didn’t see him. You didn’t hear what he said.”

  “Do you think that I’ve never had a break up before?”

  I didn’t really think about it. We were pretty young to have our hearts broken in two. “No, I guess I never really thought about it.”

  “Well, I have, and it’s no picnic. It really doesn’t sound like he’s done with you.”

  “It sounded pretty final to me.” I walked to my door and went to the hall bathroom, grabbing the box of Kleenex off the back of the toilet. “He was mad.”

  “Of course he was. It had to be awkward, I mean… Think about how hard it was for you, and then double that.”

  I tried to see what she was getting at, but I didn’t know what she was talking about. “Why double?”

  “Because he thought you were with some other guy, Keri. You don’t just forget that.”

  I sighed. I knew exactly what she was talking about because Payton had a girlfriend. He’d had a girlfriend for six months, and she knew about him being in the hospital. She probably nursed him back. “Speaking of that.”

  “I know, Patti,” Alexis said, and then sighed. “We’ll get you through this. Did you talk to your mom about us staying?”

  “I did, but I don’t want you to think you have to rush over.”

  “Listen, girl, I want to come over. It’s not just for you, it’s for me, Todd, and of course, the greater good.”

  Alexis always made things sound so much better. “The greater good?” I laughed, and walked back over to my bed and sat down.

  “Yeah, we’re going to get you back together with Payton by the end of this summer if I have to super glue you both.”

  I laughed at the picture that brought to my mind and wondered if somehow Alexis could do that. “How do you think you’re going to accomplish this?”

  “Trust me… I’ve had a boyfriend for a lot longer than you had, and I know a little about manipulating.”

  I giggled at that. “Where’s Todd, by the way?”

  “Oh,” Alexis groaned. “He’s playing pool with my dad in the garage. I’m not allowed to see him after nine. Mom says it’s good for my soul or something.”

  “I really have to meet your mom,” I said, laughing, and then wondered if she was a hippy.

  “Yeah, she’s special. So, what’s your mom like?”

  I smiled, thinking about last year before Thanksgiving when Mom found out that I was totally head over heels in like with Payton. “She’s pretty great.”

  “Does she dabble in Pink Floyd or The Grateful Dead?”

  I laughed; my assessment must not have been too far off. “Um, no. I’m from Texas, remember? Cowboy boots and Country music all the way.”

  “Oh my gosh, I totally forgot about that. I don’t know how I forgot about Payton and his hat and boots.”

  I smiled at the memory of Payton driving up to school to see me last year. It seemed like a lifetime away. “Yeah.”

  “Don’t sound so sad; we’re going to figure this out.”

  “I hope so.”

  “I know so. Listen, I can hear my mom. I better get off the phone. I can’t wait to see you. I’ll let you know tomorrow what’s going on.”

  “Okay,” I said, and yawned. “Goodnight.”

  “Night.”

  Maybe Alexis was right; maybe if I tried hard enough, I could repair this rift between Payton and I.

  Payton

  I got in my truck shortly after seeing Keri at our spot, and drove to my apartment. My new place was small, and above George’s garage. It wasn’t anything special, but it was free. All I had to pay was utilities and work the books.

  When I pulled into the driveway, I saw Patti’s car. I nodded. Yep, it was just going to be one of those nights.

  I got out of my truck, and she immediately got out of her car. “Where’ve you been?” she asked quietly.

  I didn’t feel like being called any more names tonight. I blew out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding and replied, “Mom and Dad’s. Dinner.”

  Patti’s eyes widened. “You were there? How’d it… Is everything okay?”

  I shouldn’t feel good about her worrying about me, but I did. “Yeah, it was fine.”

  “Really?” she asked. She had mascara down the side of her face from crying.

  I sighed. “Yeah. Are you okay?”

  Patti nodded and came toward me with her arms wide. I went into them, and she hugged me. “I’m so sorry, Payton. I love you.”

  I swallowed, and felt bad. Patti didn’t deserve a guy like me. “I’m sorry, too,” I said. “I didn’t want to fight with you.”

  “I didn’t either, I just… When I think about what you looked like in December, I just go crazy.” Patti squeezed me tightly and kissed my cheek. “I don’t want to go through something like that again.”

  “I don’t either,” I said, and I didn’t. I’d never felt so bad in my life like I did that night. Those nights. Hell, I couldn’t remember the entire month of January.

  “Can we go inside?” Patti asked, and then grabbed my hand. “I can do that thing that you like.”

  I took a deep breath and smiled. “You don’t have to.”

  “I kind of do… I mean, I called you and your brother names.”

  I laughed, thinking about what she said in the office. She went nuts in there. “You were in a rare mood, that’s for sure.”

  Patti giggled, and I put my free arm around her. “Okay, I’ll let you do that thing, but, you have to let me do it to you, too.”

  Patti’s eyes lit and she licked her lips. “I’d like that.”

  I nodded, and I followed her up the stairs to my apartment. I didn’t want to think about Keri anymore. I didn’t want to love someone like that ever again.

  “So, are we back together?” Patti asked as we were lying in each other’s arms an hour later.

  I leaned toward her and kissed her forehead. “Yeah.”

  “Good.”

  At that moment, I closed my eyes, and saw Keri without her bra on in the tree fort, and wished that I was successful months ago when I tried to end it all.

  Chapter Four

  * Working Girl…*

  The bad thing about coming home and ha
ving a grand plan in getting your boyfriend back, is not having enough money to pay attention, let alone rebuild a damned tree fort. I grabbed the paper off the dining room table and searched through the want ads. I circled a handful of advertisements, but didn’t find anything too promising.

  “What are you doing?” Mom asked as she walked into the dining room. She had her usual cup of coffee in her hand and she was whistling.

  That was new.

  “Looking for a job.” I looked at her curiously. “What are you so happy about?”

  Mom’s face reddened for a moment, and then shook her head. “Nothing. Life. So, are your friends coming still?”

  That was weird. “Uh, yeah, I talked to Alexis a few days ago. She and Todd will be here next Monday. I’m hoping to get us all a job at the Fun Fair or something.”

  The Fun Fair was our county’s only real form of entertainment, and it was also the only typical place in which a college student would apply, as it was a seasonal position.

  “Oh, I didn’t realize you were going to work?”

  I frowned. “Well, I can’t be a free-loader all summer. I mean, I have my savings from the Library, but that’s going to go away real fast if I don’t get something here.”

  “Okay, well I just don’t want you to think you have to have something. We’re doing fine.”

  “I plan on rebuilding that fort.”

  Mom took a deep breath and looked mad once again. Me bringing up the fort was obviously not a happy thing for her to hear.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “I saw him the other night.”

  Mom looked at me and sighed. “And?”

  “And, I think Alexis may be right. I think he still has feelings for me. And even though he has a girlfriend, and this may not work out, I still want to be his friend. I love him, Mom.” I started to cry, and felt so dumb. That’s all I’d been doing lately, and to be honest, I was getting on my own nerves.