Effective Communication Skills Read online

  Communication for Couples

  Book 1

  Introduction

  Chapter 1: Effective communication techniques for couples

  Chapter 2: Frequent communication errors couples make

  Chapter 3: How to improve communication between couples

  Chapter 4: How to listen to your partner

  Chapter 5: Tools that improve communication in marriage

  Chapter 6: Nonverbal communication between couples

  Chapter 7: How emotional intelligence improves conversations

  Chapter 8: Cultivating empathy in marriage

  Chapter 9: Tips and techniques to increase sexual intimacy in a marriage

  Chapter 10: Overcoming marital hardships as a team

  Chapter 11: Things that couples commonly fight about

  Chapter 12: How to handle fights

  Chapter 13: Forms of betrayal in marriage

  Chapter 14: How to apologize to your partner

  Chapter 15: Things to avoid saying to your partner

  Chapter 16: How to make your partner feel appreciated

  Chapter 17: Things that your husband wants but won’t say

  Chapter 18: Tips on creating a lasting marriage

  Chapter 19: Building trust in marriage

  Chapter 20: How to repair broken trust

  Chapter 21: Tips on keeping love alive

  Description

  Communication in the Workplace

  Book 2

  Introduction

  Chapter 1: Effective workplace communication: what it means

  Chapter 2: Significance of effective workplace communication

  Chapter 3: Things that ruin effective workplace communication

  Chapter 4: Body language tips

  Chapter 5: Improving conversation skills

  Chapter 6: Significance of empathy in communication

  Chapter 7: Personality flaws that turn people away

  Chapter 8: How to become charismatic

  Chapter 9: Tips on acing interviews

  Chapter 10: How to handle intimidating personalities and controlling bosses

  Chapter 11: Personal appearance and communication

  Chapter 12: Control your emotions

  Chapter 13: Practice active listening

  Chapter 14: How to resolve workplace conflicts

  Chapter 15: Bonding with colleagues

  Chapter 16: Topics to avoid at the workplace

  Chapter 17: Nasty things that employees should avoid doing in the workplace

  Introduction book 1

  Having poor communication skills can keep you from satisfying your core needs. The ability to express yourself and listen attentively is a much underestimated skill. As human beings we have needs, and for the most part, we rely on other human beings to fulfill these needs. So, it is important that we know how to communicate with other humans so that we can satisfy these needs. Since the dawn of mankind we have always been about teaming up, or in other words, forming relationships. And the success of a relationship is in large measure down to our communication skills. We have to be excellent at communicating interpersonally through both verbal and nonverbal means. This book details how people ought to approach communication so that they can create successful marriages. Communication skill is not ingrained in our DNA. Thus, any motivated person can acquire communication skills and improve the quality of their dating life.

  Chapter 1: Effective communication techniques for couples

  Research shows that poor communication is one of the leading causes of divorce, and that’s really awful considering that mastering communication is one of the stress-free exercises. It is upon the couple to understand each other and ensure that everyone’s message is received just as intended. Sadly, most couples who are unable to communicate effectively tend to shift blame on their partner for failing to get them. And in the midst of that blame game, their relationship comes crashing down. These are some of the vital communication techniques that couples ought to observe:

  Talk your issues out at the opportune time

  Unless it is an extremely pressing matter, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t wait for the appropriate time to bring it up. Most couples tackle issues as they crop up, and it breeds combativeness between one another. The best way is to always mention an issue and then explain that you will both work out the issue at a certain time. This shows that you respect your partner and it compels them to cooperate. On the other hand, if you have a tendency of erupting and putting your partner in tight spots, they will get defensive, and start to resent you. And at the end of the day you won’t make any progress. Obviously, the “right time” is subjective. There are many factors to consider when choosing the opportune moment to discuss your problems, but it comes down to what makes your partner comfortable. Imaginative couples may go out on dates, talk their issues out over a meal and drinks, and the presence of other people will be an active reminder of their need to be civil. Other couples may settle for talking either before or after bed. Selecting the best time to “talk” is influenced by among other factors, personality and philosophy.

  Ensure that you get your partner’s perspective

  The most practical way of ensuring you understand your partner is to pay attention especially when their words or actions stir you a lot. Hold yourself until it’s your turn to speak, but more importantly, listen to understand, rather than merely to give a response. Put your focus on the conversation and resist the “Me VS them” mentality. You should view the conversation as just two subjective arguments. To ensure that you understand your partner’s perspective, eliminate the doubts. If there’s something you want further clarification on, just ask about it. Of course it is no mean task to concentrate on a conversation that triggers your defensiveness and still be objective. Learn to recognize when you are caving in and take a short break. Every person has a breaking point. If you become overwhelmed by emotions you might be unable to follow through on your sober plan. But taking a break will help you stabilize your emotions and be able to act in a rational manner. When you understand where your partner is coming from, it doesn’t matter whether they are right or wrong, but it improves your chances of finding a common ground.

  Mind your tone and language

  Realize that everyone has an ego and they are bound to fight back when you put them on blast. You may be objectively correct, but then fail to get your way simply because your language and tone is wanting. Thus, avoid using an accusatory tone whenever you are talking thing out with your partner. For instance, if your partner has been spending what you feel is a lot of money on their grooming; don’t start with “You are such a wasteful person! You used all our money on clothes and shoes” It hits at their ego and causes them to want to retaliate. But you could say something along the lines of, “I appreciate that you’ve always wanted to groom yourself like royalty, but in these hard economic times, we have got to be a little keener on how we spend money, right?” When you avoid name-calling and at the same time use a pleasant voice it shows that you respect and value your partner. Ensure that you don’t belittle your partner and be aware of your biases. Such tendencies will bring out the best in your partner when resolving issues.

  Think before you speak

  You certainly don’t want to be impulsive. It’s so easy to say something hurtful or stupid in a heartbeat and cause a rift in your talks. Ensure that you weigh every word that rolls out of your mouth. This promotes a civil conversation that will see you achieve your objective. Don’t be in a hurry to say the first thing that comes to mind. When you are careless with the first word you are likely to put yourself in a hard spot and subsequent words will only wo
rsen the situation. It is better to say nothing at all than to speak regretful words, but when you say something you shouldn’t have, offer a concise apology.

  Have facts

  If the issues revolve around one or both partners doing something they shouldn’t have, then the offended party must have proof. For instance, if you suspect your partner of straying from marriage and sleeping with another person (or people), ensure that you have sufficient evidence to show that they actually strayed. Accusing your partner of infidelity when they are actually innocent could put a strain in your marriage that might be impossible to get over. In order to be the person that gathers evidence before bringing up an issue, you have to have some patience. But when you are conducting your investigations ensure that you are mature enough to keep a good attitude. Having facts and talking in a sincere and respectful fashion will grant you a productive conversation. On the other hand, coming at your partner with no facts, plus using derogatory terms, will only make the situation worse.

  Body language

  They say that body language accounts for upwards of 60% of communication. This means people can tell more about you by just observing you than hearing your words. When you are communicating with your partner, it is extremely important that you keep the right body language. For instance, if you mean to tell your spouse that they look nice in their outfit, you have to face them, with your eyes lit up, and then say it. Don’t just catch their reflection on a thermos’ and then mouth off a compliment without so much as turning your neck; it would come off as insincere. Some of the body language tips to keep in mind include:

  1. Eye contact: maintain a substantial amount of eye contact throughout your conversation. It shows that you are sincere and respectful and it compels your partner to act in an appropriate manner.

  2. Tone: your voice is every bit as important. Use a pleasant but firm tone when outlining an issue. If the situation gets tense, don’t raise your voice. Using a commanding voice is likely to put your partner on the defensive and frustrate your objectives.

  3. Posture: anything for which you have set time apart to discuss with your partner is important enough to warrant a good posture. Ensure that you are either sitting or standing upright with your head looking forward. Don’t slouch or drape your limbs over the items around you.

  Chapter 2: Frequent communication errors couples make

  Open and honest communication is the keystone of every successful relationship. At the same time it can be a difficult thing to achieve and couples are well aware of this fact. There are various mistakes that couples do – consciously and unconsciously – that frustrate their communication efforts.

  Assumptions

  If your partner is a naturally outgoing person, and then suddenly they clam up and limit their interaction with you, it’s a sign that something is not well. This should spur you into seeking a remedy. Of course merely asking your partner whether they are all right is likely to be met with affirmative answers. You have to schedule a meeting and talk at length about precisely what’s ailing them. But sadly most people have a tendency of assuming that everything is all right even when it clearly isn’t.

  Being a distraction

  Let’s say that your partner works as a feature journalist with a national newspaper. And this particular day they come home and rush into their study room, complaining that their deadline is fast approaching and they haven’t touched the assignment yet. It automatically means that your partner is busy with the assignment and would appreciate that you don’t disturb. Sadly, there are insensitive people who would still go ahead and bring up less important issues with their partner, perhaps even shouting through the door from outside. Such behavior can invite resentment from your significant other.

  Negative overgeneralizations

  If you’re overgeneralizing in a positive direction, that’s welcome. But if you are always accusing your partner of the bad things that they do or not do, you are going to make them resent you. Negative overgeneralizations make a person think that you look down upon them or have taken a dislike to them, making them want to fight back.

  Excessive criticism

  Your partner is just like everyone else: they want to be accepted for who they are. Criticism is a form of disapproval, but if it’s expressed the right way, criticism can do more good than harm. The problem comes up when it is done excessively and in a destructive manner. For instance, if your every move is met with criticism from your partner, it can get to a point and frustrate you, break your relationship, even. So a couple ought to trend carefully where criticism is concerned.

  Interrupting

  When you butt in while your partner is still speaking they may take it that you consider yourself more important than them. You don’t want them to take that route. What’s hard about waiting for your turn to speak? Okay, sometimes it’s hard, particularly when your partner is saying something that triggers your emotions, but you have to learn to be patient for your relationship’s sake. Speaking in turns will create an ideal atmosphere for an objective conversation to take place.

  Lecturing

  The actions or words of your partner might make you get beside yourself with rage, but don’t be tempted to lecture them. They are not your kids. Lecturing your partner is a form of degradation. They will come from it with major resentment. It doesn’t matter how bothered or hurt you are, seek remedy through courteous means. It is very important that your partner understands you respect them.

  Being insensitive

  There are common things that people can be insensitive about. For instance, weight, health, and finances. If your partner is overweight, you have to be careful how you handle that topic. If your partner is no doing well financially, you still have to be careful how you talk about finances with them. And if your partner has a health issues you also have to mind your words about that topic. Being a sensitive person is mostly about being a critical thinker. Life is about drifting from one set of circumstances to another, meaning that there will always be new experiences to test how sensitive you are. Ensure that you have your partner’s respect.

  Passive aggressiveness

  A passive aggressive person exhibits sneaky behaviors and they are not clear about what they want and yet they are uncooperative. Nothing indicates childishness in a person more than passive aggressiveness. When someone starts behaving passive aggressively, they encourage the other person to lose trust in them. Passive aggressive people are unpredictable and in the long run they cause tremendous pain.

  Talking over each other

  Talking over each other means that no one is listening to the other. It halts progress. You should learn to wait for your turn to speak. Otherwise, when you talk while your partner is still talking is not only unhelpful, but also disrespectful. In the same breath, a partner should not talk for longer than necessary. They should allow their partner to chip in. This habit of not letting the other person speak is what accelerates conflict and things could very easily become ugly.

  Giving advice even when you’re not asked

  Another communication mistake that couples are prone to make is giving unsolicited advice. Not every conversation that a couple has is about resolving conflict. Sometimes, the other party might just be looking to get therapeutic benefits of talking to someone. They are not looking for your advice. When you develop the habit of dispensing random advice to your partner, they might think that you consider them incapable of handling themselves, thus triggering resentment.

  Avoiding tough topics

  Running away from your problems won’t help matters. You will still come back to these problems. So, you have to develop a can-do attitude and tackle these hard topics. Pushing a tough topic back only worsens the situation and invites strife in your relationship. On the other hand, working together through difficulties will actually strengthen your bond. Tough topics must be handled with a lot of care, and they require lots of attitude-adjustment, or else the relationship might implode. Tough situations not only im
prove your communication but also make you a stronger couple on the whole.

  Attacking the person instead of the issue

  When negative emotions take over, modesty is tossed out the window; it’s what leads people to attack their partners instead of articulating their concerns. Obviously this kind of behavior causes the offended party to be resentful of their partner. It is easier to attack the person instead of studying your situation. For instance, if you tell your spouse to stop by the groceries store when they are coming back from work, and yet they somehow forget to do it, it can be tempting to shout an insult, and remind them that they have always been unreliable. The much more effective way of handling this scenario would be to calmly explain why repeated inability to buy groceries causes them distress.

  Inability to appreciate your partner

  Appreciating your partner is about using words that make your partner feel warm inside. Validation coming from a significant other is always welcome. When you make your partner feel nice about themselves, they are likely to cooperate with you, and agree to your propositions. But when you make them feel small, disrespected, and crazy, you are likely to trigger their hatred as they fight back.

  Chapter 3: How to improve communication between couples

  The most important thing when it comes to communication between couples is that they understand each other. These are some of the ways one may boost communication with their partners:

  Planning

  The excuse that most of us give when asked why we are not spending enough time with our loved ones is that we are busy. One might think we are involved in such big projects that earth’s survival depends on our success. But the truth is that most of us allow distractions to steal our time, and the biggest of all is social media. If we are serious about improving our communication we should plan about it. We have to draft schedules for spending time together in order to talk out our issues. By being deliberate, as opposed to being a chance-taker, your partner can see that you mean well for them. Planning not only improves communication between couples but also makes their relationship stable.