I Left My Sneakers in Dimension X (9781439113240) Read online

  I sighed, but bent and let the chibling climb onto my shoulders. If it was going to insist on latching on to me, carrying it would be easier than walking with it wrapped around my leg.

  Galuspa and his gang led us through the village. People watched curiously as we walked by, but no one said anything. We came at last to a house on the far side of town. Like all the other houses we had seen, it was circular, with round windows. (I hadn’t seen a corner since we got here.) The mushroom-cap roof was brownish-orange, with splotches of deep forest green.

  “You will stay here until the Ting Wongovia is ready to see you,” said Galuspa. “Food will be brought to you.” He paused, then added, “I hope you prove to be true friends. Though I have not known you long, I do like you. I will be happier if we can work together than if I have to dispose of you.”

  With that he opened the door and motioned for us to enter. I thought about asking him just what he meant by “dispose of us” but decided that I didn’t really want to know.

  We entered the house.

  The door clicked shut behind us.

  CHAPTER

  13

  The Tar’s Offer

  “WELL,” SAID GRAKKER, TURNING TO Madame Pong. “What do you suggest we do now?”

  “Wait,” she said serenely.

  Grakker growled. Waiting was not his style.

  “I suspect that is the best counsel, my captain,” said Tar Gibbons. “With time, these people may yet be allies.”

  Grakker nodded. Then he turned and walked away from us. With a scream of rage he began smashing his head against the wall.

  Tar Gibbons must have seen the look of horror on my face, for it extended its neck and rested its head on my shoulder. “Do not worry,” it whispered. “The captain simply needs to get this out of his system. His head is very hard. It can stand the abuse with no trouble.”

  Indeed, though the wall had several deep dents when Grakker turned around, the captain himself looked much calmer, and none the worse for the wear.

  “All right,” he said. “We’ll wait.”

  Which is exactly what we did.

  For days and days and days.

  * * *

  The first night was fairly easy. With just a bit of exploration we found an underground floor with many small rooms clearly intended for sleeping—enough for each of us to have one to ourselves. I was so exhausted that when I lay down in the nestlike thing that I assumed was the shapeshifters’ version of a bed, I fell asleep almost instantly (despite the fact that the chibling had wrapped itself around my feet).

  The next morning was more difficult. Though it was a great relief to be able to rest and relax, it was hard to do so while waiting to be judged by the Ting Wongovia.

  Moreover, when we had been traveling and in constant danger, I had been able to put aside thoughts of home. Now that we were standing still, they came crowding in on me.

  “What do you suppose this Ting Wongovia is, anyway?” I asked when we gathered for breakfast.

  Madame Pong made a gesture of uncertainty. “He, or she—”

  “Or it,” interrupted Tar Gibbons.

  Madame Pong nodded. “Or it could be any of a number of things. Possibly a warlord. Possibly the village magician or wise man. Maybe a religious leader.”

  I blinked. It had never occurred to me that the Dimension X’ers would have religions. When I asked about this Madame Pong said, “The need for spiritual belief appears to be almost universal. In our own dimension, we are aware of only two planets in the civilized galaxy that lack some system for dealing with matters of the spirit. The variety of forms this takes is astonishing. But we find it nearly everywhere we go.”

  “Warrior Science calls for balance,” said Tar Gibbons, shoveling a wad of kispa-dinka into its mouth. “Tend the body, tend the mind, tend the spirit.”

  “Do you think it will be hard to convince this Ting Wongovia that we really are on the same side?” I asked.

  Madame Pong shrugged. “That is hard to say. It depends partly upon how suspicious these beings are. But such convincing is my job, and I think I do it fairly well.”

  Breakfast was actually fairly pleasant. It was the first chance we had all had to relax together, and it was a good opportunity for Elspeth to get to know a little more about the aliens. I fed the chibling wads of kispa-dinka while Elspeth asked her questions. She didn’t seem too surprised by any of the answers until Tar Gibbons explained why it preferred to be called “it” rather than “he” or “she.” (The short version is that “he” and “she” simply aren’t sufficient to describe the variety of beings on the Tar’s home planet.)

  I had some questions of my own, such as “How did you find out that we had been brought to Dimension X?”

  “Smorkus Flinders left plenty of clues,” said Madame Pong.

  Elspeth, always ready to point out someone else’s flaws, said, “That was pretty careless of him.”

  “Not at all,’ replied Tar Gibbons. “What is the point in setting a trap if you hide the bait so well that your quarry cannot find it?”

  “You knew you were heading into a trap?” I exclaimed.

  “Of course,” said Grakker.

  It is hard to tell you what it meant to me that the aliens knew this and came for me anyway. At that moment I felt I would do anything for the crew of the Ferkel.

  “What happened to BKR?” I asked. “Were you able to take him to prison before you had to come after me?”

  “We passed him off to one of the Ferkel’s sister ships,” said Grakker. “The Merkel will have to complete that part of our mission.”

  I could tell by the sound of his voice that he did not like having someone else finish the job that he had started.

  * * *

  After breakfast we began to feel somewhat restless.

  “How long do you suppose it will be before the Ting Wongovia summons us?” I asked.

  Madame Pong’s answer was interrupted by a short Reality Quake, during which I turned into a bug. Fortunately it was not one of the ones that left a permanent effect—though I did sort of like the fact that the walls of our prison had briefly disappeared. Unfortunately, it’s hard to think of things like escaping when you’re in the middle of a Reality Quake, and by the time any of us were capable of moving, the quake was over and the walls were back.

  “I hate those things,” said Elspeth. She seemed so shaken up that I decided not to tell her what she had looked like when it was going on. (I still haven’t told her, so I can’t write it down here. But if you think in terms of big ears, long floppy nose, and polka dots, you’ll be on the right track.)

  We had been too tired to explore the house completely the night before. Now we began to look around. It was Elspeth who found a door that opened onto a spiral ramp leading to the next floor. I thought the surface of the ramp was carpeted until I realized that it actually had some sort of plant life growing on it. It was very pleasant to walk on.

  At the top of the ramp was an open space—pretty much the attic, I guess, except that it didn’t have a ton of junk stored in it like every other attic I had ever seen. The space was round, with a gently arcing ceiling that started about five feet above floor level at the sides and soared to a good fifteen feet above us in the center of the space. This ceiling was the inside surface of one of the mushroomlike treetops that the shapeshifters used for roofs. It was translucent, so that the room was filled with a pleasant golden-brown light.

  “Excellent,” said Grakker. “We can exercise here.”

  I groaned. I hate exercise.

  “Something the matter, Deputy Allbright?” asked Grakker fiercely.

  “No, sir.”

  “I don’t want to exercise,” said Elspeth.

  “You don’t have to,” replied Grakker. “You are not a deputy of the Galactic Patrol, However, the rest of us must keep ourselves fit for service.”

  “I want to be a deputy, too!” said Elspeth immediately. She hated being kept out of anything, even if
it was something she didn’t like.

  Grakker rolled his eyes. “I will consider the matter.”

  “I want to be a deputy now!”

  “I said I will consider the matter!” barked Grakker.

  To my astonishment, Elspeth shut up. I don’t think I had ever seen her do that for her parents, no matter how harshly they spoke to her. I was impressed. Obviously Grakker was born to command.

  * * *

  We exercised that morning, and again that afternoon. The chibling ran around making sounds of distress for a while, then settled itself next to me and tried to imitate my movements.

  I was somewhat surprised when Madame Pong joined us—not because she was a woman, but because as ship’s diplomat I thought she might be excused from such things. Elspeth exercised, too. I assume this was because she wanted to prove that she was fit to be a deputy, but it might have been out of sheer boredom. Even Phil worked out with us, though in his case (as he explained later) he did not exercise for strength—which for him depended entirely on nutrition and growth—but for flexibility.

  Tar Gibbons also worked with us for part of each session, even leading some of the exercises. But then it would go off to do a separate program of its own. I assumed this was because a being with four legs and a neck as long as its arms has different exercise needs than your basic biped.

  As before, I noticed that the Tar seemed to be paying an unusual amount of attention to me. It was beginning to make me nervous.

  * * *

  I finally found out what this was all about when the Tar came to me after dinner on our third night in the little house and said, “I have been watching you, Rod, and I would like to make you an offer.”

  “What kind of an offer?” I asked. I was exhausted from all the exercising, so I wasn’t as enthusiastic as I might normally have been.

  The Tar stretched its long neck so that its enormous eyes were level with mine. “If you will pledge yourself to me, I will teach you Warrior Science. Think before you answer!” it said, raising a hand to prevent me from speaking. “This will require a solemn vow. In the time that you are pledged to me, you will be my krevlik, which is to say that I will be your absolute master. I will teach you many secrets. I will help you train your body, and even more your mind, to do remarkable things. But you must pledge me your absolute obedience until your training is over. There is no other way.”

  CHAPTER

  14

  Katsu Maranda

  I STARED AT THE TAR in astonishment. Though it is embarrassing to admit, my first thought was: Cool! If I learn Warrior Science, I’ll never have to worry about getting beat up on the playground again.

  Then I remembered that unless we could get out of this mess, I would never see the playground again.

  “Do not answer now,” said the Tar. “Sleep on it. You can give me your answer tomorrow.”

  Since I spent most of the night tossing and turning, I had a hard time following the Tar’s advice to “sleep on it.” But the offer was so exciting I couldn’t settle down.

  Remember, I had spent my entire life to that point as a clumsy, slightly overweight kid whose nickname was “Rod the Clod.” While Tar Gibbons did not have a nickname, the “Tar” part of its name was actually an honorific, something like doctor or reverend or professor. In this case the title meant, roughly, “Wise and beloved warrior who can kill me with his little finger if he should so desire.”

  That was who wanted me for an apprentice!

  I was torn between excitement at what the Tar could teach me and fear that I might let it down. Plus there was the requirement that I pledge my absolute obedience. What if the Tar told me something awful, like that I couldn’t go home?

  The chibling paced up and down beside my mattress, letting out an occasional eeep. I felt like eeeping myself.

  Here’s how confused I was: I finally decided to go wake up Elspeth to talk to her about it. All right, all right, I know—but I had to talk to someone, and at the moment I needed someone human. Elspeth was the closest thing at hand.

  With the chibling lolloping along beside me, I made my way down the dimly lit hall to her room, where I found her curled up in her nest.

  “Wake up,” I whispered, shaking her shoulder.

  She snorted a little and made some cranky noises.

  “Wake up!” I repeated.

  Slowly she opened her eyes. “Rod!” she said groggily. “What are you doing here?”

  “I have to talk to you.”

  To my surprise she sat up quickly, almost instantly alert. “About what?”

  “Tar Gibbons has asked if I want to be its apprentice.”

  “So?”

  “So I don’t know what to do.”

  “Are you kidding?” said Elspeth. “Say yes! No offense, but this is probably the best chance you’ve got to stop being a pudgy clod.”

  “Thanks a lot.”

  She paused. “I’m sorry,” she said, which startled me almost as much as the Tar’s offer. “I know I shouldn’t do that. I just can’t help myself sometimes.” She paused, then added, “I learned it from my mother.”

  I thought about that for a second, then realized that I had never heard Aunt Grace say anything nice to or about Elspeth. I had always figured it was because Elspeth was so rotten. Suddenly I wondered if maybe it was the other way around—if Elspeth was such a creep because of the way her parents treated her.

  “It’s all right,” I said, sort of amazed at myself. “But do you really think I should do it? Before you answer, let me tell you the rest of it. I have to promise to do whatever the Tar tells me.”

  Elspeth paused. “Well, do you think it’s going to make you eat horse manure or anything like that?” she asked at last.

  “No. But what if it tells me I can’t go home?”

  She paused again, then said, “Why don’t you ask if it’s going to do that?”

  I blinked. It had never occurred to me that I could ask something like that in advance.

  “What if it won’t tell me?”

  “Then you’ll have to think about it again,” replied Elspeth. “But until you know, there’s no sense in fussing about it.”

  I suppose you could say the point in fussing about it was to be prepared in case the Tar did say it was going to forbid me to go home (or refuse to tell me whether it might give that order). On the other hand, that could turn out to be a lot of fussing for nothing. Since I would be able to ask the Tar itself in just a few hours, Elspeth was right; there was no point in worrying about the matter until I knew for sure.

  “Thanks,” I said. I started to go. But she reached out her hand to stop me.

  “Rod,” she whispered urgently. “Do you think we’ll ever get home?”

  I paused. Though I had finally learned to lie as a result of my last adventure with the aliens, it was still hard for me. I looked at her carefully. Her eyes were pleading.

  “Yes,” I whispered, lying through my teeth. “I’m sure we will.”

  * * *

  The next morning I went to Tar Gibbons and said, “I’ve been thinking about the offer you made me yesterday. I want to ask you a question.”

  The Tar nodded, but didn’t say anything.

  “Look, you wouldn’t tell me that I couldn’t go home or anything like that, would you?”

  “I might.”

  I felt as if I had been hit in the stomach. During the night I had convinced myself that the Tar would just laugh and say, “Of course not.” Now I was right back where I had started.

  I took a deep breath. I started to ask if it was joking, realized by the look on its face that it wasn’t, realized that I didn’t know enough about the aliens to safely judge anything by their facial expressions, and finally blurted out, “You’re kidding!”

  The Tar shook its head regretfully. “No, I am quite serious. What is the point in pledging your obedience if you do so in the knowledge that you’re not going to have to do something you don’t want to do? Warrior Science does
not allow for those who do things with half a heart. Either you are my krevlik or you are not. If you are, then you must take on the task with every ounce of courage and devotion that you possess.”

  “I’ll get back to you,” I whispered.

  I watched the Tar carefully during our exercise sessions that day. It moved with amazing grace and precision. I remembered our battle with BKR, when the Tar had managed to knock our enemy to the floor, even though the Tar itself was only two inches high at the time.

  My father was gone. Who would teach me to be a man?

  * * *

  That evening I went to the Tar and said, “I wish to be your krevlik.”

  It nodded solemnly. “Follow me.”

  We went to the mushroom attic, where we performed a ceremony that I may not tell you about and I pledged my obedience to my master, my teacher, Tar Gibbons.

  When we were done, the Tar said, “Welcome to the Brotherhood of Warriors. With me you will learn to fight, with the hope that you will never have to fight. You will turn your body into a lethal weapon, with the prayer that you will never have to use it. You will seek Katsu Maranda, with the goal of passing it on to all those you meet.”

  “Katsu Maranda?”

  “It is the secret of the Cheerful Warrior,” said the Tar. “It means ‘To be in Joyful Harmony with the universe.’ This is the source of your greatest strength. It is the fountain from which your spirit will drink. It will make you a rock, a lightning bolt, a star.”

  The Tar turned. “Follow me,” it said.

  I followed it down the stair.

  The others were gathered in the living room. I wondered if the Tar was going to announce that I had become its krevlik. It cleared its throat and started to speak but a sharp knocking at the door interrupted.

  The Tar glanced at me. I went to answer.

  Before I could reach the door, it swung open by itself and in stepped Galuspa (or some shapeshifter who had decided to look like Galuspa). He looked at us, then said, “The Ting Wongovia will see you now.”

  CHAPTER