In Search of Truth Read online

  In Search Of Truth

  As I walked home from the rations building, I couldn’t help but become transfixed on the abandoned apartments and homes I see almost every day. I tried to envision the lives people used to have and the way the world might have been before the events. Now they’re just empty and completely silent, exactly as they were after everyone abandoned the major cities and towns before I was born. Only to be changed by time, the elements, and signs of looting from long ago.

  I was once told by a very old man that there was a time where the sun shone so brightly, it was common for people to wear covers over their eyes. He claimed the air was clear and you could see miles into the distance. He even told me that people used to go in the water for fun, that it wouldn’t make them sick at all. I suppose I believed him, but maybe it’s only because I wanted to. I looked up at the sun and tried to imagine what that would be like, only to see a dim glowing ball barely breaching the grey of the sky. It’s something I do almost every day but it only reminds me that what he said was irrelevant as I would never experience it. It especially reminded me that I would never allow myself to bring a child into this world like so many others have.

  I’ve never met anyone else old enough to truly remember the stories passed down about “the good times”. The second oldest person I’ve ever known was my father and he died at 42, my mother fell to the sickness long before that. The government tells us the air is what causes almost everyone to develop breathing problems in their late 20’s or 30’s, and rarely make it 40. I’ve only heard what seem like wild tales about these “good times”. The stories passed down through the last few generations tell of a world I can’t even imagine, a world that makes me sick, knowing I was cursed to live in this one. They even say everything happened because of humanity, and that they were warned decades in advance.

  According to the stories, our ancestors were very intelligent; they even created machines that could take people to other planets. It was said that there was unlimited food and almost anyone could get a job and take part in all the wonders the world had to offer. Everyone could just get in one of these cars and go where ever they wanted; you could even fly across the oceans in just a few hours. It was said that thousands of massive cities existed and that the lights never went out, even in the middle of the night. Everyone was in good health and some people lived to be 100 years old. I’ve even heard everyone used to feel safe.

  In my world, around midnight the town shuts off all the power and everything comes to a complete stop. None of the people actually have cars or electricity in their homes, only food storage facilities, water treatment plants, and government buildings are able to use things like that. The old stories say the reason all this happened was due to everyone having power and owning these machines. The black liquid that makes them operate apparently puts all the poisons into the air, land, and water. It seems as though these stories are starting to fade among the people, as the government constantly states it was due to nature and it alone. I don’t know what I believe, but I do feel like we’re all being lied to.

  I’ve come across very old books that claim human industry had poisoned the air and water so badly, it caused the earth to actually change. Most of the pages are usually gone and the rest destroyed but I’ve been able to get some kind of idea of what happened from fragments of old literature I’ve found over the years. I guess you could even say it was a hobby of mine to search all the abandoned buildings looking for remnants of our history. The governments tells us it was all destroyed by the events long ago but sometimes I can’t help but feel things are being purposely hidden. There are books I’ve found that suggest something even more tragic than we’re told befell mankind. They even go along with many stories of our ancestors that the government denies.

  These changes supposedly caused earthquakes, which in turn created something they called tsunamis. I read that these giant waves came to land from the ocean and they were hundreds of feet tall. The earthquakes and tsunamis caused nuclear power plants all over the world to have something called meltdowns. The books claimed these melt downs caused so many explosions all over the planet that it killed most of the people left alive after the earthquakes and tsunamis. What alarms me the most is that they claim the deadly product of these meltdowns known as radiation is now all around us. It’s in the food, the water, and the air, which may explain why almost no one makes it past 40 anymore.

  Eventually the natural events became even worse and several mountains they called volcanoes were what put most of the ash in the sky. It then mixed with the ash and chemicals from the meltdowns and created a blanket of deadly smog that engulfed the entire planet. According to something I found it used to be much worse than it is today, which is hard to imagine. Though the most intriguing remnants of a book I’ve ever found stated that hundreds of years ago the government came up with a plan to save humanity from all the destruction. The rest was gone, burnt, or unreadable.

  I’ve also come to believe that there used to be a lot more books, it seems as though they’re all missing and I’m just finding fragments left behind on mistake. The places they used to call libraries which were supposedly full of books are all burnt to the ground, even though other buildings nearby are untouched. These libraries are where I can usually find some kind of information. This is why I have decided to leave my home and travel in search of more books. Maybe I’ll be able to find a building full of books somewhere that hasn’t been totally destroyed.

  The first time I found some of this information, I was only a teenager. I was roaming through the woods out of boredom and came across an abandoned, partially destroyed building. This is when I learned about libraries and that there used to be an ocean of books available for anyone to read. The mystery of what else was lying in wait to be found kept me up for days at a time. The worry that we were all being deceived made me start to live in fear of the government and realize I should never tell anyone what I have found. If the story I was starting to unravel was true, it could most certainly get me killed. It was one thing for locals to pass around tales of these “good times” and that man caused the world to become the hell we live in today, but to actually find proof could be dangerous.

  Growing up we only got a few small books issued from the government on how to survive, farm, and clean water in emergencies. There were no schools anymore; that had ended decades before I was born. I suppose the government decided it wasn’t necessary to trouble themselves educating the people anymore. Everyone simply knew what their parents had taught them and many didn’t even know how to read.

  When I finally made it home it was almost dark, which meant it was no longer safe to be out. The government allows everyone to have a gun in their home to prevent break-ins but it hasn’t at all fixed the problem. I’ve been robbed and beaten more times than I can count, mostly right after I get home from getting food and have no time to react, let alone get to my gun. The government supplies us all with a small box of bullets every month for self-protection and hunting opportunities. I’ve been saving them for a long time, specifically for this journey. I try to eat as little as possible and only use the barely sufficient amount of food issued every day by the local rations building. According to some of the book fragments I’ve found, the food is one of the things shortening everyone’s lives due to the radiation. For whatever reason I can’t help but feel I can trust the words in these books much more than the government.

  I have no real belongings, except the journals I keep to copy down all the important information I’m able to find. I keep them buried outside because I know if anyone working for the government saw them, they would be confiscated and I may even be taken along with them. They will be the only things I bring with me besides
my gun and enough food to make it to the next town. I would go hungry tonight because the food I brought home was to give me strength on the road tomorrow.

  As I lay in bed that night, like every other night, I couldn’t stop thinking about what else I would find out about our history. Or if the bits and pieces I have found are all a lie. It’s something that’s been weighing on me for quite some time. This could all be a mistake; nothing more than wishful thinking in the hopes of explaining this hell on earth and finding someone to blame. Either way, last year I turned 28 and I was already developing the cough that comes a few years before the serious breathing problems. My life is already completely meaningless and will soon come to an end; I might as well attempt to discover the entirety of this truth before I die. In a way this was the only thing that has kept me going since my father died.

  The town I lived in only had about a hundred inhabitants, not including the government workers that would come and go. I didn’t have any friends and drew no attention at all to myself so there was no reason to think anyone would try to stop me from leaving or even notice. As I got ready to head out I couldn’t help but feel paranoid and think that someone had seen me digging around the abandoned sites or sitting in the woods reading these fragments of books. This fear I had developed because of this knowledge is what made me so sure it was real.

  I set out at dawn with nothing but a heavy jacket holding my gun, a hunting knife, food, water, and journals as not to attract any attention, especially from robbers. Generally it was pretty safe travelling because no one had anything to steal; the potential victims were no better off than the people desperate enough to harm them. The only thing I really had to worry about was carrying the gun, as it was only legal to have in a dwelling. I took the risk of bringing it because I had already decided almost any action was worth protecting my journals and this possible discovery. Of course I had no idea what I would do if I were able to prove humanity was being lied to. Hell, I didn’t even know where I was going; I only knew what I was looking for.

  I decided to follow the road heading east because that’s where the trucks with government employees come from, so I could only assume there are more settlements. I’d only had the opportunity to look at a map several times in my life and I had no idea where I was, so there was nothing to reference and give me any idea of where to go. It was a complete gamble inspired by nothing more than hope, desperation, anger, and curiosity. Though I did know every town had some type of depository of knowledge during the good times.

  In the hopes of avoiding any soldiers or officials I stayed about 20 yards away from the main road. I decided it would be much safer going through the forest and hiding anytime I heard the sounds of a vehicle. I wasn’t sure of this, but knowing how they are I could only assume they’d question and search someone travelling alone like I was. The government never actually stated it as a law but I always got the feeling that no one was supposed to leave. It’s probably why none of us knew where we were in the world or what else was out there. I suppose everyone is just too hungry and desperate to care about anything else but the present moment.

  By noon it had been over 24 hours since I had eaten and I was truly starting to feel the effects. I was scared to use any of my rations because I had no idea how long it would take me to get to the next town. It could be hours or even days, this meant I had to wait as long as possible. None of us had any idea where the soldiers and officials came from and none of them ever talked to us unless there was a specific reason. It’s almost as if they were just there to make sure we didn’t die by providing the bare minimum... I even had the feeling they looked down on us.

  I had also begun to notice that they all looked very healthy, and some of them even looked a little old. Almost as if where they came from had food and clean air. I even started to pay attention to the soldiers when I was in town and I noticed none of them ever coughed. Every few weeks different men would be stationed to watch over our town and none of them ever coughed or looked sickly and thin like the rest of us. This only furthered my suspicions and made me think that the few paragraphs I read about saving humanity might be true. There could be a safe zone of some kind, and maybe it’s where they all come from and why none of them are sick. Of course it could also be my imagination and will to believe due to my terrible circumstances. I could be chasing an illusion that will only lead to more hardships and an even earlier death, but I had thought it through and decided it was worth it.

  As I walked through the forest I tried to imagine what it would have looked like during the good times. The old stories describe lush greenery, riddled with birds, wildlife, and even food. No matter how hard I tried, all I could see was the ash fog and dying trees with no leaves. I couldn’t see how such a place could have ever been home to anything but silence as it is today. I stopped, sat down, and closed my eyes, trying to ward off the hunger pains and my want to return home. Again, starting to doubt my belief in this truth I was hoping to find.

  When I finally came to my senses and opened my eyes there were two soldiers standing above me. I suppose I had drifted off into thought, maybe even fell asleep for a few moments. Either way I had failed to pay attention and listen for any activity… This moment of weakness and doubt may be my end.

  The one of the left immediately asked “What the hell are you doing out here?”. I didn’t know to say, I hadn’t thought of an excuse for the situation. As I looked into his eyes I could see the anger and hatred so many have described, almost as if he didn’t view me as human. I’d never had any real contact with anyone from the government. I had only heard stories of abuse and people disappearing which I always thought were mainly nonsense. I’d never known anyone who disappeared or was actually hurt by them. After a few more seconds passed the soldier on the right kicked me to the ground and yelled “he asked you a question!”. They both put their hands on their guns and I knew then that the stories were true, that I should be very afraid of these men.

  Then I remembered what was at stake, that I was already beginning to get the sickness; I had nothing to lose except the discovery of this truth. I pulled out my gun and shot both of them; they were so close I could feel their blood hit my face. One of them started to run away, meanwhile struggling to take his gun out of the holster. I aimed, closed my eyes, and fired two more times. The sound from the shots seemed to last forever, carried along by the emptiness of the forest. I sat there for some time, completely frozen, waiting to see if either one of them would move again.

  I had never killed anyone before, only a few animals for food in my younger days but it had been quite some time. It was scary at first, I even felt remorse and wished I had just let them take me back to town or even kill me. If this knowledge I was searching for is true, then I had just become like those that doomed humanity. I had selfishly killed people in order to achieve a personal goal. I just had to tell myself my goal was just and that these men were working to keep the world from the truth.

  When I regained my clarity, I realized that their truck was just sitting in the middle of the road, waiting to be discovered. If this happened, more would show up and hunt me down for what I’ve done. I had never driven before but I know how they work and it seemed easy enough. I couldn’t simply steal the truck and use it to continue my journey; that would surely get me killed. The only thing I could do was try to hide it, the only problem was where.

  I quickly took the two soldiers and hid their bodies the best I could. My only idea for the truck was to try and drive it as far away from the main road as possible. When I walked up it was still running so I jumped in and started to drive into the woods. Within seconds it was stuck. There was too much muck and I had no experience driving at all. I sat there just pushing the pedal trying to get it to move but I couldn’t even get it to reverse. I panicked and slammed down the pedal hoping the full power would get the truck just a little further out of sight. At that moment I heard a loud bang and smoke started coming from the front of it; I had broken it. There I
was standing next to a truck billowing smoke with two dead bodies hidden close by… I thought to myself “what have you done”.

  One moment of daydreaming and this is the outcome. My plan to sneak through the forest was a complete failure and now the first group of soldiers or officials that come by are going to immediately see the scene I had created with my own stupidity. All I could do now is search the truck and guards for supplies and continue on, or retreat home and pretend I never left. Luckily there was some food and water so I was able to rid myself of hunger and quench my thirst.

  After a few minutes I was starting to feel much better and the drive to continue on had returned. I then realized I had to get as far away as possible so I began to run. I was so weak in general, and running only made me start to choke on the air. After only a few minutes I had to stop and succumb to a horrible coughing fit. It had been so long since I’d done anything but walk, or let my breathing and heart rate elevate, this only showed what terrible condition I was really in. I looked back only to see the truck still smoking in the distance… All I’d done is wear myself out and made it so I had to take another rest.

  When my breathing returned to normal, I drank some more water and continued. Hopefully there wouldn’t be anyone else coming down the road for quite some time. In fact I couldn’t believe my bad luck of actually running into any soldiers because the road is barely used. I couldn’t help but think it was a horrible sign, urging me turn around.

  I kept a slow but steady pace, trying to ensure I made real progress but at the same time didn’t aggravate my breathing again. Unfortunately, even walking for long periods of time in the thick toxic air turned into a great struggle. It was starting to approach nightfall and I still hadn’t seen any signs of a settlement whatsoever. It was also beginning to get very cold and I suddenly realized I wouldn’t be able to make a fire; it was far too great of a risk. I walked for what seemed like another few hours, but it was getting to the point where I could no longer see the road. I had to stop, otherwise I could get lost and I only had enough food and water for the next day. If I didn’t find a town soon I would just become another example of death in this vast and completely lifeless forest.