Strife: Hidden Book Four Read online

  “Well, so am I. But we’re all making sacrifices now, aren’t we? She’ll see me.”

  Jones just watched me. “How?”

  Nain snorted. “It’s better not to ask.”

  We parted ways shortly after, Nain insisting on walking me to my car.

  “You know nobody’s gonna mug me or anything, right?” I asked him as we walked.

  “They’d be fucking stupid to try,” he answered.

  “Trying to watch and make sure I don’t black out?”

  He didn’t answer for a minute. “Yeah,” he finally said. “Really I just want to say hi to Bash and Dahael. They’re with you, right?”

  “Of course.”

  We reached my car. Bash and Dahael were sitting in the back seat. Who needed a car alarm when you had demonic imps? Dahael opened the driver’s side door from the inside, and Nain held it open for me.

  “Imps,” he said in greeting.

  “Demon,” they both said, Dahael settling back into the seat.

  I looked up at my ex-husband, feeling, as always, completely dwarfed standing near him. I let myself feel the hunger and demonic anger coming from him, and as screwy as it was, it kind of soothed me. “I’ll call you after I talk to Rayna,” I said, thinking about my upcoming meeting with Detroit’s vampire queen.

  He nodded. “Let me know if you need anything. I’ll get Brennan and the leaders of the shifter coalition together to go over how things are going to be now.”

  “Think there’ll be any problems? Should I be there?”

  He looked down at me. “No. All I have to do is tell them the Angel said to do it, and they’ll jump.”

  “You are so full of shit,” I said, ducking into my car.

  “You know I’m right,” he said. Then he closed the door behind me, stood there watching as I pulled away and out of the parking lot.

  “Demon missed you,” Bash said.

  “Still an asshole, though,” Dahael said, and I laughed. Soon, I was laughing so hard tears were coming from my eyes, and I sensed satisfaction from my imps. Making me laugh was not the easiest thing in the world to do, especially since I’d been back from the Nether.

  The imps and I spent the day checking into a few places for Strife. I didn’t really have much hope we’d find her, but that didn’t mean I was going to give up on looking. Besides, sitting around didn’t work out all that well for me lately. Either the thing inside me got restless, which made me feel like I could barely stand being in my own skin anymore. Or I ended up thinking about Brennan or Nain. When I thought about Brennan, I felt angry and sad and lonely and guilty and like I’d thrown away something most women would have held on to a hell of a lot tighter.

  Well. I mean, maybe they would have held on if not for the whole “hey honey, here’s my son!” thing.

  And Nain… it was really best for everyone if I didn’t think about my ex at all. Nain was something I couldn’t deal with right now. Not on a personal level, at least. His emotions toward me were still for the most part a jumbled, chaotic mix of love, desire, anger, and guilt. He’d never been an easy man to read. I had a general sense of him, and in different situations, I could feel when he had a spike of a certain emotion over the others. It’s kind of a demon thing, I think. Most demons’ emotional lives are chaos. Maybe that’s where all the rage comes from.

  Anyway, with Nain, I get this sense that he’s trying really hard sometimes not to feel anything. And then he loses his grip, and his emotions come through loud and clear. The most common emotion from my ex lately was a searing hunger, the kind I’d felt from him in those weeks when we were just starting up together, lifetimes ago. It had been irresistible to me then. And I was finding it just as hard to resist it now.

  I’ve been through some shit. Feeling wanted, the way only a demon can want, is a nice little stroke to the ego. And Nain’s particular brand of desire/hunger is like being caught in an inferno.

  And I feel guilty and angry at myself for wanting it, and I know there’s not a chance in hell I’m capable of having him in my life again that way. I’m just not strong enough to handle everything that comes with him.

  So… yeah.

  That’s why I was out with the imps, checking up on leads that I knew would amount to nothing. We focused on the Seven and Kelly area for most of the day and into night. After breaking up my fourth fight, I glanced toward Dahael (imps are invisible to Normals, which is why they’re so damn effective). “Yeah. I’d say Strife’s been around.”

  “Indeed, Mistress,” she agreed. “Can practically feel her taint here.”

  I nodded. As we walked, I opened myself, letting myself feel the emotions and hear the thoughts around us. It still wasn’t something I liked doing. Now, it reminded me too much of having the immortals all bonded to me, their thoughts a constant cacophony in my mind. I sifted through the thoughts and emotions as we walked, able to disregard most of them almost immediately. Normal, everyday things. I was focusing so hard on a particularly screwy tangle of emotions that I didn’t notice the group of women approaching at my right until they were practically right on top of me, and Dahael hissed “Mistress!” I glanced over just in time to see one of them raise a gun, and then my stomach exploded in one fiery shot. She shot again, hitting my shoulder, and I grunted.

  I’ve been shot before. Several times. It’s still not my favorite sensation. My stomach was bleeding, burning, my body immediately working to heal the damage. I gritted my teeth against it, against the way the pain and loss of blood made me start trembling.

  “Don’t move,” I roared, ripping into their minds and making them obey. They froze. It was almost comical, like pausing a video or something. “Drop the guns, right now,” I said, quieter but still with a definite snarl in my voice. All four women dropped their guns, and the imps went and quickly retrieved them. They’d destroy them. We were barely putting a dent in the number of guns on the street, but we tried.

  I stared at the women, trying not to wince as my stomach and shoulder repaired themselves. All four of them were young, barely out of their teens. They had that crazed, hungry look that wasn’t uncommon among addicts. If they’d been robbing me, I would have written them off as junkies desperate for money so they could get their fix. But this was different. They weren’t trying to rob me. They’d tried to kill me. Even in this neighborhood, that wasn’t par for the course.

  “Mistress,” Dahael said, and I glanced toward her. She gestured toward her nose, and I raised my hand to mine. When I pulled it away, it was smeared with blood. I was already in pain from the gunshots, then healing, then using my powers to force my way into their minds. And I wasn’t done yet.

  I studied them. One of them, the one who had shot me, was struggling against my influence, trying to gain control of her mind again. “Don’t bother,” I muttered at her. “You can speak if you want to though.”

  “How the hell are you still standing? I shot you twice.”

  “I don’t know. Maybe you have shitty aim,” I said, crossing my arms, letting her see very clearly the way the flesh of my stomach was knitting itself back together, shredded organs growing new parts to replace damaged ones. She stared. “Or maybe you messed with the wrong person. Why did you do that?”

  She was still staring at my stomach.

  “Hey!” I said, trying to get her attention, and she forced her eyes up to mine. I dropped the enchantment on them, let her see the way they glowed, and I felt absolute terror from her. And it was everything I needed. It fed my demon, gave me energy I was sorely lacking due to loss of blood and the amount of power it takes to heal myself. “Why?” I asked again, more forcefully. Not a question as much as an order to answer.

  “I don’t know,” she said, staring at me.

  “So, what? You were just walking along, carrying your guns, and said, ‘hey! Let’s murder that one!’?”

  She looked at least as confused as she was afraid. “The guns were to protect ourselves,” she said.

  “From what?�
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  “Shit is crazy around here. Worse now than ever. Some asshole pulled her,” she said glancing toward one of the other young women, “into a house and nearly raped her before she was able to escape. And that ain’t new, either, but it’s happening more. People acting like wild animals out here.”

  “So you don’t know why you shot me?” As they’d been standing there, they’d lost the hungry, insane look that had initially made me mark them as junkies. Now they just looked like four terrified, confused young women.

  She shook her head, fear rolling off of her. I took a deep breath, steeling myself against the pain, and I entered her mind. I bit my lip as anguish roared through me, punishment for using my powers. I sifted through her thoughts, saw that in general, she was a good person who’d made a few mistakes. That what she’d said about how bad it was in this neighborhood was true, and had been true for quite a while. That she was afraid. Didn’t have a history of being a violent person. She was disgusted and afraid of what she’d done to me. She was terrified of me, of my glowing eyes and ability to repair myself.

  I nearly missed it. I was about to pull out of her mind when I felt it. There was a dark, tumultuous, cloudy feel, barely there, like the mere trace of perfume that’s left when a woman walks out of a room. It was dissipating, even as I felt it, studied it. And I felt one thing from it: chaos.

  I should have felt sorry for the woman, but I was excited to have my first real sense of Strife in someone other than a supernatural. And I was starting to put it together; what it looked like when she affected a Normal.

  I stayed in her mind. “I don’t suppose you have come across any strangers lately? People who didn’t seem like they belonged here?”

  She shook her head, but an image flashed across her mind, for just a second: a stately-looking woman, with skin the color of porcelain and white-blond hair plaited in one long, thick braid over her shoulder. Eyes that glowed a deep purple. A smile, the kind that made you want to do whatever she said, just so she’d smile at you like that again. Power. Different from mine, but very much there.

  Fuck yeah! My first view of the skin Strife was wearing. Finally. It was worth getting shot for.

  “Who was that woman?” I asked.

  “Who?” she asked, confusion rolling off of her.

  “Did you see a woman with glowing eyes like mine? But purple?”

  She shook her head, even more confused now. “Uh. You’re bleeding. A lot.”

  I pulled out of her mind, trying not to puke from the pain of using my powers. My nose was gushing blood now, and I felt the skin of my neck and chest cracking, splitting, as if the pain of holding my power was too much for my body to bear. And I felt the thing inside me, smug, enjoying my pain. I closed my eyes, released them from my hold on them. I could feel the moment they realized they were free. Relief. An insane amount of fear of me. Good.

  “You never fucking saw me. Understand?” I growled, and all four of them nodded. I gestured that they should take off, and they did, walking as quickly as they could away from me while still looking dignified and unafraid. I didn’t hold that against them. They’d clearly been in this neighborhood a long time. Letting anyone see your fear here was practically a death sentence. So you keep your head down, and you act cool, and you never let anyone see how bad you want to panic, how bad you want to run. You do that, and there’ll be someone ready to take you down.

  I grew up here. I know. I’d been chased by boys and girls alike, beaten up in alleys and backyards, until I learned how to act like a badass. Until I beat up my first few bullies. Until I made it clear, when I was twelve years old, that I was the one they should be afraid of.

  Of course, I didn’t understand back then why I could hurt them so easily. All I knew was that they started leaving me in peace.

  I made my way back toward my car, where Bash was sitting, along with a couple of the other imps. I’d started trying to learn all of their names. The two male imps he was sitting with were Elsog and Vadin. “Anything?” Bashiok asked as he stood and thumped his fist to his chest. The other two imps followed suit.

  “I have an idea of who we’re looking for now,” I said, and Bash pumped his fist into the air. I’d had them working nonstop trying to find something, anything, and they were getting frustrated as well. Without a physical description of Strife or what it looked like when she affected someone, they’d been taking guesses and hoping they worked out. So far, everything had been a dead end. I described the woman I’d seen in the young woman’s head, as well as what it looks like when Strife had someone under her influence. All four imps listened, focused. Four pairs of glowing orange eyes looked up at me as I finished talking.

  “Demon needs to know this,” Bash said, and I nodded.

  “I’ll call him later. I’ll have to fill him in on what happens with the vamp queen anyway.”

  “Really going to see her, Mistress?” Dahael said, ears drooping a little.

  “Yes. I have to. Besides, I want to see who Shanti’s working for. I’ve put this off too long.”

  “Already been a long crazy day,” she said, taking my hand gently in her gnarled ones. “Rest. Exhaust yourself, that thing takes over,” she said, and I knew she was referring to the darkness, sitting smug inside me, enjoying the pain I was still in after using my powers.

  “Just this one last thing. And then I will go home and rest,” I promised her.

  “And eat food like a normal person,” she said, putting her hands on her hips.

  I smiled. “Don’t push it.”

  Chapter Three

  By the time it was dark, I’d rescued two Normals from a house fire and broken up a handful of fights on my way from Seven and Kelly to Palmer Woods, which was where the vampire queen lived. I’d also managed to stop hurting from using my powers, which was a bonus. It was taking longer to recover after using them, and no matter how many times I promised myself I wouldn’t, I ended up using them anyway. Part of it was habit; I’d been using my mind control powers since I was seventeen. Part of it was laziness. I could make someone tell me what I wanted to know without using them, but that took a lot of threatening and sometimes a lot of punching and it was just so much easier to take what I wanted by using my powers.

  I am well aware of how evil that sounds.

  That has been pretty much everyone’s fear from the beginning. I know it stressed the hell out of Nain, especially early on. What would happen if I went bad? What damage could I cause if I ever decided to use my abilities for my own gain instead of for protecting others? And I know, even when I use my powers for noble purposes, that I’m walking a thin line between good and evil. Part of me believes that the things I do are never right, that it’s not okay to violate someone’s mind, to force my way in and take what I want. And there’s guilt there, for sure. But I try to weigh it against the lives I’m potentially saving by learning what I do. Most of the time, the balance tips toward “well, I don’t hate myself for this.”

  And sometimes, I forget to feel guilty about what I’m doing. That scares me more than anything else. I’m reaching the point where control and violence have become commonplace, and the woman I was before I met Nain, the one who never killed, the one who turned criminals over to the police like a good little vigilante… well. She’s mostly gone now. Too many deaths and too much darkness. And there’s really no going back. Not now.

  I shook my head in irritation as I drove through the streets of Palmer Woods, looking for the mansion where the vampires lived. I was becoming melancholy in my old age.

  As I maneuvered the Barracuda through the streets of well-kept homes and clipped hedges, I thought about what I actually knew about vampires. Not a whole lot, actually. The vampires I’d come up against, the ones who caused trouble in the city, were always loners. I’d never dealt with a nest or family or whatever the hell they call themselves of vampires. And there’s not a lot that makes me personally afraid anymore, but the idea of walking into a house full of strong vampires is on
e of them. I’d been very stupid and over-confident early on, flush with the beginnings of understanding my powers, and charged into a vampire’s house, where I’d nearly been drained to death. I can still feel the slowing of my heart, the sluggishness that comes from feeling your life drain slowly from your body. And this was one of those situations in which using my powers would be a terrible, awful idea. I bleed every time I use even a little bit of power. And from what I understand, my blood is kind of awesome, as far as vampires are concerned. So starting to bleed in a house full of vampires would be a really dumb thing to do.

  No powers, I reminded myself for the fortieth time as I pulled up the long, winding driveway toward the sprawling Tudor, its gray stone facade lit with floodlights. My first thought was to wonder how the hell the vampire queen had gotten the money to afford something like this, and then I reminded myself that Nain was a multi-millionaire, just from being around for so damn long. Three hundred years worth of saving adds up, I guess. And while he didn't actually work a traditional job anymore, he’d told me that early on he worked factory jobs and things like that until he could afford a place to live, and he’d bought the loft back when it really was industrial mostly with an eye to reselling it for more money later on.

  So basically, Nain had been one of those real-estate flippers before there was even a thing. He bought property in Midtown and Downtown, waited until property prices rose, then he sold everything off, a little at a time. He ended up holding onto the loft because he liked it. As far as I knew, he still had a few buildings in Midtown he was holding onto.

  And why am I thinking about my ex-husband right now? I chided myself. I got out of the car and looked around. I was surprised there weren't any guards around. Of course, it could just be that I didn’t see them. I could definitely feel plenty of vampires around. A little shiver went up my spine and I started regretting deciding to visit. I could have put it off longer.

  I shoved the thought away, squared my shoulders, and knocked on the massive front doors. They were dark wood, heavily varnished. The whole house was impressive, but also definitely gave off some horror movie vibes.