Zealot (Hidden: Soulhunter Book 3) Read online

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Mollis asked as we scouted yet another area, hoping for some sign of Persephone. It was day two of our hunt, and we had not yet stopped.

  “Why? You can see everything,” I said. Mollis and I walked side by side. Nain was slightly behind us. I could hear Zoe talking to him, his low rumbled responses, and it made me miss Brennan all the more. It reminded me of how it sounded, hearing him talk to his son in the next room.

  “Me seeing into your mind doesn’t help you actually deal with any of it,” Mollis said.

  “Why bother? We are almost finished here,” I said quietly.

  “Because you matter. Which is something I keep trying to tell you,” she answered.

  We trudged forward, both of us looking everywhere all at once. Mollis was good at waiting me out, and eventually, I gave up. “He is not pleased with me, as I knew he would not be,” I said with a sigh. “We were forced to admit that we do not work.”

  “Wait, what?” I heard Nain say behind us. “Who doesn’t work?”

  I glanced at Mollis.

  “Your stuff is your own, E. I haven’t said anything about it to anybody,” she said.

  “So what’s going on?” Nain asked.

  “I did not tell Brennan about Nyx’s ultimatum. It was the final straw in a long line of things I have not shared with him. We did not work, and we parted ways.” Saying it that way made it sound so much simpler than it really was, made it sound clinical and remote, when inside, I felt nothing of the sort. Inside, I was a churning abyss, a festering wound.

  “What the fuck are you talking about? I’ve never seen him like that with anyone,” Nain demanded. “No, not even her,” he said, nodding toward his wife. “He opened up to you a lot more than he ever did with any of us… what do you mean you don’t work?”

  “We do not work. He wants me to rely on him. I am a disappointment.”

  “He said that?”

  “No. But I know him.”

  Nain rolled his eyes. “You know him. So you have disagreements. You both fuck up. Do you have any idea how much we argue?” he asked, gesturing to Mollis. “Actual yelling, screaming, cussing, throwing shit types of fights. We drive each other nuts. There are a million ways she makes me feel like I want to destroy shit, but I love her. I don’t want my life without her in it. And he feels the same way. Are you two fucking stupid or something?”

  “I—”

  “He’s probably a fucking mess. I don’t have time for this shit,” he said.

  “Go,” Mollis said, a small grin on her face. “You’ll be worrying about him the whole time unless you actually go talk to him.”

  “I will not,” Nain muttered.

  “Okay. But go anyway.”

  Nain bent and claimed Mollis’s lips, and I tried not to watch. When he left, rematerializing with one of the imps, Mollis turned to me.

  “He’s not wrong,” she said. “I’ve tried to tell you the same thing.”

  “And I will tell you the same thing I told Brennan. I am ancient. I can only be what I am. And what he needs, what he craves, is someone who will lean on him and share with him and who knows how to put love and emotion above duty. I have tried, and I cannot do any of those things.”

  “Of course you can’t,” Mollis said simply. “You weren’t created for that. Nyx didn’t put any of that shit into you. She made you for one job, and that’s what you do. You can’t not go after souls and hunt the undead any less than I can resist punishing the wicked. It’s hardwired into us. To expect anything else of you would be nuts.”

  “And yet, he does. And he deserves someone who can be what he needs.”

  “So you walked away.”

  “I walked away.”

  “And how do you feel?”

  “Like shit, demon girl. I feel like shit.”

  We walked on, stopped twice while Mollis watched me destroy packs of undead, and then continued on our way.

  “If she was going to create me so that I had one focus, one I cannot turn away from, she could have at least created me so that I would not feel this,” I said.

  “Nyx fucked up quite a few things,” Mollis said in agreement. “Like, really? I’m the ultimate decider for how people should spend eternity? What the fuck do I know about anything? I’m thirty-five years old. I spent most of my life on the streets hearing voices in my head. I share my body and soul with a very, very damaged primordial god. Yeah, let’s put me in charge,” she finished with a roll of her eyes, and I could not help but laugh.

  “But you are fair. And you believe in vengeance.”

  “I do. But I don’t know anything. I haven’t lived. Not a normal life, anyway. The truly evil people, those are easy, you know? But the everyday people? The ones who just kind of lived? I never know how to judge them, whether I’m being too harsh or too lenient… and this isn’t about me,” she said, waving it off. “All I meant was that Nyx was not an all-knowing Creator. She thought she did shit right, but she fucked up just like everyone else. And if you can hear me, Grandma, I absolutely fucking mean that, you batshit old bitch,” she shouted, raising her face to the sky. I could not fight the laugh that bubbled up inside me, and, a moment later, Mollis had joined me.

  She threw her arm over my shoulders and we laughed until we cried, leaning on one another. The laughter melted away until it was just the two of us standing there weeping, tears running down our faces.

  “My babies, E. I’m not gonna see my babies grow up,” she whispered. “If there was a single thing I could do to stop Nyx, I would. If I thought we had a single chance in hell, I would rally every single one of us to destroy her before she could destroy us. I would end her without a thought.” She sniffed, and swiped angrily at her tears. “I hate her. I hate her more than anyone I’ve ever known.” She met my eyes, and I heard her thoughts in my mind. My imps are looking for her. I might be giving up publicly, but fuck her if she thinks I’m letting her take it all away without a fight. The second one of them finds her, I’ll be there. Will you join me?

  Of course, demon girl, I thought at her, and she gave me a nod. She wiped her eyes again, and I did the same.

  “Hades would have been the next God of Death,” Mollis said. “Even if I didn’t ever die, the mantle would have passed to him eventually, because I don’t want it. He has the blood of gods and demons. He is more powerful than I am, even. You can feel it already.”

  I nodded.

  “And Zoe… I could totally see Zoe working with the Furies, you know? She would help us, and she’d be good at it. Or maybe she’d start her own pack, you know? Damn, it would have been amazing to see if she ever figured out how to shift.”

  We walked on, and I thought about that. Mollis’s adopted daughter was what most beings would consider a complete abomination, the child of a demon and a shifter, two magical beings that were never, ever suppose to mingle or mate because their powers, combined, caused insanity. The demon side always fought for control, and kept the shift from happening, and because the shift wasn’t able to happen, the shifter side eventually went insane. It was not a pretty thing, and everyone, including Nain, had thought Mollis insane when she’d first declared that she would keep the child rather than destroy her.

  “She would have grown to be a beautiful, powerful woman,” I said.

  “She would have. And Sean would have been a mini-Bren,” she said with a sad smile.

  “Michael and Quinn,” I said, thinking of Hephaestus and Meaghan’s children. “I’m angry on our behalf, but I’m more angry for all that they will not have a chance to become.”

  “I know.” We walked in silence for a bit, and I killed a passing undead without giving it a second thought, and continued our hunt. The sun set on another day, and as we watched it sink below the horizon, I knew she was thinking what I was: that we had just lost another day, and there were too few now to lose.

  “Do you think he understands?” I asked quietly. I knew she would know who and what I meant. It was one of t
he lovely things about my friendship with Mollis. When I needed someone to understand those things I was incapable of putting into words, she understood.

  “I think he does,” she answered. “I think that no matter what happened between you, his love for you means more than anything else.”

  “Is that what you know, or what you think?” I asked, glancing over at her.

  “As someone who has seen into his mind, as someone who has shared his life, it’s something I know, for a fact, E. You think he’s always comparing you to me. In all honesty, every other woman ceased to exist for him the moment he started falling in love with you.”

  I nodded. “Can we stop talking now?”

  “Sure.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  A short time later, Nain reappeared, along with Zoe, who ran alongside him rather than sitting perched on his shoulders. To my surprise, there was a third member of their group, but it was not the one I was hoping for.

  “Lethe,” I said in greeting. The wind goddess came to me and took my hands in hers.

  “Guardian. I remember now.” The worried tone in her voice was at odds with what should have been a victorious moment.

  “Yes?”

  “You are looking for Persephone,” she said, and I nodded. Mollis and Nain stood nearby, watching and listening.

  “We are. What can you tell me, Lethe?”

  She looked at me with her silvery eyes. “You do not want to find her,” she said in a quiet, quivering voice. Her hands trembled in mine, and I squeezed them a bit tighter, trying to comfort her.

  “Why is that?”

  “Because you cannot beat her. None of you can.”

  I exchanged a glance with Mollis. “What makes you say that? Mollis is the most powerful of all of us. And we are working together. One immortal cannot stand against all of us.”

  Lethe gave me a sad smile. “Oh, little Guardian. How little you know. But I know. I know it all. The wind carries all. I was attacked because I knew. Because I was coming to you. Because her minions found me first.”

  A shiver went up my spine. “Tell me,” I said.

  “The hearts. The still-beating heart of an immortal,” she said.

  “Yes. My sisters created the first, powerful undead that way. That was why they were able to multiply so quickly,” I said, and she shook her head.

  “One undead, yes. Someone else got the rest. Autumn. Winter. Others,” she said, watching me closely.

  It would be something to mull over later. I knew Lethe well enough to know that the time in which she would actually make sense at all was limited. “To what end?”

  “That is not all.”

  I fought the urge to shake her. “Yes?”

  “Young Hades.”

  “That was not her plan for him.”

  “No. Yet she had him for three days. Only takes a day to regrow a heart, even for one so young.”

  “Motherfucker,” Mollis snarled, and Nain had already allowed his demon form to take over. Zoe clapped for him, clearly unfazed by seeing her father in his most murderous form.

  “Why?”

  Lethe tilted her head. “Why do any of our kind do anything? Power.”

  “It does not work that way,” I argued.

  “Doesn’t it? She tried it first with Winter and her power grew. The rest followed. Whether she planned to eat young Hades’ heart or not, I do not know. But she did. That is the tale her minions tell, the words they whisper among themselves, and the wind carried it all to me. Fear her. Do not spend your last days hunting someone you cannot hope to best.”

  “Lethe—”

  “My message has been delivered. I understand that I have a little over two days left, yes? I will spend them on my cliffs. Best of luck to you, and may each of us have lived a life we can look back on with contentment.”

  In the next moment she was gone, and Mollis, Nain, and I were left, her words still echoing in our minds.

  “That bitch is gonna die,” Nain snarled.

  “Not at your hand,” Mollis said.

  “No. At both our hands. She can try to take me out if she needs to, but I’m gonna hurt her first.”

  “First, we have to find her. It may not even be true,” I said.

  “Is Lethe usually wrong about stuff like this?” Mollis asked.

  “No. But we are living in an era of change. I will not believe it until I see it for myself.”

  “What is with this loyalty you have to Persephone?” Nain demanded.

  “She was my King’s mate for years. I trusted Hades as I have trusted few others. I find it very hard to believe that he was so completely wrong about someone, not when he could see everything she was.”

  “Shit changes, E,” Molly said, shaking her head. “Grief fucks you up in every possible way. Makes you do things you never would have considered doing otherwise. I’m not saying I don’t understand grief, because I do. I feel sorry for her. But not sorry enough to hold back from destroying her if she did this.”

  “And if you can’t destroy her?”

  “Then I’ll die trying.”

  “Well, that is just brilliant, demon girl. Brilliant. Yes, let’s take your last few moments on this Earth away from those who matter so you can keep trying for some pointless vengeance which won’t ultimately mean a damn thing anyway.”

  “This coming from she who left her husband because she didn’t want to stop hunting undead,” Nain muttered.

  “Why are you even here?” I asked him, and he was surprised enough at my tone that he reverted to his human form.

  “What?”

  “Why. Are. You. Here? You’re not an immortal. You have even less chance than the rest of us of doing anything about Persephone or Nyx or anything else. No one asked for your opinion.”

  “I—”

  “I cannot do this anymore,” I said. “I need to leave.”

  “E,” Mollis said, and it was impossible to ignore the command in her voice. “You handle your shit your way, I handle mine my way. Don’t lash out at me like that, or at Nain.”

  “You are wasting precious time. I am incapable of being other than what I am. You have made choices. You have gone against what everyone believed a death god should be. I do not have that luxury. I have tried, and failed, to have the kind of life you have made. Don’t squander what you have left.” I met her eyes one last time, and then I took my leave, appearing at the site of one of Persephone’s many temples.

  I stood on the barren hillside for several long moments, just breathing. And then, not caring who was nearby to witness it, I let loose a scream that tore my throat and made my head ache. Sobs bubbled up from deep inside me, as if they had been waiting to let free, even though I had wept with Mollis what had felt like mere moments ago. I allowed myself to sink to the rocky ground, and buried my face against my knees.

  Was this, I wondered, what a breakdown felt like? Was this what it felt like for a normal person, or a human, when they were at the end of their rope and nothing they did or said seemed to make a damn bit of difference? Helpless, hopeless, angry. I wanted to rage against something. I wanted to slip into bed and stay under the covers until Nyx ended it all. I wanted my husband, and I wanted to continue hiding from him. It felt like I could barely breathe, and my breaths started to come in short, panicked pants.

  “Hey. Easy,” I heard a warm voice say, and I jerked up, sure that I had imagined it. But no, there he was. Brennan was standing in front of me, wearing that look he always wore when it seemed as if he was trying to figure me out. He crouched in front of me and took my hands in his, and to my embarrassment, my tears started flooding anew.

  “I am -hic- losing my mind,” I said as I tried to get my crying under control.

  “Nah. You’re just finally breaking under the million pounds of pressure on your shoulders,” he said softly, and then he sat down and gathered me into his arms. He held me on his lap the way you would a restless child or a frightened kitten, hand gently stroking up and down my back,
arms holding me securely against his chest. He seemed content to hold me in silence, and for that I was grateful. I leaned my head against his chest, and he rested his chin on the top of my head and held me tighter.

  After I while, I felt like my voice was steady enough to speak without embarrassing myself. “How did you find me?”

  “Strangest damn thing, Tink. I got this feeling all of a sudden, like you needed me. And for once, I felt like I knew where to find you. I just followed the instinct, and it led me to you. It was a lot like when I was mated to Molly, but different, too.”

  “Different how?”

  “Different because no matter how many times you push me away, no matter how many times you take off without a word, I know that you’ll always come back to me. Different because whatever there is between us refuses to break, no matter how bad we screw it up. Different because no matter how nuts you make me sometimes, there isn’t anyone else I can even imagine sharing my life with, whether I have two days or two millennia left. I belong to you, completely. And you were right. Deep inside, I kept trying to change you, but I know that if I ever managed that, you wouldn’t be the woman I fell in love with anymore. I love that you’re reckless and tireless and focused and unstoppable. I love that immortals and souls alike tend to piss themselves when they see you coming, no matter what bullshit they spew about you being Molly’s. They know better, and so do I.” He ran his hand firmly up and down my spine, and I let myself relax into his touch. He sighed, and, finally, it was the deep, contented sigh I loved hearing from him. “I love you. I love you however you are, wherever you are. And even the end of the world isn’t going to be enough to make me stop loving you.” He paused, then let out a low laugh. “That was pretty sappy, huh?”