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  And I could admit, to myself if to no one else, that Hephaestus was kind of a weird combination of Nain and Brennan, personality-wise, and that was something I tried not to think about too often. I wondered if I was doing something wrong by actually liking him and enjoying his company. Was I friends with him because he reminded me of the two men I'd loved in my life? And even so, was that such a bad thing? I mean, it wasn't like I was even considering jumping his bones or anything. And, from what I could tell by owning a piece of his mind, he wasn't thinking about jumping mine, either.

  Goddamn Artemis.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Time passed, the strange, uncertain way it passes in the Nether, and I just grew more and more frustrated, more afraid that I'd never make it home. When the gateway issue got to be too much, I had Hephaestus teach me how to rematerialize elsewhere. It was ridiculously simple. All I had to do was picture a place, and I'd appear there. I was learning about how much of my power is really mental. There's a joke there, somewhere, about me not being the smartest chick in the world, yet having to rely on my mind to make my powers work. The only trick to rematerializing is that I have to be able to envision the place I want to go. It works best if it's somewhere I've been before. A photograph works for some of the more talented travelers, but we tested it with a picture of the inside of Zeus's house, and nothing happened. So I was limited, but at least I could do it.

  If only creating the gateway was as easy.

  I was at the place where the gateway should be, again, and I'd just given myself a throbbing migraine trying to make something happen. I still worked at it, though I felt blood start flowing from my nose, the way it always seemed to when I hit a certain threshold. I kept going, and my stomach turned due to the pain, and I felt like my body would split, like I was maybe, hopefully on the precipice of something. And I pushed harder…

  And my power fizzled out and I slumped down to the ground, exhausted. Again.

  I groaned in irritation. Really, I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw things. I wanted to incinerate everything around me in a single fiery blast.

  I lifted my head, eventually, and sat staring at the stone wall that had once been the gateway into my world. I rubbed my hands together without thinking. My head was pounding. Aphrodite was in a really shitty mood and it was affecting me. Not that I was in a great mood, but having someone else’s irritation layered over my own was not something I needed.

  I closed my eyes and rested my head in my hands. I felt someone approaching. Hephaestus. I heard him sit down on my left.

  "Here. Eat," he said, nudging my arm with something.

  "I’m not hungry," I said, lifting my head and glaring at the wall again. I pressed the handkerchief I'd started carrying with me to my nose, trying to staunch the bleeding.

  "Can’t hurt, right?" he said, and I gave up and took the fruit he was holding out to me.

  "You know food does not actually solve anything, right?" I muttered. Remembering Brennan, how he'd always tried to feed me, with a familiar stab to my heart. He felt farther away than ever, even though I could still feel him. I could feel Hephaestus watching me.

  "It doesn’t. But it’s enjoyable, and that isn’t a bad thing, queenie."

  I didn’t answer. After a while I muttered, "why can’t I figure this out?"

  Hephaestus was quiet for a while. "I know you don't want to hear this, but maybe it can’t be done."

  "I destroyed it, I can damn well create a new one," I said.

  We both sat looking at the wall then.

  "Could be you’re too tied to the Nether," he said thoughtfully. He was one of the few who knew about my "bargain" with the Nether. "Nether can’t leave the Nether, maybe."

  "Fuck," I muttered, wiping a hand over my eyes. "I just want to go home." I hated it, immediately, the weakness and longing in my voice.

  "There's someone there waiting for you, yeah?" Hephaestus asked, and, after a moment, I nodded. Knew what he meant.

  "At least I hope he’s still waiting. I don’t even know how much time has passed in my world."

  "Unless he’s a damn fool, he’s still waiting," he said, continuing to stare at the wall with me. "Who told you how to destroy it?"

  "Fates."

  "No help at all, then."

  "Nope." I sat, thinking. He’d made some sense. "So if your theory is right, I need to break away from the Nether."

  "Yeah."

  "Do you think you’re right?"

  "Yeah."

  "Not to be too sure of yourself or anything," I muttered.

  "I’m several thousand years old and I specialize in making shit and taking it apart again. Pretty sure I got this, queenie."

  "Okay, genius. Then how do I break away from it?"

  He shrugged.

  "Maybe you don’t want to tell me," I said, still looking at the wall, thinking of Artemis' warnings.

  "Go ahead and believe that if you want to."

  "Let’s just drop it."

  "Fine." He sat in silence for a few minutes. "But I would tell you if I knew how. We’ll figure it out."

  "I’m going to try again."

  He nodded, stayed where he was. I closed my eyes, and tried again, envisioning creating an opening into my world, one that would come out in the place I knew best, my back yard at my house. Private, quiet. A good place for a gateway. I focused on creating it, but I tried to pay some attention to what I was feeling as well.

  As much as I hated to admit it, Heph was right. The harder I tried to break through, the harder I felt the Nether holding me back. I felt so close, like if I just had a little extra kick of power, I'd make it. I finally gave up with a groan and rested my throbbing head in my palms. Heph sat silently beside me.

  "You’re right. It’s pulling me. I try harder, it pulls harder," I said. "How the hell am I going to do this? Damn it." I stood up and so did he. I paced back and forth, thinking.

  "It may be trying to hold you, but there's more to it than that. You’re holding back."

  "Fuck off. I am not," I muttered.

  "Fuck off, yourself, your majesty. I felt you destroy a Fury and some Guardians, then watched you imprison two powerful immortals. I’ve seen what you can do, and I’m fuckin’ telling you you’re holding back now."

  I tried to ignore him.

  "Maybe you don’t want to go back so bad. Maybe he’s not worth it to you."

  I glared at him. "You want to join Ares, Heph?"

  "Don't make threats we both know you won't keep. It's beneath you," he said.

  "I don’t like immortals. That includes you."

  "And yourself?"

  I glanced at him, then looked back toward the wall. "You talk too much."

  "I don't even say a tenth of what I'm thinking," he muttered.

  "Good."

  "This killed you when you destroyed it, right? That's how you ended up stuck here."

  I nodded.

  "Okay. Well could be you're not giving it your all because you're scared of dying again."

  "Obviously, I'm scared of dying again. Doesn't mean I'm not giving it everything I can," I said.

  "Why are you afraid of dying? You know damn well you'll come back again," he said, watching me. I just shook my head. He pressed on. "You know that's nonsensical, yeah?"

  I kept staring at the wall. "I'm weak when I resurrect," I finally said.

  He was quiet for a few moments, and I could feel his eyes on me. "Right," he said softly. Understanding. Anger, from him. A rare clear emotion.

  "Angry at me or for me?" I asked him.

  "For you. I hate it that Furies can do that, by the way," he said.

  "Sorry."

  "Not your fault. It's just really disconcerting to talk to someone and not be able to hide what you're feeling."

  I almost told him he was harder to read than most, to reassure him. Ended up keeping it to myself. It was better if he thought I knew everything, every emotion he was trying to keep secret, every flash of anger or happiness.
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  "You know, Artemis and I would watch out for you. If you died again, she'd track you down. We'd watch over you until you were strong again."

  "Or you'd be the next ones to keep me captive for one reason or another," I said softly. Then I glanced at him. "That's nothing personal. I don't trust any of you."

  He watched me. "Okay. Understandable. What about your parents?"

  I shrugged. "I really don't know my parents all that well."

  "You have to trust someone."

  "No. I don't."

  We sat in silence after that, and, once it was clear the conversation was over, Hephaestus retreated to his usual place, farther away, and started scribbling in his notebook again.

  I stopped sleeping. Didn't need it, and it only brought nightmares, anyway. I ate the food Hephaestus and Artemis pushed into my hands. Mostly, I sat and stared or paced back and forth in front of where I wanted to create the gateway. I'd tried over, and over, and over again. A few times, I felt close, like maybe the boundary between my world and the realm of the immortals was thinning, weakening. It could have been wishful thinking. But I had to believe that I was at least doing something.

  My parents had come, usually separately, to check on me regularly. Tisiphone mostly gave me pep talks. This day was no different. I was pacing, and felt my mother's power signature nearby. I turned and waved at her as she neared.

  "Mollis," she said in greeting, folding me into a strong hug. "Any progress?"

  I shrugged. "I thought I felt it waver, but then my power broke on me. If I could just keep my focus longer…" I trailed off, shaking my head. "It feels like I'm so close sometimes."

  "You'll do it. I know you will."

  "I have the feeling you're one of the few who still believes I'll manage it."

  "Well, I'm your mother and I know what you're made of. And since when do you care what the rest of them think?"

  "I don't."

  "Good. You're a Fury. It is not for them to judge you. You are not one of them, and they have no idea what it's like to be you."

  I smiled a little. "Full of ourselves much?"

  She smiled then. Real, unguarded smiles from my mother are a rare thing. My aunt Megaera smiled and laughed a lot, but my mom was always a lot more reserved. When she really, truly smiles, it's very easy to see the woman Hades damned the gods for.

  "Of course. We're Furies."

  I thought back to the discussion I'd had with Hephaestus. "Hephaestus thinks I'm holding back because I'm afraid of dying."

  "Is he right?"

  "A little bit. I'm not afraid of dying. Not anymore. But I am afraid of being weak while I regenerate," I said, glancing away from her.

  "And why are you ashamed of being afraid?" she asked me.

  I shook my head. "Because I should be stronger than that."

  "Says who? Considering the nightmares you've been through, the way your enemies have taken advantage of those periods of weakness, I think it's very smart to be concerned."

  "If I die one of these times," I stopped shook my head. Couldn't even voice the things I wanted to ask, because they made me feel weak. But she knew anyway.

  "Your father and I will find you. And we'll guard you until you're strong again. You know that, don't you?"

  I didn't answer, and, after several long moments, she took my hands in hers, pulled me so I was facing her. When I finally looked up at her, she gave a small, sad smile. Love, sadness, pride radiated from her.

  "You are not alone. I know you fear trusting anyone. But you cannot do everything yourself. Every once in a while, even the mighty need someone to lean on."

  "And if we lean on the wrong person?"

  She squeezed my hands. "Then we do what Furies do, and punish the hell out of them for their betrayal."

  As she said the last few words, Hades strolled over to us.

  "Who is betraying you?" he asked me.

  "No one just now," I said, and he gave a small nod. Then he folded his arms and looked at the wall.

  I relayed to him what I'd told Tisiphone about how it kept feeling like I was nearly there, and then I lost focus and it all fell apart.

  "And it's usually something stupid, like Aphrodite gets really pissed off about something, or Artemis succeeds in a hunt and she's excited. It would be so much easier if…" I trailed off. "Fuck."

  "I was going to talk to you about that. Aside from the difficulties you just mentioned, it's not healthy having all of us sharing soulspace with you. I've been watching you. You're more and more disoriented, especially when you don't have something to focus on. And Artemis said you wandered, forgetting your way back home last time you left this spot."

  "Artemis has a big damn mouth," I muttered.

  "She was right to tell me. None of them understand how it works--"

  "So this was something only you could do?" I asked him, surprised. I don't know why I'd assumed all of the gods could do it.

  "Yes. You and I are the only ones. Being able to bind someone that way is very, very handy for someone who will be deciding the ultimate punishment for someone. It allows you to know not only their current thoughts, but their deepest, darkest fears. It makes punishment very efficient."

  I nodded. I could see how that could come in handy.

  "But I've never held more than a soul or two bonded to mine at a time. What you're doing, daughter, is going to damage you. And considering how long you've had the connections now, and how many you've bonded to you, there is a good chance some damage has already been done."

  "And you didn't think to tell me this shit before I bonded all of them?" I asked him. Tisiphone was watching both of us, irritation and anger now radiating from her, for Hades.

  "Would you have listened if I'd tried? You still don't trust me. You would have thought I was trying to betray you somehow, and you would have done it anyway. Yes?"

  I nodded, admitting he had a point.

  "Okay. Well, now you know."

  "If I release them I won't know what they're up to."

  "Welcome back to reality," Hades said, sweeping his arms open. "You can't know what everyone who is a threat to you is going to do. You've sacrificed your power for security. And if it comes down to one or a few of them betraying you, you may not have the power to fight back."

  "Unless I break the bonds," I said.

  "Right."

  "The one fucking time I think ahead," I muttered, shaking my head.

  "It was a good plan," Tisiphone said. "There are just too many. And you need to be able to focus."

  "Damn it." I closed my eyes, focused on each of the bonds I'd made, first releasing those I trusted most: Megaera, Artemis, Hephaestus. Hades. Then the ones who seemed indifferent to me either way. Finally, I released Aphrodite, Hera, and Zeus.

  "Oh, sweet silence," I murmured, and my mother gave a small laugh. My mind, which had been so crowded, noisy, and chaotic, felt like the place I'd worked so hard to make it earlier in my life. I'd honed my telepathy skills early on, shielding my psyche from the constant barrage of other people's thoughts so I could survive without losing my mind. Having the immortals sharing soulspace with me had reminded me too much of the early days after my telepathy had appeared. Thoughts, emotions would hit me out of nowhere, and I had been sure I was going crazy. It took work to separate the thoughts of others from my own thoughts, and only once I'd fully started to be able to recognize the thoughts of others for what they were, was I finally able to find some peace.

  "Okay. Let's try this again. Please find me if I die," I said to my parents. Artemis and Hephaestus had joined us, and they nodded as well.

  I faced the wall.

  I closed my eyes. I gathered my power. It was so much easier now, without the never-ending yapping of the immortals.

  And I went to work. This was it. I was going home.

  I focused on my world. On what it felt like to be home. I pictured where I wanted the gateway to connect to. And as I worked, I felt the Nether pulling me, holding me back.
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br />   I ignored it. Focused harder. The same way I'd pictured the gateways before, and visualized filling them with a black, impenetrable stone, I pictured that wall thinning, just in one place.

  Oh, god, I felt close. I started to feel a different type of energy, so different from the throbbing, pulsing energy of the Nether that it was very obvious that something was happening.

  My head pounded. My heart raced. My body trembled under the amount of power I drew. My own power, plus that given to me by the Nether and the souls of my enemies.

  It was happening.

  And then I felt the Nether fighting harder.

  There was a price!

  And I paid it. You own part of me.

  All of you. You belong to me, godling. Gave you life, made you strong. Mine. You swore it to me!

  I am sorry. I did what it took to live again.

  And I focused on ignoring the Nether, fighting against the way it tried to hold me. I felt the barrier between the worlds thinning.

  I could practically smell the air in my backyard.

  I was bleeding. Shaking. Exhausted.

  The Nether screeched in protest through its bond with me. Fought back, harder and harder the closer I got.

  Just a little more.

  I clenched my teeth, let my power build higher. There. The barrier was breached. Now to make it permanent.

  "It will be so," I groaned, and I felt my power snap. I heard a loud cheer, and then I slumped forward, only to be caught by a strong pair of arms.

  "You did it, daughter of mine," Hades said as he lifted me into his arms.

  "Finally. Put me down. I'm not an infant."

  "You'll fall down like one if I set you down now. Just give yourself a moment," he said.

  Then there was a cool hand on my forehead. "I told you you would do it," Tisiphone said, and pride washed over me, from her.

  I smiled a little. Yes. I'd done it. I was going home. And I'd set the immortals free in my world, and I had no way of keeping them in line.

  Later. I'd deal with it later.

  I gave Hades a push, and he set me down on my feet. I took a moment to make sure I wouldn't actually fall over. I smiled as I inspected the gateway. The other immortals had rematerialized where we were, drawn by the sensation of energy from my realm flooding the area. They all stood around, waiting, looking at me expectantly.